Tunnel Rat Volume 1 will be be STUBBING on NOV. 1st!

Yellow Trumpet Creeper Colony has been destroyed.

No Enhancement Points, experience, or other rewards will be rewarded. Both you and a sworn enemy claim the victory. There can be only one.

Roobazahl, The Ancient, has been destroyed.

No Enhancement Points, experience, or other rewards will be rewarded. Both you and a sworn enemy claim the victory. There can be only one.

Salasha, Guardian of the Egg, saw the announcements and screamed, causing many immature myconids to run for other caverns in fear. The thief had somehow found a way to steal her victories! Killing him would fix that!

Somewhat nearby, tending his patches of mushrooms, Prof. Harold Earthtongue heard the hissing scream and wondered about its source. What had Milo done now? Then he felt guilty for simply assuming Milo was responsible, but the intellectual part of his mind had weighed the odds and felt confident of its decision. He picked up a large club and decided to go take a look. Now that his affliction was much diminished, he was getting restless and bored.

The rat on everyone's mind was just reaching the top of the big drop, having come up by an alternate route. He was winded but relieved to find the Snake wasn't trying to climb up just yet. He'd received the same notifications as Salasha and was fine with the situation. It would probably anger the Snake. Not that she needed more excuses, but an angry Snake was a stupid Snake. He took out the egg and looked at it. No cracks were visible, and it seemed the same as ever. He didn't want to have the thing hatch and then attack him from behind.

As he held it, the shell became transparent, and he stared into two small eyes filled with hatred. The tiny snake bumped its head against the side of her egg in a futile attempt to crack the shell. She hissed at Milo, and a painful thought appeared in his head.

Milo balanced the egg on one finger and spun it around and around. When he stopped, the snake stared at him, but its eyes couldn't focus, and it just hissed. He put the egg back in his backpack.

The other half of the Snake duo had finally gotten to the bottom of the drop and was trying to climb up. She was quite clumsy and uncoordinated at it. Snakes weren't really made for climbing that way. Salasha had an advantage in size and was able to form a coil, pressing against the sides of the shaft as she painfully made her way up. Suddenly, she was disoriented as part of her spun around and around.

Milo thought it would be a shame if a rock dropped on her. Poor snake. Coincidentally, there was a large rock in a net hanging above the shaft. Milo's tail flipped the release for a cable, and the rock plummeted downward, hitting Salasha in the head. It did little damage to her, but the impact hurt her progress as she lost 20 feet and had to start climbing again. Milo yelled down the tunnel. "More rocks."

***

The Snake's hatred and anger were growing the longer she had to pursue her adversary. His attempts at killing her had been painful and annoying but never enough to do her mortal damage. Rocks had been dropped on her. Two more painful bone spikes were embedded into her face. Dreadful itching powder that got under her scales had been dumped upon her.

The worst and final indignity had been a wickedly sharp blade that cut off the last twenty feet of her tail. It was a sloppy attack. If aimed at her neck, it might have done some lasting damage, but she was too fast through the tunnels and had almost avoided the trap. She would come back later and reabsorb the copper into her body. There was no time for that now.

This was the endgame. The rat had run out of places to go. She had collapsed tunnels behind her and sealed off where it could move. She knew where her foe was and ... and ... the cursed affliction hit her again. Her mind whirled as she lay with her eyes closed on the corridor floor. What was he doing to her egg?!

As she moved on, two dwarves attached a cable to the tail and drug it off to hide it.

***

The Snake was so slow!

Milo had set up traps and baited her over and over. Several times though, she had stopped to rest. The dwarves became restless, so Milo started playing games with them to keep their attention. Currently, they were playing a dwarven game called 'Spin and Hurl.' One dwarf sat in a swing attached by a rope to the ceiling. The others formed a circle and pushed the dwarf in the swing back and forth, spun him around, or moved him in a circle whose path often reversed. If the dwarf in the center called out or got sick, he lost. The lesser brothers loved this game.

Currently, it was Milo's turn again. He seemed to have a lot of turns. He sat in the swing holding the pack with the egg as the dwarves spun him unmercifully around and around. Milo was used to mid-air flips and had long ago lost any sense of vertigo. But this? This was horrible! Finally, he gave up, and the dwarves cheered, and another took his place.

Taking deep breaths, Milo asked, "Is the snake moving at all?"

Two-screws voice came out of a vent. "No. Lazy snake just lying in the corridor twitching. Poke Snake?"

Milo thought about it. "Yeah, poke the Snake. Use more of the red powder; she really hated that. I wonder what itching is like when you can't scratch?"

As vertigo faded, Salasha thrashed in rage as more of the red powder was blown down the corridor and all over her scales. Surging forward, she determined to end this!

A message came to Milo. "Snake moving. Moving fast."

Milo double-checked his setup. His helpers had done a great job. Most of the machinery in the drilling chamber had been moved out of the way. Along one wall, all of the huge tanks of waste fluid had been brought in and bolted down. Hoses ran from each one to the slanted tunnel that led to the borehole. Large barrels labeled 'Snake Surprise' were stacked in a corner.

Near them were large sacks of grey powder. 'Instant Stone' was an invention so old that the dwarves had lost the name of the engineer who invented it. It was a mix of crushed granite and several chemicals that reacted to heat. It was often used to fight machinery fires. When thrown onto a fire, the chemicals reacted and created a grey foam that filled an area and then cured to the density of a hard stone. It wasn't permanent, crumbling back to powder in the absence of heat. It could also be used with explosives. A charge of explosives would be set to go off, then the tunnel sealed with instant stone. The stone wall stopped any of the force of the explosion from going back down the tunnel. After absorbing an explosion, it was easy to tear down an instant stone wall. Most of it turned to powder as it was hit.

Overhead, two huge hoppers of grey powder hung next to the stone and steel plug that would seal the borehole.

The dwarves hid themselves behind machinery or beneath the plates of the floor. Just inside the room stood a defiant rat.

Salasha came roaring into the room. She knew the egg was near. In front of her was her adversary. One arm raised up, and a claw-tipped middle finger made a gesture that even a Snake understood. With her coils behind her, Salasha struck like lightning across the 50-foot distance that separated her from the rat.

The room exploded with light and sound.

The dwarves called the strange metal Barkite. Milo knew it as Magnesium. The dwarves used it in mining explosives as a primer. Most of it was in the form of thin wire. But Milo had found nearly a half-pound of it in pure powdered form. Even Boom-Boom seemed nervous around it.

The bone construct that Milo had made looked like him, and with the loss of some hair, it even smelled like him. It was a simple thing designed to greet the Snake with a rude gesture and then trigger the explosives inside its rib cage. Milo and all of the dwarves were averting their eyes and wearing heavy flash protection. The room shook with thunder as the improvised flare went off, and a flaming white sun replaced the bone construct when Salasha was mere feet away from it.

The Snake recoiled in pain and shock. The sensitive organs that snakes use for ears could feel movement in the earth a hundred feet away. Now they were damaged and ringing. Several layers of the snake’s eyes had burned away, and both inner and outer eyelids had been charred. Her sensitive tongue burned in her mouth. But despite all the damage, she heard Milo laughing at her as he stood beside the borehole. Her other self heard his loud, mocking laughter that erased her pain and renewed her fury.

And then, as she moved to kill him, he stepped into the hole and dropped out of sight. Her egg was moving rapidly away from her again! Another hole to crawl down; she hated this rat! But she was right behind him! Her egg was slowly moving down the hole; she could catch up to the rat this time.

After Salasha had started moving into the hole, furtive shapes began moving in the room. Moving as quietly as they could, the dwarves began moving the barrels of 'Snake Surprise' to the borehole. As Salasha disappeared into the hole, they dumped hundreds of gallons of ‘DW-160 Special Machine Lubricant' down the sides of the borehole.

The snake was moving steadily down the tunnel, pressing against the sides of the hole to control her progress. That control came to an end as the lubricant caught up with the elemental and began coating the sides of the hole. Suddenly the Snake lost its grip and plummeted down the hole, rapidly gaining on its egg and the rat.

Or so she thought. It would turn out that Milo wasn't with the egg.

After dropping into the hole, he used his claws to descend only a short way before he dropped the egg, still in its backpack. Behind it streamed out a small parachute that slowed its descent. Milo climbed into the slanted side tunnel partially filled with hoses and climbed back up to the dwarves.

The egg was the first to arrive at the bottom of the cavern. Waiting pseudopods reached up to it and grasped the prize. Acid dissolved the backpack revealing the coppery egg, and the Ever Pudding laughed with glee. This was a missing piece of itself! Such a gift! It had misjudged the small thing that had disturbed it earlier. It had come back and done the pudding a huge favor!

Ooblipimux the Ever-Pudding Loves You!!!

Alone in the darkness for so long, you have reunited it with a chunk of its greater self. You have completed the hidden quest that Ooblipimux totally just made up, and it thinks you deserve a reward!

Choose wisely:

1) Join Ooblipimux forever, and he will let you add a syllable to your new name. You will be part of Ooblipimuxmilo.

2) Gain limited regeneration of your form so that you regain lost mass and are whole and healthy when you inevitably join with the Ever Pudding.

3) Gain the ability to secrete acid from your skin so you can turn everything into easily absorbed nourishment.

Milo didn’t have time to think about the offer; he was too busy climbing.

Salasha was just exiting the borehole at high speed, completely unable to slow her descent. She saw the egg drop into the white mass of Ooblipimux and heard the gleeful plans for its absorption into the Ever-Pudding. Two seconds later, the 600-ton metal snake fell into the massive pudding, and the fight for the egg began.

The Snake's initial attack (if you can call falling an attack) scattered the pudding, splashing it away from the egg. One small chunk of pudding in the center held the egg. Ooblammo gave its life to keep the egg away from the Snake, hurling it into the air where it was caught by another pseudopod. His heroic deed done; the small pudding was swallowed by the Snake.

An epic battle ensued far beneath the earth in the hollow remains of Alta-Viator. The pudding tossed the egg back and forth, keeping it away from the snake while it tried to trap Salasha and dissolve her. This was a slow process. Salasha was immune to her own venom, the source from which Ooblipimux had evolved. The pudding's acid was slowly loosening a scale or taking off a layer of copper, but it was going to be a long, slow process.

Salasha was obsessed with regaining her egg. When she could, she savagely bit at pseudopods and ate chunks of the pudding. There was only so much she could ingest. And the pudding inside her wasn't dead immediately. Each chunk fought savagely before being absorbed, wreaking havoc from the inside.

Other factors were coming into play. As the egg was tossed around by the pudding, the large Snake was becoming dizzy. Her timing was off, her coils collided with each other, and her eyes had trouble focusing. Not that her eyes were working very well, to begin with, after taking the brunt of the explosion from a large magnesium flare. It was easier and easier for the pudding to keep the egg from her reach.

Until that is, a deluge of heavy, black liquid began raining down on both combatants.

Boom-Boom was happily moving from one giant storage tank to the next, turning the large wheel that opened up the valve to empty the tank. All told, hundreds of thousands of gallons of waste fluid poured down into the cavern until the copper snake and white pudding were fighting in a large black lake.

Peenhammer had won some sort of contest with the other dwarves and had the honor of tossing down a large bomb created by Boom-Boom. He even remembered to pull the pin first before dropping the 30 second bomb.

Milo looked over at Boom-Boom to check his progress. The explosion-loving dwarf was yelling and arguing with three other dwarves who flatly refused to let him near the last tank. Milo was curious. "What's the problem, guys?" Time was of the essence now.

The three looked apprehensive and sheepish. One patted the side of the tank affectionately. Another had a tear in his eye. The third waved goodbye to the tank, and then all three shuffled to the side. Milo wondered about their strange behavior as he turned the wheel, and liquid rushed out of the tank.

Something was off. The tank was emptying quicker, the liquid rapidly flowing down the hose. From the slanted access tunnel came a smell that was quite different from the waste fluid. To Milo, it smelled like wood and smoke and other things he didn't have experience with. To the dwarves, it was the smell of heaven. New cut grass, sunshine, and hope for the future. All of them remembered the last time they had held a small, amber-colored glass and tasted their last taste.

Boom-Boom was the first to shake off the dreamy remembrances. Terror seemed to have improved his vocabulary. "Spanners and Fiddlesticks! That's where the idiots hid the last of the whiskey!"

"Dump the load! Drop the plug! Seal the tunnel! DOOM! BOOM-BOOM DOOM!!!"

Dwarves began running to controls and tossing bags of instant stone down the access tunnel. The two huge vats of powder were dumped into the Bore Hole just before the plug was dropped. Two-screws grabbed Milo by the tail and dragged the surprised rat away from the center of the room. Opening a small door, he ran down a short tunnel and tossed Milo into a heavily fortified vault, where they normally stored explosives. It was empty now, all the material used to make snake traps. The dwarf slammed shut the vault door.

The huge metal plug fell into the Bore and came to a screeching halt as it wedged securely in the hole. From below came an ominous rumbling.

Dwarven whiskey, as brewed by the Engineering Guilds, was a terrible, wonderful liquid. It was the strongest beverage known in all of the dwarven kingdoms, and its recipe was jealously guarded by the clans and guilds who possessed it. Engineers practically lived on the stuff, and it was with deep regret that the aging senior engineers had sealed themselves into metal suits to preserve their lives but to never again drink the potent and tasty liquid.

The remaining bottles and casks had been stored in a locked area. Some of the dwarves, especially the lesser brethren, could still smell. They liked to just sit in a circle and inhale the aroma of a bucket of whiskey. This led to many explosions and fires. Dwarven whiskey was highly unstable when removed from the special bottles it was stored in. It was prone to bursting into flame from the smallest spark or bit of heat, and a gallon of it could equal a hundred pounds of mining explosives.

Several years later, an inventory check discovered the whiskey to be missing. Not a drop could be found, and no one confessed. Over the years, the lesser brethren believed the Chief had drunk it all. The seniors thought the lesser brethren had stolen it. How it all got stored in a waste fluid tank was going to be a question that got asked a lot in the future.

Twenty-seven thousand gallons of aged dwarven whiskey had just been poured down the Bore Hole.

It rained down upon the combatants, and Ooblipimux immediately felt the effects. The whiskey was easily absorbed by the pudding, who became horribly drunk and confused. The snake, already dizzy from the egg being bounced back and forth, was less affected immediately. As the pudding missed a catch, she grabbed for her egg and coiled protectively around it.

More than just pudding, waste fluid, and whiskey filled the cavern. As the outer layers of the snake had been dissolved by the acid secretions of Ooblipimux, a large amount of hydrogen gas had been created that mixed with the whiskey fumes in a deadly combination. The slightest spark or fire could set it off. Even a small fire caused by a mote of magnesium lodged under a scale of an elemental could do it. That little spark, burning from an earlier encounter with a fake rat came in contact with a wisp of whiskey fumes.

Heat and light exploded into the cavern. Anything besides the Snake and the Pudding that lived within Alta Viator's half-mile-long corpse was incinerated instantly as the fiery wave of destruction rolled over them. As the hundreds of thousands of gallons of waste fluid were heated, it expanded, flashing into a highly flammable gas that burned long after the initial whiskey explosion.

Ooblipimux boiled and evaporated. Salasha, the Guardian of the Egg, melted into a puddle. The bones of Alta-Viator began to burn.

Up above, the dwarves took what cover they could, expecting the worst. The large amount of instant stone powder falling down the shaft was met by intense heat rising up. It instantly reacted, turning first into an expanding foam and then hardening into a rock-like material. As it was hardening in place, most of the heat was absorbed, but not all. Only a small fraction of the explosion got past the liquid stone before it hardened into a blockage, but that was enough to partially melt the metal plug and force it back upwards.

A jet of superheated, whiskey-scented air exploded into the room that melted flesh and metal. If it was the last thing they smelled, it was at least the best. Boom-boom was the last to fall over, a slight smile on what was left of his face. He'd felt the explosion all the way to his bones and now relaxed as everything went black. He was content, having caused the biggest boom ever.

Far above in Shadowport, the earth shook. Tunnels collapsed, and mines were destroyed. Deep, deep in the earth, an Engine heard the explosion and started a series of events. Something was woken up and told its time had come.

Milo heard the screams of the dwarves outside and felt his small area heating up. He curled into a ball and wrapped the runed cowl tightly around him. Scales of hardened bone crept up his arms and legs, covering more and more of him as the heat got worse.

Ooblipimux the Ever Pudding has been destroyed.

No Enhancement Points, experience, or other rewards will be rewarded. Both you and a sworn enemy claim the victory. There can be only one.

Salasha, Guardian of the Egg, has been destroyed.