Typing of the Old Hag

"Have you been to the Discordia servers? They announced a new contest for mobile phone users on essay writing."

"Ehh, I didn't pay much attention to it."

"OMG, why?"

"We all know who's going to win. It's--"

Just as he was about to mention a name, a perfect Japanese girl in glasses and braces passes by. She gave them a smirk as she brought down her glasses and looked at the man who was deriding the expected winner, right before disappearing from their sight.

"...Fucking Rei Cañabe.", the man spat.

"Hey, what's wrong with Rei, Mark? She's a nice girl."

"I know, but there's something off about that girl, Rose.", the man, Mark, replied.

"You might just be overreacting. You delve a lot in conspiracy theories, y'know?", another bespectacled girl, Garan, pointed out. "What do you think, Cyril?"

"I don't know. Mark could be right. I don't feel good around Rei.", an older woman, Cyril, said as she backed Mark. "Plus, I don't even know who she is."

"I heard she's Ana's sister."

Mark huffed. "Seriously? I thought Ana was the oldest in her family. Thoughts, Joseph?"

"Ana never tells us a lot. She's sociable but she never tells shit up close.", Joseph answered, holding a basketball in his hand. "With that, I can't trust her. Not after what she did to coach Enzo."

"Good morning to my beautiful family!", Rei said as she merrily skipped around the family dining room, the smell of butter and pancakes wafting from the kitchen. "Hi, mama!"

"Oh, Rei.", missus Cañabe said as they kissed with their cheeks. "Why don't you have some breakfast, hija?"

"Okay!"

The family watched as Rei took a plate and filled it with pancakes and smearing it with syrup.

"Easy on the syrup there. You don't want a sugar crash this early.", one of her friends told her.

"Relax, I'mma counter it with coffee!", Rei proudly announced.

"Oh yeah, are you going somewhere today?", missus Cañabe asked her daughter.

"Yeah, ma, I'mma hang out with my other friends."

"I see. Be careful now, and don't forget to stop by the school as well."

"I will. You know, I'm the valedictorian anyway!", Rei giggled.

"Good."

Rei then turned her attention to her younger sister Ana, who looked exactly like her but smaller in frame.

"Ana, you okay?"

"Yeah.", Ana mumbled.

"What's wrong?", Rei asked her sister.

"I... still haven't got a job. My mentor's already pressuring me to pay my debt."

"Well, tell your mentor to fuck off because he's an old hag. Didn't I rough him up already?"

"Yeah, but all of a sudden, he became authoritative."

Rei huffed.

"Huhhh. Looks like he needs more lessons. Don't worry about him, I'll take care of him.", Rei declared. Breakfast then devolved into small talk, and Rei soon left her home for her daily agendas.

"GOOD MORNING, VALENZUELA!"

Rei jumped up as she greeted her viewers through her mobile phone. She was streaming live as she skipped merrily around the streets, energetically avoiding vehicles along the way.

"Your cute, cute DJ Rei is here to greet you all another wonderful morning for those who are feeling so, so, sooooooooo down today! Whatever your problem is, whether it's the rainy days or your financial debt, let it go and just be happy like the Haponesa me!"

Her screen filled with hearts and thumbs as she continued her brand of injecting happiness into her viewers.

"But first things first, of course, before we start our day, I'd like to thank my mama for my outfit and my accessories today! Thank you, mama!"

She waved her hand at the screen, drawing even more reactions from her viewers while her comments section began flooding with comments.

"mine"

"so pretty"

"marry me Rei"

"so ganda naman po"

"I wish you are my sister"

"the Cañabest"

"And now, it's time for another showing!", Rei announced. She then sat down upon arriving at a cafe before calling the waitress over. "One Hokkaido Latte and cheesecake. Make it double, please."

"Coming right up, ma'am."

Turning her attention back to her viewers, Rei then switched her screen to a typing app for her viewers to see.

"YESSSS, KEYPHONE QUEEN!"

Rei giggled, announcing, "Yes, it's that time of the day and it's just the first entry! It's time for Ask a Salty Rei - your daily putdowns of the stupidest things! Okay, who has dibs? Let's see. Ooh, mister Sour Patch! What's your stupid thing today?"

"uhh my nose hair is growing too long that its offputting"

Rei crinkled her nose and furiously started patting onto her phone with her fingers, sending each response in quick succession.

Seriously?

Your problem is your nose hair, you dirty little bitch?

Why dont you get a nose hair trimmer to cut your nose hair

This is so annoying

What kind of question is that

If your nose hair is long you will feel it

You cannot be so serious about your nose hair

You probably had someone you tried to date two years ago but you still kept going after them

Whatever your existence is getting annoying

Moving on

Dont even try showing up to me in person you old hag

Ugh

Her screen then drew laughing reactions at the results.

"You like that, don't you?", Rei smirked. "Next!"

"My boyfriend is cheating on me"

Rei once again began her magic, looking down on her screen as her viewers awaited her response.

WTF?!

your boyfriend is cheating

who the hell is your boyfriend

I will murder him

tell him to come meet me face to face

bet he's a pussy

bet he's a stalker

what the hell did you see in him anyway you idiot

he's not the only one at fault here

you also are because you love him

tell you what, leave him and I'll introduce someone better

I don't care if he finds out, let's give him a taste of his own medicine

hahaha

I bet he's an old hag

let's create dummy accounts and harass him online

joke, that's just criminal

haha

this sounds like my sister's case but it's stupid

you're stupid

one last advice, leave him

oh yeah, I already told you that

if you don't leave him, you're stupid

get me?

hahaha

Laughing reactions once again flooded her stream.

"Okay, next!", Rei yelled. The waitress came back to serve her coffee. "Oh, arigatou." Looking down, she scrolled a bit for new questions as she had already dealt with some previously, while others were just expressions of admiration for her. "Wow, so many comments in such a short time." She then saw a seemingly normal comment.

"Please pray for my son's health"

Rei smirked at the comment.

Why don't you pray for your son's health instead of asking others

I don't even know your son so why are you asking me

Ugh you're so annoying

This isn't 2021 anymore, it's 2023, you old hag

Don't even think about responding, just stop typing, you old hag

Ugh your existence is so annoying

A response then arrived from the poster.

"Please, just spread the word. His girlfriend doesn't know because she had to deactivate her account because of a bully."

Rei frowned once more.

Then why don't you look for his girlfriend huh

Why are you being so stupid, you baby boomer

OMG did you just discover the internet?

Wow you really are an old hag

Why can't he message his girlfriend

Oh right because he's sick and he's dying probably because he's a virgin

His girlfriend is stupid for getting bullied

She probably an old hag for stalking another boy because your son has tiny penis

Hahaha

Bulbul

Leni foreva biyatch

Marcos lover

Hahaha

Davao foreva, biyatch

Asking someone else to pray for your son

I don't care if he's dying

I don't even know who you are

So shut up and get out

ugh your existence is annoying

whatever you loser

A certain comment then drew her attention.

"You don't know who I am, but I know who you are."

Rei's smile faded as she saw this, and her viewers noticed the expression on her face as she started working on her putdowns once more.

Who I am is none of your business

Don't even try to claim you know my family because you are nothing but an old hag who just discovered technology

Before she could quickly put her next entry, the same person replied to their own comment.

"You are an idiot"

Rei frowned as she saw this, making her backtrack on her next entry to change it.

I'm not an idiot because you are the idiot here for trolling me

Don't you know cyberbullying is illegal?

She then received another response, but then more of these flooded the original comment.

"Why so hostile for real all of a sudden? I haven't even started yet."

"Japanese asshole"

"Fake Filipino"

"Get the fuck out of our country"

"I heart Imperial Japan"

"Turo pugot uro"

"Davao Devil"

"Fuck the Cañabe family"

Rei then left her typing app and returned to her streaming platform to block the troll, which then promptly stopped the flood.

"...Sorry, trolls aren't welcome here, but seriously. Who I am is none of that person's business."

Rei then looked at her phone as laughing reactions flooded her screen once more, but her subscribers noticed that her demeanor changed.

"r u okay Rei"

Rei paused for a few seconds before replying, closing her typing app to address their concerns.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Don't worry, these scenarios are normal!", Rei said to ease her viewers.

The day went normally for the perfect Rei Cañabe.

The perfect daughter.

The perfect student.

The perfect valedictorian.

The perfect streamer.

The perfect putdown artist.

She was a really perfect Japanese girl, anyway.....

"Mamaaaaaa! I'm baaaaack!", Rei yelled as she opened the door to her house. Night has already fallen before she knew it. "Mama?"

The lights were off all over the house. Everything was neatly arranged just as usual. The smell of clothes and furniture filled the air. The electricity was running. Nothing was ransacked or damaged. Just... something usual for Rei.

Yet there was nobody around.

"Mama?", Rei called out. "Daigo? Ana? Yaya?"

She got no response.

ring!

Rei looked at her phone, which vibrated from receiving a message.

"Huh?"

Rei, go to your room, please.

It was her mother. Wondering what was happening, she locked the doors and immediately went upstairs to her room.

She then remembered - it was her birthday.

Of course! They're waiting for her to surprise her!

Rei skipped happily as she approached her door, leaning over in excitement before teasingly twisting her doorknob.

"Aww, thank you, guys--"

She anticipated her family inside, holding a birthday cake for her and yelling 'surprise' in response...

...but there was nobody inside. Just silence.

"Huh?", Rei mumbled. She closed the door and sat on her bed, wondering what was happening. Her phone shook once more, receiving a message from Ana from her Discordia app.

Rei

Rei immediately went over to the app to respond to Ana.

"Ana, where are you? Where is everyone?!"

Ana's status was online, and she often quickly replied to her messages.

Yet she wasn't.

"Ana, please, respond. Where are you? Where is mama?"

A picture was then sent by Ana.

A picture that sent Rei reeling in horror.

Her entire family, bound and gagged inside a dark place.

"NOOO!", Rei cried out. Her phone shook once more with a message from Ana... or so it seemed.

Hello, Rei.

Have you seen where your family is right now?

If you have, there's no backing down now.

I told you.

You don't know who I am, but I know who you are.

Because who I am is now your business to know if you want an end to this.

Rei winced as she held her phone tight.

Now... let's see how good you really are to try putting me down.