Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

5/16 morning

I summoned Pryzhum; she was the only person in my retinue that I was pretty sure didn’t have anything better to do. I faintly regretted that she didn’t have her own amulet. Summoning her with a spell took about the same amount of time and a lot more focus in even ideal conditions; one handed, it took me five minutes to get it just right. “What do you want?” She asked plaintively; I noticed that the reddish skinned babe was still topless. She hadn’t worn clothes when she was an imp and didn’t seem inclined to start now. Far be it from me to deny her such choices.

I turned into my dragon form, “Carry me, carefully, into the other room.” I was the size of a modestly large dog, but she was nearly nine feet tall and in peak physical shape; she could lift me easily. My wings were a whole new set of unpleasant sensations, and three of my legs hung limply, but I was mobile if undignified. I spurred my glorious steed down the hall, and found something fairly unpleasant.

The butler and Dena each had a knife, and Annetta was tied to a chair between them. My best guess, almost certainly another case of Martial Talent explaining my fuckups to me, was that they’d drugged her somehow, probably with a dose that was low enough to be “safe” and gently covered her mouth and restrained her arms, then “safely” tied her to one of the chairs and kept dosing her. She was still fighting to stay awake, so they probably wanted to have her totally out before they came into my room to start bargaining with me. I was still a caster, and they didn’t know what other magic I might have here.

Everyone froze when Pryzhum stepped into the room, looking bored. I noted that Dena and the butler both seemed pretty nervous about the whole thing, but the noblewoman was far more resolved. Apparently I’d pushed her way too far with that speech; she might be willing to start a cult in my name a day or two from now but until that dam broke? She was pretty sure she needed to stop me at all costs. Monze and the two rogues quickly moved to form a wall between me and the people capable of violence.

“Alright,” the rogue on the left, a black haired woman who had the scars and bent nose to show how many fights she’d gotten into, “if you don’t want her dead, you’re going to take these fucking collars off us and let us go.” Really a very reasonable request, actually.

“That’s your plan?” I asked, trying to sound bored. “You’re going to threaten one of my servants? For what?”

“We won’t be your slaves. We will take what leverage we can.”

I waved that off with one claw. “No, I mean do you think this will work? Or are you just really enthusiastic about the opportunity to murder someone before you have to start working for me?”

Monze growled. Apparently that was a yes on the murder thing.

“Annetta is a sweet girl. You’ll be killing her for nothing.” I tried to point out.

“She’s your puppet.”

“What do you even think I do? Or what my goals are? I’m saving the world here.” Wow I sounded like a narcissist, but I had A good feeling about this line of reasoning. “I didn’t really intend to do anything particularly heinous with any of you, despite the fact that three of you have tried to kill me, and one of you raped one of my servants. Dena, I’m sorry about you actually. The spell I cast on Prestor, who is a black dragon by the way, had an area of effect and you got caught in it. I committed to helping Calendra for that very reason; I support my people. I intended to keep you doing what you normally do in service to the crown, once I could trust you. Which, obviously, I can’t now.”

Neither Dena nor the butler really wanted to hurt Annetta, but Dena was the one who would be easier to trigger. She didn’t trust herself right now, so she’d decided that if she thought I was trying anything she’d swing without thinking too hard. The butler, if he’d been the only free one present, would have been really easy. Point at any other girl in the room and say he can have her to do with as he pleased, and he’d betray the lot. But that kind of bargaining would get Dena to go apeshit, and she was the better fighter of the two. All purely formal training with no combat experience, but definitely enough to be a threat to Annetta, me, and maybe even Pryzhum, skill chip or no.

“Look, if you put down the weapon, nothing bad will happen. I’m willing to negotiate, but I don’t take threats well.” They were unconvinced. I really didn’t like the look of this, but I decided that I needed a Hail Mary. “The first one of you to put down the knife gets to decide what happens to all five of you.” That made the butler falter, lowering his knife, and that’s all I needed.

First of course I cast power word shield on Annetta. Then I hit Dena with Fear, while screaming for my Satyr to take her down. I was fucking terrified thanks to my spell, but luckily Dena wasn’t a fighter deep down. Her panic response was to try to flee into the corner after one swing of the knife, which was absorbed by my spell. Pryzhum battered the three pacifists aside and smashed into Dena, pinning her while she cowered in the corner. The fear spell eventually wore off, and I regretted deeply that I never learned how to cast it normally, instead of as a shadow word. It was very unpleasant, but I’m pretty sure Pain or Weakness might have slowed down my recovery even more than being physically dropped on the floor.

“Alright. Now that things have calmed down a bit,” I spoke from my position, awkwardly splayed out with my neck craned around to see the room, “I’m very disappointed in all of you, but I am not a particularly vengeful person.” I shifted my focus to my amulet, taking full advantage of my flexible neck, to call in a vengeful person. “Irma, be a dear and teleport to Vanessa. Vanessa, when you have a moment I need you to come here.” I looked over at the butler. He’d put his knife down, committing to his status as an opportunistic little shit. “Good man. I promise, you’ll be very happy with your reward.”

Vanessa appeared next to me and looked around with a concerned expression. Her two comrades looked at her with dispair when they saw the amulet; how dramatic. “So. These five tried to threaten me in my own home. That one,” I nodded at the butler, “thought better of it, so I think he should be rewarded. Neutralize him first.” His eyes widened, but Vanessa was on him before he registered what I’d said. She was *much* faster than I remembered; she almost seemed to teleport behind him. Coming into her own as a max level heroic mode only boss, it seemed.

“Like I said. He deserves a reward, so make sure he’s happy at the end of the process. Figure out how to keep them all safely stored away; if you can make them get captured more quickly, do it. I trust your judgment as far as their programming.”
The butler, as he started to pass out from the poison on Vanessa’s blade, mumbled “but you said…”

“Yeah. I lied. I do that to people threatening friends of mine. Sucks to be you.” I looked over at Dena. “Leave her. Put this on her though.” I summoned the complex diamond necklace I’d discarded earlier. It plopped on the floor next to me, and Vanessa put it on Dena. She was 72 hours from capture, as was common with people I was double dipping with. That was fine. I wasn’t necessarily going to be keeping it on her for long.

Lying to Erich: deep shame

Refusing to answer Erich’s Questions: deep shame

Answering Erich’s questions: euphoria

I interrogated her about the little insurrection while Vanessa drugged the three others to happy town. It was about what I’d expected. When the druids left, the black haired assassin went through her pockets and found a bit of sleeping powder she kept stored, then they all cooked up the plan together overnight. That’s what I get for trying to be nice and giving the prisoners freedom of movement. Fuck me, right?

After I’d gotten her used to promptly and honestly answering my questions, I abruptly asked her “do you love me?”

“Yes of course I love you.” The physical effects weren’t as pronounced on Dena as they were on some of the girls; she’d already been in great shape. The look on her face on the other hand? Priceless.

“You tricked me!” The shock was starting to dissolve into amusement.

“Yeah, I did. Couldn’t risk a repeat, after all. You could have killed me, if you’d decided to. Or if I hadn’t come out to check. Thanks by the way, I learned a bit.”

“Well. Like I said. I can’t take much credit for the plan.”

I shrugged my one draconic shoulder. “No worries. Any chance you know how to cook at all?”

Dena nodded and moved to the kitchenette to finish the potatoes that Anetta had started, somewhat surprisingly. She was a fairly rich noblewoman who knew how to cook? Times must be tough. Thankfully Anetta had been interrupted before they’d been put on any heat; I don’t like wasting food. I waited, propped up on the table; it was nice to have a small change in scenery.

“Pryzhum. There’s a green dragon in the closet in the hallway. Bring him here. I have something I want to test.” I wasn’t terribly hopeful, given that as far as I knew the only thing that ever healed nightmare corruption in canon was literal divine intervention, but I had to try. I’d recently been reminded that my control over people with a collar on was still quite limited. Given the remote chance that it would let him take off the amulet without curing him of corruption, I wanted to try this on the little one. To be extra careful, I called in a few carefully selected undead gnolls to serve as a bodyguard. I felt much better with a handful of tall grey dog girls ready to pounce.

When the perpetually paralyzed green dragon was carried out to me, I pulled out the insignia of the alliance from my inventory and slid it down to the other end of the table. “Put that in his foreclaws. Be ready for anything.” He held the medallion, and to my shock it actually worked. Sort of. He only woke up for a few moments, and while he looked wary he also looked relieved. Then he dozed off again, less than 10 seconds later. The nightmare would not be denied that easily.

I checked his ETE and was pleasantly surprised; he had been scheduled to fall fully under my power at a bit before midnight on 5/17. Now? At around noon, 5/17. The medallion was depleted for the next hour or so, but apparently a dwarven apartment with a black dragon, a human, four undead and a satyr looming over him was an absolute step up from whatever he was dealing with on the other side. Poor bastard, especially since he wouldn’t be getting another glimpse any time soon. Ysondre had seniority, power, and probably a much more attractive visage over him. Plus she was apparently a healer. I like healers. I’m something of a healer myself, in fact.

I checked my app; it looked like Abby was guarding the portal mostly alone, in terms of people with amulets. Probably so that she could yoink more ghosts if they appeared. I approved, as long as she stayed careful. She was smart. I trusted her sense of self preservation and ruthlessness enough to assume she had plenty of undead with her. That basin would be a good spot to store my extra undead, actually. Nobody ever went that deep into the forest on accident.

Looks like she’d bullied Auffrey into sending over her amulet, since she’d been working off of Stitches and Nadira for a while. I didn’t love that she did it, but I think I need to distribute at least a few of these things back to my own retinue. Eliza didn’t have one for herself either. I sent Dena’s to her, through Stitches, and a few of the other new ones went to Auffrey through Prudence, and Dremuus through Talaada. Capture was great and all, but logistics is king.

We had, with some effort, managed to lift Ysondre and teleport her to the Complex that was slowly being built in the Swamp of Sorrows. It wasn’t ideal, but I couldn’t fit her in my apartment and the basin next to the portal was using her as a connection to the real world. Once she’d been taken away, the reinforcements had gone from roughly hourly groups to only one nightmarish creature in the last four hours. I sent Talaada to look after her, and suggested that she disguise herself as a night elf to speak to the spooked dragon when she woke.

I felt good about doing something productive even in my current state. I took my bottle of green mud without complaint and ate my slightly under seasoned potatoes in peace. I’d get restless again soon, I was sure.