Vaudevillain

Dylan logged back in at the corner store with the evening sun shining in his eyes. Vert had decided to mimic the twenty-four hour day, stating that most heroes and villains operated at night. The towering skyscrapers of Haven City glittered like jewels in the evening light and Dylan couldn't help but appreciate the amount of work that went into the graphics. But he had work to do.

Before heading outside, Dylan needed to find a place to build. The slums were out of the question. He couldn't have Dr. Zlo, villain mastermind, living in squalor. It didn't fit the character at all. The financial district was out as well, too many heroes would be keeping watch over the area.

Dylan zoomed out on his map of Haven City. As the map moved farther from street level a wonky pear shape appeared and the names of the various districts appeared. It seemed the city was split six ways. Dylan already knew there were the financial and slums districts, but there was the government, factory, harbor, and residential districts too. The government sat in the middle surrounded by the financial, factory, and residential districts. The slums only bordered the financial and led out of the city towards the island mainland while the harbor was situated next to the factory district.

The government district was out. While it sounded fun to have a base near the heroes guild, it was too much of a risk. For now at least. That left the factory, harbor, and residential districts. The factory was probably the best area. There should be a lot of abandoned buildings and equipment he could use. The harbor could be similar, but more aquatic. Residential was probably the worst, most likely filled with suburban houses and nothing to use.

He'd do the factory first. Dylan selected a random location on his map to bring up the GPS. The arrow popped up and a path highlighted on the map, going right through the government district. "This GPS needs some work," Dylan said.

He removed the GPS marker and decided to make his own way across the town. He could make his way north around the government district but that would put him the farthest away from the harbor district. He'd save more time if he passed through the residential area into the south side of the factory district. With his mind made up, Dylan stepped out of the corner store and into the streets of Haven City.

The beginning of the journey to the city's West side was difficult. Dylan had to keep opening up his map to check where he was and he had to keep to the back alleys to avoid the patrols around the financial district. He bet the East side was the main leveling area since the banks were here. He was sure plenty of players would try getting rich by robbing a bank.

After the third time dodging police patrols, Dylan started to treat the whole thing like a stealth game. He was even able to use his cane for some tricky moves. He'd made it along with Roosevelt for escaping the slums by combining a children's science kit, an old cane, some rubber hose, and a funnel. The cane housed five compartments for liquids. By turning the knob at the top he could pick a compartment and by pressing down the button on top he could launch the substance out of the end of his cane.

He'd loaded it up with oil, vinegar, the foam from a fire hydrant, bleach, and orange soda. He'd used some of the oil and foam during his fight with the spartan. He'd used the rest of it on his way through the financial district to blind a patrol of cops. They had appeared from a blind spot as he exited the alley which forced him to spray both substances over the group.

He had been able to spray all but one of the guards down. The last held a large riot shield which kept him safe. Exposed, Dylan across the open street and into another alley. "Stop right there!" The policeman yelled as they chased after him.

In the alley, Dylan stopped and turned to the guard. "So tell me, does that normally work?"

"You're under arrest!" The cop pulled out a gun and aimed it at Dr. Zlo.

"No, I don't think I am." Dylan turned the knob on his cane to the vinegar knob and blasted it at the cop. The man raised both hands to block the stream. The acidic bite of vinegar wafted into Dylan's nostrils as he turned the knob to bleach.

As he fired the substance he said, "This is definitely a bit cruel but I am a villain. Cruel comes with the territory."

Bleach and vinegar mixed together on the policeman, the base and acid chemically reacting to form water and chlorine gas. Dylan didn't stick around to see what it would do. He knew not to mix the two chemicals from warnings as a child and he'd read about how bad mustard gas was during the first world war. But he could use the stuff here since pain in the game was nonexistent. He ran off as the policeman started hacking and wheezing.

No notification appeared in front of Dylan as he moved. He wondered what exactly counted as an escapade in this game. Or maybe he had to defeat a certain number of enemies to rank up. Eh, he'd ask John about it later. Getting reputation was fine but the important thing was to have fun and he could do that at any level.

He passed through the financial district without any more issues and entered the residential. A sign on the road read, "Welcome to Wonderman's Respite, the safest place in Haven City!" The words rested on a meadow and a smiling sun crested the hill drawn on the board. As Dylan crossed the district line he looked back to see the other side of the sign. Sure enough the words, "Welcome to Ignition's Investment District. For all your banking needs!" Were written above a skyline.

Wonderman's Respite was every bit the suburban village Dylan imagined. Identical houses were evenly placed along rows of slowly twisting roads. Leaving just enough space for a comfortable yard. SUVs were parked on driveways every third house while flatbed trucks sat at every fifth.

"I guess you can't make everything unique," Dylan commented.

He was right to count this district out. Dr. Zlo would never have some cookie-cutter house in suburbia. Maybe his alter ego would, if he had one. Dylan still hadn't decided if he wanted to go that route.

No Dr. Zlo would have a countryside mansion, either in Gothic or Victorian architecture. A large fountain would sit in the front yard and finely trimmed bushes would be arranged in a tasteful display. It would be painted an unassuming color, off-white or grey. Probably grey. Finally, at night the mansion would transform from unassuming house to mansion of mystery, complete with an appropriate backdrop by way of a weather machine.

Yes, he could see it now. Dylan blinked. He actually could see it! A mansion almost exactly like he described was looming out in the countryside.

Dylan had long passed through the cookie-cutter portion of the district and had wandered into a place for the wealthy. Grand mansions separated by furlongs of green lawn and manicured gardens sat imposing their will upon the masses of houses below. There was even a golf course sitting in the middle of it all. And off to the side was a run-down version of Dr. Zlo's house.

Sure the paint had long washed away and some of the building was chipping, but that only added to its gothic style. There were even gargoyles sitting on top of the roof! "This is it," Dylan said. He went as fast as his long legs could take him, reaching the front door in record time. Carefully, he pulled the door open to take a look at the interior.

White sheets covered in dust were his first greeters. The now grey linens covered old chairs and couches in a sitting room. A winding staircase, leading to both the basement and the upper floors, stood to the right of the room. Giddy, Dylan ascended to the top so he could scan every inch of the building.

The more he walked through the more it seemed like this place was meant to be Dr. Zlo's base of operations. It was out of the way and abandoned. The best part was the basement, a gigantic space that could be repurposed into an entire secret laboratory for mad experiments. He'd need to make sure it was defendable if any heroes caught wind of the place but that was easily remedied with his power.

He knew he should check out the other districts for bases but this place was calling to him. He could fix it up, make it as formal as his suit, and add tons of atmosphere. He couldn't resist.

"Oh yeah, it's all coming together."

But he could joke around later. Right now he had to start getting his plan into motion! Dylan opened his map and set a marker at his location so he could come back to this place. Once it was he made his way to the factory district.

"I need a car, or fast travel," Dylan complained as he exited Wonderman's Respite and entered the factory district. The sign for this read "Condor's Manufacturing District, the lifeblood of the city." The words sat in a smokestack that came from a row of factory buildings below.

The district mimicked the picture on the sign. Rows of factory buildings sat nestled next to each other in perfect grids. Smokestacks poured out of the chimneys on top and trucks of all sizes zipped around the streets to collect and deposit goods. Dylan sized up one of the trucks, it would be perfect for transporting any scrap he found.

Dylan pulled open his power tab and typed in, "Self-driving hammerspace semi-truck," into the box. After a minute of processing, the longest time spent yet, a screen appeared overhead.

Self-driving hammerspace semi-truck

Ballpeen hammer (1)

Sledgehammer (1)

U Can't Touch This (1 recording)

Laptop computer (5)

GPS device (2)

Semi-truck (1)

Well, that was a problem. Dylan had no trouble acquiring any of the pieces to make the transport but he wasn't able to put an entire semi-truck into his inventory. If he couldn't put it into his inventory he couldn't make it. Oh well, he'd figure it out later.

Dylan filed the semi-truck idea away and went back to exploring the factory district. From what he could tell, the areas close to the other districts were all thriving companies creating all sorts of goods for the city. As he moved further in and away from the other districts the factories started to look shabbier. There was still traffic coming from the buildings but they weren't as busy and the factories were in various states of disrepair.

He reached the first abandoned factory shortly after. These buildings had long been abandoned by workers and it showed. The windows had been broken and boarded up with cheap plywood, graffiti lined the brick walls, and rotting trash sat in the driveways. The doors to the inside had also been boarded up with cheap plywood and Dylan easily took it down with a quick tug.

He coughed as a plume of dust shot out. Waving away the cloud, Dylan stepped inside the factory. Front of the factory was a greeting area for guests that had long been removed of cheer. Moss and other weeds grew up from broken tiles, giving the place an apocalyptic vibe. Dylan ignored the area and stepped past, he was looking for scrap and equipment. Though he did take a few weeds just in case he could make something with it.

The actual factory floor was a large open warehouse. The entire area had been cleaned out save a single oil drum and a large metal hook hanging from a set of rails on the ceiling. The place would make for a good base but it had nothing Dylan was looking for. He moved on to another factory.