Wanted Dead

What I’m going to relay to you isn’t something I experienced, but rather, what was told to me by Jill (with slight assistance from Serene whenever she talked a load of shit about something). This was all I had to listen to while Mittens was fixing up my hand. Other than my own groans of pain, I mean. I’ll… flower up the language a bit, but I’ll tell it exactly as it happened.

Serene stumbled from the back of the watch house, coughing and pulling the blanket tighter around her body. Behind her, Mittens slammed the door shut. The cold air and the sudden darkness as the smoke was shunted away was a relief.

“Where da hell’s Callum?” Jill snapped.

“He told us to run. We will meet at Notre Seigneur.” Mittens said, flatly.

“Wha? Fuck dat!” Jill said. She bapped her fists together and flexed her muscles, “He can’t fight wort a damn! I gotta get up dere!”

“There are twelve of them.” Mittens commented.

“And?” Jill shot Mittens such a sharp glare that it was surprising there wasn’t an audible ‘shing’.

Mittens pondered that question for a moment, and moved aside.

Jill scampered past, ignoring Serene as she got to the alley. Hidden in the shadows, the goblin spied the fight going on. Usually, Jill wasn’t partial to knowing what she was getting into before hand, but some instinct of not getting turned into a fine paste kicked in. What activated this instinct was a troll strutting across the street towards where I and Everwrought were.

She also saw the troll punch him as I collapsed to the street. Then she saw my sudden surge of self confidence, followed my head getting snapped around by a troll's fist, and me falling into a heap.

“Uh.” Jill said, lowering her brow. “Alright. Uh. Twelve cultists and a troll. Even I ain’t dat dumb…”

“I’ll have to take your word on that.” Sneered Serene.

“Oooh…” Jill said, putting a hand on her mouth, “A head ain’t s’posed to twist like dat… he got one of da cultists too…”

“That’s very odd. City trolls don’t usually break peoples necks for no reason.” Mittens commented, pulling Jill back into the shadows idly. The cultists were starting to panic.

“No, I recognize dat guy!” Jill said, pointing, “Dats Gravel! He’s a troll dat works for Da Jestah’s Coin!”

“Oh.” Mittens said.

“I thought you were thieves.” Serene said. “Why would he hurt his own?”

“We don’t work wit da coin.” Jill said, “We’re freelancers.”

“Ah, so he will be killed then.” Mittens said.

“Oh it was worse than that-“ I started to interject. “GAH! Fuck! That one hurt…”

“Please try not to move again.” Mittens reminded.

“Anyway.“ Jill said, resuming the story:

“Den we gotta get dere! Do ya know where da coin hangs out?”

“In the sewers. They have a sort of structure built near the graveyard. It’s big, and uses a few different tunnels as entry points and hallways.”

“Why do you know of all this? Shouldn’t you be telling the Watch?” Serene asked.

“Do you think the police don’t know where all the criminals are?” Mittens asked. Jill wouldn’t have recognized the 'I’m talking to someone far far dumber than myself' tone that Mittens probably said that with.

Jill wasn’t paying attention anyway, she listened to the commotion in front of the watch house.

The lead priest, Sir Ren Everwrought as I assumed, was speaking.

“Up, up you idiots! You ingrates…” He shouted, “How?! How did you let a TROLL get away?! It’s a TROLL! It’s like missing the damn sun in the sky!”

“Uh, sir, the sun isn’t-“

“Shut up or I’ll break your jaw! Spread out, brothers, find me that thief!”

The cultists began to disperse.

“Well, the Captain shall be arriving soon-“ Serene began, continuing her conversation as Jill tuned back in.

“We won’t be involving the watch.” Mittens said.

There was a pause, as though an opening for Mittens to fill with explanation. She didn’t.

“We’re gonna go save my lovah.” Jill stated, plainly. “Right, Mittens?”

“Of course. I need that ruby, and I do not want the coin to have it.”

“Well, I’m not going into the sewers again! And I’m certainly NOT going to do so nude! Nor will I risk my life in the Thieves' Guild for no reason!” Serene interjected.

“Whatevah.” Jill shrugged, “If ya wanna hang around, nekkid in a back alley, dats ya business.” Jill turned and looked about the corner. “Da cultists are bailin’. C’mon.” She scampered away.

Mittens followed.

Serene stood there. She began shivering, her eyes under the mask darting from side to side as the cold night air set in. The cultists were dispersing, yes, but… to where? And for how long would she be safe alone, standing here? Alone? In a dark alleyway? Completely nude?

After just a few moments, she shouted, “Wait!”

Jill and Mittens turned back.

“We shall… go to the temple, first. If we are going to… save your fiancée, then I need my vestments.”

“Ugh. Fine. But make it quick.”

“What da hell is she doing!?” Jill shouted at the world in general, raising her arms to the sky.

“Getting her vestments.” Mittens said. She was stood in the shadow under the high arches of Notre Seigneur.

The temple stood many stories high, with vivid shining stained glass windows done no favors by the pale moonlight. Its arches were gothic, its domes were well crafted, its bells were loud, and its gars were goyled. Nothing could be said that could not be ascertained by simply looking at the bustful temple to the Goddess of Light and her saints. Many of the saints were pictured as pillars holding up great roofing. Masked and robed, Jill could barely tell one from the others.

“How long does it take to throw on a pair of panties!?” Jill said, “I bet she’s in dere spreadin’ lies and gettin folks to come grab us. She’s prolly just waitin’ for the cops to show up. Or somethin’!”

“I believe all active policemen are at the scene of the last crime we were involved in. They wouldn’t come here.”

“But da bird bitch was in dere damn cells. Dey know where she is!”

Mittens paused for a moment, “Temperant’s wife is very annoyed at his sleeping habits. I felt he could use a good few hours…”

“It’s been a damn few good hours…” Jill muttered, crossing her arms.

“You napped for most of it.” Mittens commented, without rancor.

“Well I don’t got snacks.” Jill replied, as though that was an explanation.

There was a click as the door was slowly opened. Serene was talking, “I will be fine. I assure you. No, no, there is nothing going on. I just intend a walk. Yes. I have a few friends, do not worry. Thank you.” She closed the door and sighed aloud.

“I am surprised you have vestments at all.” Mittens commented, “Harpies are most often nudists.”

“I find it comforting.” Serene said, shooting a glare. “Especially in this weather, anyway.”

“Who da fuck were you talkin’ to?” Jill said, pointing with accusation.

“A porter.” Serene sniffed, “Just one of the girls we have to watch and remove unwanted… elements.” The way she looked at Jill would have struck a much more aware person as quite offensive. Then again, Serene was wearing a mask and you couldn’t see her eyes properly.

“Must be crap at ‘er job. Y’got kidnapped earlier.” Jill smiled at that.

“I do not wish to speak of the circumstances leading to that incident, thank you.” Serene snapped. “You are lucky I’m going with you at all to this… den of sin.”

“The Jester’s Coin.” Mittens said.

“How do we get there?” Serene asked.

“I know the way.”

“And then we came down ‘ere.” Jill finished lamely.

“… That’s it?” I asked.

“Fuck d’ya want me to say? She got us back in da sewer and took a buncha random turns.”

“And then what? How the hell did you get in!?” I said, leaning.

“Oh that was the easy part.” Mittens commented.

“Oh dats da easy part!” The troll said, scratching his chin, “Y’fink its ‘ard to find folks cuz of da closed off tunnels. But it ain’t!”

The four were standing in a small ante-chamber of sorts. An open drain was nearby, but had been covered up with a poster of a kitten holding onto a coinpurse. The text underneath it read ‘HANG IN THERE!’

Mittens was not looking at it, very distinctly not doing so, but Jill couldn’t stop staring.

The Troll, who’s name was Pave, motioned with a wave, “B’sides, Betty’s waitin’ for ya, ain’t she? Should be right perky!” The Troll approached the archway which led into another offshoot corridor of old stone, built back when this part of the city had been a lot lower.

Burrowsmouth was about a thousand years old, give or take a century. In that kind of time, a city tends to put on weight. Whatever rivers shaped it had either changed their courses or had been tamed like a wild bull with brick walls and aqueducts. The graveyard was built on relatively fresh ground, with the homes that had been there before very strongly shoved down by progress, innovation, and a lot of mud.

“OI! BETTY! MITTENS’ IS HERE!”

Pave was the door guard, one had to assume. After Mittens managed to find the thin passage that led to the space where a wooden door was, she had to give the special knock. This knock was followed by a few more louder knocks, then a full bodied kick from Jill before it finally opened to show the troll.

He was everything you’d want in a guard. Kindly disposed and affable in a way that really should have disqualified him from the position.

There was thumping feet approaching rapidly about halfway through Pave shouting, at full volume into the den of miscreants, “SHE’S GOT DA MEDICINE YA BEEN ASKIN’ FER! Y’KNOW DA ONE. DA ONE WIT-“

Betty was out of breath by the time she entered. Her hands were around under her chin, untying a bandanna that had restrained her pigtails. Her two tied up strands of hair fell back as she wiped her face with the cloth. “Oh! Hah hi- Hi Auntie! I didn’t-“ She swallowed, “Expect you here now!”

“I have that tincture you asked after, the fert-“

“SHHH!” Betty said, waving her hands in Mittens face. She was blushing quite suddenly.

Jill noticed that Pave had a knowing grin, a rare expression to find on any troll, who’s social awareness was often limited to hitting someone over the head with a rock.

“Let’s uh, go to- somewhere else. C’mon!” She said, taking Mittens hand and pulling her through the facility.

Jill was surprised she wasn’t getting a second glance, and especially surprised at Serene getting similar treatment. Shians probably shouldn’t enter into dens of sin and villainy with a sign that says “I’m a virtuous sister in a vulnerable situation please mug me immediately”. But neither of them were accosted by any that spotted them, each smiling at Betty in particular. It appeared being friends with witches was a shield.

“And den we sat down, and you drank dat whole ting after I knocked da bitch out.”

“Ah.”

“We were having such a nice conversation before that…” Serene mumbled, “I think if she really works at it, she can start a family and get out of this life of sin and crime. I offered to be her guide at the church, even.” Serene added.

“I bet she was trilled by da idea.” Jill sniffed.

My stomach suddenly growled in agitation.