LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 107 – Realization, Understanding
"In all my years, I have found that most people are far more complex than me when it comes to their emotions. To me it is easy to just accept things as they are, but to most, they often go through many stages before finally finding acceptance for the less pleasant things in their life." - Nec Aarin, the Bone Lord.
Port Erbe
Southwestern Ptolodecca
Lichdom of Ptolodecca
2nd day, 1st week, 5th month, year 84 VA
"Your brother is right, lady," said the old lady in the bed. "You really shouldn't blame yourself so."
Months had passed, and with the plague dying off in the empire, Ptolodecca had allowed their border guards to be slightly more relaxed. People who showed potential signs of the plague were no longer forcefully turned away, but they were quarantined until the plague passed or they did instead.
Such was the case with the old woman Aideen was ministering aid to. An old peasant woman with no talent for magic and an affinity for water, the plague only affected her mildly, and the woman had held on her own just fine even before her arrival in the south.
Even so, her healing still helped the old woman suffer less, something her children and their family were tremendously grateful for. Aideen visited the old woman last, since she would be cleansed when she exited the refugee camp anyway, so as not to accidentally further spread the plague.
After her stint at the western border she had headed south towards the ports, which had their own influx of refugees. Holding people in quarantine was actually easier there, as the refugees could be made to stay at the ships they came in before camps were ready.
"Thanks for your kind words," replied Aideen to the old woman as she gave a weak smile in turn. During the time she was healing the woman, the talkative matron had chatted with her, and inadvertently she told the matron of the woes that plagued her mind, though without going into detail.
"You know, my late husband was a soldier when he was young. Fought in the western isles, he did," said the old woman as she rambled on, though with the kindly look on her face, Aideen didn't have the heart to interrupt. "He had the same look back then like you had when you told your story just now."
"Oh, really?" Aideen asked, now with some genuine curiosity. By now she could easily hold a conversation while working her magic on someone, her control over it honed by years of heavy and near constant usage.
"You both had that haunted look in your eyes, lady. Do pardon me if I overstep, but I don't think your feeling horrible from guilt from having killed people is a bad thing," elaborated the old woman still with a kindly expression on her face. "It just shows that you're still human, and not a monster in human skin, I think."
"I…" Aideen was temporarily lost for words on hearing what the old woman said, and even halted her magic for a moment, though she quickly picked up where she left a moment later.
"It's only human to feel bad, lady, and you're still young anyway," added the old woman further when Aideen lapsed into silence. "You still have many years ahead of you. Take it from me, who's been there, but with time, it will pass."
"Thanks… for the kind words," Aideen finally said at the end. Shortly after, her treatment of the old lady had finished. Most of the refugees who had gone by sea were concentrated in Port Erbe as Ptolodecca's westernmost port, and she figured she'd need at least a couple weeks to go through all the temporary encampments they were quarantined at. "You should be fine now, though I'll check on you again next week or so."
"Thank you for your kindness, lady. May the deities bless you," said the old woman from her bed.
Shortly afterward, Aideen left the small tent where the old woman was isolated to prevent the spread of the plague, a short distance from the refugee camp and shrouded by a curtain of death magic as precaution. The one who had been sending food and water to the old woman had been one of the necromancers on duty, who did so via skeleton, since it was a trivial matter to cleanse a skeleton with death magic to sterilize it. On the other hand, to do that to a living person would have likely killed the person, and even if it didn't, would have inflicted utterly excruciating pain.
It was such a pain that welcomed Aideen when the necromancer on duty diligently did his task and cleansed her with death magic, in that she allowed him to wash a good chunk of her flesh away with it, and even inhaled it on purpose to let it scour her insides clean. A normal person would have long died from either their flesh being so heavily corroded or from the shock of the pain. Aideen had by now gotten used to it, almost numb to it, one could say.
She donned a fresh robe as she regrew her flesh when the cleansing was done, and was thoughtful as she headed to her temporary residence in town. The words the old lady had said had given her some things to think about.
It was later in the night, as she was having dinner, that the epiphany struck her, and she realized what her brother had been trying to say back when they drank together a few years back. She felt foolish that her mind had been so clouded in grief and self-loathing that she only understood it now.
She could not change what had already happened. Nobody in existence had that power. Instead, what she could do, was to do better in the future, so that such regrets would never again repeat themselves. Do better, so that those who had already passed on, would not do so in vain.
