Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

5/14 afternoon

Everything was so different now. Zelena had served for thousands of years, but it had been so long since she’d really had support. She had been given a mission, and had been provided resources to complete it. Her master may have forced her into his service, but from one conversation he seemed so much more interesting and considerate than anyone else she’d served under since before she’d been transformed.

When she’d been part of a band of satyrs on Azeroth, marauding through the countryside and corrupting the forests, trying to establish a foothold for the master’s return? That had been… well, it was fun. Anything goes as long as it worked. The Legion was different, in a way that she’d been blind to; Sargeras was a Titan. A being of order. He expected blind, unthinking obedience and demanded it from everyone who served him. That attitude trickled down, through the inherently chaotic demons he commanded, and just created dysfunction. Zelena was a satyr, a type of demon created by Sargeras’s own hand, so she could see the value in both autonomy and structure.

The Legion had the raw power and persistence needed to defeat almost any foe, but it was silently at war with itself in ten thousand little ways.

Her new master was, of course, still doomed. For all its flaws, the Legion was infinite and unstoppable. However, there would be something so unfathomably satisfying about holding them off far longer than should be possible, just by virtue of balancing chaos and order properly.

Nozara was easy to stamp; she knew so little about felsteeds despite her position as their owner. Zelena had explained that she needed to transfer ownership to a new person completely, and that required that she hold Nozara’s bare hand against Thunder’s nose and give him orders. Her own hand, palming the stamp, had covered the back of Nozara’s, holding it in place.

Thunder was well trained, if a bit dim and slow; he would do as Nozara demanded with absolute loyalty. He wasn’t up to Legion standards as a combat mount, but that wouldn’t make any difference for the way Nozara intended to use him. As Zelena left, she couldn’t stop a wicked smile from forming across her face. Nozara would be tamed as well, soon. Tamed, but not broken; she would bend her considerable intelligence not to self advancement, but to their master’s will. As it should be. Perhaps, if they made enough of a nuisance of themselves, Sargeras would be forced to reform the Legion before he could destroy them.

Zelena checked the necklace around Dancer’s neck. An amulet to enslave the mind of its wearer while strengthening the body wouldn’t draw a second glance if it were around the neck of a difficult felsteed. The notes tab didn’t contain any new orders for her, so she went back to her herd.

••••••••••

My half hearted recruitment drive didn’t get any better reception the second time around, but just like last time it was just to cover for what I was really doing. I think they understood on some level that I was phoning it in; after all, last time I’d asked around and then sat around writing shorthand on a pad of paper for a few hours. I intended to do much the same today.
First up, obviously, was to go over my new missions. The new missions would both bring me distressingly close to Blackrock Mountain, and thus Nefarian. Ugh.

Krom’Grul
Disgrace the Ogre Magi Krom’Grul, removing him from his current position of authority in the Firegut Tribe of the Burning Steppes. Bonus if he is then killed by his former allies.
Reward: 1 credit + Reversing Mirror
Bonus: instant capture of Sha’ni Proudtusk

The reversing mirror was an untested bit of kit, so I would have pretty comfortably discarded the whole mission with one of my extra mission tickets, but just out of curiosity I went ahead and checked Sha’ni. I just had to groan; she was a ghost. There weren’t a ton of things that would make me even consider this mission, that was one of them. Mary and Lillibeth were, by far, two of my most absurdly useful captures. I still wasn’t super inclined to go through with this one, but I still felt like I should at least consider it.

A Better Future
Liberate the Dark Iron Dwarves from Ragnaros. Penalty if Sorcerer Thane Thaurissan is killed while you have this mission. A strikeforce will kill him on 5/29 without your intervention.
Reward 10 credits, Pen of Written Ownership (10 uses)

I kinda wanted to do this anyway, to be honest. The Dark Iron Dwarves were assholes on average, but they were far from the worst people on Azeroth. Of course, this was also such a massive undertaking, defeating a mid-tier god of fire in a highly fortified position underneath a militarized city, that I felt like I was getting a bit underpaid. This despite the fact that they were offering me a ridiculously powerful magic item that had no place outside of mind control erotica.

The Pen of Written Ownership
Anyone who sees your name written on any object with this pen will believe and accept wholeheartedly that you are the rightful owner of that object, even if that object is a person (or part of a person). Social conventions, economic realities, and the laws of the land hold no sway on your right to own anything with your name on it, so long as it is written with this pen by your own hand. The pen can be used in this way ten times, never fades unless you will it, and cannot be refilled.

I mean damn. Do I need to explain how this is useful? It was like a stamp, except nearly instant use, semi-contagious and it would work on objects too. I wasn’t sure if it would count as capture, but who cared? I was doing this mission for many reasons, but getting a god-pen was definitely on that list. I was going to put that reason behind “preventing one of the more tragically pointless deaths of a sympathetic antagonist in Classic WoW” in the official record, but I’ll be honest. I hadn’t even been thinking about Thaurissan and Moira’s Romeo and Juliet bullshit until this popped up on my feed.

I was a bit disappointed to see that the draenei hunting party was still looking, but they were looking for a single specific dragonspawn in an entire swamp. It was exactly this level of difficulty that the reward would help avoid in the future, which strangely appropriate.

I was also a little nervous to see something new above the bonus mission section: a timer. Apparently some kind of event was going to happen at midnight tonight. I was going to wake up and take a look at it then, of course, but until I was given evidence to the contrary I was going to operate on the assumption that it was no big deal until I saw it. I’d pretty much ignored children’s week, after all.

I looked up to confirm Bartleby hadn’t arrived yet, and pulled out my schedule for the rest of the week. I figured I could at least go over the next few days; even if the bonus mission was something I wanted to do, it would help to have a default.

5/15
Whatever the hell that timer is for; assess and proceed
Carevin, prisoner, Ironforge
Binding Zelena as a summoned demon with Ursula’s help
Experiment with how transformation interacts with summoned demons
Summoning additional demons if possible
Helping to hunt the dragonspawn if he’s not caught yet
Capture Dena Kennedy
Intro to the Light for Talaada
Meet with Onyxia to plan around Nefarian/black dragonflight
See if I can book Varian for some combat training in the evening. If not, Doris.

5/16
Shaw, theramore, Vanessa
Train with Ursula
Check in with the Brotherhood of Love, scheme for their advancement
Strategize for Morbent Fel with Onyxia, Vanessa, and Hamhock
Experiment with accelerating capture of prisoners
Transfer ownership of dragonspawn to me.
Ask about how making dragonspawn works
Visit theramore and collar someone.
Train with Varian

5/17
Rich noble, prisoner, Kharanos
Train with Ursula
Prepare for Morbent fel; marshal and position forces
Status check in Westfall, make plans
Train with Varian

I looked over the plan with a critical eye. It covered most of what I wanted to do, but I was struck once more with the fact that I didn’t have enough necklaces and probably never would. Jewelry was, by a wide margin, my most reliable form of capture. Fuck it, I’m buying more stock. I could funnel the extra necklaces to Zelena and prisoners. I don’t think I’ll ever find myself in a situation where I’m cursing that I have too many necklaces. I was going to hold the rest in reserve. I kinda wanted to spend it on mind runes, but given how well it had gone with Vanessa, I wanted to be able to turn an antagonistic High Inquisitor Whitemane into a nice and accommodating Sally Whitemane, should the need arise. I wanted to take a crack at her first, though. Or at least unlock her as the regional target for Tirisfal Glades first so I could cash in. I was pretty sure I’d have Bartleby in the bag by the end of the week at worst.

Bartleby wasn’t too hard to convince to join the Rampant Lions. He was actually a really friendly guy once you got past his crusty exterior by drinking with him for a bit and complaining about the House of Lords alongside him. After I’d already gotten him to agree, I threw in a condition. “I’ll ask that you keep the alcohol to a minimum while you’re working for me. Is that ok?”

“Eh. Maybe. I’ll dial it back. A bit.”

I quietly forbade him to drink with his necklace, adding a bit of pain to the act of consuming alcohol. I didn’t necessarily need him to completely stop forever, just long enough that the mission was finished. I told him to come back here tomorrow evening and I’d send my mage to teleport him to Lakeshire. It was a win win; if he’d earned that Insignia of the Alliance he presumably had distinguished himself in the army somewhat. Thanks to everlasting talent and body tune up, I’d get him at his best.

That had indeed convinced him, apparently. I felt my new insignia settle in my pocket. It’ll be damn useful to have, and I had at least one use for it I wanted to experiment with. My next moderate mission wouldn’t pop up until tomorrow, but I was back to three major missions again.

Higher Education
Assume control over the Keep Caer Darrow, also known as the Scholomance. You may use any method you desire, so long as you or an organization you have substantial sway over are able to occupy the island and keep with some degree of security. Bonus if the keep is still owned and operated by some member of the Barov family.
Reward: Tantric Rod
Bonus: Crypt Queen Zagara

Good thing I was headed north anyway, and good thing I’d saved those credits. Both Illucia and Jandice Barov were in the Catalog at the same price point as Whitemane. I wasn’t going to immediately jump to capturing them either, I had enough fronts going in my own little war, but there was no way I wasn’t going to at least try to take over an academy of necromancy, especially with good rewards on the line. I might get whiplash commuting between there and the Scarlet Monastery, though.

The tantric rod was an I Win button for a huge number of conflicts, and Crypt Queen Zagara would be… well, a very powerful nerubian woman with at least some of the powers of a Zerg queen. I wasn’t sure how exactly that would work out but I definitely wanted to find out. To top it off, she’d be hot and fuckable unless the reward for The Hermit drew the line at giant scarab beetle people.

••••••••••

I went back to the apartment and called Lillibeth/Prudence into the dining room. We pushed the table to the corner, and I had her beat the shit out of me. Technically we were sparring, but I’d taken off my skill chip, and discovered that I hadn't learned too much by relying on implanted instincts and muscle memory. It was transferable to someone else, so I figured that I should learn how to fight properly without relying on it, so I could pass it along later. Prudence was enjoying herself a bit too much for my tastes; I got my vengeance by making her pleasure Lividia, who was pleasuring me in turn. Not much of a vengeance, I’ll admit, given how Lillibeth was such a freak for any kind of sensation, but it’s the thought that counts.

Monze was unimpressed with my showing in the fighting, but seemed to enjoy that *something* was happening. I was a bit surprised at how embarrassed she was when we shifted from war to love, but she didn’t stop watching immediately; I asked if she wanted to join us, and she blushed a brownish color before excusing herself. A shame. I didn’t have Sticky Fingers to turn me into some kind of sex god, but sex is a good way to help bond with someone, and she was pretty hot. Not just for an orc, either; I didn’t feel any need to grade on a bell curve.

I set my alarm for a few minutes before the bonus mission dropped, so that I could be ready. It was not, in fact, a trivial holiday event.

Dragons of Nightmare
Corrupted Green Dragons have emerged into the world around four portals to the Emerald Dream. They are establishing a beachhead in the waking world, and will eventually cause problems if their physical bodies are not destroyed. You will gain progressively better rewards for each dragon you neutralize before 5/28.
1: Equivalent Exchange, Wild Defense
2: Bed of Fading Dream Mushrooms
3: one Nightmare Skitterer
4: Template Stacking: Archdruid PC

Ok. Good thing I woke up for this.

••••••••••

Equivalent exchange: a short wooden rod which allows you to, once, transform a touched target physically and mentally into their rough equivalent for a different faction of your choice. For example, turning an orc grunt into a night elf sentinel, or a quillboar geomancer into a human priest.

Bed of Fading Dream Mushrooms: any being who eats a fading dream mushroom will be instantly captured by you, however they will also undergo near total amnesia. They will forget their name and past, as well as any and all skills and learned powers which would elevate them above tier 1. Nothing prevents them from relearning those skills, but the initial knowledge and capabilities are forever lost. Abilities which are instinctive or innate to the target’s species are unaffected.

Nightmare Skitterer: a creature roughly the size of a small dog, capable of rapid movement and complex tactics, but only in pursuit of a single goal: assimilation of a designated target. They are capable of capturing almost any T5 or lower target, and in ideal situations may be able to capture even a tier 7 by waiting patiently for the right moment.