Vaudevillain

Before Dylan could enact his master plan, he had to do two things. First, he needed to get some food. His alarm had gone off minutes ago telling him it was Saturday morning. The second thing he needed to do was brag to John. There was no doubt his friend would start arguing back about how inefficiently he was playing the game, but riling up his friend was part of the fun.

He made sure more Jacques were building in the factory and instructed Cass to make sure the machine kept running. Logging out, Dylan stretched and groaned as he got out of bed. "Urgh I'm so stiff."

Dylan prepared another breakfast of eggs and toast and decided to move his body a bit before sitting down again. He opened up an emulator on his computer and started up a fitness game made in Japan but never released anywhere else. He set the game to stream to his TV in the living room and grabbed the knockoff wireless controller. He did a quick workout level and by the end he had worked up a nice sweat.

With his workout done, Dylan placed everything back where it belonged and took a quick shower. Once out, he jumped back over to his computer and messaged John.

Superfan39526:

So I got some phlebotinium

He surfed around the internet looking at architecture news while waiting for a reply. He was reading an article on the architecture of skyscrapers and the crazy physics involved when John messaged back.

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

WHAT

Superfan39526:

Found it

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

Bullshit you just found it

Spill

Superfan39526:

Secret base under the ocean

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

How the heck did you find that?

Superfan39526:

Made a hatbot

A bunch of them actually

Sent them all scouting

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

Oh you got SO lucky

I hate you

Do you know how powerful that stuff is?

You can get extra powers with that!

Or upgrade your own!

Its like SUPER late game stuff.

You don't even hear hints about it until B rank reputation and by that time you can normally travel all across the world

Wait

You aren't B rank yet right?

Because if you are while I'm still C rank I'm done with this whole thing

Superfan39526:

Nah I'm only E rank

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

E RANK

WTF

AND YOU HAVE PHLEBOTINIUM???

Superfan39526:

Yep

Made a gender bender gun with it

xXxDemonSlayerxXx:

…

I hate you

Of ALL the things

You coulda had extra powers

Dylan cackled at John's text. It was always fun riling his friend like this. John knew Dylan hardly ever played things the "correct" way. Yet the man still got angry every time Dylan lucked into something. His chat lit up to show John was giving him a call. It looked like his friend couldn't stand typing out his replies any longer. He grabbed his headset off the stand and accepted the call.

"Better gamers incorporated, what can I do for you today?"

"Shut up. Please don't tell me you used the super late game item to make a gun that changed people's gender." John's voice twanged with a slight midwestern accent. Which only showed when John talked passionately about a subject.

"Don't worry, I didn't use all of it on a gun."

"Oh thank god."

"I used the rest of it to make a super-powered minion," Dylan cackled.

The call was silent for a few seconds. Dylan could practically see his friend's face. John's eyes would be closed and his mouth would be pulled back to show a thin frown.

John sighed. "Why. Just. Why."

"I needed the gun for the scheme I'm doing. And every villain needs some kind of super minion."

"But the minions can die Dylan! Permanently!"

"So I'll find more phlebotinium or something. Big deal."

"Gah! Are you doing this on purpose?"

"Well yeah. The character turned out a lot more fun than I thought. I have a small army of bumbling minions and two competent leaders now. Plus a bunch of hat robots and some intelligent mice for scouting."

"Wait what the heck that's so much. How in the world?"

"You know how mad science gets a power tab?"

"Yeah they changed it up a bit too right?"

"Yeah, they made it so you could add a description. All I did was make a couple of factories for the minions and voila."

"Really? Everything I read says the factory stuff is super hard to make."

"I didn't make them strong. The simple minions are super dumb, and weak. And the hatbots are a camera, some grabbers, and a fedora hat. It's not like they can fight."

"Huh, I guess no one tried making super cheap stuff yet."

"I bet someone did but it got downvoted or something."

"Eh maybe. Why a gender bender gun though? I know anything that alters the state of something in the game requires phlebotinium. At least for mad science stuff. You could have made a pretty sweet death ray or something."

"Wait if I wanted to do a shrink ray I'd need more of the stuff?"

"Yeah."

Dylan clicked his tongue. There went his idea of shrinking his vehicles. "Dang. But yeah. Like I said, I need the gun for my scheme."

"You aren't going to tell me what it is?"

"Nah. I wanna go through with it first."

"Alright then, keep your secrets."

Dylan rolled his eyes at the meme. The two continued their conversation for a bit longer as they discussed the release of some new comic issues that released over the week. An hour later John got off to prepare for his Sunday shift and Dylan readied himself to get back in the game. He had to make sure everything was ready for his master plan.

It was nighttime in Haven City and like most other cities in the world, it never slept. Once the lights went down the various clubs in the government and financial districts came to life. Bars located all across town changed from bright, cheery restaurants to the dingy taverns found in noir films. But the biggest change came from villain activity.

The night was the perfect time to perform evil deeds. The dark naturally hid those looking to harm others as they lay in wait for the perfect target. Nighttime also led to fewer guards protecting the various villainous targets. Dylan watched a pair of thugs break open a jewelry store from his vantage point on the roof.

Seconds later a hero appeared to take on the two. The thugs pulled large, almost comical, clubs out of their jackets and brandished them. The hero yawned and stepped towards the two with a burst of speed. In a flash, the thugs were disarmed and handcuffed to each other.

Dylan brought his attention back to the nightclub he was watching. Tyler Mayorsson had entered the building a few minutes ago and Dylan was waiting for the man to leave. This was the second club the mayor's son had visited this night, which meant the last club would be where he vanished.

There were two plans in motion for the capture of Tyler. The first was to intercept him on his way to the last club while the second was to nab him in the club. Dylan was hoping for the former to work, it would make his job a lot easier. The first plan only involved his minions after all.

Dylan straightened as the mayor's son walked out of the club, laughing as he went. A girl chased after him, grabbing his arm and moving in close. Tyler laughed again, gave her a peck on the cheek, and gently pulled the woman off him. She pouted for a second before walking back into the nightclub in a huff.

Tyler watched the woman enter the club before turning away, all joy gone from his face. He made his way down the street and ducked into an alleyway. Dylan raised an eyebrow as he moved to follow. He made his way over to the edge of the roof and looked down.

"I know you're out there," Tyler said. "Show yourself."

Dylan immediately ducked out of sight. How'd he know? Had someone been following him the whole time? He looked around warily but found nothing suspicious.

"I see your reputation proceeds you Tyler Mayorsson. Or should I say, Stonewall?"

Stonewall? The mayor's son was a hero? Color Dylan surprised. Though thinking about it, it made sense. Rich son actively involved in the hero's guild was almost a guarantee. Inwardly, Dylan chided himself for missing such an obvious clue.

"I see you know about me. But I don't recall seeing you before."

"Where are my manners. You may call me Dextra."

Dylan peeked over the edge of the building. A woman with straight black hair, a black dress, and eyes like knives stood blocking one end of the alleyway. On the other side stood a sharp-dressed man in glasses and holding a knife. Tyler stood between them, a calm smile on his face.

As Dextra walked towards the man Tyler spoke, "Do you really think the two of you can take me?"

Suddenly, Tyler's entire body grew, ripping his shirt to pieces and turning his jeans into yoga pants. His skin changed into rocky brown stone. As he flexed his new body fissures and cracks appeared around the joints. "I've beaten plenty of arrogant mooks like you," he said in a gravelly voice.

Dextra laughed. "When did I ever say there were two of us?"

The woman in black snapped her fingers and the windows of each building in the alley shattered to reveal armed henchmen holding knives up to scared citizens.

"How dare you!" Stonewall growled.

"Come now Tyler did you expect me to play fair? You a giant monster of stone and me a frail young woman?"

"They have nothing to do with this!"

"Oh but they do! You're a hero, which means you're responsible for protecting these poor people. You wouldn't want anything to happen to them would you?"

One of the henchmen pressed a knife against a citizen's neck.

"Oh god!" The citizen wailed.

Dylan was impressed. This was some outright evil villainy going on. The woman had everything down perfectly, from the looks-could-kill character to the malicious methods. It was honestly too bad he had to ruin her plans.

As Stonewall shifted back into his human form, Dylan tapped a cufflink communicator he'd made.

Cufflink communicator

This fashionable accessory also doubles as a communication device. Hold down to talk. Comes with attachable earpiece!

Stud Cufflink (1)

Hearing aid (1)

Miniature radio (1)

Lapel Microphone (1)

"Start the plan," Dylan whispered.

"Alright hon be right there," Mabel said back.

Dylan stood from his perch and assumed his Dr. Zlo persona. "Hold it!"

Everyone turned to look up at him. Dylan jumped down, activating his rocket shoes to slow his fall. He landed right in between Tyler and Dextra.

"Good evening everyone. My name is Dr. Zlo, villainous mastermind."

Everyone continued staring.

"I know, I know. It's terribly rude of me to interrupt another villain's evil scheme. And normally I would never endeavor to do such a thing. But alas I must interrupt as I myself am looking to kidnap the mayor's son. Mabel!"

Momma Mabel appeared at the end of the alleyway next to the man in glasses. "Hello my little darlin's. Momma's here to give y'all some advice."

Behind her twenty Jacques climbed out of a manhole and stood in a line. Each held a cane in both hands like a sword. The man in glasses turned with his knife and made to swing but Momma Mabel spoke. "You best put that away darlin, you liable to cut yourself on that you know."

The man froze for a second and then slowly stowed the knife away. Mable pinched his cheek. "There, much better. And now that I look closer, you a mighty fine man. What say you and Momma find a nice quiet place after all this?"

"Mabel now is not the time to flirt with our enemies."

"Aw, Zlo darlin' you know I was just teasin'. Besides, if Momma's gonna go with anyone it's gonna be that tall drink of water next to ya."

Tyler visibly shuddered. Dextra pulled out a gun and pointed it at Dr. Zlo. "I know who you are. You're that E rank who trashed my experiments. Do you know how hard it was to make contact with that underwater base?"

Dr. Zlo turned back to the villainess and squeezed a shot from his laser monocle. It connected with the gun, melting it to uselessness. He tutted, "And you were doing so well with your threats earlier. A gun? Please, I expected more from one such as you. Guns are so mundane. Where's the flair? The showmanship?"

Dextra responded by snapping her fingers. The henchmen and the civilians pulled out guns and aimed them at Dr. Zlo. The villain clapped. "Now this is more like it! Still useless of course."

"Shoot him!" Dextra shouted.

At the same time, Momma Mabel spoke. "I think y'all best put them toys away. Guns is for hunting deer, or rabbits that go on your lawn."

The group stiffened and slowly stowed their weapons. Dextra's face soured. "You will pay for this."

"Maybe! But not today!"

Dr. Zlo yelled to his minions, keeping his eyes on the villainess. "Jacques! Keep them occupied while we leave. Mabel would you be so kind as to have our hostage follow us?"

Momma Mabel licked her lips. "Oh, it would be my pleasure. Darlin' would you come with us?"

Tyler stiffened and turned around. Dr. Zlo and Mabel walked away while the Jacques charged forwards, canes in hand. Grunts of exertion sounded as they turned the corner. Dylan smiled, the first part of the plan was a success. He only hoped the second went as smoothly.