LIGHTNOVELONLINE Part 10 - Taxiderm
Norman stared at the taxi nonchalantly. He glanced about for something to climb, some barrier to get beyond. They were there, but not close enough. He sighed, equipping one hand with a flashbang while the other held the smitelight.
“Guys? If you ever see this and you’re too far out in the open? Don’t act differently. Don’t panic on the outside. Don’t raise or lower your voice. Don’t run. It senses changes in behaviour. Don’t let on that you know what it is.”
The taxi inched towards him.
“Notice that it doesn’t have an engine … well, perhaps it does, but it’s not using it,” Norman explained. “It’s mostly silent. You can hear the wheels a bit, and the squeaking, creaking metal. Listen closely and you’ll hear the flesh moving around on the inside. You can’t see through the windows and the headlights are off: telltale signs of what you’re dealing with. I say not to run because it can go from 0 to 60 faster than any car. The mere fact that it favours taxis suggests that it knows what it’s doing, to some extent. If you just wait for it on the sidewalk like so, it will approach to ‘pick you up’ like any other taxi, keeping up the act until the very last moment. I’m doing the same. The smitelight should drive it away. That’s not what I have in mind this time.”
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INQU!SIT_R: what is it? what are we dealing with?
The taxi squeaked to a stop in front of Norman. He armed his flash grenade.
“Taxiderm,” Norman answered.
It’s door flew open. Inside was a writhing mass of tentacles, tightly packed.
The last glimpse of The Neighbourhood Watchman’s face could be seen as it sunk deeper, a tentacle wrapping over his frantically wide eye. Norman drenched it in smitelight. Emerging tentacles recoiled in agony. He tossed in the grenade and slammed the door shut. The taxiderm jolted as amber light flashed through the windows, illuminating its innards like an X-Ray. Norman stepped out of the way as the door swung open. Out poured juices, dead tentacles, Papooshie and a disoriented The Neighbourhood Watchman. Satisfied that his work was done, Norman sprinted away. The pair didn’t look to be in any fighting shape. Apparently, The Neighbourhood Watchman didn’t share that opinion.
“S-SHTAAAAAAAPP-!” squealed The Neighbourhood Watchman, fruitlessly reaching for Norman.
“Shaddup!” Norman interrupted. “I saved your life. The least you could do is stop attracting predators.”
“Papooshie needsh hish protein!” whined The Neighbourhood Watchman.
“And now you have a car full of protein. Be happy and grateful!” Norman snapped. “If you weren’t human, I’d make sure you never menace the streets again.”
The Neighbourhood Watchman’s lip quivered as he entered an outraged seizure. He sputtered. The sounds he began to make? Maybe, just maybe, there was a word or two in there somewhere, if you dug deep enough through the inarticulate tirade of swinish squealing.
Finally, The Neighbourhood Watchman calmed down enough to form relatively coherent sentences. “W-WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? ‘MENACHE THE SHTREETSH’!? I AM THE LAW! I AM- ack!”
His rant cut short when Papooshie’s dog chain yanked him back as the creature buried himself in the taxiderm’s meat, feasting to his heart’s content.
“Papooshie, nooo! What if it’sh not gluten free? You’ll get wormsh!” griped The Neighbourhood Watchman, before turning his fury upon Norman. “Thish ish YOUR fault, Perp! Hey! ARE YOU LISHENING!?!”
Having tuned out the nonsense, Norman chatted with his viewers: “So, anyway, taxiderms are like a hermit crabs. They find taxis to nestle in like shells, luring victims. More vulnerable to light than most nyctals, so that’s nice.”
“STAHP IGNORING- mmph!? MMMPH!!!”
The Neighbourhood Watchman’s porcine squeals were stifled into oblivion as Papooshie dragged him into the meat.
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LAFF_IT_ON: looooool!
INQU!SIT_R: why didn’t you use the flashbangs earlier?
ARN74: ‘cause he’s a dummy.
“I have a limited supply of flash grenades. Besides, it takes a moment to deploy them,” Norman whispered, switching back to stealth. “Not always feasible in a pinch. ARN74, are you-? Have I done something to offend you personally?”
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ARN74: i just don’t like the look of your ugly mug
“I don’t think you’re that irrational,” Norman replied. “C’mon, talk to me.”
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ARN74: no.
BAJANETTE11: (stupsssssssse) just talk to him. you’re making us miserable.
ARN74: fine 🙄. i know your type. the straight arrow. the ‘hErO’. the chauvinist pig. i hate watching your relationship with Amy self-destruct in slow mo
Norman raised an eyebrow as he peeked past a corner. The coast was clear. He continued running.
“Explain,” Norman requested.
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ARN74: Amy could literally give you the world. ‘walk her home’? forget that. she could FLY you home every night, but you can’t handle the idea of being the damsel in distress, no matter how much you are. instead, you’re out here trying to prove a point: that you’re man enough to do this on your own. sooner or later, you’ll find out that you’re not. you’re gonna die and leave her all alone. you should be spending as much time with Amy as possible, but you’re distancing yourself from her. if you’re lucky, you’ll live long enough to watch your relationship wither and die.
“I see your point,” Norman pondered. “Yes, I do feel a sense of duty to pull my weight in this relationship. Amy’s juggling so much as it is. If I don’t get this right, I’ll tie her down babysitting me. Even so, it’s not about proving myself so much as proving what we can do as a whole. Imagine if everyone could do at least half of what I did tonight. Then the night is saved, just like that.”
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ARN74: maybe, but right now it’s just you. you seem to think you’re the Batman to Amy’s Superman. real life doesn’t work like that. irl Batman would die a hundred times over, and Superman? He’s a pipe dream. there is no plot armour. this isn’t BC comics. this is Wildwind.
Norman gazed into the distance at the sound of rain sweeping across the landscape.
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ARN74: you put Amy on a pedestal like a superhero, and she tries to be, for YOU. she’ll put on a brave face and show you her best side, even when she’s breaking inside. you have no idea how lonely Amy is right now, the pressure she’s under, what she has to do to survive. when you find out, you’ll want nothing to do with her, ‘cause supporting her isn’t the ’mOrAl’ thing to do. in reality, you’re just afraid of looking bad or compromising your shallow idealism.
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ARN74: if you’re not willing to bend your ideals for the person you love, then you don’t deserve them.
“You seem to believe you know her really well,” Norman commented, removing a camera drone from his backpack.
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ARN74: it’s not that hard to put the pieces together. i’ve seen her on the news. there’s no way she’s as happy as she pretends to be.
“You’re not entirely wrong,” Norman admitted, sending the drone into the sky. “Those are a lot of presumptions, though. You assume I haven’t seen Amy’s other sides.”
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ARN74: what? she yelled at you once or twice and you think you know anything?
“She systematically tried to ruin my life for several months shortly after we met,” Norman stated point blank.
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ARN74: …… okay …
ARN74: why?
Norman shrugged. “Same reasons why you don’t like me. She thought I was a self-righteous straight arrow who thought he was clever. She wanted to prove that I wasn’t. As she puts it, I ‘saw straight through her’, and she hated that. I guess you could say she was trying to eliminate a perceived threat.”
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ARN74: are you sure Amy would approve of you telling random strangers this?
“It’s not exactly a secret. The whole campus knows, and she talks about it without hesitation. Amy really doesn’t like when I sugar coat the story,” Norman noted.
Gazing into the distance through the drone’s camera, he gave it some instructions through gestures on the nightsight’s augmented reality.
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ARN74: is that why you like her?
“It’s not a deal-maker per se. I like her because she’s the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen,” Norman explained. “Well, second most beautiful, maybe. She knows what she’s capable of, yet she grows past that and just keeps trying. Warping my morals to facilitate her would be the last thing Amy wants. Even if that wasn’t true, revolving my ideals around her wouldn’t help. It would just set us both back.”
ARN74 did not respond.
“So, how did you get Night Shifted?” smirked Norman.
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ARN74: WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT!?!
A1GHT.DEN: sus reaction
LIKKLE-BOY: HOL UP!
“You don’t know Amy personally, but you have a high emotional investment in her situation,” Norman reasoned.
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LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: Norman conveniently left out that you have enough black air force energy to send a fighter jet into orbit. Very nyctalcore.
ARN74: Lemmy, you do realise we live in the same city, right? i can literally taste your radio waves
LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: Then come.
“Guys, please don’t kill each other. It’s not nice,” Norman requested glibly.
The drone’s readings concluded.
WARNING: 93% CHANCE OF HEAVY RAIN IN THIS DISTRICT
“Alright, guys. Radio silence in a bit,” Norman declared. “Rain means it’s hard to hear anything sneaking around, not to mention less visibility. In the savannah, lions take advantage of this. However, human senses are dull, and I’m not hunting. Ladies and gents, welcome to Hard Mode.”
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ARN74: with zero lives and no respawns, huh? whatever you do, figure out a way to live. don’t leave Amy alone