Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

Jillian was asking, no, begging him to use her mouth. It was not something Jason would have ever seen coming. Not that she was the first to ever offer him head. But from her, from Jillian Lins, of all people, it just felt wrong. The thought of forgiving her was just a whole other level that he couldn’t come close to fathoming at this point. Yet, Jason hesitated with his answer. He managed to swallow his resolve then firmly answered her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“Why... am I too skinny? I mean, I am trying to eat more and gain some weight, but it's harrrrd,” she said with a whine, her words still a bit slurred. “He liked me super skinny, so I got used to not eating.”

“Hold on a second,” Jason interjected. “I never said that and no, that's not the reason. Jillian…if the last guy you were with only liked you when you were sickly thin, then you never should have been with the douche in the first place. You shouldn’t let anyone control you like that. What’s the point if they don’t like you for you, why even waste your fuckin’ time? Plus, it’s really fuckin’ toxic if you ask me.“

Jason wasn’t sure why he suddenly launched into a lecture about Jillian’s health and self esteem. Maybe it was the guilt still lingering from what he’d said the night before. What did surprise him, though, was that deep down, he meant every word.

It didn’t mean he didn’t hold a deep hatred for her still, even if he had recently gotten better at hiding it. The scars of their past couldn’t be erased by his recent guilt or sexual favors alone, and yet, here he was trying to tell her she should have more self respect. Jillian stared wide-eyed at Jason as he vaguely hinted that he was happy with her…as she was.

“So, you think I’m... okay, but not okay enough to suck you off?” She said with a soft smile, tilting her head slightly. Though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, the way she looked at him was unfairly cute.

“No, it’s not that I just…” he sighed, “I can’t let you do it because it’s just fucking wrong. Forgiveness in exchange for sexual favors? That’s just fucked up and I wouldn’t make anyone stoop to that level.” Although he was trying to be as clear and concise as possible, it sounded like he was speaking in riddles to Jillian.

The only thing the overly drunk woman knew now was that he wouldn’t forgive her if she sucked his dick. So, in her infinite wisdom, she suggested something else.

“So, what if you don’t have to forgive me, then? Just let me suck it for nothing. Everyone wins!” She grinned like it was the perfect compromise. Jason sighed, shaking his head and covering his eyes.

“Everyone wins, what?” Mika said finally returning from the bathroom.

“It’s nothing,” Jason said, trying to save Mika from their awkward conversation.

“He won’t let me suck his dick, Mika! And I said it was fer free!“ Jillian shouted, causing Jason to groan in embarrassment.

Mika sucked in a breath. “Okay, girly, I think your brain is subtly trying to tell you it’s time to call it a night.”

Jillian let out a loud groan. “Ugh, but we just started, and I’m barely even tipsy yet.” They both stared at the redhead with searing doubt.

“Oh yeah? Get up and walk a straight line then, bitch,” Mika told her, grabbing the drink she had poured for Jillian and setting it back on the bar. Jillian pouted and let out another whine before leaning into Jason’s chest, curling up like a cat against him. Her hand pawed at the white tank top underneath his tracksuit, revealing his thick layer of dark chest hair.

“Oh, damn...” she murmured, running her fingers through the coarse hair.

“Hey!” Jason protested, grabbing her wrist and pulling it away with a light scowl. She just giggled, giving him a sloppy smile.

“You might want to get her home soon, before she gets even more handsy, because it’s only gonna get worse.” Mika remarked, her words catching Jason off guard. Usually Mika would let Jillian stay, but she was in no mood tonight. She really didn’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to Jillian’s wandering hands…again.

“What? Why do I have to take her home?” Jason asked, his confusion evident, not sure why he was suddenly Jillian’s chauffeur.

Mika shot him a menacing look as she finished tidying up.

“Look, I’m not sure how things are in Florida, but I don’t exactly trust the cab drivers around here with a girl who’s clearly lost all sense of personal space,” she chided, crossing her arms and shifting her weight slightly to one side. Jason quickly connected the dots. Seeing his realization, Mika flashed a small grin as Jason reluctantly agreed. “Sucker,” she thought.

“Come on, babe, let’s get you in the car,” Mika said, gently tugging Jillian by the wrist away from the man’s lap.

“Nooooooo,” Jillian whined, her body going a bit limp as she stood up.

Mika leaned in, whispering in Jillian’s ear, “You owe me another one.”

Jillian perked up almost immediately, turning to her best friend. “I love you, Miki,” she said, thankfully not shouting it in her drunken state.

Even if it seemed like she was helping her friend get laid, Mika had watched the pair for a bit. The fact that Jason didn’t lay a single hand on while Jillian was all over him told her everything she needed to know. He rose from his seat, his partial arousal now on full display as it pressed against his pants. He quickly turned away from the girls. Mika suppressed her laughter, but Jillian openly giggled at him.

Once his shame had faded significantly, Jason turned back to face the pair.

“Ahem, well, I guess let’s go. Thanks for the drink, Mika. It was unexpected, but thanks all the same.”

Even with the awkward moments, he couldn’t say it was a completely bad experience. Somehow, Jillian had gotten him to drop his guard enough that she found herself in his lap and wasn’t immediately shoved off. It left him in a bit of an awkward spot, not sure how to navigate a situation where he failed to deploy his usual defenses. Like there was some sort of long lost spark trying to force its way through the hate.

The three of them headed down to Jason’s car and loaded Jillian into the front passenger seat, leaning it back so she could rest on the short ride home.

“You sure you’re good to drive?” Mika asked Jason. He nodded, looking sober as ever.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was only one drink, and it’s been almost an hour.“ he reaffirmed as he walked around to the driver’s seat. The window suddenly rolled down and Jillian slumped out of it.

“Byeeeee, Micky!” She drunkenly grinned. Mika scowled at her for a moment, but it faded quickly, replaced with a smirk.

“Shut up and get out of here.”

With that, Jason gave a short wave before driving off.

Jason was grateful for the peaceful ride home, with Jillian sprawled out in his passenger seat, a pool of red curls splayed out behind her head. The electronica station on his radio playing the song Shooting Stars that somehow matched the mood perfectly. The surreal ambiance of the flashing street lights they passed made the short drive back home feel like it had lasted for hours. Jillian opened her tired eyes, only to peer out the window. Seeing the stars overhead she took a long, slow breath before closing her eyes once more. The music seemed to soothe her worries if only for a moment.

The drive gave Jason a moment to collect his thoughts on the night he just had. Spending so much time with his arch nemesis was certainly not on his bingo card for this vacation. He planned on just avoiding her for the rest of his time, yet for most of the night she was constantly staring at him. It was like she was stuck to him in more than one way. He rolled down the windows, letting the chilly, autumn air fill his lungs. Clarity allowed him to accept that he was, at the very least, okay with this one night where they weren’t at each other’s throats. Not that she didn’t want to have something down her throat. Finally pulling up to the two story home, he parked the car and turned down the radio.

“We’re here.”

Jillian’s eyes fluttered open. Slowly sitting up, she stretched her arms out, making her shirt lift a bit. His eyes looked down at her thin stomach. He found it hard to believe she had gotten so skinny for the sake of someone else. Looking around the car groggily, a sudden chill made her shiver slightly from the open window. Soon she realized they were at her house.

“Oh... right,” she murmured sleepily. Jillian shakily climbed out of the car, taking a moment to gather herself. Rubbing her arms for warmth, she turned to face Jason with a crooked smile.

Jason blinked at her and opened his window a bit more.

“Um, you heading inside?” he asked. Jillian nodded, still smiling faintly.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see you off,” her teeth chattered as she stood there. Jason sighed.

“Okay..well hurry inside, it’s fuckin’ freezing out here,” he advised, rolling up his window before making a quick U-turn to head back to his mom’s place. Jillian waved rapidly as he drove off before wrapping the arm back around her, though Jason couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

Driving home, Jason parked in the driveway and hopped out, locking the vehicle. Letting out a big yawn, he ambled towards the front door, which, to his mild surprise, was left unlocked—definitely not something you’d see in the city. Quietly stepping inside, he locked the door behind him. Another yawn escaped him as he headed down the dark hallway to his room, almost overlooking the note stuck to his door. Peeling off the sticky note, he used his phone light to read it. “Hey sweetie, hope you had fun tonight. If you’re hungry, there’s cheesecake in the fridge. Love you lots! -Mom” He chuckled to himself at his mom’s thoughtfulness, but also couldn’t help but feel conflicted. As much as he adored her, he knew Florida was where he needed to be; living with her again meant he’d risk falling back into old habits. There was only so much he could do to try and burn off these huge meals he was eating several times a day.

Crumpling up the note, he headed into his room. With a tired sigh, he peeled off his clothes until he was down to his boxer briefs. Too tired to really admonish himself for the small bulge in his stomach from the day’s meals. “I will do better tomorrow…maybe.”

Collapsing onto his bed, he pulled the covers over him. Socializing with the two women had drained his batteries far more than any run ever could. More thoughts of the evening’s events swirled in his mind. Could he ever forgive Jillian for all the chaos she’d brought into his life? Then again, was his life really so bad now? Her offer lingered in his thoughts. Unable to get the mental image of her bright blue eyes looking up at him. Her soft, pink lips tightly wrapped around his…

“Fuck, I am never gonna fall asleep like this.”

Trying to push those arousing thoughts aside, he rolled over and saw a small pile by his closet. It took him a moment to remember what it was. “That’s…her hoodie.” She had been wearing it when she attempted to run off this morning. The memory replayed in his head. Her face was the last thing on his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

Jason’s sleep was quickly interrupted by a relentless knocking that kept getting louder and more desperate the more he tried to ignore it.

“Ugh... what now?“ He grumbled, clumsily patting around for his phone. Squinting against the bright screen, he had barely managed five minutes of actual sleep. Groaning as the knocking continued, he pushed himself up and glanced towards the window, where a shadow loomed behind the blinds. Without much thought, he dragged himself out of bed and shambled over to investigate. Pulling up the blinds, he was met with the sight of Jillian’s messy curls blowing in the chilly breeze. She stood there, shivering uncontrollably, offering him a weak smile.

“What the actual...” Jason quickly opened the window, certainly feeling more awake now.

Jillian managed a weak smile behind her chattering teeth.

“H-h-hey, s-s-sorry, d-d-did I w-w-w-wake you?” She hugged herself tight, trying to keep warm.

“Yeah you kinda did...Wait, why the hell are you even out here!?” She just continued to stand there chattering in response, like she was trying to speak but was too cold. The conversation wasn’t going anywhere fast while she was out in the chill winds blowing that night. “Just… get in here before you freeze, you fuckin’ idiot,” he said, reaching out to help her. She tried to take his hand, but her arms refused to unwrap themselves from around her body. With a sigh, Jason leaned out the window, wrapped his hands around her waist, and pulled her into his room with ease.

He quickly locked the windows and closed the blinds once she was inside. Jason turned back to Jillian, who was like a popsicle at this point, standing in the middle of his room, still violently shivering. He couldn’t just leave her like that, unfortunately . Rubbing his forehead for a moment, he pointed firmly at his bed.

“Sit,” he commanded, not giving her an option otherwise. Jillian complied. He grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around her petite frame almost twice over. It still held some warmth from his body, and Jillian seemed to melt a bit with relief, an almost cartoonish grin of pure delight crossing her face. His smell was all over the blanket and it definitely helped to warm her up. Jason sat down on the bed next to her.

“So, why the hell were you standing outside my window when I just dropped you off?” he asked again, firmer this time.

Jillian shyly glanced over at Jason, who was almost completely naked. Even in the dark, she could still trace the contours of his muscled body and the handsome features of his face.

“Um, so, I had originally planned on staying at Mika’s, but I forgot to grab anything before we left cause… well, you know, so I don’t have my keys or my phone,” she explained, looking embarrassed as she spoke. With his look of skepticism, even in her half drunken state she was able to figure out his next question easily. “If I knocked or rang the doorbell, my dad would freak out. He has to work early tomorrow morning, and I didn’t want to disturb him… ya know? I already burden him enough… I didn’t know what else to do, so here I am,” she said, her tone filled with shame. The cold had done wonders to sober her up. At least she wasn’t slurring very much anymore.

“Sorry, Jason. I fucked up... again.” With a heavy sigh, she averted her gaze, frowning at the floor. Even if he kicked her out, his cozy blankets were a nice consolation prize, at least.

Jason frowned as he listened to her story, puzzled by how this woman managed to survive this long on her own. He’d only been in town for two days, and it felt like each time he saw her, she was struggling with something. Letting out a heavy sigh that caught Jillian’s attention, he ran a hand through his jet black hair, which effortlessly fell back into place. There was a tense silence until Jillian couldn’t take it anymore and spoke up.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again, her voice weak and shaky as she began to peel off the blanket. “This was a dumb idea. I shouldn’t be bothering you like this. Not really sure why I even thought to come here. I’ll just suck it up and walk back home.”

Jason’s head snapped back to her, a bit surprised by her statement. Again, he was shown a side of Jillian that he had no idea even existed. Adjusting his tone, he took a deep breath before speaking up.

“It’s fine... You can stay here, just for tonight though.” The words that left his lips felt so wrong, yet right in some ways. He was pretty… no, he was absolutely sure he had never said something like that to any woman before.

“Are...you sure?” Jillian asked, genuinely surprised that he was actually agreeing to let her stay. “No I’m not sure! You aren’t supposed to even be here. Get out, you bitch! You ruined my life!” The part of his mind that still despised the woman screamed in protest.

Jason simply nodded at her with his jaw tight, not entirely sure why he was agreeing to it, but he did it anyway. Jillian’s face lit up with one of the sweetest smiles he’d ever seen from her.

“R-really? Thank you so much, Jason. I promise I’ll try not to bug you,” she said excitedly. With that, Jillian threw off the blanket and stood up. He wasn’t sure what she was doing now, though it quickly became clear as she hooked her thumbs into her waistband and pulled her pants down. Even in the darkness, he could see the now bare, pale, freckled, round cheeks of her butt. It was impossible not to stare, like his male brain refused to let him look away. Jillian didn’t need to look back at Jason to know he was staring at her. It felt good to have his gaze on her without it being filled with hate or pity.

Jillian kept her shirt on as she kicked off her shoes and the pants now around her ankles. Reaching behind her back, she swiftly unhooked her bra, and let out a sigh of relief as she removed the torture device from under her shirt. She glanced back at Jason, who had been staring at her shamelessly.

“Sorry, I just can’t sleep in all that stuff,” she explained innocently. Pulling her arms into her shirt and in the next moment, her bra fell to her feet, kicking it to the same pile as her pants. Crawling onto the bed on all fours, she looked at Jason who was still sitting on the edge. She stared at him nervously as if she had something to ask.

“What?” he asked, regaining some control of himself. “Well, I was just wondering if I could sleep by the wall. I tend to roll around a lot in my sleep, and I don’t want to fall off,” she asked.

“Oh...,” Jason murmured, caught off guard by the unexpected innocence of Jillian’s request. “Well I mean you can sleep however you want. I am gonna go crash on the couch.” The statement seemed to physically smack her in the face the way she recoiled in surprise.

“What, why?” She asked, watching him gather one of the pillows. Jason looked back at her with a raised brow.

“Cause I am letting you sleep here. What’s the issue?” Jillian let out little noises of frustration, like she was trying to figure out what to say.

“Well.. it’s..like.. What is your mom going to think when she wakes up and sees you on the couch?” She announced, finally coming up with something.

This caused him to pause and think for a moment. It was late and his mom usually woke up pretty early. There wasn’t much chance of him getting up before her.

“I…” he tried to speak, but only ended up biting the inside of his cheek. “I can’t be considering sleeping in the same bed as this awful woman. For all I know she is gonna… gonna…” He desperately tried to think of something she might do to him in his sleep. Everything that came to mind was just old memories of her back then, bullying him. None of it seemed like something she would do now, though. “Fuck, why is it so hard to hate this bitch when she is right in front of me!” His thoughts screamed at him once again. It was so much easier when he was telling off imaginary Jillian.

At last, Jason let out a deep breath.

“I guess, you’re right…” Saying that hurt him to his very core, but she was. It was much easier to just keep this whole sleepover a secret from his mother and there was no way that was happening if he was out on the couch. Jillian was already back to grinning widely, as she knew what was coming.

“I’ll just sleep on the floor then, I guess.” That was not what she wanted to hear.

“Don’t be stupid!” She blurted out a little loudly. “I mean, the bed is plenty big enough for the both of us, and I don’t take up that much space, “ she paused. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you stupid,” she apologized meekly, coming to sit on her knees atop the bed.

He scowled a bit, but she was giving off that same cute, timid vibe again that he just did not know how to handle.

Jason was done talking about this. It was late and he was exhausted. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to win at this point, and he didn’t actually want to sleep on the floor, like at all.

“Fine, we can both sleep on the bed,” he decided, surrendering to the wiles of this devilish woman. Her smile came back instantly, and she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. His eyes widened as her body pressed against his and his face was lost in the mop of red curls. The pleasant scent of her shampoo and perfume wafting into his nose. As if realizing who they were in the next moment, she quickly pulled away.

“Oops, sorry heh, I am just excited.” Jason gave her a perplexed look.

“Why exactly was she excited?” He wondered if she had some plan that involved him sleeping in the same bed? His inner skeptic was on full alert at this point.

As Jillian settled back down next to him after the hug, she looked away, still smiling.

“Sorry, I honestly just sleep a lot better next to someone and Mika doesn’t let me stay over often for some reason. I promise I will do my best not to bother you or wake you up.” Jason could feel his guard lowering once more at the seemingly innocent explanation. To his surprise, he was able to readily accept this answer, like it made sense. After all, what other reason would people have to sleep in the same bed if it wasn’t going to actually help them sleep? Well, aside from the obvious.

“Thanks again for letting me stay, Jason. I promise I will make it up to you.” Jillian said, her voice filled with gratitude as she finally moved over to the side of the bed by the wall, resting her head on one of the pillows and wrapping the blanket around her. Watching her for a moment as she got settled in, he eventually did the same and got back under the covers. As the blanket came up to his chest, the scent of her perfume filled his nostrils again. The warm, sweet scent that had a slight spice to it and filled his senses. Laying his head back on the pillows, he stared up at the ceiling trying to fight off invading thoughts of the woman next to him.

The bed really wasn’t that big, even though she had insisted it was big enough. When the both of them were laying flat on their backs, he felt the softness of her skin brush up against his waist. The sensation of their hips touching sent shivers through Jason’s body, causing him to roll onto his side, facing away from Jillian. He tried to find a comfortable position in the cramped space of the full sized bed.

“Good night…” he said awkwardly, his words trailing off into the quiet of the room.

Jillian turned to look over at Jason as they lay together, his large, broad back facing her. It took everything she had not to reach out and trace her fingers along the lines of his muscles.

“How long has it been since I have actually been in bed with a guy? Feels like forever ago.” She laid there watching him, waiting for something, but something never came. “He’s really just gonna lay there and fall asleep, isn’t he…” It suddenly hit her that this really was all that was going to happen. “Jason wants nothing to do with me. Of course he doesn’t. They aren’t the same… it’s not ‘him’ laying next to me… he hasn’t found me, he hasn’t found me –” she repeated the small mantra in her head, trying to ease her nerves.

Jason seemed content just lying there, trying to sleep, which helped ease some of the fear she was feeling. When she was drinking, it was easy to push away her worries with playful flirting and teasing. But being left alone with her thoughts while somewhat drunk made her remember all the terrible moments from her past. Before she could stop herself, her eyes watered as she stared at his back. “Why are you crying, you idiot? You’re going to ruin everything,” Jillian thought, letting out a little sniffle.

Jason noticed right away and asked softly, “You alright?” rolling over slightly to look at her.

She half-expected him to yell at her, like he would when he’d caught her crying. “That’s not him,” she reminded herself more firmly. The fact that Jason even cared enough to ask about her made her smile.

“Yeah... I’m alright,” she replied softly, scooting over to wrap her arms around Jason’s broad frame. Her hand rested gently on his chest. Jason looked at the hand and then back at her.

“What are you…” he murmured in mild confusion. Nuzzling her face into his back, she snuggled closer.

“Please...just let me stay like this just for a little a while,” she whispered, trying to hide the sadness in her tone. He fell silent. Feeling her warmth against him and her hand resting on his chest, he let himself slowly relax. Before he even realized it, he was fast asleep.

She noticed Jason’s tense body relaxing, and the cadence of his breathing began to slow. Gently propping herself up in bed, she gazed at the peacefully sleeping figure beside her. Watching him sleep, she couldn’t help but smile at his serene expression and soft snores. With a slow, tender touch, she ran her fingers through his soft hair, something she had wanted to do since they first met, and lost herself in the moment for what felt like ages.

Summoning her courage, she leaned in close to his face.

“You’re too good for me, Jason... I can’t compete,” she whispered softly before planting a gentle kiss on his temple. “Thank you,” she whispered again, before settling back down, wrapping her arm around his waist, and snuggling into him once more.

As sleep washed over her, she felt a sense of safety and comfort unlike anything she had ever experienced before.