Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

The three decided it was probably a good idea to head home at that point. There were staff standing nearby looking at the three with not the kindest of looks. So leaving before they made them leave seemed like the best thing to do. Climbing back into the car, they sat in the same spots, with Jillian and June in the back and Jason behind the wheel.

It was getting late in the afternoon now. They had spent more time there than expected. Jason decided that the day was quite the success. Aside from getting bitten and almost having to beat some manners into those punks. The feeling of being so close to Jillian on the mini-golf course and the kiss they shared was stuck in his head. But mostly the kiss. It just felt so…real and meaningful, unlike their time on the couch a few days prior.

“I really want her. Of all the people, I want Jillian Lins,…fuck.”

Just thinking those words sent a shiver down his spine. It wasn’t something he should be feeling, but the desire inside him was undeniable. Maybe if it was just lust he felt, he could push it away, but it was more than that now. After all they had been through in the last week. The small voice in his head that had been screaming at him to push her away was now suspiciously quiet.

Adjusting the rear-view mirror, Jason first saw June leaning against the car door, eyes shut, taking slow breaths. He was about to check to see if Jillian was asleep as well when he heard the click of a seat belt coming off. Next thing he knew, there was a petite redhead crawling into the front seat. Jillian sat down and buckled up. He stole a few glances at her as he drove wondering if she was going to say anything. She leaned over on the center console, staring at him intensely. His eyes kept darting back to her, struggling to keep his eyes on the road.

“Everything good?” he asked, mostly to break the awkward silence.

“Yup... Everything’s great,” Jillian said, her voice soft and happy as she smiled at Jason, who returned the smile.

“Well, that’s good...” He replied, immediately feeling stupid. “Great addition, idiot,” Jason muttered sarcastically to himself, but Jillian just giggled sweetly.

“Thank you, Jason,” she whispered, still gazing at him.

The desire to stop so he could actually look back at her was constantly tempting him. They would only be on the freeway for a little longer; he almost prayed for a traffic jam.

“You’re welcome?” he said, unsure what he was being thanked for specifically. She just giggled again and reached over, stealing one of his hands from the steering wheel to clasp it between both of hers.

“Today wouldn’t have been possible without you,” Jillian said softly, squeezing Jason’s hand. He felt a heat creep into his face.

“Oh, please. I didn’t do that much,” he replied modestly, a crooked smile on his face.

“Today was just the beginning.” Jillian’s words made his heart thud in his chest.

“Y-yeah?” He said, clearing his throat. The earlier thoughts he had, coming back, making his throat suddenly dry.

“I can’t wait to see what comes next. I’m so excited, I don’t know how much longer I can wait.” Jillian beamed, giving his hand a firm squeeze. Followed by the sound of her adjusting in her seat.

“Is she going to kiss me again? But I’m driving. Should I pull over? Maybe we can get away with just a quick one?” Jason’s thoughts raced as his desire overflowed.

He made sure the road was clear ahead of them for a good distance, and lowered his speed, setting his cruise control. His heart felt like it was slamming against his rib cage in anticipation. When he turned to accept his kiss with slightly puckered lips, he found Jillian was turned towards the back and gazing happily at her sister.

“I just know she is going to be back to normal soon.” Jillian turned back to look at Jason who was already staring back at the road again. “I can feel it.” She finished.

The realization that every single one of her words were about June. It hit him with disappointment and guilt. He was very happy for June. It was great that she made such a breakthrough… But there was a new and unpleasant feeling coursing through him. And he had to fight to keep the discomfort from his face.

“Yeah, it’s really great, I’m happy for her,” Jason said, swallowing his emotions.

The same ache that only seemed to happen when things were going sideways with Jillian soaked into his bones yet again. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, trying to fight the awful feeling.

Jillian was too caught up in gushing about her sister said to notice anything off with him. At the very least, Jason found it much easier to focus on the road instead of Jillian now.

“I’m so grateful that you took us out today, Jason,” she said looking at him for a moment in an overly cheerful tone before glancing into the back seat again.

But heard his own version of what she said. Which was more like, “I’m so grateful that you taking us out lead to June speaking again.”

It wasn’t like he thought he was in the right, feeling like this. He knew he should feel good about being able to help. And in some small way, he did. He had only known June for a few days, and already he had a hand in helping her speak again after years. But instead of feeling pride, he found himself overwhelmed by what he could only describe as insane and illogical jealousy.

“Maybe I’m just a terrible person who only cares about myself. Have I become so desperate that all I can think about is kissing?” his thoughts made no sense to him. He couldn’t remember ever feeling anything like this before. It just wasn’t who he was. He didn’t get jealous.

This all needed to stop before he truly lost himself in his ache. His hands being the worst, like his nerves were constricting around the bone.

“I hate this, I hate this so much!” he internally screamed.

Jason pulled his hand out from Jillian’s grasp, returning it to the wheel. Her attention was quickly pulled back to him as he withdrew his hand so suddenly.

“Jason?... You alright?” Her voice carried confusion as she scanned his face for any hint of him being upset, but his usual stoic expression gave away nothing, but in some way, everything. That expression was and always had been his go to for hiding his emotions. The one she knew better than any other.

“Yeah, just trying to focus on the road,” he replied simply, though his answer set off alarm bells for her.

Jillian scowled at him. Her initial reaction to start an argument halted by a moment of reflection thinking about what happened just a few days ago.

“Okay, Jason... But if you ever want to talk, I’m happy to listen,” she offered sincerely. It took every ounce of her willpower to not say anymore.

“We are on a good streak. Don’t fuck it up by digging too deep again, Jill,” she warned herself.

The car ride dragged on in uncomfortable silence. Jason had basically shut down and Jillian was too afraid to pry any more. Once again, it felt like they were stuck.

When they pulled up to the Lins’ home, Jillian glanced at the still silent Jason, a small frown creasing her face, he hadn’t made a sound the rest of the way home. Like a robot on auto pilot. She let out a quiet sigh and turned to her sister again.

“June, hey, we’re home. Time to wake up,” reaching back and nudging her sister awake.

June groaned a little, stretching as she looked around out the window at her home. With a sleepy smile she waved to Jason and climbed out of the car a bit too easy for someone that was apparently just in a deep sleep. Jillian followed suit, but she turned and gave Jason a warning look.

“Don’t leave, I will be right back,” she instructed before closing the car door and heading into the house with June.

Jason hesitated as he shifted into drive dispite her warning, watching her run up to the house. The temptation to count the day as a loss and just go home was so strong. But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He put the car in park, turned it off and took a deep breath, rubbing his face roughly, trying to steady his nerves. In an attempt to relax, he closed his eyes and leaned his seat back, taking slow, deep breaths. The ache he felt the entire way home was just now fading. Until he heard the car door open again. His eyes opened, and he looked over at Jillian climbing back into the car, shutting the door behind her. She sat there for a long moment, taking a deep breath of her own, trying to prepare herself.

“Jason...” she began, speaking softly to break the silence.

“What?” he replied, quietly but with a slight sharpness to his tone.

Jillian stared at Jason with her piercing blue eyes. “I really like you... I really do…” Her words lingered, filling the silence. “But I can’t do this again. If you are going to keep going silent and then suddenly explode… I just can’t take it.” Her words were still soft and somber. But Jason interrupted her train of thought.

“What the hell are you talking about?” There was a bit of offense in his voice.

Jillian’s face shifted to a pained expression. “I am talking about what we always do! It seems like every time we’re getting along great, something happens and you clam up and start acting like you want nothing to do with me. Then we blow up on each other. I’ve tried to be patient, and I know I am not innocent in this, but… I’m tired of feeling hurt.”

Jason let her speak her mind, even though her words stung a bit. “Jillian, I didn’t stop talking because I want nothing to do with you,” he began to explain, but she gave him a skeptical look.

“Well, that’s how it feels to me Jason. If it’s something I did, just tell me!” Jillian’s voice rose with her emotions.

Jason hesitated, looking away and taking a moment to gather his thoughts before meeting her gaze again.

“Well, It’s uh... I…I just felt like…I suddenly didn’t matter… to you,” he admitted hesitantly.

Jillian’s expression turned to confusion. “…Huh…W-what, why? Like during the car ride or the whole time? I’m a bit lost here.”

“Hold on, let me explain better,” he huffed in mild frustration. “I’m just saying it just felt like we were really close for a while at the mini-golf place.”

“Yeah?” she interjected.

He groaned inwardly before finally blurting out his feelings. “I am happy that she spoke again. Please don’t think that I’m not, cause I really am. It’s just…It felt like the moment June spoke, I went from part of the group to the guy holding the camera. Like I’m there and I played a role, but get forgotten in the end…” he trailed off, feeling incredibly stupid.

Jason avoided eye contact with Jillian as he rubbed the back of his neck. His male brain kicked itself for putting himself out there and actually sharing his feelings. This wasn’t how men were supposed to act. He was supposed to bottle everything up and keep it hidden until the feelings fester enough to explode like she said, right? Talking to his mother about them was one thing, but not someone he was interested in. He figured it would be a surefire way to make her lose any interest she had left for him. But she had asked, so he told her. It was on her now.

Jillian stared at Jason, watching his face twist in self loathing for having shared how he felt. She continued to watch his expression for several moments. Deep down she knew he was serious, but the thought he was actually feeling left out was daunting to her. She really didn’t feel like she had been ignoring him for June. And then the bad thoughts started to take over yet again.

“Well, what does he expect? My sister just spoke for the first time in years! Yeah, I’m gonna focus on that.” Her mind quickly went into offense as that all too familiar anger started welling up in her.

“I am… not sure I should say what I feel right now, Jason…” Even in her anger, she still didn’t want to fight with him anymore.

Jason nodded slightly. “You don’t have to say anything…”

He didn’t know what he wanted to hear from her. But what she said certainly wasn’t it. He grabbed the steering wheel again, gripping it so hard it creaked in distress. If she wasn’t going to say anything else, then he had to.

“Jillian, you... You’ve completely fucked my head when it comes to women. I mean, I look at you and I see the person you used to be. And it pisses me off. But then I also see this beautiful woman who’s turned my entire worldview on its head. Like my brain’s been reprogrammed, and it’s been driving me fucking crazy. I’m constantly in a war with myself between wanting to push you away and wanting to never let you go. So yeah, I got kinda jealous on the ride home alright, happy now?” He blurted it all out.

It seemed like the bottle that was supposed to store all his emotions had been shattered and could no longer hold more than a few drops.

Jillian gave him a startled look, stunned by his confession. Her anger melted away, replaced by a warm sensation slowly growing in her stomach. She hadn’t been expecting this out-pour of emotions from Jason. It was like she couldn’t even comprehend what he was telling her. The usually stoic and silent man had let it all out, but her subconscious refused to see it for what it truly was.

“It’s a joke… I get it.” She thought, coming up with her own translation.

Jason slowly relaxed his grip on the wheel and let out a sigh.“I said it, fuck I can’t believe I said it,” he thought, rubbing his forehead. There was a brief pause while Jillian stared at him. Eventually, she broke the silence again.

“You think I’m…beautiful?” she said simply. His gaze snapped back to her, a bit stunned that’s all she took from his outpouring of disgusting feelings.

“Uhh yeah, you’re attractive, Jillian. That wasn’t the point though-” he said in a small voice, but was interrupted.

She continued to tease him further, her grin widening. “No, no, no, you said beautiful. You think I’m gorgeous, you want to kisssssss me, you want to huuuugg me!” she teased in a sing-song tone, playfully nudging him and wiggling in her seat. Jason arched an eyebrow, not entirely sure just what she was getting at with this.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asked, a bit bewildered. Jillian looked at him incredulously.

“Seriously? You’ve never seen Miss Congeniality?” Jason just shrugged, clueless to what she was talking about. “Pfft, friggin’ typical man, no taste,” she teased, rolling her eyes as her reference fell flat.

“So, you were upset that I was only focusing on June, and you got jealous because you thought that was the only reason I was happy? Is that about right?” She tried to simplify things.

Jason felt himself cringe slightly at how she put it. “Not exactly. Like I said, I am just as happy as you are that June is-.”

“No, you’re not,” she interrupted, staring hard at him. He let out a sigh, but didn’t fight her on that.

“Okay, not as much as you, but definitely happy it happened. And I am not saying I was throwing a tantrum because you weren’t paying attention to me. Like I said, it’s like I’m the guy behind the camera. Like how nothing would have happened if I didn’t drive us there. Important but completely replaceable…” He scowled, but not at her, more at himself than anything.“I don’t know. I have never felt like this, so I’m trying to make sense of the situation. I’m just being an idiot. Don’t even know why I even let it get to me,” Jason finished, slumping back in his seat, staring up at the headliner.

The shame he felt for his feelings stung badly. Usually, he prided himself on being a logical person. Yet when it came to emotions, it was like he was the slowest one he knew. He’d lowered his guard and let her in, and he ended up hurting himself over what now felt like nothing. He wasn’t sure he would ever let something like this happen again. It hurt too much.

Jillian sat beside him, appearing somewhat lost in her own thoughts. Reflecting on his words, she tried to recall everything that had happened after they got back in the car to go home. She remembered taking the front seat once June had dozed off. Talking with Jason about how thrilled she was with June’s sudden progress, and how she hoped it was just the beginning. She even thanked Jason for being a big reason for June’s breakthrough.

“Okay, maybe I talked a bit much about June, but I didn’t ignore you, I even thanked you. This is a significant milestone for June. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about being happy,” she said, folding her arms before trying to remember what happened between them at the amusement center.

Jillian had a bit of a resting bitch face as she replayed the events in her mind. Absentmindedly biting her nail.

It all felt a bit fuzzy to her. Most memories she could recall seemed to revolve around June. The moment she shouted was the clearest. It was like her brain had fixated on that moment and shoved everything else to the back. Her memories were filled with nothing but bits of her sister. June getting angry when she got stuck in the pit golfing. June getting excited when they found the punch machine and went to get Jason. June inviting that damn boy to join them. The only moments Jillian really recalled of just her and Jason was using his shirt to hide from the wind outside. And trying to hold him back from beating up those teenagers, which was followed by. Of course. June speaking. But that was about it. It hardly felt like anything significant happened between them.

Jillian had a strange nagging sensation in the back of her mind, like she was forgetting something important. It had only been half an hour since they left, so why couldn’t she remember?

“You shouldn’t and I am not trying to make you feel guilty about anything...” Jason said, looking over at her. He even managed a small smile. “Please, let June know I’m happy for her, but I’m gonna head back home.” Jason said, looking back out at the road, turning the engine back on.

Out of time to think, Jillian nodded with a small frown, catching his not-so-subtle prod for her to get out of the car. She felt like getting out was the wrong choice. Every instinct told her not to do it… but she didn’t know what other choice she had. So she quietly opened the door and stepped out of the car, then turned to face him again.

“See you later?” her words coming out as a question instead of a promise.

“Mmhmm,” Jason mumbled, unable to give her a firm answer or look back at her again. A frown fought to crack the stoic mask he already put back in place as she closed the door. Almost as soon as the door was shut, the car pulled forward, and she watched him drive away.

Jillian stood there, watching Jason drive off for a few seconds, until he disappeared around the bend of the road. She let out a heavy sigh. Yet again, things somehow felt worse between them than before they went out. He had told her she was beautiful, and he wanted to hold her. And all she could manage to say in response was some old romance movie line and then tease him about it.

“What was I thinking? Why didn’t I jump at that chance?”

Before today, she felt like she would have attempted to fuck him right there in the car. She racked her brain for what the fuck had happened that she was forgetting. Wondering how she seriously got tunnel vision so bad it made her wipe out everything but her sister? Even now, all she could really focus on was working with her sister to get her back to normal. That was just how important it was and how much weight it held, not just for her, but for her whole family.

“Maybe… I just don’t want him that badly anymore…?” she whispered to herself.

Feeling a weird knot in her stomach, Jillian gave the distance one last look before she headed inside. There, she was met by June. She greeted Jillian by turning around and wrapping her own arms around herself to make it look like she was making out with someone, making kissing noises. Jillian raised an eyebrow, very confused by her sister’s behavior.

“Haha, what are you doing, weirdo?” she asked, laughing a little. June then signed that she knew about her and Jason kissing in the car outside. Jillian couldn’t help but chuckle at the accusation.

That was the past and would probably never happen again. Their time apart and this outing felt like it firmly locked them in the friend zone, if not less. June quickly stopped fooling around. Her expression turned more serious as she looked at her big sister with concern.

“Wait, so you guys just sat in the car that whole time… not kissing?” June signed, her expression incredulous.

“What?! Of course not, he barely even looked at me the whole time,” Jillian replied, her tone serious with a frown, not really finding the accusation funny.

“... Are you messing with me?” June asked, her sister’s seriousness throwing her off.

“Why would I joke about that? He was upset that I was giving you all my attention, like a big baby.” Jillian said, her demeanor turning to anger and insults as she crossed her arms. June’s jaw dropped slightly, simply stunned at how fast her sister’s affection had done a 180. Now back to insulting the man Jillian had been basically attached to the latter half of their time at the amusement center.

June’s expression quickly shifted to one of anger as well. It felt she was taking crazy pills dealing with her sister’s back and forth with Jason.

“Maybe because you two were basically stuck to each other most of the time we were there. I mean, you even kissed him in front of me and a bunch of people. I did my best to fall asleep so I could give you two some privacy. And now you’re telling me you didn’t spend the last twenty minutes making out in his car?” June signed rapidly, her expression showing a mix of frustration and disbelief at her sister.

Jason had been really kind and understanding to June, and she saw nothing that warranted her sister making fun of him like she was now. He had even scared off the boys that were making fun of Kyle and scaring her.

Jillian looked at June like a deer in the headlights, completely baffled by her sister’s words.

“We… kissed?” The memory slowly started to resurface in her mind.

She had been so focused on June and Kyle that it had slipped her mind entirely.The words that Jason said to her, the ones that had driven her to kiss him. They finally came back to her.

“I don’t want to hurt June….Or you, Jill.”

Just remembering his words made her feel that much worse.

“Yeah, you did. What’s wrong with you? What are you trying to pull by denying it?” June signed, rather upset and frustrated. Jillian stared wide-eyed at her sister.

“June, I’m not lying to you. I... I think…no I did, I messed up…badly.” she admitted, her face falling as she went a shade paler. June’s expression softened quickly.

“What happened?” she asked, signing slowly.

“We just… we talked in the car. He was upset because he was feeling like he was replaceable, unimportant. I didn’t see it at the time, but… I think he was sad. I was just so caught up in what happened between you and that boy, and when you spoke... it was all I could think about. Fuck… I really am the worst,” Jillian explained, wrapping her arms around herself, digging her nails into her flesh.

Jason sat in the driveway, feeling frustrated and emotionally exhausted. Covering his face with his hands, he let out a loud groan. He had poured his heart out to her, even admitting that he was more than just attracted to her. And all he got back was a movie reference he didn’t know and basically mocked.

“What the fuck, man!?” he groaned loudly to himself, slamming his fists on the dash before slumping forward, resting his head on the steering wheel.

She told him before, she wanted him to share how he felt, but he felt so hollow after that long conversation. He felt less inclined to open up than ever before.

He thought they might have wanted the same thing. But she had simply dismissed everything they went through today and everything felt so uncertain now. Jason was almost certain he had stupidly confused her lust for something deeper. Just cause she wanted him to open up to her, didn’t mean she wanted a relationship. He felt like such a fucking idiot.

“She probably does this shit with tons of guys. You aren’t special Jason, stop acting like you are.” He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about Jillian Lins in a romantic sense anyway, never should have even started to. He made such a fool of himself; he didn’t know if he could ever face her again.

“Maybe it’s time to go back to Florida…I will have to apologize to mom,” he said to himself, closing his eyes.

Jason spent the next ten minutes or so biding his time in his car before finally deciding to head inside. With a deep breath, he walked into his childhood home.

The door closing caught his mom’s attention, and she called out from the kitchen, “Jason sweetie, that you?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m gonna go change real quick,” he shouted back.

In his room, he shut the door and leaned back against it, contemplating what to tell his mother. He ran his hands up his face and through his hair roughly.

“I should pack up a little as well,” he mumbled to himself before proceeding to get changed. Dressing for comfort, he slipped on a dark green tank top and black shorts. Grabbing his suitcase, he lifted it onto his bed and started folding some clothes and putting them away. He felt numb standing there. The entire trip had been such an emotional whirlwind. Leaving was definitely the right decision. At least that’s what he told himself.

He then found the skimpy pair of panties that he used to masturbate earlier. It had been a struggle, but easier to finish than was normal for him. It still ended up making him late to pick them up earlier. With a sigh, he tossed them into the wastebasket next to his desk. He felt bad, throwing away someone else’s clothes but giving them back just wasn’t feasible.

Just as he was about to step out of his room, he heard a familiar knock on his window. Jason spun around like a top, seeing the shadow by his window. Slowly walking over, he lifted the blinds, and of course, found Jillian standing outside.

He gave her a small glare as he hesitated. “Why the hell is she here? Haven’t I been tormented enough for today?” But he opened the window to speak to her, intending to end the conversation quick.

“What are you doing? Why don’t you just use the door like a normal person?” he asked, sounding a little indignant.

“Shut up and just listen,” Jillian shot back, causing Jason to blink back hard at her bluntness.

“Jason, I’m sorry. Like, really, really sorry for not realizing just what went on between us today. And I mean us, not June, you and me. I think you’re very sexy and I want to kiss your handsome face many more times as well.” She spoke rapidly, like she was trying to cover all her bases as quickly as possible.

“What the…hell? That’s not what I…” Jason muttered, mouth slightly agape, utterly confused by her sudden confession.

Jillian let out a huff. “Look, if you’re willing to give me one more shot to prove myself to you. I will show you just how much you mean to me. So leave your window unlocked tonight. Okay? I’ll see you later.” With that, she abruptly took off and ran back towards her home.

Jason watched as the redhead dashed down the street, feeling a bit shellshocked by the sudden bombardment of information he was hit with. He shook his head, closed his window, and was about to close the blinds. Glancing at the lock, he hesitated for a moment before absentmindedly flicking it back and forth, leaving it at what he thought was locked while he became lost in thought.

“I should just let it go. Things will only get worse if I let her back in…sorry Jillian, I hope you can forget about me and focus on your sister. She needs you more than I do,” his thoughts wore heavily on him but he made his decision, he just hoped it was the right one.

“Jason, honey, dinner’s ready,” his mom called from down the hall.

He tore his gaze away from the window and headed to join her. Entering the kitchen, he was greeted by the sight of a modest plate of homemade fried chicken and a medley of veggies waiting on the table.

“Looks incredible, Mom,” he said, taking a seat. Katia smiled and joined him at the table.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” They ate in comfortable silence for a while, Jason making quick work of his meal as usual.

“So, how did today go?” His mom finally asked.

Jason shrugged, which made Katia frown a bit.

“Did something bad happen?” she asked, curious and worried.

“No, it went fine. June came with us, though,” he explained, noticing his mom’s surprise at that.

He recounted most of what had happened, leaving out a few details.

“So then June actually yelled out some numbers,” he said, making Katia gasp in surprise.

“She actually spoke!?” she exclaimed.

“Mmhmm,” he confirmed with a mouth full of chicken.

“Oh my gosh, I bet Ginny is so ecstatic!” Katia said, smiling at the thought of that phone conversation.

After dinner, they decided to simply relax on the couch and watch a movie together. His mom nodded off about thirty minutes in, her head resting on his arm, passed out. Watching her sleep for a moment, he couldn’t help but remember his time with Jillian on this same couch.

It made him wonder if his mom ever found someone after his dad that she liked. The thought of her being lonely made him sad. He hoped she had things to keep her occupied while he was away. Yet the thought of someone dating his mother made him feel a bit… itchy. It was the best way he could put it.

He turned off the TV and gently tried to wake her.

“Mom, it’s time for bed,” he said, even though it was only around eight. She almost always woke up early in the morning, as far as he could remember. Katia only whimpered and snuggled closer.

“Mmm, Frankie...” she murmured in her sleep, putting a hand on his leg. His hand moved at near the speed of light, grabbing her wrist before it could move any further up.

“Alright, that’s enough of that, thank you very much,” Jason said, gently removing his mother’s hand from his leg. Moving himself off the couch, he smoothly maneuvered his arms under her and lifted her.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed,” he whispered to her softly. Katia wrapped her arms around his neck as he walked down the hall. She hugged him tightly, face buried in his chest, mumbling his father’s name again. With a heavy sigh, he entered his mother’s room, being careful not to bump into anything as he carried her. Then attempting to lay her down on the bed.

"Come on, it’s time to let go,” he murmured softly as she still clung to him.

“Frank…no…don’t go,” Katia sadly pleaded with him. Tears started escaping from the corners of her eyes, running down the sides of her face.

“Mom, please… I’m not dad...Dad is- Frank is gone,” he mumbled, his own heart heavy with the reminder.

His words seemed to reach her, and her arms slowly loosened, though the tears kept flowing drop after drop. Grabbing a tissue from the nightstand, he dabbed away her tears. Letting out another sigh and frowning. He gently comforted her, reaching out and softly stroking her arm, wishing he could do more to ease her pain.

“I’m sorry, Mom... I would trade places with him if I could,” he whispered with a small frown. Truly if it meant his father coming back, Jason would gladly give up his life. As he tucked her in, she hugged a pillow tight against herself.

“Goodnight, Mom, love you,” he whispered, before quietly slipping out and closing the door behind him.

Jason threaded his hands into his hair, tugging at it slightly. What the fuck was he doing? His mother was suffering all alone for all these years, and here he was feeling sorry for himself over some girl that just wanted him for his body. Just like all the rest. Several thoughts raced through his mind in that brief span. The idea of quitting his job and moving back home came into his mind. Or maybe he should push his mom to move to Florida even harder? Should he tell Jillian he needed to focus more on his mom than her if she asks why his window was locked? Or should he just say fuck it all and keep living his life as he was?

His head throbbed as he wracked his brain for the right answer. He eventually just let out a long drawn-out sigh and went back to his room. Quickly stripping off every piece of clothing, he crawled into bed and under the covers.

Yet another day passed where he was uncertain about the future. How did he go from feeling so sure and confident about his life to this mess he called a vacation? Weren’t vacations supposed to be relaxing and fun? Why was this one driving him fucking insane?