Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

When she didn’t show up for dinner, June brought some food for Jillian up to their shared room. Trying to hide her worry, Jillian forced a smile for her sister.

“Hey Junebug, what’s that?” Jillian said, pushing herself up in bed to see her sister better.

June handed over the plate of food she was holding. It was lasagna and steamed veggies. Jillian’s absolute favorite. She suspected her mom must have made it to try to cheer her up.

“Thanks, Junebug. I’m not super hungry, but I’ll try to eat some later,” setting the plate on her nightstand, she gave her little sister a big, long hug. Once their embrace was over and June was gone, so was Jillian’s smile.

She spent the night tossing and turning, haunted by the voice from her phone. One she never hoped to hear again. Now he had her new number, and she was sure that if she hadn’t already blocked him and unknown numbers, her phone would be blowing up with threats and demands for her to come back, or worse. She kicked herself for not being brave enough to delete that stupid fucking number. She knew from the beginning he wasn’t a safety net but a pit waiting for her to fall into after she had already struggled so much to climb out of it.

Jason had devoured the leftover pizza and didn’t stop until the breadsticks were history, too. Washing it all down with two beers and a few scoops of ice cream. Not surprisingly, he felt like complete shit afterwards and went lay down in his room.

His stomach gurgled and groaned at him. It had been ages since he’d overeaten so badly like this. Laying in bed, he clutched his distended belly, trying to ride out the discomfort. But this physical pain was a mere nuisance compared to the torment of his thoughts about Jillian and the mistakes he made. In a way, the pain was a welcome distraction. He figured if he could just endure the discomfort a little longer, sleep would eventually take over and he would be free.

Eventually would unfortunately never come as he felt a wave of intense nausea welling up within him.

Jumping out of bed, Jason sprinted to the bathroom, covering his mouth with a hand. Scrambling to get the doors open in his rush. Quickly dropping to his knees on the floor and expelling the contents of his stomach into the toilet. The searing burn of stomach acid on his throat and his chest and stomach contracting painfully was his punishment.

Hearing the commotion, Katia rushed into the bathroom to see what was happening. “Oh no,” she whispered, moving closer, trying to soothe her son by rubbing his back.

“It’s okay baby, just get it all out,” feeling guilty for not stopping him from overeating when she had the chance. It just felt like another way she was failing him. Seemed like that was all she could do lately was fail the ones she loved.

Jason spent the next fifteen minutes hugging the toilet as his body continued to convulse. When it finally seemed he was truly finished, he rolled away and just sat there on the bathroom floor, leaning back against the sink counter. Breathing heavily like he had just run several miles. The sick feeling persisted, though not as bad. The pain had faded, at least. So he closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind and, hopefully, his stomach.

His mom stayed right there with him, trying to comfort him where she could, rubbing his arm and lightly brushing her fingers through his hair. Still wearing his dad’s old, now torn shirt. He wasn’t ready to let it go just yet. It had been an item of comfort for so long and it felt like taking it off would mean saying goodbye, and he wasn’t ready for that.

As the nausea slowly faded, all the awful thoughts he’d fought off crept back into his mind without hesitation.

He pulled his knees to his chest, folded his arms across the top, and pressed his forehead to them. “Mom...” he mumbled.

“Yes, dear?” Katia spoke softly, her hand running up and down his back again.

“Did I screw everything up? Is it all my fault… am I the problem?” He asked in a shaky tone.

Katia gave her son a serious look, torn between reassuring him and the truth. “Jason, you know I love you more than anything, right? And I’ll always be there to support you. But that means I may have to give you the hard truth at times.” She scooted over to sit closer to him, giving his arm a comforting hug.

“I get why you’re upset, but deep down, I think you know Jillian didn’t mean to hurt you. And I can see that you regret your part as well. I don’t know the whole story, and I won’t force you to tell me. But I would like to know, so I can understand and maybe help you, sweetie. But later on, I think—saying sorry might be a good step forward.” She planted a quick kiss on his arm, then leaned the side of her head against his shoulder.

Jason didn’t move as he was lost in thought, grappling with how upside down his life had become recently. He took a deep breath, trying to muster the courage he knew he needed. Opening up about his life, his real life. Not just the cherry picked moments for her. Was probably the toughest thing he’d ever done. But when he finally opened up to her and they really talked, the weight on his shoulders lightened, slowly but surely. It was like the words started spilling out of his mouth uncontrollably.

They spent over an hour sitting there, talking about big things, small things, and everything in between. At one point, he even circled back to the night before, somehow ready to share more.

“About last night, mom, before we left the restaurant… you asked me some questions, I never thought I could ever answer.” Jason paused, taking another deep breath to steady himself.

Katia felt her anxiety build. She didn’t want to hear it again. To be reminded of the awful things he told her about last night. But she knew Jason needed to open up while he was sober. Being drunk and forgetting your progress helped no one.

“That’s what started the fight with her…with Jillian.” Just saying her name again felt like a step forward for him now.

“She brought it up?” Katia leaned back to look at her son better, her own thoughts going back to the painful text message Jillian had sent.

Jason just nodded and sighed deeply. “She asked how I lost my virginity and said she just wanted to help, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even tell you. How could I tell her?” he admitted, taking another shaky breath.

“I knew she wouldn’t understand. And I’m scared that you won’t either, mom. I can’t explain why, but…I felt so disgusted, angry, and… scared. I felt so powerless, and it scared me.” His hands were balled into trembling fists.

“It’s alright hun, breathe, just talk to me. Go slow and speak when you are ready. Let me help you, Jason.” She felt her eyes brimming with tears just thinking about it.

Katia’s words sounded so much like Jillian’s did, which only made Jason’s guilt worse. Though coming from his mother, they had much more of an impact. After a moment, he gave a small nod, knowing deep down that she was the one person who would get it without question. She was his mom, after all, and she would always be there for him.

Jason took a deep breath before steeling his nerve to tell his mother what he remembered from that awful night.

“See ya on Monday, homie.” Marco said with a wave, grinning as he walked out of the bar with a woman a few inches taller than him, a thin frame and obviously fake breasts.

Jason just shook his head as he turned back to the bar and his half empty glass of beer. Looking up at the TV behind the bar, he watched the most recent soccer game that was playing halfway across the world. He didn’t like the sport, but it was better than nothing.

Finishing his drink, he was about to get up from his stool when a smooth, feminine voice sidled up next to him.

“Buy you a drink, stranger?”

Turning his head only slightly, he saw what many men would consider a very attractive woman. Black hair, brown eyes, full lips and a rack that had to be at least D+ in size.

“No, thanks.” Jason said coldly.

His cold shoulder was met with warm giggles as she leaned further against the bar and smiled at him so he could see her just out of the corner of his eye.

“Come on now, there is no harm in accepting someone’s gracious offer, is there? Billy, get the man another drink, will you?” The bartender looked at the woman for a long moment, then over at Jason. He nodded at the woman before filling another glass and putting it on the counter for Jason.

“I said, no thanks,” his tone angrier, but was once again met with nothing but humor.

The call of a bigger buzz was too tempting when dealing with pushy women. The drunker he got, the ruder and more honest he usually became.

A big group of what looked like frat boys came flooding into the place shortly after. From the face paint and jerseys, they seemed fresh out of a football game. So on top of dealing with a woman that didn’t take no for an answer, he had to deal with annoying college age brats that were sure to partake in the Karaoke machine after a few drinks.

Reluctantly taking the free beer, he took a sip when one of the boys bumped into his back and made him splash his face a little. “Hey, watch it kid!” Jason turned to glare at the young man, wiping his face with a bar napkin.

“Whoa, sorry dude, chill.” The frat guy said half laughing, holding his hands up for a moment before continuing to follow his friends.

Jason turned back, grumbling. “I swear the frat boys in this part of town are dumber and consistently drunker than I ever want to be.”

“Haha, you’re funny and sexy. Mmm, just my type,” the dark-haired woman giggled with a grin.

“Oh yeah, well, who the fuck asked what your type is?” Jason said in an even colder tone, reaching out and grabbing his beer, failing to notice the bubbles slowly rising from the bottom of the glass. Taking several large gulps, he set it back down with barely a quarter of the liquid remaining.

The bartender quickly grabbed the glass and topped it off. “Hey! I did I ask for another fuck face! In fact, cash me out. I am getting the hell out of here. This place is sketchy as hell.” He fumed, enraged by no one listening to him.

By the time Jason got his card back from closing his tab, something felt very off and when he tried to stand up, the entire world felt off.

Jason’s last clear memory was walking out the door, and the sensation of the world tilting on its axis.

“Whoa there, friend, looks like you could use a hand.” The same smooth feminine voice said as he felt someone wrap their arm around his waist and helped him walk.

He was certain he didn’t drink enough to feel this out of it — just a couple of beers that were spaced out. It was like he couldn’t comprehend just what was going on around him anymore. The sensation he was moving but a numbness that made the world feel full of static.

What happened next was a mystery to him. He woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling in a small motel room, his head pounding like it was trying to break free of his skull. He took a moment, just lying there, trying to gather himself.

It took quite a white for him to regain control and when he finally felt able to move his head. He looked down and found that he was completely naked, lying on a bed with his lower legs dangling off the edge. Then he saw the condom wrapped around his flaccid dick.

Jason couldn’t even fathom what had happened at first. All he knew was he had to get out of there. When his head was clear enough to realize just what had happened, he was beyond livid.

He quickly got dressed in his clothes that were left on the floor and stormed off to the front desk, wanting a name, a phone number, anything at all.

It turned out they had charged everything to his name and credit card, and vanished without a trace. He may have let the lady at the front desk take the brunt of his anger, definitely more than she deserved.

Jason and Jillian weren’t all that different in the way they let anger mask their true feelings. When that anger fades nothing remains but an unbearable sadness that makes you wish you could tear your heart out. He’d been drugged and sexually assaulted, his virginity ripped from him by force. It was a nightmare turned reality.

He couldn’t even tell anyone what had happened. There was no way anyone would believe him. This didn’t happen to guys like him. Even if they believed him, he figured they would just mock him or tell him some stupid shit, like he was lucky. No, he couldn’t tell anyone, couldn’t risk it. He had to hold on to this pain alone. He swore he would take it to the grave and he would never let anyone get close to him again.

For the next couple of days Jason simply laid in bed, trying to push the images of that night out of his head. Almost losing his job over the sudden absences. He refused to answer his phone or let anyone into his apartment during that time. He felt more alone in those few days than he even thought possible.

“I couldn’t just tell her mom, I just couldn’t. What would I even say? That some crazy bitch fucking date raped me? That I was too weak to stop her from having her way with me?…I just… I just feel so pathetic and worthless even talking about it,” he said through gritted teeth.

Katia’s tears had started falling halfway through his recounting, only growing as he continued. She had her arms wrapped around him tightly, offering silent support the entire time he spoke.

Katia had been worried she might not take the news properly, hearing it for the second time. But it hit her just as hard, if not harder, than the night before. It felt so much more real now that she knew everything.

Jason wrapped his arms around his crying mother, trying to comfort her as well. Even though he was the one who had gone through the trauma, it didn’t mean it wasn’t hers as well. He let her cry as much as she needed, holding her close as she wept into his chest.

Katia slowly calmed down and lifted her head to look at him with bloodshot hazel eyes. “I am so sorry, Jason. That never should have happened. It didn’t deserve to happen to you, or anyone. No matter how big or strong you are, being taken advantage of doesn’t make you worthless or pathetic.” Katia said with so much emotion in her voice, reaching up and holding Jason’s face in her hands so he looked her in the eyes.

“I understand why you’ve kept this to yourself, and you didn’t have to share. But I’m so thankful you trusted me with this. Jason… I need you to know that your feelings are valid. What you went through was just so wrong on so many levels. You may think you are weak for what happened. But talking about it. Being able to move on and be happy. That shows just how strong you truly are, sweetheart. I love you so much, and I’ve never been prouder of you,” Katia said, trying to smile through her tears.

Jason looked down at his mom, his jaw clenched tight as his vision blurred with tears that began to spill over his eyelids.

“M-mom,” was all he managed to say before he hugged her tightly, holding her close. For the first time since his father passed, Jason let himself cry, releasing all his built-up emotions and pain that had been mounting up since.

Time flew by. First one day, then another, and just like that, a third was almost over. Ginny and Katia had a small chat over the phone, agreeing it was best for the kids to spend some time apart to cool off. Both moms were relieved to hear they were on the same page, any fears of the other not agreeing gone. They promised to keep each other posted on any big updates and said their goodbyes for now.

Jillian tried really hard not to stress about the phone call she had accidentally made. Desperate to keep herself busy, she spent most of her time with her little sister, getting more involved in her homeschooling. They would sometimes go out for some fun or shopping, which was also fun. June helped Jillian keep her mind off the two men who often popped into her thoughts, though thinking about one of them was a bit less troubling, just a bit.

Jason ended up doing what he said he wanted to, for the most part. Staying at home with his mother, and just trying to relax. It was nice, but admittedly, a tad dull. By the third day, cabin fever started hitting hard.

Eager for a change of scenery, he jumped at the chance to go shopping with his mom. He threw on a simple white tee, a breezy overshirt with geometric-patterns, some comfy well-worn jeans, and his old sneakers. Not bothering to fuss with his hair, leaving it a scraggly bed head. In an outfit that screamed, ‘I don’t give a shit about how I look today’. Along with a beard that was growing out nicely, it was all so bad that it became good again in that weird kind of way. Katia’s outfit was much simpler, wearing a pair of mom jeans, a flowing white blouse and some flats.

They ended up at a department store, a short trip away. Wandering around, as he mostly just was there to keep his mom company and stretch his legs outside of his usual runs. Jason strolled along next to his mom’s cart, boredly glancing around and replying to questions here and there. She’d ask his opinion on this or that, or if he thought something would suit her. Especially as they browsed through the clothing aisles.

A shout from a few racks over suddenly grabbed Jason’s attention.

“Ha, there’s no way I’m putting that on. You gotta be joking!” Jason heard someone exclaim with a laugh, drawing his attention away from his mom, who was busy looking at bras. He really didn’t want to stick around for that shopping experience.

“Hey, Mom, I’m gonna go explore for a bit while you pick out your... boob holsters,” he joked, getting a chuckle from her.

“I’ll find you when I’m finished, you big goof,” she replied, her smile bright as she returned to her shopping. Jason smiled back and walked a little away, hearing the voice again, now closer.

“So, do I look fabulous or what? I’m ready for my turn on the catwalk,” the voice said, full of playful joy.

Jason wandered through the racks of clothes until he stumbled upon two redheaded girls having a bit of fun with some oversized hats and coats, pretending to be celebrities or something. He paused a short distance away to watch their antics, feeling mildly amused by them.

June was laughing a bit as she signed to her sister. When she turned to grab another article of clothing, she caught sight of a looming figure in the background. Pausing, June focused on the tall figure and froze when she saw who it was.

The other redhead in the hat was mid sentence when she suddenly paused, seeing June staring at something. She turned to follow her sister’s gaze. At first, all she saw was the bottom half of a tall figure in wrinkled clothes, the face obscured by her large hat. Curious, she looked up and her eyes went wide upon spotting Jason watching them. She was so surprised that she just froze, mouth slightly agape.

Jason and Jillian found themselves locked in a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, both caught off guard. It took June’s gentle nudge for Jillian to snap back to reality.

“Huh?” She glanced at her sister. “Oh, sorry, June. Yeah, let’s go,” she mumbled, not wanting to leave her sister behind.

But that wasn’t why June nudged her. She had other plans. With a shake of her head and a smile, she turned Jillian towards Jason.

“What are you doing?” she whispered. And then June shoved her sister forward. “J-June!?” Jillian exclaimed, surprised, as she stumbled towards Jason, stepping on the large faux fur coat she was wearing and tripping forward.

Jason was quick to react, reaching out and catching her by placing his hands on her arms before she hit the ground. She peered up at Jason with warm cheeks from under the hat, then glanced back at June. With a smile, the teenager gestured as if opening a book with her hands, then waved goodbye, heading off to the book section, leaving the two in an unexpected situation. Alone.

Jillian was shocked as she watched her sister walk away. Did she really just push her into Jason like that and leave? Especially when Jillian hadn’t said a single kind word about Jason in the last three days. But it seemed June knew something she didn’t. “

Um...” Jason began, snapping Jillian back to reality. She quickly pushed herself away from him and craned her head back again to look up at him. When their eyes met, he seemed to lose his nerve for a moment.

“I, uh... like your hat?” he finally said.

It wasn’t the conversation starter she expected, but at least he was trying to make conversation at all.

Her thoughts quickly started to racing. “Wait, do I want this? Do I want him to talk to me again? Oh god, say something. You look stupid just standing there!”

“T-thanks…” Jillian mumbled, but quickly shook her head. “Hold on, I’m still mad at you!” she blurted out suddenly.

“Huh?” Jason questioned, a little blindsided by the comment.

“Yeah, you jerk. I was just trying to help you, and you screamed at me and kicked me out,” she said, picking up their conversation right where they left off.

He frowned at her, a hint of sadness in his expression. “You’re right… I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“And another thing, I don’t care if you... Wait, what?” Jillian was ready to start another argument to keep her emotions at bay, but he didn’t take the bait.

“I don’t... but.. wait.. Y-you are?” she stammered out, clearly stunned by his response.

Jason let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. I talked with my mom a lot... about the way I reacted, why I reacted like I did. Even if I had my own reason, I am sorry. I should’ve at least explained what I could.” His words were calm and sincere.

Jillian stared at him, dumbfounded. While she’d been stressing over things she couldn’t control, he seemed to have grown as a person during the brief absence from her life. A flash of jealous anger surged through her, but his soft, slightly sad expression washed it away.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again. Reaching up, she removed her hat and held it in front of her, fiddling with the edges and biting her lower lip for a moment.

“Thanks...” Jillian murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “It, uh, means a lot to me...” she admitted, a small smile finally breaking through, even though she couldn’t make eye contact anymore.

“Well, I said what I needed to say. So I won’t bother you anymore. Sorry for interrupting you and your sister.” Jason said simply, then turned away.

Jillian’s head snapped back as she watched him walk away. Her chest tightened. Something told her she couldn’t just let it end like this.

“Hey, hold on a sec!” She called out, taking several quick steps towards him.

To her surprise, Jason stopped almost immediately and turned back to face her. Finding herself closer to him than she planned, she cleared her throat nervously.

“Um... well, uh...” she stammered, feeling flustered as her thoughts were thrown into chaos. She was so used to him challenging her on everything, so when he simply did as she asked, she didn’t know how to respond.

”This feels so weird,” she frowned slightly at the thought.

Jillian quickly gathered herself and spoke up. “I am sorry for ripping that shirt on accident. I hope it wasn’t too important… There I said what I needed to say as well… Do…you want me to leave you alone as well?”

Jason furrowed his brow at her, uncertain how to respond. After a moment of hesitation, he finally spoke. “Yeah… it was pretty important to me… but I came to terms with it. And…. well…”

Jillian felt her heart racing, torn between emotions. What did she want him to say?

“Do I want him to say he wants things to end here? Or do I want him… to want me…Like I want him? Oh god… I still want him!” Her own thoughts made her heart beat loudly in her chest.

“I…Wouldn’t mind seeing you again, if you want to see me.” Jason said finally, and she could feel her face heat up at his words. “But…I still don’t think I can answer the question you asked me last time properly.” With that, she frowned slightly.

He still wouldn’t explain anything about his first time. The secrecy of it all left her feeling a little uneasy.

“Could you at least tell me why you can’t?” she asked softly, hoping for some clarity.

The women’s clothing section of the store wasn’t exactly the ideal place for a deep conversation, but they had to make do.

Jason ran his hand over his four-day scruff, his nails lightly scratching his face. Jillian secretly wanted a turn. After a brief pause, he let out a heavy sigh and met Jillian’s gaze.

“Because it was a very unpleasant experience for me,” he admitted.

Her eyes widened at his words, confirming her suspicions. She knew it was more than just a bad lay from the way he spoke.

“I understand. And I won’t pry any more... I appreciate you telling me that much, Jason. So… I’ll text you later, okay?” Her words were a little awkward, but she offered him a gentle smile, reaching out for his hand. He hesitated for a moment before returning the handshake.

“Alright, sounds good,” he replied, before their hands parted.

Jillian waved goodbye to Jason. She popped her hat back on and started walking away with a grin.

“Hey, Jillian?” Jason’s voice caught her attention, and she turned to face him.

“Yeah?” she asked, feeling a bit flustered, wondering what he might say next.

“Are you really gonna buy the hat and coat?”

Jillian glanced up and down at her oversized fluffy coat and goofy sun hat, feeling her cheeks flush from embarrassment. Hastily, she removed the hat and tossed it onto a nearby rack, followed by shedding the coat.

“S-shut up!” she exclaimed, a mix of embarrassment and annoyance in her tone.

Jillian shot him a final glare, but Jason responded with a rare smile. She turned and stomped away in a huff, though her expression softened into a smile as she sought her sister in the book section.

Jason watched Jillian until she disappeared behind a shelf. Taking a deep breath, he gathered himself before returning to his mom, who had gathered a few more items in the cart. She smiled when she noticed him and that he was smiling.

“Hey sweetie, find anything interesting?” she asked.

He nodded slightly. “Yeah, you could say that... I uh bumped into Jillian.”

His mom’s expression turned concerned for a moment.

“And?” she inquired, but Jason just let out a small laugh, thinking about how Jillian was about to walk off in the goofy coat and hat, earning a bright smile from his mother.

It seemed things between the two former enemies weren’t quite over just yet.