Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms

Currently, Kim did not have a sense of smell (at least not in the traditional sense). She did have a way to chemically analyze the air around her, which is why she could tell the cup of coffee Vell was carrying was different than usual.

“Upped yourself to espresso, Vell?”

“I had a late night,” Vell mumbled.

“Gross,” Alex said.

“Not like that. Apocalypse cleanup ran late, I’ve been studying, Lee and Harley had some company crisis I had to talk through them with,” Vell said. “I was up until like three AM.”

“Oh, and you get to experience that all over again,” Hawke said. When a looper stayed up past midnight, the loop reset them to wherever they were (and however they felt) at midnight exactly, instead of waking up in their own beds again. That meant Vell would get to relive all his exhaustion and fatigue all over again.

“And I was right in the middle of a conversation at midnight too,” Vell said. “I’m going to have to try and remember what we were talking about, and...and I think I already forgot.”

He let out a deep sigh and took another sip of his coffee. He prayed to the gods of caffeine for salvation, which went unanswered. Hawke leaned over to look past the coffee cup, towards the dark circles under Vell’s eyes.

“I think you need a break, Vell.”

“We just had a break,” Vell mumbled. Every month, classes were called off for one weekend to give professors some academic time. That meant every month the loopers got one weekend with no time loops -though that did not necessarily mean no work.

“Yeah, and you used your break to help your study group, do some work with Lee and Harley, help Joan try to figure out Helena’s shit, and do some life coaching with Alex,” Hawke said.

“Sorry,” Alex mumbled.

“Don’t act guilty, you’ll only make it worse,” Hawke said. “You need a real break, Vell. The kind where you take care of yourself, not other people.”

“With the way things are ramping up towards the end of the year, I don’t really think that’s on the table, Hawke,” Vell said. “I just need to get through the last couple months of the school year, and then...well, then I’ll have an entirely different mess to deal with, but at least I won’t have tests.”

“Not having to take tests does sound good,” Samson sighed.

“I’m serious, Vell, you need to relax,” Hawke said. “Stressing yourself out like this is worse for everyone in the long run.”

“I know, but I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here,” Vell said. “I’m juggling a lot of time-sensitive problems here, if I don’t stay on top of them they’re going to get worse later.”

He took another sip of espresso to help keep himself awake.

“Also, the minute I even contemplate taking a vacation, the universe is going to drop some new problem on my door,” Vell sighed.

No one said anything. His fellow loopers silently looked at Vell, and then at the space directly behind him.

“Or it’ll drop a new problem anyway,” Vell grunted. “Who is it?”

“Sorry if this is a bad time, Vell,” Dean Lichman said.

“Not many good times nowadays,” Vell said. “What is it?”

“I just thought you should be made aware two of your recurring headaches have compounded,” Dean Lichman said. “The Board of Directors will be onsite later today, hearing a proposal from Thomas Edison.”

“Undedison? What the hell does he have that they want?”

“Maybe they’re finally giving in and going for undeath,” Kim said. “It’s the closest they’ll ever get to living forever.”

“We all know it’s never that simple,” Vell said. “We better check it out. Thanks for the heads up, Dean.”

“Call me optimistic, but I believe your peculiar brand of intervention will not be required,” Dean Lichman said. “The Council of Einstein’s has taken up the case themselves.”

“The Council of what?” Samson said.

“Oh, right, you’ve never met,” Kim said. “Yeah, there’s four different versions of Einstein who live in a basement somewhere below the school. They don’t really do much, but they saved my ass once back in my first year here.”

“Nominally speaking, they are this school’s ultimate authority, though they leave the day to day operations in my hands,” Dean Lichman said. Vell felt a brief but intense bout of jealousy at the idea of passing off responsibility. “I am content to leave this matter in their capable hands, or pincers, as in the case of Einstein’s brain, but if you wish to involve yourselves, go right ahead.”

The Dean excused himself and left the loopers to their breakfasts. Vell stared at the table for a few seconds and then slammed his entire cup of espresso at once.

“That can’t possibly be healthy,” Hawke said.

“Yeah, well, time loop means I won’t have to deal with whatever part of my body I just fucked up,” Vell said. “Come on, let’s go find the zombie fucker and stop him.”

“You know, Vell, maybe this is a good opportunity for you to take a nap,” Kim said. “Edison’s shit usually ranks pretty low on the thwarting difficulty scale.”

“You say, that, but-”

“I cannot possibly jinx us on this,” Kim said. “Last year we basically beat him by having me jump out and yell ‘boo’. We can handle this.”

“Like you said, Vell, you’re graduating soon. We have to start doing things without you eventually, let’s start doing it now,” Hawke said.

After fiddling with his empty espresso cup for a few seconds, Vell popped the lid off and let out a deep sigh.

“Well shotgunning an espresso isn’t exactly going to let me nap any time soon,” Vell said. “I’m going to at least go over there and see what he’s up to, just in case you guys all get blown up randomly, and then bail to let you guys take over. Deal?”

Kim and Hawke eyed one another skeptically. After a silent nod between them, Kim extended her hand, pinky out.

“Pinky promise you’ll let us handle it, no matter what,” Kim said. Vell extended his pinky but did not interlock with Kim just yet.

“I make a caveat for any schemes involving Kraid,” Vell said sternly.

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

The two hooked their pinkies together and shook, firmly sealing an unbreakable deal.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Vell said. He grabbed his empty cup and looked around. “Why do they keep moving the fucking trash cans?”

“Vell, it’s the first loop,” Alex said. “No one cares if you make a mess.”

With visible reluctance, Vell left his empty coffee cup on the table and set out.

The meeting with the Einstein’s and the Board of Directors was apparently happening in one of the faculty building’s meeting rooms. Vell knew the way, so he led the group towards the third floor of the large building and let themselves into the meeting.

“That is absolutely not- what are you doing here?”

One of the few members of the Board who was actually capable of turning their head did so, as several uninvited students barged their way into a private discussion.

“Students aren’t allowed in here,” the Board member croaked.

“We could be,” Vell said.

“What do you mean, ‘could be’?”

Vell turned to the four Einstein’s. The Ghost, Zombie, and Clone of Einstein all waved at him, while the Brain used mechanical arms to shuffle around some papers.

“Hey, you guys are in charge, right?”

“Yes.”

“Can we be allowed to be here?”

“Yes.”

“There you go,” Vell said. “Now we’re allowed to be here.”

With that matter settled, he turned his attention to the guest of honor. Edison had been sitting in a chair near the middle of the room, and had no-so-subtly jumped behind it to try and hide as soon as Vell showed up. Not only were his elbows sticking out the sides, the chair was a simple wooden frame that had several large holes in it.

“I can see you, Edison.”

“No you can’t.”

“Whatever makes you feel better about yourself,” Vell said. He turned to the Board of Directors. “Why is he here, anyway?”

“Mr. Edison is being considered for a position on the Board of Directors.”

Vell already regretted chugging the entire cup of espresso for several reasons, but now he added one more to the list. It would’ve been great spit take material.

“What? Him?”

He pointed to the undead man trying and failing to hide behind the chair again. He’d adjusted himself into a new position that exposed even more of his body now.

“Look, you can’t-”

“Actually before we get into this,” Kim interjected. “Are there any other parties involved in the decision making process we should know about?”

“Not unless someone else comes barging through that door and asks to be invited in,” Einstein’s Ghost said.

“Good to know,” Kim said. “Vell, I think you have somewhere to be, right?”

She all but shoved him towards the door, and Vell took the hint.

“Okay, you’ve got my number if you need anything,” Vell said. He accepted the push towards the door and walked off to go take a nap. Zombie Einstein watched him leave and then scratched the lobotomy scar around his head.

“What he busy doing?”

“He’s busy doing nothing,” Kim said.

“Any and all nonsense will be routed through us for the remainder of the day, thank you,” Hawke continued. “And speaking of nonsense: Edison, what’s your goal here?”

“Hey, I’ve been here for like an hour,” Undedison said, apparently forgetting that he was supposed to be hiding. “They invited me.”

Edison stuck an arm out long enough to point in the general direction of the Board.

“Okay, same question you guys,” Hawke said. “What’s your goal here?”

“We occasionally take new members into our ranks,” one of the Board croaked. “Is that so odd?”

“It is when your ‘new member’ is that guy,” Samson said. He pointed at the nearly decomposed plagiarist in a cheap suit. “Why the hell would you want him?”

“Mr. Edison has a storied history of innovation and invention.”

“He stole most of his stuff,” Hawke corrected.

“Maybe they mean he invented new ways to plagiarize things,” Einstein’s Brain corrected. His three fellow Einstein’s chuckled at the joke.

“You should know the truth. Some of you are old enough to have met Edison yourselves during his original life,” Alex said.

“We’re not that old,” one of the Board said.

“Yes we are, you idiot.”

“Oh. When did he die?”

“1982,” Edison said.

“You died in 1931, asshole,” Alex said.

“I like to feel young.”

“Back to our point,” Kim said. “Edison isn’t worth shit-”

“Hey.”

“-why would you want him in your board?”

Those few members of the Board still capable of rolling their eyes did so.

“He’s very good at identifying marketable ideas, at least,” the Board member grunted. “Since none of you students feel up to inventing anything useful, we need to leverage our existing assets better.”

“Pardon me?” Edison scoffed. Apparently the board’s plan was news to him as well. “I am the greatest innovator of this or any century!”

“Of course, Edison, of course,” the Board said. “We merely mean to leverage some of your other considerable skills.”

“Okay, I get that you’re mad nobody’s cured death yet,” Kim said. “But I don’t think Undedison is your solution to this problem.”

“I am the solution to every problem,” Edison said. He popped open a suitcase he’d brought along and started rummaging around in it. “I have only recently completed my latest invention. Behold!”

Undedison held aloft a small device comprised of various tubes and wiring connected together. Like everything else Undedison had ever presented, it was not his invention.

“Hey, that’s our bomb!

The Board and the Einstein’s both turned to look at Alex.

“Ours?”

“Not important,” Hawke said. “The operative problem is that it’s a bomb!”

The operative problem became even more operative as it was operated. Edison, seeking to prove that “his” “invention” was not a bomb, demonstrated that it was, in fact, a bomb, by having it explode.

“I didn’t even get to take a nap,” Vell sighed. He had opted for a slightly smaller cup of espresso for this loop’s morning meeting, but it was still present.

“Well, good news,” Alex said. She was the only one present in the lair so far. “You’ll have plenty of time to take it today.”

“You’re talking like you’re up to something,” Vell said.

“That feels negative.”

“Is it inaccurate?”

“Yes. I’m not ‘up to something’, I’m...Okay, I’m up to something,” Alex said. “But in a positive way!”

“You need to work on your delivery, then,” Vell said. “You’re trying to hide your smile, and your shoulders are all stooped. Makes you look suspicious.”

“Sorry, body language is hard,” Alex said. “Back on topic. What I’m ‘up to’ is handling everything. Kim’s taking care of the bomb, Hawke and Samson are working on the Board, and I’m off to intercept Edison. Apocalypse fully handled from all angles.”

She beamed with a broad smile, but did not get the reaction she’d hoped for. Vell took a skeptical sip of his coffee.

“That sounds...easy,” Vell said. “Nothing is ever easy.”

“This is going to be a lot of work,” Alex said. “Just not for you. Let us handle it, Vell. And go take a break.”

“I don’t know, I could at least-”

“Vell, Kim did give me permission to cast a spell on you.”

“Which spell?”

“Keep arguing and find out,” Alex said.

“Okay, I get it,” Vell said. “I’m going. Just call me if you need any help, alright?”

“We’ll be fine,” Alex insisted. She shooed Vell out the door and then headed off to her own task. Even with what little she knew of Edison, she knew scaring him off would be easy.

It was easy.

“Fuck off!”

A quick burst of telekinetic force launched Edison away from the storage room that held the bomb. He went sailing across the hallway and gathered his bearing just in time to look up at Alex.

“You!”

“I see my reputation precedes me,” Alex said.

“I’d recognize your witchcraft anywhere, Lee!”

Alex had to do several different double-takes to get through that one. The glasses alone should’ve been a clue, not to mention her being a completely different ethnicity.

“Do you think everyone who does magic is Lee?”

“You’re a girl and you’re hurting me with magic,” Undedison whined. “Those are very Lee things to do.”

“Lee graduated,” Alex said. “My name is Alex, and I will be taking over the role of girl who hurts you with magic.”

She hurt him with magic again. Edison got flung down the hall, further from the bomb, and anything else dangerous.

“Get off my island,” Alex demanded. “Preferably forever, but I’ll settle for until next year.”

“But I was invited here! I have a meeting!”

“Consider yourself uninvited.”

Alex’s hands flared with green-gray magic once again, and that was all it took to set Undedison running. He didn’t really feel like getting hurt with magic again, no matter who was doing the hurting. Alex calmed the sparking fires and put her hands on her hips triumphantly. Once she had spent enough time watching Edison flee, she turned around and knocked on the door of the storage room.

“You almost done in there, Kim?”

“Hold on.”

A rubbery bounce was immediately followed by the sound of slamming metal, and the door opening. Kim stepped out with their entire extra-dimensional storage locker on her shoulder. They had needed to get the bomb and several other dangerous items into their extra-dimensional space, but rather than asking Vell for his bookbag, Kim had just opted to carry the entire locker out of their lair.

“All good in there,” Kim said. “Saved the super bouncy dodgeball for last.”

“Why do we even have random storage rooms when we have the locker?”

“Have you ever heard the phrase ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket’?” Kim said. “Knowing our luck that dodgeball is going to bounce right into the containment cell for the Double Ghost.”

“I suppose it does pay to have some diversity in storing potentially world-ending artifacts,” Kim said. “Though we should possibly invest in more secure locks.”

“It was on Vell’s to-do list,” Kim said. “Along with a million other things.”

“Well, we’ve checked off one,” Alex said. “Let’s go check off another.”

They headed off to return the locker and then join Hawke and Samson in dealing with the Board.

Further in the background, Edison nursed a wounded ego and a wounded body. After all those years of lurking and sneaking onto campus, he’d actually been invited, and he was still getting his ass kicked. In his mind it was only natural he’d want to borrow something impressive technological to impress his new employers.

It was so natural, in fact, that he turned on his heel and headed right back into the laboratories.