Unintended Cultivator

Sen watched a startling array of emotions cross Master Feng’s face. He saw disbelief, confusion, a moment of anger, realization, and some guilt. All of that passed over the old cultivator’s face before the man schooled his expression into something like calm. Sen tried to make sense of it. He knew that he probably should have asked about his dantian, but he really hadn’t seen it as a big deal until Master Feng had reacted so badly. Now, he realized that this had to have something important to do with cultivation, but he still didn’t know what. That left him unsure about how to measure the size of his mistake. He didn’t know if it was the kind of mistake that would have him cleaning up leaves in the courtyard for the next week or the kind of mistake that Master Feng might never forgive him for. That uncertainty left Sen feeling very, very unsettled. It also meant that he didn’t want to be the one to break the sudden silence in the room. Master Feng didn’t make him wait for long.

“I’m a very old man, Sen,” offered Master Feng, rubbing at his eyes like he was exhausted. “I’m so old that you might not even believe me if I told you just how old I really am. When you get to be that old, it’s easy to think that you’ve left making mistakes behind you. Let this be a lesson. You can always make mistakes, no matter how old you get.”

Sen nodded. “I’ll try to remember that, master.”

“Do that because I’ve made several mistakes of late. Unfortunately, you made some mistakes too. Some of that was my fault, but not all of it. So, don’t breathe too easily. You aren’t off the hook.”

Sen swallowed hard and nodded. “I understand.”

“You don’t yet. The fact that you don’t understand, couldn’t understand, is a big part of the reason why I can’t be that angry with you. So, let me explain a bit about the mistakes I made. Once I do, I think you’ll understand a bit more about the size of your mistakes.”

Sen knew that he wasn’t going to like where this all led. A part of him desperately wished that he just be somewhere else for a little while. Then, the foolishness of that idea really struck home. If he could be somewhere else, he’d just put off the conversation. Putting off conversations hadn’t served him especially well in the recent past. There was little reason to believe that putting off this conversation would make anything better, either. Armed with that little bit of insight, Sen braced himself for the bad news and gave Master Feng a firm nod.

“Please help me understand what went wrong,” said Sen.

“The biggest mistake I made was assuming that you were at least a little bit like other cultivation students. I know that you’re not. The massive gaps in your knowledge told me that you’re not, but it’s rare that any cultivator has a student who truly knows nothing about cultivation. The most ignorant students still come in with basic information about their dantians, about qi, and about the types of qi. Almost all of them have at least some notions about how to restore qi in their dantian. Some even have a few thoughts about how to circulate their qi. I withheld all information about cultivating because I kept assuming you knew at least those foundational bits of information.”

Sen thought he was starting to see the bigger picture. “Except, I didn’t know even those things.”

“You didn’t know, and I didn’t tell you. That makes me a poor master at best. I have reasons for withholding certain pieces of information from you, but I never would have kept those things back on purpose. That was information you needed to have to make good decisions. If you had understood what your dantian was, how important it is, well, I suspect you would have brought it up long ago. I never even asked. Do you understand what qi is?”

Sen felt discomfort squirming up his back as he desperately fought down the urge to look away.

“Not really. I know it’s some kind of energy, but more than that,” he could only offer a helpless shrug.

“There are many ways to explain it. Different cultivators see it in different ways. The simplest explanation is that qi is the vital force that suffuses all of reality. It is the foundation on which existence, life itself, is built. It is also the core of all cultivation.”

“I, I see,” said Sen as a small flutter of panic took root in his chest.

“There are three dantian in your body. They are located in your stomach, near your heart, and in your head,” said Feng, briefly touching near his navel, the center of his chest, and between his eyebrows. “All three have purposes, but most cultivators focus on the lowest dantian. It is where we gather, store, and condense qi. As we gather and condense the qi, it serves as the very heart of our power. It grants us strength and speed, as you already discovered. Yet, it is so much more than that. If you can gather enough, the qi will extend your life and allow you to accomplish feats you cannot yet imagine. You could one day tear down mountains with nothing but your hands or explore the depths of the ocean. You could call down lighting or even fly. One day, you could even challenge the heavens and ascend to true immortality.”

Sen felt the blood drain from his face. He’d thought his delay was a minor thing. He’d thought of his experiments as, not exactly an amusement, but of limited importance. Instead, he’d treated the very thing that cultivators spent their entire lives developing as a kind of pastime. He suddenly understood Master Feng’s outburst on discovering that he’d been playing with his dantian with no knowledge whatsoever. A cold sweat broke out all over Sen’s body and his legs felt they might not support him anymore. He had, however innocently, put his entire future at risk.

“I see,” whispered Sen. “Because I let embarrassment keep me from asking questions, I could have damaged my dantian. If I had just asked the questions, you would have known I didn’t understand. You could have told me about dantians and qi.”

Feng nodded. “Today also wouldn’t have happened.”

Sen blinked at that. “I don’t understand.”

“I assumed you were already filling your dantian on a daily basis and hadn’t mentioned it for reasons of your own. So, in my ignorance, I pushed you to use your qi. I wanted to evaluate your progress with it. Cultivators know how to restore their qi when they drain their dantian, so there is minimal risk to them. With you, though...”

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“Drain too much qi from your body and fail to restore it, it can harm your body or even your mind. It can even sap years from your life. If the drain is too much, it can even kill you.”

Sen felt sick. He hadn’t meant to put himself at risk. He hadn’t understood the risks that he’d taken. He hadn’t known that his secrets would encourage Master Feng to take actions he might otherwise have avoided. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He was certain Master Feng hadn’t intended for any of it to happen, either. Yet, it had happened. Master Feng had made mistakes. He’d made mistakes. Add those mistakes together and the results could have been pure disaster. Sen had simply gotten lucky. He’d been lucky that he hadn’t permanently hurt himself. He’d been lucky that Master Feng remained calm and knew what to do. He’d been lucky that he could do what Master Feng had instructed him to do. If luck had a way of balancing out over a person's life, Sen was certain that a great deal of the bad luck he’d suffered was just wiped away.

He also realized that he couldn’t depend on good luck like that to save him, to spare him, a second time. Fate could be kind and bestow luck or blessings, but it could also be cruel and cast a person into turmoil and terrible danger. Most of all, it could not be avoided. All he could do was prepare himself as well as he could to brave that turmoil and danger should it come to him. There was no room in those preparations for childish embarrassment. Sen bowed low to Master Feng.

“Master, I beg your forgiveness for my foolishness. I won’t let it happen again.”

“You will,” said Feng with a wry smile. “You will be foolish many times in your life. All men are. Just wait until you start meeting women your age. I will be satisfied if you can avoid being foolish again in this way. I must beg your forgiveness, as well, for not seeing what was so plainly displayed before these eyes. I can’t pretend I’ll avoid all other mistakes. I will make every effort to ensure that you have the information you need to make wise choices as you step onto the path of the cultivator.”

With that, Master Feng offered Sen a deep bow. It was so deep that Sen felt immediately uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Master,” said Sen, unsure what else he could offer.

Feng rose and gave the boy a rueful look. “Now, come along. It seems that we have much to discuss.”