Vigor Mortis

It was a surreal feeling to be walking home to say goodbye. I had to tell the family I’d be gone; hopefully the kids hadn’t gotten too reliant on me bringing food every day. The difference between home and the guild always startled me. It was like stepping into a whole different world, and now that I was part of the new one, I could never truly return. Some other urchin tried to steal my money pouch on the way. How often had I been the opposite end of that very interaction? I ran him down easily, my weakness of the past dropping further and further away. I felt like I’d betrayed something when I had to kick him to the floor to get my stuff back. It was easy, even with my hands full of food. I didn’t kick that hard, so hopefully he wouldn’t even bruise. Hopefully.

I give him a small bread roll when he hands me my money back, telling him to eat it slowly. I needed that cash for my family, but… well, I wouldn’t just become another Grig. I arrive home shortly afterwards, settling into routine. The usual tackles and hugs from the kids, followed by the usual distribution of food, and then finally the markedly unusual disappointment that Orville hadn’t joined me. He did most days, but I didn’t want to bother him right before the team’s first hunt.

When the kids all had food in their hands, Lyn emerged from the shack as well, her usual goofy grin replaced with a smile of pure pride. She walked over and hugged me tightly, letting the embrace linger.

“Vita,” she murmured. “Thank you so much. You’ve truly been a lifesaver these past couple weeks.”

“Literally?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. That was an important sort of clarification.

She grimaces.

“...Maybe. I’ve kind of been relying on you. The Broken Drakens seem to think that the help you’re giving me means I have more time for them.”

I scowl. Were they trying to keep us all starving?

“...Well, make sure you tell them I won’t be able to help for a while. I’m going on my first hunt tomorrow.”

Lyn’s eyes go wide, a worried expression marring her freckled face.

“Really? That's so soon! They're going to send you out after only a couple weeks of training? Are things okay at the guild?”

“The way we were told, we were being sent because our team was a perfect fit for the job,” I answer, shrugging. “I don’t know if there’s more to it, but the work does seem to be tailored for our team. Plus, Remus will be with us, and he’s crazy powerful. I think it’ll be fine. My guess is that I’ll be away for the next five days. You can count on me coming back richer and stronger.”

Lyn takes a deep breath before leaning down and scooping me up into another hug. It startled me so much that I almost grabbed for my spear, but legs dangling, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back instead.

“You can count on the Drakens taking every last cent,” she whispered softly in my ear. “They just want to use me. There’s no intention of letting us pay off the debt.”

Damn. I had been afraid of that.

“They should know better than to steal from thieves,” I whisper back.

“Tread carefully, Vita,” she answers. “They don’t control all this by chance.”

I nod and she puts me back down.

“So! Wow. Your first big hunt, huh?” Lyn says, her usual goofy grin back on her face. “Don’t be making me cry now, Vita. The boys already joke that I’m a mom.”

Well, she totally was a mom, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell her that. She’d raised most of these kids, and even if I’ve only been with her a year she was the closest thing to family I had. Honestly, I’ve always wondered…

“Lyn, why do you do all this?” I ask. “Like all the… charity stuff. It’s weird.”

She puffed out her cheeks a little, blowing out air.

“Well that’s a doozy of a question, isn’t it? Why do you do it?”

I blink. What the heck was she talking about?

“I owe you. I promised.”

“Nah,” she said, waving dismissively. “You don’t owe me shit, Vita. That’s what charity means. I’ll damn well take the help, but if you never wanted to come back here I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed. Nothing is actually stopping you from keeping it all, ya know? So why do you do it?”

Why was she pointing this out? Was this some kind of test?

“I’m not really asking about me,” I protest.

“Your answer is part of my answer,” she responds smugly. “Come on, humor me, kiddo.”

“M’not a kiddo,” I grumble, thinking.

Lyn is the whole reason I’m doing any of this. She’s the whole reason I’m even alive! It seems like such a stupid question, but it’s still so hard to answer.

“I just don’t think I could live with myself if I screwed you over,” I eventually say.

“That’s kind of the heart of it, yeah,” Lyn answers, nodding. “We have to live with ourselves, or we die. Physically or otherwise. I’m a thief, kid. I don’t know if I can not be a thief. There’s nothing better than that rush of outmaneuvering everyone and running off into the night. But way back when I started to think… am I a bad person for feeling that way? I’m a criminal, for sure. I make my living by screwing other people over. That eats at me. So I start to steal from those who I think ‘deserve it.’ Assholes, hoarders, the kind of folk that keep the little people down. But it still eats at me. I’m still just some bitch that steals to steal. So one day I get the bright idea to give it all away.”

She indicates me, the shack, the kids themselves who are each paying rapt attention to the story. Lyn doesn’t talk about her past. None of us do.

“And hey! Now I’m providing for starving orphan kids. Now I feel good. I’m all cool and superior to everyone I steal from. That’s what you all are, my little excuses.”

She shrugs. I frown.

“But you care about us, right?”

“More than anything in the world,” she answers seriously. “I would do anything for you goobers. Anything at all. It surprised me! I didn’t expect to get so attached.”

I swallow, holding back on the urge to hug her again.

“L-likewise,” I choke out. “Please stay safe while I’m gone, Lyn.”

“Hey! That’s my line!” she laughs. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

Well, I know exactly what I’m going to do if something happened to her. I really, really hope it doesn’t come to that. Lyn’s smile drops a little.

“Hey. No need to make that kind of face, Vita. I’ll be just fine. You focus on yourself, okay? I’ll give Rowan your love. I don’t think he’ll be back before you go.”

Aww, that sucked. Oh well, I’d hug him when I get back.

“Thanks, Lyn. For everything. I just… I just wanna say…”

I trail off, the words catching in my throat. How could I express this to her?

“We know that we’re not just excuses, Lyn. You’re a good person. Maybe I’m not like… the right person to judge that. But you’re the best person I know, Lyn. Please don’t forget that.”

A look of surprise stole her smile for a moment before it returned twofold.

“Oh, Vita! Come here, you!”

She grabbed me again, lifting me up and giving me a massive squeeze.

“You’re the best kid a girl could ever ask for!”

Still with the kid stuff? All right, that’s it. If she was gonna keep on that, I have to fight back.

“Well, you’re the best mom a girl could ask for.”

“Ack!” she yelped. “C-come on, Vita! Aren’t I more like an older sister?”

“Nope,” I say firmly. “Mom. You’re mom now.”

She drops me, clutching her heart dramatically.

“Oh, such betrayal from one of my own! It wounds me! It wounds me deep!”

“Hey mom, since you’re my mom and all,” I start, watching with amusement as she pretends to have a spasm, “Our team’s biomancer told me to ask you something. What’s menstruation?”

She pauses, raising an eyebrow. Then she grins. Oh no, she was going to counter my counter!

“Really? I figured you’ve been taking care of it all this time! Y’know, since you’re not a kid and all.”

“...Lyn,” I warn.

“Okay, okay!” she says, laughing. Then she slaps herself on the groin. “It’s when blood comes out of your woo-woo!”

I blink.

“...Are you messing with me?” I ask.

She frowns, deflating a little.

“Huh. You’re serious. Uh, well, no. Not messing. Come on downstairs, I’ll show you some stuff, I guess. Is yours really just starting…?”

I head down with her, where she proceeds to explain to me the horror that is female puberty. It’s full of a concerning amount of mights and maybes, but I soak up the information as well as I can. It makes my head spin a little. All women really go through this? How had I not known? It’s a good thing I asked or else I would have freaked the fuck out when it started happening. Eventually, the explanation was over and the two of us moved on to other topics, but there was a lot to think about there. Ugh. Maybe I could get out of it if I turned myself into a revenant or something.

“Oh, I meant to mention earlier. Squigs and Frigs came after me last week and basically told me to pay them money later.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Lyn answered, scowling. “I almost gutted the both of them when they told me about it. Be careful with them, Vita. You’re lucky the fat one likes you.”

“They don’t really seem that strong,” I comment.

“They’re not the strongest,” she hedges. “Get them in a fair fight and you might survive it. The issue is that if they actually want to come after you, you won’t see them coming. But if you just off them preemptively, you’re gonna have the whole guild on your ass…”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say. “It’s kind of weird having someone as happy and upbeat as you give me murder advice, though.”

“Yeah, well, it’s kind of weird that someone as tiny and cute as you calls my warning of caution ‘murder advice.’ Are you sure you’ve been doing okay?”

“I have food now,” I answer simply.

“There’s more to life than food, Vita.”

“Tell that to the starving.”

I stand up, stretching. It would be dark soon. Lyn walks over and gives me another hug, taking that as the goodbye it was. I happily return the embrace, squeezing her as tightly as I can.

“Good luck out there,” she says. “I’ll be worrying about you the whole time you’re gone, so be sure to come back here as soon as you can, okay?”

“Okay,” I promise.

I head back up the ladder, say goodbye to the kids, and return to the guildhouse just before dark. Norah is already snoring when I arrive in the room, Penelope burning the midnight oil to concentrate on her rats. I’m sure whatever she’s doing takes intense concentration and skill, but to me it just looks like she’s holding a rodent and having a staring contest with it. It takes quite a bit of effort to suppress my urge to laugh at that, but I succeed.

With both my teammates occupied, I suppose I should try to get some rest before the big day. Undressing and plopping onto bed, I cuddle up with Rosco and follow Norah to dreamland.