CH 4-Realization
Samael could feel every fiber of his muscles twitching and that burning desire to destroy. He could sense the wind weave, the rustling of the grass, and the particles of dust that stirred with his every movement. Yet, for some reason, he felt numb. He felt detached from his body, like he was shackled in a chair, and simply watching everything happen in front of a screen. And the worst part is that he didn't feel anything against them. He was scared, but he felt euphoric. He felt ecstatic as he killed the man. It was as if he was in a constant rush. Like he could take on the world and bring down everyone who blocked his path.
WHOOOOOSH!
The wind felt almost painful to his skin as it whipped his face, ruffling his already disheveled hair. His pale face, covered in lacerations accompanied by the lingering scent of blood, his visage almost demonic. His once black pupils now glowing eerie red in the darkness of the forest. Like a predator stalking its prey, but amidst all that, Samael heard a whisper that vanished as fast as it has come.
Samael... Do not lose yourself.
The boy gasped as he gripped his chest. His knees buckled as he hungered for air. His whole body felt burning; he felt heavy, and his shoulders slumped. Every movement a battle against pain.
But those weren't the boy's main concerns. Instead, Samael bore eyes on the blood puddle, shivering at his reflection. That feeling earlier, that sensation of great power... The euphoria that he felt for killing his kin...
It was horrific.
Confusion still clouded his mind as to what happened in the heat of that moment. Yet he remembered every detail and every feeling he had.
Samael glanced at his trembling hands and saw fragments of how he brutally killed the man. His eyes slammed tight in disgust. Maybe for himself or his actions. He didn't know. He understood none of this anymore. Was this really freedom? He couldn't help but question everything. How did this happen? Why did this happen? They were just like any other family. They slept, they worked, and they worshipped. What did they do to deserve such a fate?
Samael's untapped emotions came to a boiling point. All the pain, longing, agony, and anger he had felt slowly chipped through him. The boy's eyes dulled. There was only so much a kid could handle.
Samael rose to his feet. He collected his knives, and wiped off the blood using the coarse clothes of the dead man. His body felt afloat. Even the blistering cold of the night felt bleak to him.
Under the etheral glow of the moonlight, He marched towards the camp.
His fight wasn't over yet.
***
Back at the camp
A grin crept its way to the slavers face as he leisurely drank the last mug of beer. His black hair mixed with strips of white and his black eyes as dark as the night. He wore a murky white peasant clothes accompanied with a porcelain mask that hid half his face. He constantly swung his hook-like sword in an arc. Its steel edge marred crimson red.
RUSTLE... RUSTLE...
A few meters from him, the bushes rattled, and a small, feeble figure crawled out. His whole body bathed in blood and his vacant eyes dead.
The man's smile became distorted and soon morphed into a fit of hysterical laughter. Rising to his feet, he dusted off his clothes before muttering. "What a lovely night."
Samael stood unmoving as he watched the spectacle. His vision was already dimming, and everything felt hazy. He knew it was only a matter of time before he collapsed.
The man set eyes on the moon, its celestial light nesting calmly on his porcelain mask. He brushed his hair back, and let out a dramatic sigh. "Don't you think the moon is beautiful tonight?" He remarked.
He cast a sidelong glance at the boy and whistled. "You caused quite the chaos!" He said. "But don't get me wrong. I admire the dedication, I really do." He followed as he clasped his palms together and reached out his hand towards Samael, giving him a small, gentle smile. "Why don't you join me? I can give you whatever your heart desires. Gold? Women? Power?"
Samael's expression were as calm as the as the cold night wind. Making the man chuckle.
"How careless of me. I forgot to introduce myself. The name is Jack. The one and only" He lowered his head a little and performed a small elegant bow.
"So what do you say? It's a good offer, yes?" He repeated with a wide smirk plastered on his face.
In response, Samael threw his knife forward.
The man's smile quivered. He swiftly rotated his wrist and deflected the weapon away.
Samael dashed forward, closing the distance— when Jack jerked his head with a wide grin, making Samael flinch.
The man whipped his hand and dug his fingers into the boy's neck, launching him into a nearby tree. Samael groaned as his face contorted in pain, but before he could fall down, the man dashed at astonishing speed and slammed him back up.
"Now, now, don't be too hasty in your decisions. I know your potential. Unlike those hooligans, you actually had the guts to initiate a fight against three grown men! And win as well— Or at least most of it," Jack inched closer to Samael. He brushed the blood stains off his face with his gloved hands. "You see, I had the same image as you before. I was weak and hungry for power—"
"I am not like you."
Samael's voice reverberated over Jack's. The slaver's grip tightened, and Samael gasped for air. Veins bulged in the man's head as he jolted his eyes open.
"You... YOU DARE GO AGAINST ME?!" he roared, his face turning bright red with each passing second.
The sudden shift in demeanor made Samael's forehead crease.
"ME?! THE GREAT JACK?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKING CALL ME?! I'M THE FUCKING BUTCHER OF THE PALE NIGHT!" He spat out in pure rage, continuously slamming the boy against the coarse tree bark.
"NO ONE! AND ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO ONE!!! DISOBEYS ME!" He bellowed as he rammed Samael with great force, caving the tree and sending splinters in the sky, some etching in his flesh.
Samael slumped to the ground with a sickening thud, blood slithering down his lips. Its metallic taste invading his mouth.
"Hooh~, sorry about that. Now let's get our differences behind us and focus on something more important." Jack combed his silky hair back before squatting.
"My offer still stands. If you pick it, you survive, but if you don't, Well, you won't see the light of the day." He spoke in a gentle, carefree manner. However, Samael didn't hear any of those. He only heard a ringing in his ears and the faint beating of his heart.
Jack brought his face closer and looked at Samael with a sinister smirk. "So what do you say?"
Samael strained, his voice hoarse and weak. "M-m-my answer is... Go to hell!"
Jack's face distorted as he grinded his teeth, producing horrid grating sounds. He roughly grabbed the boy's hair, yanking it back forcefully.
"You... I—I gave you so many fucking chances... But you just kept on denying it." He calmly stated, "Again and again AND AGAIN!" He roared.
"EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. YOU!"
He touched his face, wincing, he could still vividly feel how his father spilled boiling water on his face for trying to eat the crumbs that fell on the floor. That searing pain etched deep in his memory. They're all fucking the same... He could still remember how his father would rape his mother in front of him, how his very guardian would slam him in water and deprive him of air for trying to steal food.
He was hungry.
Way too hungry.
So he killed.
Little Jack was too fucking hungry, so he killed. Every single one of them. Oh, and it felt so euphoric. To the last damn second.
That's how he earned his title.
Jack raised his arm, palm wide open. Steam emitting from his hands as they turned bright orange in hue. Samael could feel the blistering heat kissing his face.
"Say, do you know how it feels to be burned...?" Jack asked sadistically.
"Yes, yes, I do," Samael replied.
Jack flinched in surprise. His grip loosened and Samael seized the chance. The boy dialed his head back and rammed it at Jack's face.
Splinters of Jack's porcelain mask rained down, and the boy spat blood on the man's face. The slaver involuntarily let go of Samael as he clawed his face to clear his vision.
Samael weakly rummaged his bag and took out his last remaining matches, igniting them as he threw the small stick of flame towards the barrels, watching its feeble glow illuminate the dark forest, before erupting into a burst of light.
Jack jolted down in panic. As his vision cleared, he saw towering flames burning bright. "What the fuck?" He asked in confusion.
"Is this your way of beating me? To cause a commotion and run away?!" He asked in mockery.
Samael ignored the taunts and ran after the caravan.
Jack brandished his weapon, kicking the ground hard as he chased after the boy.
The slaver breezed through the wind, easily catching up to Samael before he could open the caravan.
Jack slammed his palm upon Samael's nape, pinning him against the wooden caravan.
Samael could feel the searing pain of the splintered surface brushing against his skin. Yet, a wide smirk slithered its way to his face.
"Did you seriously try to open the caravan with your bare hands? You stupid little shit," Jack mocked, his whole face open in view for everyone to see. Samael's eyes landed on the fleshy mess the slaver called a face. The butcher of the pale night warped in a laughing frenzy as he held his stomach.
Samael weakly opened his mouth and spoke.
"...I've won."
The man wagged his head with a crooked smile. "You must be delusional. Did you think causing havoc in an attempt to escape will help you? Can't you see your current... Situation...?" Jack's eyes widened as he saw the shadow of the horses dancing under the lush glow of the flame.
Samael's lips quivered before showing his bloody teeth. His plan was never to escape, but to cause enough noise and wake up the slumbering horses. "Y-you fell for it..."
The man jerked his head to the side and roared. "FUC—!!". A hoof planted itself on his torso, followed by the loud shattering of bones and the muffled panic of the horses. The man's screams drowned out the silence in the dark forest as his body bathed in the Illuminating light of the fire.
The boy's eyelids felt heavy. His breathing was shallow, and his heartbeat was faint. He sluggishly took out the dagger from his waist and repeatedly rammed the rusty iron lock. Over time, it chipped, and with one final hack, it gave out.
Samael used the smooth iron bars as support. Slowly, he pried the door open and watched as the light of the flames crawled inside. In the corner, he saw a small figure scooped up, shivering. The silhouette was a girl, and her pale white horns had a subtle glow that paired well with her long black hair. Behind her were a pair of red wings that enveloped the girl's body, along with her piercing red eyes and milky white skin. Small wounds were visible on her body, but there didn't seem to be any permanent or fatal damage done to her.
Samael weakly reached out to her. The girl trembled as she tried to sink deeper into the corner.
"Go away!" She screamed with her trembling voice. This made Samael sigh in relief, and for the first time in ages, Samael smiled wholeheartedly.
"Thank goodness... you're okay," He muttered in a hushed tone before the darkness dawned upon him.
***
The boy felt something cold caress his skin, like he was submerged in water.
He couldn't breathe, as if he was drowning.
Yet when he opened his eyes, he saw the same camp and the same towering flames. Except— he was alone. There were no sounds and no colors. Everything was black and dull.
He felt lonely.
He felt abandoned.
He felt scared.
Where am I? He wondered. His thoughts echoed throughout the place.
Samael looked ahead and saw something. One of great importance to him. Yet, he lost a very long time ago.
Those same familiar smiles and that same familiar gaze. He could never forget them.
Samael took a step, followed by another, then more, until he was sprinting. But as if it were some cruel joke, he couldn't catch them.
Samael opened his mouth and strained. Yet no voice came out.
Wait for me—no! Come back! Please! He pleaded, but they only gave him a warm smile and a few simple words.
"Your journey is not over yet, son. Be brave."
"Never forget. We will always love you."
Samael fell to his knees. His figure started to crumble away, like dust being swept away by the torrent of fate. A lone tear slid down his cheeks as he watched them leave for a second time. Strangely enough, he didn't feel that same gut-wrenching pit of loneliness. Instead, he felt light and unbound; he felt something that he never thought could return—hope.
•••
••
•••
Samael jolted awake, feeling his cheeks wet. Did I cry in my sleep? He asked himself. He felt like he just had the strangest dream ever, but it wasn't a bad dream. Somehow, he felt like everything would be okay, like a boulder had been released from his shoulders.
Then something blocked his vision.
Something that has horns.
Samael's eyes widened as he tried to stand in panic, but his body felt boneless, and his arms were numb.
He couldn't help but laugh internally. So this is how I'm going to die? In the hands of a wild animal? He sighed and shut his eyes tightly. "Make it quick." He spoke.
"Mhmm.." A gentle voice responded.
Samael's brows furrowed. Huh? Do wild animals release such sounds? Samael took a peek, and what he saw made him rethink whether he was awake.
It was a girl with a horn!
A demi-human? He wondered. Then he finally remembered the events of last night. It all came crashing down. Regret is like a river, it will drag you to its depths and drown you.
The girl continued to stare at the boy as if examining some unique specimen. Her ruby eyes looked like they were piercing his soul.
Samael payed no attention to her and checked his condition. He was astonished to see that the wounds were mostly gone. He didn't know how, but the only evidence of what transpired last night were the scars etched on his skin.
"Did you heal me?" Samael asked the girl.
Can she even understand me? He wondered. The girl laid eyes to Samael, bringing along with her a suffocating silence.
Is she unable to speak? Or is she deaf? The boy had so many questions. Yet there were no answers.
After a few more minutes, the girl finally gave a reply.
"Mhmm." She nodded without breaking eye contact.
"Ahh... Thank you... Haha...ha." Samael released a mouthful of air. He hasn't met anyone except the old mage, so this is very awkward for him. He didn't know what to say, but after contemplating, he thought that maybe introducing himself was the best approach.
The boy cleared his throat. "Uhh... So... My name is Samael. Nice to meet you." Samael raised his hand for a handshake.
The girl looked at his hands with her eyebrow raised. "So... Uh... Can you tell me your name?"
The girl shifted uncomfortably but introduced herself anyway.
"Uhmm... My grandma said not to tell others my name, but it should be fine if it's you," she mumbled, her words barely audible.
For some reason, Samael couldn't properly discern her whispers, even with his heightened senses.
"My name is Lilith!" She shouted, which made Samael flinch.
She was about to grab the boy's hand when Samael retracted it, leaving her hanging. Lilith's forehead creased, and her lips formed a pout. Seeing the misunderstanding arise, Samael knew he had to explain.
He sighed. "My hands are... dirty," he said as he tensed his jaws. He has used this very hand to kill people, but he can't bring himself to touch the girl with it. He was afraid he might stain her, but Lilith swiftly grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. Samael's face contorted as he pulled his hand away. In the process of doing so, he accidentally pushed Lilith.
The girl's brows arched, and her eyes reddened. Samael immediately felt a stabbing pain in his chest.
"I-I... you can't touch me," he said.
Tears started to build up in the girls' eyes, threatening to fall any second. Seeing this, the boy sighed.
"Listen, you should go your own way. I am not a good person, Lilith. I have killed many. I-I have committed acts worthy of a monster." He looked at his trembling hands, littered with scars and dried blood.
The girl stopped crying. Now, Samael couldn't bring himself to gaze at her. He felt the urge to just dig a hole and jump. This was a kid, for goodness sake!
She probably thinks I'm a monster now. He bitterly thought but her response was the complete opposite.
"It doesn't matter," she said, her voice gentle and unfaltering. Samael looked at the girl with wide eyes.
It doesn't matter? What does she mean?
Lilith lowered her gaze momentarily before meeting his. "My mother said that people won't hesitate to fight for the people dear to them! So... Samael isn't a monster!" She responded with a red face and tears falling from her eyes.
Samael felt deaf. What Lilith said kept repeating in his mind like a broken recorder, and a memory of his came to light.
"Dad! If killing is bad, then why do soldiers continue to do it?" A young Samael asked.
"Listen, son. Killing is indeed bad—."
"See! Then are soldiers sinners?" The boy asked with flames burning in his eyes. The man simply chuckled and continued.
"Killing can never be justified. But when your life is on the line and everyone you love is threatened, you will fight for them even if it means taking the life of your opponent."
"Life is sacred, but killing will only be truly sinful if you choose to do it out of malice. Is it wrong to choose your survival over theirs? Is it wrong to protect those dear to you? No, they are not"
Young Samael's forehead creased.
The man patted his head, ruffling his already disheveled hair. "The world is vast, my son. It is beautiful but dangerous at the same time. Some don't deserve the gift of life, as they only use it to take others. They are easily swayed by their greed and emotions. Be smart, Samael."
"I still don't understand," the boy said as he looked down.
"One day you will. One day."
He flinched and held his cheeks, only to find them wet and marred with tears. He can't believe that the words of a mere kid can make him feel this way. Make him feel so... relieved.
The voices are gone. Samael smiled as he wiped his face dry. Lilith, on the other hand, panicked as she tried to console the boy.
Samael gently pulled Lilith and enveloped her in his deep embrace.
Lilith's body stiffened, but she eventually, returned the hug.
"Thank you, Lilith," Samael muttered.
I finally understand what those words mean father. He thought.
In this world, power reigns supreme. He won't hesitate to take the lives of others if it means living another day.
He won't hesitate to kill if it means protecting everyone precious to him. It wasn't about "sins" or what's "right". It was about "survival."
If he needs to become a monster to survive, to avoid the agonizing events of the past. Then he will become a monster.
But he will be his monster.