Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms

Classified: Top Secret

Supernatural Protection & Cataloging Organization

Anomaly Designation: SPC Omega-Red

Threat Category: Benevolent/Hades Class

Categorization Addendum: SPC Omega-Red is entirely non-harmful, and even capable of negating SPC designations up to Hades class under normal circumstances. However, attempts to actively interfere with, investigate, or consciously manipulate Omega-Red universally end in disaster or madness.

Anomaly Description: SPC Omega-Red is an unknown entity, force, or natural phenomenon extending over the artificial island housing the Einstein-Odinson College of Paracausal Forces campus. Omega-Red’s only observable manifestation is a group of students numbering between two and eighteen (currently observed maximum) who possess uncanny abilities to negate danger in all forms. Observation of students before and after their tenure in the academy has established that this skill is connected to their occupancy of the campus, not an innate attribute.

Addendum 1332: Omega-Red hosts tend to showcase enhanced problem solving skills and emotional resilience after their graduation. This implies the mechanisms of Omega-Red allow for learning. The common theory that Omega-Red possesses or overrides its hosts seems unlikely.

The selection process for Omega-Red hosts is unknown, beyond that it is restricted to registered students of the Einstein-Odinson College. The anomaly has selected hosts with exceptional abilities as often as it has entirely “normal” individuals. Attempts to enroll SPC agents in the school as potential Omega-Red hosts have universally ended in failure. Whether this is a conscious effort on the part of Omega-Red or an unfortunate result of a random process has yet to be established.

Addendum 1332b: We’re not trying again. Given how other attempts to understand this thing have ended, we’re playing with fire here. And tuition is expensive. -Dr. Callum.

Current and former Omega-Red hosts resist attempts at questioning regarding the nature of Omega-Red, often claiming that “[we] are better off not knowing” and “don’t even worry about it”. In 1987, a single former Omega-Red host was subjected to enhanced interrogation regarding the nature of Omega-Red. While apparently successfully, all observers to their confession immediately committed various deranged acts, including but not limited to:

-Attempting to feed themselves and all nearby facility staff to SPC 8887

-Attempting to use SPC 228 to play music at such a volume that their brain melts

-eating everything in the facility cafeteria while crying profusely

The recording of this session has been sequestered as SPC Omega-Red(b). Victims of Omega-Red(b) exposure have been reverted to normal by exposure to SPC 137, erasing all memory of the 24-hour period in which they witnessed Omega-Red(b), and long-term observation has revealed no lingering negative effects of exposure.

Possible SPC Organization recruitment of former Omega-Red hosts has also universally failed. Subjects approached generally dismiss initial entreaties due to already having lucrative scientific careers. Those approached regarding the true nature of the SPC Organization generally refuse on the grounds that they are “done with that kind of thing”.

Addendum 1332c: In 1994, an Omega-Red host offered to join us if she could “use our fancy science stuff to vaporize the [expletive] Marine Biology department”. The employment offer was rescinded for reasons of unsuitable temperament.

Addendum 1332d: I know she already refused, but we need to call Leanne Mikkola again. I’m not sure if she could actually punch SPC 0862 to death, but it’d sure be a lot of fun to watch. - Dr. Langstrom

Containment Notes: Several attempts to contain and classify Omega-Red have been undertaken, all of which have ended in failure. All but one of the incidents are fully classified under the Charon Protocol. The single declassified incident is listed here for informative purposes.

1/22/79: An Agent was deployed with a standard Anomaly Containment Cage, calibrated to contain the entire island. In the process of setting up the cage, a group of seven Omega-Red hosts appeared and warned the agent in vague terms not to proceed on their mission. The Agent proceeded heedless of their warnings, and Agent and cage were subsequently eaten by a carnivorous iteration of a Mr. Potato Head toy. The toy was subsequently neutralized by the same Omega-Red hosts. The hosts were briefly interrogated regarding possible malicious involvement in the incident, but given their ignorance of the Agent’s purpose and the generally benevolent nature of Omega-Red hosts, they were quickly cleared of suspicion.

The Mr. Potato Head toy was briefly sequestered as an SPC, but showed no remaining anomalous properties, though cleaning did reveal bone fragments embedded in some of the toy’s joints. DNA testing identified the fragments as belonging to the consumed Agent.

The Organization does not recommend further attempts to contain the anomaly.

Conditional Addendum: Due to SPC Omega-Red’s properties of negating danger, it has occasionally been used as a secondary source of anomaly neutralization. Due to its unpredictable nature, this is regarded as a last resort, and is not part of the Organization’s standard containment procedure.

Addendum 1332e: “Not part of standard procedure” is the boss’s code for “we’re mad they’re better at this than we are”. -Dr. Eisenberg

Any uses of Omega-Red to negate another anomaly are recorded here, in reverse chronological order.

Instance 7/8/24: As SPC 2234’s exponentially increasing appetite grew beyond the Organization’s ability to satisfy, it began to grow increasingly agitated, and consumed fourteen facility personnel sent to feed it. The Organization approved Omega-Red deployment. Within fourteen minutes of SPC 2234 being set loose on the Einstein-Odinson campus, the current Omega-Red hosts appeared and began to feed the SPC handfuls of off-brand cinnamon toast flavored cereal. SPC 2234’s appetite was immediately satisfied. The SPC was retrieved, and standard containment procedure was updated to include two cups of dry cereal every day.

Addendum 1332f: The offbrand stuff from Aldi’s, NOT name brand Cinnamon Toast Crunch. If he gets name brand he starts eating people again. - Dr. Langstrom

Instance 4/3/23: SPC 183 learned to bypass the Organization’s psychic protections and possessed an agent sent to monitor it. While the possessed agent was subdued before they could leave the facility, attempts to exorcise SPC 183 failed. Rather than termination, the Organization opted for Omega-Red deployment. After deployment, the 183-possessed agent harassed students and faculty for two hours before being subdued by Omega-Red hosts. The hosts subjected 183 to an elaborate exorcism ritual involving a dodo’s gallbladder. The possession immediately ended and SPC 183 was reverted to a physical form. While 183’s malevolent nature remained, it was promptly beaten into submission by Anomalous Individual 1887b “Kim”. After retrieval, SPC 183 has become remarkably compliant whenever threatened with 1887b’s presence.

Addendum 1332g: Dodo’s have been extinct since 1662. I know we’re not supposed to ask the hosts any questions, but I still want to know where they got a fresh gallbladder. -Dr. McMullen

Instance 1/17/23: An instance of SPC 486 manifested in the security personnel room and quickly inspired fanatical devotion in accordance with its desire to be worshiped. Rather than risk armed confrontation between personnel, the affected agents were given “permission” to relocate the instance to Omega-Red’s vicinity in order to “spread the holy message”. Upon deployment, 486 quickly converted most of the campus, with the exceptions of Anomalous Individuals 1887 “Vell Harlan” and 1887b “Kim” (their immunity is theorized to be a result of their involvement with SPC 0 “Quenay”). The two Anomalous Individuals acted quickly and feigned worship of 486 to get close enough to the instance to coat it in an unpleasant smelling substance. The resulting aroma was so revolting that all worship of 486 ended, and absent worship, the instance withered and died. The newly-freed agents asked to borrow the odorous material, and upon return to the facility, all SPC 486 instances were remotely coated in the substance. All worship ended, and SPC 486 is now considered negated. Individuals 1887 and 1887b refused to elaborate on what the odorous substance was or where they had acquired it when prompted. The substance has been sequestered pending SPC categorization.

Instance 6/12/22: SPC 25’s multiplicative abilities grew beyond Organization capabilities to contain, and was quickly adapting beyond Thanatos Sanction lethal procedures, resulting in the complete destruction of Site [REDACTED] and the deaths of over [REDACTED] personnel. As a last resort, the entirety of SPC 25’s biomass was emergency teleported to Omega-Red’s vicinity. Seven minutes later, Anomalous Individual 1887 “Vell Harlan” appeared on scene and successfully encouraged SPC 25 to take on a humanoid form and play video games with him. SPC 25 was apparently mollified by exposure to cooperative gameplay via a “Battle Royale”-genre video game, and played the game with 1887 for the next five hours until 1887 became tired and went to sleep. SPC 25 continued to play solo for the next two hours, until SPC Organization agents made contact and lured 25 back to the facility with the promise of his own console. SPC 25 remained resistant until he was also promised in-game currency to buy “skins” of his choosing. SPC 25 is now considered low threat so long as he is provided a game console and a small allowance of in-game currency. Facility staff are allowed to engage in cooperative gameplay with 25 to further mollify him, though he prefers to engage in online play with 1887 whenever possible.

Instance 2/7/22: The most recent iteration of SPC 4089 demonstrated newly lethal properties, resulting in the deaths of 47 facility staff who attempted to transport or touch the book using various protective measures or indirect methods. Omega-Red deployment was approved, and the iteration was teleported into the vicinity of the Omega-Red host’s leader at the time, XL-X8 CP “Lee” Burrows. Upon making visual contact, Lee rolled her eyes, picked up the book, and handed it to fellow Omega-Red host Harley B Harley, who promptly called the book “a bitch” before discarding it. All subsequent iterations of SPC 4089 have demonstrated no lethal properties, and the previously untranslatable text within has changed to a single emoji representing a crying face. Subsequent attempts to mollify Locust-class anomalies by insulting them has resulted in eighteen fatalities.

Instance 1/23/21: After overhearing discussion of her sporting prowess, SPC 106 grew increasingly agitated until given the opportunity to challenge the Omega Red host Leanne Mikkola. After being teleported to the vicinity of Omega-Red, SPC 106 tracked down Leanne and challenged her to various sporting contests and challenges of strengths. After being soundly defeated at various modern and even archaic sports dating back to 106’s origins in [REDACTED] BC, 106 finally admitted defeat, but then insisted that Leanne Mikkola would be his bride and “brood-mother to a race of warriors the likes of which Gaia had never seen”. After eighteen minutes of sustained physical violence, SPC 106 was emergency teleported back to the facility and given medical attention. SPC 106 is now considered negated, and containment procedures have been updated to include psychiatric counseling for PTSD.

Addendum 1332h: We could’ve teleported him back sooner, but honestly, he deserved it. -Dr. McMullen

Instance 8/3/20: Shortly after Anomalous Individual 1887 “Vell Harlan” first enrolled at the Einstein-Odinson and was identified as an Omega-Red host, SPC Agent [REDACTED] became convinced of a causal link between SPC 0 “Quenay” and SPC Omega-Red. Agent [REDACTED] promptly raided the armory, labs, and several SPC vaults for weapons and research materials to confront 1887 and prove this link, including SPC’s 189, 4438b, and 1908. Agent [REDACTED] teleported himself to the immediate vicinity of 1887, and was defeated in approximately 0.0008 seconds as 1887 withdrew a pair of revolvers and fired off shots which disarmed the Agent of his weapons and removed any armor and talismans he had been wearing while causing no physical harm to the Agent himself. The Agent was then asked politely yet firmly to leave, and, upon refusal, was punched unconscious by Leanne Mikkola. The Agent was retrieved and disciplined. Firearm handling skills have been added to 1887’s list of anomalous properties.

Further historical incidents have been archived. For more information, contact your site supervisor for access.

Addendum 1332i (currently editing): The list goes back to the 1950’s, and they’ve literally never failed to stop some of the most dangerous SPC’s in existence. Starting to think we should just set the entire facility loose on that island and see what happens. In fac

Dr. Garcia’s editing came to a sudden halt when she got smacked in the back of the head with a metal hand.

“Don’t.”

“Ow! What the hell did you-”

Nothing hit her in the head this time, but it still felt like a smack in the face when Dr. Garcia turned around to see Anomalous Individual 1887b standing over her workstation. Kim crossed her arms and glared down at the doctor.

“What did you- how did- How did you get here?” Dr. Garcia said. “This is supposed to be a secure facility!”

They were sixty miles underground in a facility so secret even Dr. Garcia didn’t actually know where she was, behind eighteen layers of defenses against every physical and magical intrusion possible.

“And you’re supposed to be cataloging and protecting,” Kim said. “Not throwing tentacle monsters at college students!”

“You know about us?”

“Of course we know about you, you dump your shit on our lawn every couple months,” Kim said. “You got some trouble you need cleaned up, fine, but don’t start throwing stuff at us just to see what happens.”

“Uh...Okay.”

“Cool.”

Kim focused for a second, and a portal opened up behind her. She took one step through it and then turned around.

“Oh, and by the way, I don’t appreciate being 1887‘b’,” Kim added. “I’m my own person, not just some extension of Vell.”

Kim then stepped the rest of the way through the portal, which closed behind her. Dr. Garcia stared at the empty space where the portal had been for a few seconds.

“I’m just going to go ahead and redact all that.”