Wait For Me

After being able to see the trail of magic Enri left behind, I was able to find my way to class without getting lost. She told me not to follow every trail she left behind because there were places I wasn’t allowed to see.

I did follow her trail, though, sometimes out of curiosity. At first, I tried not to, but not knowing was eating me alive when I could just… know. Most of the time, she seemed to be just wandering around the palace without a goal in mind. Often after we finished training, she would climb the closed-off stairs. I always wanted to follow her, but I wasn’t going to break any rules I wasn’t sure I couldn’t get away with.

She was still a pain to have as a teacher. Since being able to see her signature, she’d upped our training quite a bit.

“How am I supposed to gather magic when I can hardly look at it?”

“If it’s yours, you’ll be fine. Just watch me.” She took a breath in, and I could see her signature dim just a little like it was being pulled in. Her magic flowed heavily from her chest, making its way around her body, settling in her lungs before it surged down to her feet. She jumped far higher than she had the natural ability to and landed softly on the ground.

I was able to feel the flow of magic more and more each day since I was able to feel Enri’s signature, but my magic was still quite weak. Meditating helped, much to my irritation, but it could only get me so far.

On the floor, I leaned against the wall and focused on the beat of my heart. These days it still beat faster when I was alone. The weight of loneliness was still a lot to bear, but I thought of my sister, my friends, and my roommate. At first, it only hurt to think about them; all I wanted was to get back. Now, it was a source of motivation.

My heart started to beat faster, and I thought it was the beginning of an anxiety attack, but it felt different. It felt like a heart attack. I wanted to stop, but Enri had warned me it would feel alien, so I kept my breathing steady.

The first time I’d ever thrown up as an adult, I couldn’t remember the actual event. I remembered feeling gross beforehand. I remembered salivating more than I ever had, and I remembered having an internal debate about whether or not it would be better to sit and suffer or just do it. I remembered the result after, looking at the mess I’d made and the awful smell wafting up at me. I remembered having to clean it up and how I would never drink with Enrique ever again.

My first experience gathering magic was much like that. My chest was starting to squeeze tighter and tighter, at first just mildly uncomfortable and then deeply painful. My head was light, and my lips had gone numb. I wanted to stop. I should have stopped, but I kept going.

And then I was staring at Enri, who had backed into a corner of the room, staring at me with such an intense gaze I had to look away.

The classroom was destroyed. All the desks had been blown away and shattered into pieces. Chalk littered the floor; the door had been blown open and was hanging on by a thread. The only thing unchanged was the small circle of stuff surrounding Enri.

“Is it safe to say I did it?”

“That’s one way to put it.” She looked around the classroom, shaking her head. “You gathered magic, but you let it explode everywhere. Wind magic seems to be your natural affinity.” She picked her way across the classroom and placed her hand on my forehead. “No fever this time. You did well. A good thing, too, as this is your last week with me for magic.”

I groaned and leaned against the wall. “Don’t remind me. Mr. Obnoxious is the one who’s next, right?”

“Iljana is the best terra mage Zann has to offer. He’s a bit abrasive, but he’s good at his job.”

“If he yells at me even once, I’m going to punch him.”

“Is that a threat?”

Speak of the devil. “That’s a promise.”

Iljana, as well as the rest of the teachers, were crowded around the door, peering in at the mess. Evada looked impressed at the range and force of what I did. Iljana was sneering while looking around the room. “Unfocused,” he said. “You need more discipline.”

“Oh?” I said. “Are you questioning Enri’s teaching skills?”

“I’m questioning your ability to retain simple information and act on it. Humans from Earth are known for their…unique… ability to destroy what they touch.”

“Projecting your fears onto a 22-year-old you’ve just met is kinda sad, bud. I would rethink my priorities if I were you.”

Evada looked away, covering her face with her hand, and Shippa looked aggravated—wait, no. That was still just her face.

“Enough,” Enri said. “Leave now and there won’t be more of a problem. Kaiya, come with me. We need to clean this up.”

They parted for Enri, and Iljana stared me down as I passed. I gave him my sweetest smile.

I knew antagonizing him wasn’t going to help my case or make our student-teacher relationship any better, but I couldn’t help it. If they weren’t important to me, I couldn’t even think about dismissing their disrespect. If he couldn’t take it as well as he dished it, that was on him.

Enri led the way back upstairs and around several corners. She didn’t speak the entire time and seemed to be in her head about something.

“Enri?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry about the classroom.”

“It’s fine. Magic, however innate, is fickle. A little destruction is part of the process. You’re doing good.”

We cleaned up the classroom together and tried again. Each day we tried again, and I never fully got the hang of it.

“Perhaps you need to practice it alongside your magic. It may not come to you until then. Iljana will be able to help with that.”

I didn’t want Iljana to help me with anything, but the day came. Enri was no longer my magic teacher, and I had to endure Iljana for a month straight.

Enri would still have me for physical training every other day. Magic involved the body as much as the mind, and if my body was weak, my magic would be weak. I actually looked forward to Enri pushing me to do pull-ups rather than go sit in a classroom for four hours with Iljana.

The workouts were going better than they had in the beginning. I tried to complain less, then realized my constant bitching was part of what was getting me through it. If I couldn’t let out some of my frustration at my situation, I was going to explode.

Enri didn’t mind as much anymore. At first, she thought I was swearing at her, but I assured her I would never insult her the way I was insulting the workouts.

I noticed the fruits of my labor the night before my class with Iljana. I didn’t normally spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, but I did have to pass by it every night when I bathe. That night, when I was taking off my pants, I noticed I was having a hard time sliding them past my thighs.

I was a big girl on the best of days and my thighs never went a day without touching, but I didn’t think there was any way I could have gained weight with all the exercise I was doing. Instead, as I did the universal pants wiggle to get them off, I realized that I had gained weight—I’d gained muscle weight. Normally too tired to even care about more than a shower and my bed, I didn’t look. But I looked tonight.

In front of my mirror, I marveled at the change. I was still me, of course. I still jiggled in all the best places (everywhere), but when I flexed, there was muscle. I’d always wanted to be strong, but I never had the discipline to do so. I guess I just had to be in imminent danger to get in gear.

I went to bed with a smile, determined not to let Iljana ruin my good mood.

He gave it his best shot, though.

“Your first task is to make it back to the palace from the forest outside of the wall without using your eyes.”

“I hope you’re joking.”

He smirked. “I’m not.”

We stood outside the palace gates, and I assumed we were just going to be doing some training outside. I didn’t think I’d be kicked out to survive alone on my first day.

“This is something I ask all of my students to do. If you can’t make it back by this time tomorrow, I’ll come get you and we’ll go over all your failings.”

“How am I supposed to do this if I can’t even do magic?”

“You can. And you will.” He held out his hands, one had a backpack, and the other, a blindfold. “I will lead you out. Wait one hour and then make your way back.”

“Are you trying to kill me? I don’t know anything about the landscape or animals in the forest.”

“Then I hope your will to live is as strong as your attitude. Take these.”

With a final glare, I snatched the bag and tied on the blindfold. He placed his hand on my shoulder and pushed me forward.

His speed was unforgiving as we made our way down to the town, yanking me up whenever I tripped. By the time we got to the forest, I was sure I had a bruise where his hand was.

I couldn’t say how long we walked, only that my legs started to burn for at least an hour before stopping.

“Stay here. In that bag is enough food and water for the next day. Use it wisely. Take the blindfold off and I will know.” With that, he turned and started making his way back to the palace. I tried to listen to the direction of his footsteps, but they disappeared after a few feet.

With nothing else to do, I dropped my bag and felt my way to the ground. I fell back, leaves and dirt working their way into my hair. I took in the smell of the ground and listened to the animals. A lot of them were quiet, but as I stayed still and became nothing more than a fixture, they started to move again.

What Iljana expected me to accomplish with little teaching in magic and none in terra magic, I couldn’t say. Instead, I meditated. I took stock of what I could smell and feel and how that interacted with me. I thought back to what Enri had taught me about nature and magic.

“All of nature has magic imbued in it. There isn’t one element that has more magic in it than another simply because there’s more of it. That one might feel stronger, but a volcano can wreak just as much havoc as a quake, even if they’re on the opposite side of the country. Always keep in mind: your magic is as strong as you let it be, but your connection with your element also plays a large role. If you aren’t in tune with it, you won’t be able to use it.”

Perhaps there was something to be learned about this excursion. It probably wasn’t what Iljana had in mind, but it would do.