Vaudevillain

As Cass ducked under the dashboard of the stolen car, Mabel spoke. "Would you two fine men be so kind as to help a woman out? Take those four down for me would you?"

The two heroes struggled and jerked against Momma Mabel's orders but in the end both turned to face off against the four unaffected heroes. The medieval archer materialized a crossbow of green wood and aimed it at the elementals. A bolt of light appeared and fired. "Get out of the way!" Yelled the archer.

At the same time, Wonderman rushed forwards, blurring past the two elementals to reach the magician at the back. "Careful Girl Wonder! This fiend has me trapped with some sort of mind-control powers."

"Change tactics!" Yelled the barrier hero. "Merla CC! Oro, Titan! AOE blasts! Back up and regroup."

"Got it Ram!"

Merla's orbs of light exploded in a flash, bathing the area in white light and blinding those around. At the same time, the two elementals expanded and a wave of force pushed both Wonderman and the Jacobs back. The four heroes regrouped behind a pillar and Ram created a set of shimmering barriers.

Mabel blinked the spots out of her eyes and looked over at the heroes. The two elementals, gold and soft burnt orange, were standing on either side of the pillar pulling out what looked to be rifles of some kind. The hero Merla flashed a series of hand symbols and a glowing red orb appeared to hover around her. Ram sat down one more time and produced more barriers.

"Oh dear me," Mabel tutted, "you're being very rude."

The heroes ignored her and made to shoot at the Jacobs that had been attacking. The minions in question dove out of the way as arcs of red light fired from the elementals rifles. Wonderman flew forward, hands outstretched, in an attempt to tackle one of the heroes. A quick blast from Merla's orb stopped him. The red beam chased Wonderman, carving gashes into the pavement as he flew around.

The archer was doing their best to obey Mabel's commands without directly obeying. Bolt after bolt of light connected with the barriers in front. Mabel backpedaled to his position, not taking her eyes off the heroes. "Oh come now dear you can do better than that. Take out the guns in those beast's hands. Do it now, for your poor old Momma."

"Stop. Getting. In. My. Head," the archer replied. But his body didn't listen to his thoughts. His green crossbow grew in size, becoming a longbow. Stiffly, the hero made to pull back the string. An arrow of wind coalesced and was shot flying towards Oro. The golden hero was forced to dodge out of the way as the blast of wind passed straight through Ram's barrier.

Mabel pinched the archer's cheek. "There we go, dearie. Keep that up."

"We need to take out the controller!" Merla yelled.

"No sh*t!" Replied Titan.

Ram stood again, the shields dimming in power. "Merla prep a big one! Oro buy time. Titan, you and me will keep Merla safe."

The others yelled in unison. "Got it!"

Oro roared and jumped into the group of Jacobs in front. His golden body grew in size and an aura appeared around his frame. When the end of one of the Jacobs' cane entered the glowing field it turned the same color as Oro and snapped off. The golden piece flew into Oro's chest and melded with the hero. The Jacobs backed up warily.

Mabel spoke to the archer next to her. "Be a dear and keep him busy for me."

"Yes. Mom."

"Oh and Wonderman? Could you stop whatever it is that woman is up to? I'd be ever so grateful."

"Mark my words criminal scum, I will find a way to break free of your diabolical control over my body!"

Wonderman and the archer both moved forward. Mabel calmly made her way over to the car Cass was cowering in. "I think it's time to leave boys." She knocked politely on the passenger door.

Cass scrambled over to unlock the door, forgetting about the unlock button on his side. Mabel sat down in the passenger seat, looking as if she was coming home from Sunday church and not fleeing the scene of a crime. As Cass started the car Mabel lowered the window and called out, "Oh Jacques! It's time to leave!"

"Oro, stop them!" Ram cried.

"Kinda busy at the moment!" Oro replied. The hero had been dodging arrows of fire from the archer while trying to get into melee range. Their rifle sat broken on the floor, a hole melted in the middle. When Ram called, Oro tried breaking away from the fight with the archer but was forced back as three fiery arrows flew at him.

"Sh*t they're getting away! Merla how much longer?"

"Five seconds." The hero was frantically signing symbol after symbol. A large ring of electricity was forming around the woman's body. Blue lightning arced down into the ground every few seconds.

"Titan stop the car I can hold this for that long!"

Titan didn't bother to respond. He ducked under a punch from Wonderman and charged towards the escaping car. Cass floored the gas pedal and the tires squealed. White smoke lifted off the burning rubber as the car shot out towards the exit. Titan jumped to get in the way.

Cass swerved out of the way, forcing Momma Mabel to grip her seat tightly. Titan swiped at the car from the side but only broke off the driver's side mirror. But Cass' maneuver had cost him speed and time. "Ready!" Merla shouted as she aimed the ring of lightning.

The ring of electricity tightened as Merla turned, the stray arcs of lightning falling back into the ring. Cass couldn't help but think back to all the good times he had with the boss. Like that time he served him a martini, or the time he made an affogato. Thinking back on it, all the good times were of Cass serving the boss drinks.

"I'll miss you, boss," Cass cried. Mabel rolled her eyes. She grabbed the steering wheel with one hand and prepared to dodge the incoming fire.

As Merla prepared to fire her ring of lightning at the escaping villains, a Dixie horn sounded behind her. She turned her head back to see a flatbed truck driving down the ramp at high speed. The truck crashed into a convertible and in a stroke of luck, its front wheels pulled the truck on the car. The truck ramped off the convertible and flew at the hero in a perfect arc.

Cass stared in amazement. In the driver's seat sat a Jacques, hunched over at the wheel in determination. In the passenger seat sat another Jacques cheering on the driver. Somehow the minion had found a gigantic soft drink and was sloshing it around. To top it all off, a third Jacques stood on the roof of the truck, cane in hand and outstretched in a pose of victory. Merla's eyes widened.

"Oh f*ck."

The truck collided with the ring of lightning, igniting the gasoline inside the car. Fire and shrapnel exploded from the engine and engulfed the floating mage. More shrapnel shot out towards Ram and the hero quickly threw up a shield to protect himself. However, Wonderman was still under orders from Mabel and rushed in at the same time. The combined might of two strikes was enough to overwhelm the hero's barrier and engulf him in flame as well. Wonderman entered the explosion shortly after.

Cass wasted no time in speeding out of the parking garage. Various Jacobs and Jacques followed behind him like ducklings chasing their mother. "Well that was exciting," Mabel said. Cass gripped the wheel with white knuckles. He decided that he wasn't going out again unless the boss was there with him.

But the fight against the group of heroes wasn't finished. As the last of the minions made to leave Oro and Titan crashed into the fleeing cars. Windshields shattered as the two durable elementals threw Jacques out of the vehicle. The two heroes slammed their foot on the gas pedal and two cars peeled out to chase the fleeing villains.

"Slow down a little," Mabel said.

Cass didn't hear. Miffed, Mabel grabbed at the cotton in Cass' ear and yanked it out. "Slow down a little,"

"Are you crazy! We're being chased!"

"Mhm, and the Jacques are taking care of it. See?"

Cass turned back to look. Sure enough, more of the Jacques had surrounded the two heroes and were trying to crash their cars. As two Jacques pushed a car into a guardrail the hero jumped out and crashed through another car. After a quick scuffle, two or three Jacques were thrown out of the car and the hero was back to chasing.

"If you slow down they'll chase the rest of the Jacques."

Nodding, Cass slowly lifted his foot off the pedal and merged with a group of cars. The Jacques flew by in reckless abandon while the heroes chased after them. Cass watched as a car with Jacques flipped a civilian's car into the hero's path. It swerved out of the way and continued the chase. The sounds of revving engines faded into the distance and Cass realized he was holding his breath.

"Now," Mabel said, "I think its time to head home and show Zlo our spoils. Don't you?"

Cass nodded slowly. He turned the corner at the intersection and carefully drove back to the mansion, making sure to obey all the traffic symbols and signs. On the way back a horn honked, startling Cass. But it was only a truck tailgating him. Mabel opened the window and flipped the driver off.

The two arrived back at the mansion without incident. Minutes later Mabel's Jacobs started to drive in. A group of Jacques came out of the house to help take all the stolen goods to the secret base. Cans of cornstarch, rumpled sundresses, and other department store goods were gathered up and deposited. The more industrial equipment was grabbed by four Jacques at a time and clumsily taken to the basement.

Once the goods had been stored, Mabel went back around the town and dropped the stolen cars off at various driveways. A few cars were moved behind the mansion just in case Dr. Zlo needed them later on. With that done the minions all filed back into the mansion to perform other various tasks. A while later Dr. Zlo pulled into the mansion on the semi-truck they'd stolen a while back. Two others jumped out with him and unloaded some industrial equipment.

Cass came out to greet him. "Boss don't you tell me to go on a mission with that woman again. You can't make me do it boss."

"Cass! Did you get everything we needed?"

"Oh yeah I think so boss but really please don't send me out on one of those things anymore. At least not without you."

"Right, right. Come help us put our materials into the house."

Obeying, Cass grabbed a box from one of the others and took it down to the basement. Once all the boxes had been removed from the truck Cass went back to his argument. "Boss really I don't think I can take another one of those missions without you."

"Don't worry Cass, after today you won't be in nearly as much danger."

Cass sighed in relief. "Oh thank you boss."

"You'll have better armor and weapons next time."

Cass choked on his words.

Back at Humblot plaza, three heroes stood in the rubble of broken cars and minions. The one known as Rampart (Ram to his team) coughed a bit of dust out of his lungs. Wonderman and the archer were still shaking off the effects of Mabel's mind control. Now that she wasn't around the heroes could act freely once again.

"D*mn," Rampart said. "Wait, isn't Dr. Zlo the name of that suited villain?"

A smile spread across the hero's face. "Man even his minions are wacky. I can't wait to put this up online."