LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 27: Key
Hannah walked with purpose but no rush as she made her way back to the library. It was a little surprising that she was walking with purpose, knowing full well as to what would meet her there. The lessons must have already started by now, if only just started. After lunch and helping Neila bring things back downstairs Hannah had worked for a little bit longer. In that time her nerves grew and grew as the time for Kaden’s lessons approached. She wasn’t used to feeling this nervous about being around a human.
There were always nerves that she felt while being around humans ever since being taken. At least up until meeting Rayne. The nerves had been worse and grew worse within the first few years of her enslavement, but after then it started to lessen. Maybe lessen wasn’t the right word. Ignore might be a better one for how Hannah dealt with that feeling. She pushed those nerves and worries aside because they didn’t help her much. Humans were going to treat her the way they saw fit regardless, just because they didn’t see her as a person. Over the years those nerves just got pushed down and ignored, to the point that she didn’t even register them any longer. That didn’t mean they weren’t there.
The past few days with her mistress had changed all of that. The nerves that were always felt but not recognized had actually started to disappear. Sure, some of the humans here still might not think of her as a full person, but for the most part she was treated as just another member of the staff. As equal as any human. While being around some people, Hannah felt no nerves at all, like Eda, Neila, and Rayne. For others like Anna there were some nerves, but Hannah was still able to manage with those feelings.
Kaden was a different feeling. Those feelings Hannah had once had when first being taken resurfaced, and she couldn’t ignore them. The walls she had once built up to hide those feelings were gone, and the only reason Hannah could think that would have happened was because of Rayne. Her mistress had been so kind to her and truly treated and saw her as another person causing those walls to crumble away. It was such a pleasant and freeing feeling, but then Kaden came along. Hannah didn’t know what to do without those mental walls to protect her. She could try to ignore them as she did with many hard feelings in her life, but that wasn’t going to work and she knew it.
Eventually those feelings reached a tipping point just before the teacher or Kaden arrived, and she left the library. She made the excuse to herself that she had to use the bathroom, which while true, wasn’t actually that pressing. Too much time was spent in the bathroom as Hannah battled these resurfaced feelings, going through moments of intense feelings then numbness repeatedly. Thankfully, a strong resolve settled in her at the memory of Rayne’s words. It was her library. It was her place and she was in control of what happened there, at least in regards to her. She could leave if she so chose and that would be fine.
As she walked there was the occasional waver of her confidence, but it was never enough to sway her. She was outside the library in just a minute or two and she stopped before opening the door. There were two voices on the other side of the door. One was Kaden’s and the other was a man she hadn’t met yet, though knew it had to be Mr. Greenwood the teacher. Hannah took a deep breath as she placed her hand on the doorknob. The nerves inside of her were growing, but so was the resolve. It was a terrible mix of strong emotions, but something Hannah needed to push through. She gripped the doorknob hard before she turned it and pushed the door open.
“And that’s why you must alwa—” Mr. Greenwood cut himself off as both he and Kaden turned to look at the new arrival.
Hannah couldn’t help but study the two as they all looked at each other. Mr. Greenwood was an older man with a full head of gray hair and stood with a sense of pride. At least that was what Hannah could gather. His eyes looked at her with scrutiny and possible annoyance, though human expressions were still limited and difficult to read in her opinion. If only he had a tail and Hannah would be able to read him better. Kaden still had the same baby face as the last time she had seen him and his eyes were hard. Though maybe they weren’t as aggressive as they had been the last time she had seen him. Again, it would have been easier for Hannah to read him if he had kin ears and a tail.
“Can I help you?” Mr. Greenwood asked, clearly confused as to why Hannah was continuing to step into the room and close the door behind her.
From the question, Hannah could tell that he hadn’t been informed of her. At least that she, a beastkin, was the new librarian. He might know there was a new librarian, hopefully. When she went to answer right away she found her throat a little tight as the nerves inside her still played up. She took a bit of a deep breath to calm herself enough to actually speak. “I have work to do here. I won’t be a disturbance.” Mr. Greenwood sighed before waving her off. He turned back to Kaden and started going about the lesson again.
Relief flooded Hannah and she could even feel her tail give a slight wag at the feeling. That had gone far easier than she expected, and though she had a feeling this wasn’t the end of the interaction here she felt more at ease. With quiet steps the fox made her way back over to her desk and opened the ledger. After finding her place once again she stepped away and walked to the grated shelves. She pulled out the key from her pocket and opened it up. Instantly she could feel eyes on the back of her head as she stepped up on a stool to grab some of the books from the higher shelves.
“What are you doing?” Hannah turned to find both of the men were looking at her again. Kaden thankfully didn’t seem too bothered, but there was a clear look of disapproval on the teacher's face. Before Hannah could answer, Mr. Greenwood was speaking again. “You don’t have permission to go through the books, let alone those books.”
Hannah stepped down from the stool, still holding onto the books. “I’m doing an inventory of the library,” Hannah said plainly as she started walking back to the desk. “I have been given permission to go through the books. Mr. Williams has even given me the key for those shelves.” The teacher looked shocked and opened his mouth to say something, but didn’t get the words out right away. Kaden, on the other hand, just looked away. At least he was intelligent enough to already see where this was all going.
“That’s the librarian’s job to do, not yours. He is set to arrive any minute and when he does I will be sure to tell him what you are doing.” The words were clearly a threat, but for the first time in a long time Hannah felt no fear at a threat by a human.
“I am the librarian, Mr. Greenwood.” It felt empowering to look away from the man and to the books she had gently set down as if not caring about him. Hannah liked that feeling, though she had a feeling there weren’t many times she was ever going to feel it again. Some rebellious part of her decided to live up that feeling and started to go about her work without any more words.
Mr. Greenwood sputtered a few sounds before managing to get out an intelligible sentence. “You the librarian? You can’t be, you are a beastkin. You can’t rea—”
“She is the librarian,” Kaden said, cutting off his teacher to be his and Hannah’s surprise. There was a feigning of disinterest in his voice, but Hannah couldn’t make out what he was really feeling from his words. “And before you ask, the fox can in fact read and write, Mr. Greenwood. Do you really think Mr. Williams would truly just give the key to any beastkin?”
Now Hannah actually looked up from the books in front of her to see Kaden not quite staring Mr. Greenwood down, but giving him enough eye to tell him to drop the subject. It was strange to feel relief from Kaden’s words, and though it didn’t really change the way she felt about him, it did paint him in a better light than their few encounters. Hannah knew that Rayne must have talked to her brother about her in some regards. She couldn’t imagine Rayne not coming to defend her against the words and actions of anyone. It did mean something to Hannah that he respected the words of his sister enough to put his petty feelings towards Hannah aside. Maybe fear had more to do with it than respect, but Hannah had no way of knowing. Regardless of how she felt around Kaden, this had made her feel more confident in her choice to come back to the library.
Mr. Greenwood said a few words of apology quietly, but not to Hannah, before he shook off this encounter and went back to teaching. With that done Hannah could get back to her work and did so. It was interesting to hear a fellow teacher go about a lesson, even if it was on a subject Hannah didn’t really understand. There were so many rules and etiquettes that noble humans had that they were really only putting on themselves. Still, Hannah half paid attention and half did her own work, feeling more secure in her decisions as time went on.
What had Rayne been like when she had such lessons? Was she a good student? Hannah couldn’t help but smile as she imagined a younger Rayne having her own lessons. She could imagine the little Rayne being proud and confident about an answer only to be shocked when she found out she was wrong. That thought was almost enough to make the fox giggle out loud. Luckily neither of the men paid much mind to notice her holding in a laugh. In her imagination the young Rayne’s confidence only grew, but she became more composed in how she displayed it. Slowly that composure would grow till the lady became the woman Hannah knew her to be today. There was never any doubt to Rayne’s words but they were never truly harsh. At least it was never harsh when it was directed at Hannah. Slowly more and more thoughts of Rayne started to consume Hannah and overtook her focus on the work at hand.
It wasn’t until Hannah had found herself staring at the same book for almost ten minutes that the fox finally got a hold of herself. What was she doing? All she was thinking about was Rayne and surprisingly none of it was about last night. Then again an interaction such as the one they shared last night was something common to beastkin. Well, maybe not the moaning out loud, but having someone accidentally touch your ears in a way neither of you were intending. Now thoughts of last night did start to take over, but they were all thoughts of worry. Hannah was worried that last night might have now changed something between her for Rayne. Changed how they might go about acting in the future…
Hannah didn’t want a change. Change could often be hard for her, but the change from the bakery to being here had been surprisingly easy. In fact she loved the change dearly. Life was so much better now and she had so quickly grown used to it. Grown to look forward to her days being less harsh than she had been used to in the past few years. She had even grown to look forward to her nightly meetings with her mistress. The gentle talks they shared that truly made Hannah feel like a person to Rayne. Then there was of course the physical affection Rayne gave her, something Hannah had so dearly missed from before becoming a slave. It probably didn’t fully mean the same things to Rayne as it did Hannah, but the fox didn’t care. The gentle ear rubs made her feel cared for. That was all going to change now wasn’t it?
A deep sorrow filled Hannah’s chest as her ears flattened against her head and her tail hung limply between her legs. In the past few days Hannah hadn’t felt much depression and she hated that she was feeling it now. Just a few days reprieve from the hardships she had known had really broken all of the walls inside of her down to her core. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it left her so open to all these feelings now. Feelings could be so hard. Then that little voice in the back of her head started to make itself known. The voice that told her it was all pointless. Told her that she was never worth any of the kindness Rayne had shown her. That she wasn’t worthy of the nicer, albeit still enslaved life she now had.
She looked down to the claws on her finger and gently flexed her hand. The sharp claws pushed out easily and she stared at them.
Memories of the first night here flooded Hannah’s mind. Rayne didn’t want that for her. Rayne didn’t want her to feel this way again. Rayne didn’t want her hurting herself anymore.
Her hand unflexed and the claws retracted as a feeling Hannah had long thought she had lost started to grow inside her: Courage. She wasn’t going to give into these horrible feelings. They were not going to continue to rule her life. She finally had a say over herself again. Not fully, but for the most part she was in control of herself and what she did. After years, Hannah finally had a say in her life, and she wasn’t just going to lie down and give up. She was going to stand up to those feelings humans had ingrained in her.
Resolve settled into the fox. Last night might have made Rayne uncomfortable with the physical affection they shared, and while that was okay, Hannah was going to make sure Rayne truly understood that it was normal. Hannah didn’t want that to be the last time they shared such physical affection and she was going to make her stance that she truly was okay with more of it. That she wanted more ear touches.
Heat rose up in Hannah’s face as how strongly she realized she wanted that affection from Rayne. Yes, over her life she had wanted it before from other people, but most of those times she had been too nervous to ask. Now she was set and telling someone it was okay and asking for more. Even with Elaine she had been more nervous to ask for such an interaction. What did all this say about Hannah? What did it say about her feelings towards Rayne that she was so willing to let her mistress touch her ears?
Hannah took a quiet deep breath to help settle her now racing heart. She didn’t need to work out all of these feelings right now. All she needed to do right now was her job, and to not focus on having Rayne touch her ears. Another related memory from last night suddenly crept up in Hannah’s mind. She had seen Rayne’s ears turn so red, which was something she didn’t know could happen. She had wondered what they might feel like compared to kins. Even across kin ears could feel incredibly different.
A smile spread across Hannah’s face as she imagined herself telling Rayne that it was only fair that Hannah also got to touch her mistress’s ears. A giddy feeling filled Hannah’s stomach as she tried to imagine how Rayne would react. Would her ears turn red again?
The sound of a door closing shook Hannah from her daydream and she looked up to the room around her. Both Kaden and the teacher were nowhere in sight. Quickly, Hannah glanced over at the clock and found that it had already been two and a half hours since she came back into the room. Looking back down at the book she finally realized how little work she had gotten done compared to earlier in the day. A sinking feeling started to pull at Hannah as it really started to dawn on just how much focus she had been giving Rayne. This wasn’t a normal way to feel about one’s owner. It had to be because of how poorly she had been treated by humans in the past, so now she saw any common decency as extraordinary. There couldn’t be another explanation for it. Could there be? It wasn’t as if—
The door to the library pushed open with only the slightest of sound, but it was enough to draw the fox’s attention. She found Derek standing in the doorway nervously looking in as if unsure of being allowed inside. Joy filled Hannah’s heart as she suddenly remembered the other aspect of her new position at the Hayward estate. With thoughts of Rayne and some focus on work she had forgotten that she was going to be giving lessons again. Hannah’s tail started to wag excitedly.
“Please come in.”
~~~
It had been enough time that Rayne was sure that Kaden’s lessons had ended, and her last meeting for he day was already over. She couldn’t resist going to see Hannah and make sure she was okay after being in a room with Kaden, even if she was going to see her in only a couple of hours. It was still upsetting how easily Rayne found herself giving into her feelings around Hannah, but it also felt freeing.
The lady shook those thoughts that had been repeating in her mind all day so far. She didn’t need to continue to think about all of that right now. There was plenty of time once she climbed into bed, as she did most of the time she found thoughts consuming her. Taking a deep breath Rayne saw the door to the library before her and continued on her way to it. The door was slightly ajar and from inside she could hear voices. Had the lessons not finished yet?
Not wanting to interrupt Rayne peaked in through the door, doing her best to not make much sound. Now looking inside she realized the voices weren’t of Kaden and Mr. Greenwood, but of Hannah and the hallboy. Their backs were turned to her as Hannah helped the boy read out loud from a book. Whenever he struggled with a word Hannah would gently help him find how to say it, and even without seeing him Rayne could feel the boy's confidence in his ability to read grow. The part that stuck out to the lady the most was how Hannah’s tail wagged back and forth. It wasn’t the hardest she had seen it wag but it was the steadiest. It never slowed down at all the entire time Rayne watched them.
Hannah was clearly so very happy, and that made the lady feel warm inside. There were even those flutters she had felt when Hannah hugged her back two nights ago. She was so happy for Hannah, and watching her teach put a massive smile on Rayne’s face. Clearly spending time with Kaden in the same room hadn’t affected Hannah in a way that was negatively affecting her right now, and that was a comfort to know.
There was a tiny debate inside of the lady as to how long was she going to stand here watching them. There had already been enough time that passed that it felt like the right time to leave, but just watching Hannah be in her element and be so happy brought so much joy to the lady. On the other hand the longer she stayed the higher the chance of being caught watching time. The debate boiled inside of her for a while before Rayne decided it would be best to leave. She would get to see her fox tonight again anyway, and hopefully it wouldn’t be too awkward between them.
