Tricked Into A NewLife, God Must Be Screwing With Me!

Franklin, 20 Years Old, Fifth Month of 949

“Well, that accomplished less than a Goblin’s dick!” Taya groused angrily at the door of the building we had just exited.

“Language!” My other, and entirely self-inserted, companion, Leana chided Taya.

We had just exited Zesten’s adventurer’s guild, after making the rounds for any reports about new disappearances. Much like yesterday and the day before that, we had accomplished nothing. Taya and myself, that is; Leana was a relatively new addition.

‘Less than a Goblin’s dick?’ I would have thought goblins were rather prolific with those… unless it’s in reference to the size? But then the comparison wouldn’t really work…

Taya shot a scornful look at Leana; for a reason that was entirely lost to me, these two did not get along at all. Before things escalated further, I stepped in to redirect their attention, “Come on, Taya, you know what they say, ‘no news is good news.’ Sure, we might not have a lead, but that also means nobody else has been taken. And, Leana, if you’re going to tag along, the least you could do is respect your elders.”

I really would have liked if Leana stopped tagging along, but she was fairly adamant about it. As long as she didn’t get hurt, there was no harm with her tagging along while we did the investigative footwork, but I would be certain to get rid of her before we did anything truly dangerous like confronting the culprit.

Taya grimaced and nodded while Leana pursed her lips poutingly, but neither of them protested further.

“Now,” I said, “I believe we’re meant to meet up with Dylan near the square?”

While we had checked in at the guild, Dylan, Taya’s acquaintance, had been doing his own legwork and it was about time for us to compare notes.

“You two do that; I’ve got to help pops with some stuff.” Leana suddenly excused herself at the mention of Dylan; for whatever reason, she didn’t seem to like him either. But, while she was able to tolerate and largely ignore Taya, she refused to be anywhere near the man. So much the better, since the places he had been scouting were not exactly the most savory, and I didn’t think it would be such a good idea for her to hear his recollections and report.

“We will, run along now; you wouldn’t want to keep ‘pops’ waiting.”

“Thank you for your help, Leana, and be careful on the way back.” In stark contrast to Taya, my own farewell was much more measured.

Leana smiled briefly at me. Then to Taya, she performed a gesture with her pinky touching her thumb and the middle three fingers splayed out to resemble spikes or thorns; this world’s equivalent of the universal gesture from Earth. Thankfully, the latter did not respond to it; my sanity with these two was already wearing thing, even with all the rigorous practice I had thanks to George.

Once she was finally gone, my remaining companion began walking in the opposite direction, “Really though. You would think the guild would be doing more, yet we’re the only members looking into things at all! And they won’t even speak with us about it!”

“…Well, I’m only a new member, and you’ve got your own reputation. Besides that, isn’t this more of a civil matter than a guild one? If the city chair hasn’t posted a notice about it, what’s the guild to do? We’re freelancers, not philanthropists.” There was a short lull in conversation, during which we proceeded through the city at a brisk pace before Taya finally responded.

“I know all that. I know that not hearing anything is better than hearing that they found her body, it’s just that… Fuck, Franklin, I told her I would protect her.”

This was a rare moment of openness for Taya, and I dared not break it by offering any advice or affirmation. Usually level-headed, she had a bit of a brash streak when it came to matters of “her.” Whenever asked, she would talk at length about the investigations but always clammed up whenever this mystery girl was concerned. That she was now openly broaching the subject herself was new.

“I can’t help but think; that nobody has ever been found, dead or alive. So, if I can’t find her, odds are she won’t ever turn up.” Following that, Taya fell silent, and we continued our trip in silence, save for the sounds of the midday city. The clattering of horse hooves, the laughter of children, the squawking of these weird bird-dog hybrid things, and the loud shout of an adolescent girl, “F-! Stop him!”

Having thought I heard my name, I spun around in time to see a rather cute girl in her early teens staring at me bug-eyed. Almost immediately after, I was surrounded by two men wearing suits of armor and two of the chair guards I had occasionally seen patrolling the city. Two more fully armored men remained at her side, along with an extremely handsome middle-aged man in half-plate.

Knights…? Then, is she with the Drakan delegation? But what does she want with me…?

Regardless of what she wanted, the situation was a bit absurd; the knights had even prepared themselves to draw their swords. Fortunately, the girl seemed to realize this as well, as her bug-eyed expression was replaced with one of momentary embarrassment before she wiped that too away. Now keeping a serious face, she reached out a hand and gripped the forearm of the middle-aged man, “Father, I believe that man may be the one Felicity spoke of…”

The man appeared momentarily startled by this turn of events, but he very quickly hid it, “I see. Men, fall off and give the lad some space. My apologies for my… daughter’s… actions.”

Ok… That’s weird.

It was apparent that something about their relationship was fishy; it appeared to me that it was actually the daughter who held the most influence here. At the very least, the man she had called father was taking a rather subservient role. Not that I knew much about nobility, let alone foreign nobility, but something made me think it was usually the opposite. Taya seemed a bit put off as well if nothing else.

That being said, it was probably best to avoid prying; assuming these were members of the Drakan force camped nearby, it would be best to avoid an altercation or scene, especially if the chair guards had responded to her order so readily, even though they should not be under her command and I was not a Drakan citizen.

“Think nothing of it; you are far from home, being a bit ill at ease is to be expected, and I was not hurt at all. That aside, is there something I can help you with?” My response was calculated to be disarming, but I lacked experience with proper etiquette, so my delivery must have been a bit stiff, because both the man and the girl recoiled slightly.

He looked down at her questioningly. After a moment of apparent thought, the girl nodded to herself, “Actually, to apologize, might I hire you? We are trying to find the local adventurer’s guild, and could use a guide.”

My eyes flipped toward her two chair guard companions. Neither of them reacted in any way whatsoever to that remark, which made it evident that they were not there to show her around. Her request was fairly straightforward but came at a rather awkward time for me, owing to my previous commitment with Dylan.

Though, refusing her would be rude as well, and if she’s with the Drakan group, and has this many guards, she’s definitely one of their nobles…

“I dipped my head in what I hoped was a respectful gesture, “Aye, I can show you the way there, though please excuse my companion. We have our own business, though she can take care of it herself.”

Taya had enough social sense to pick up on what I was doing and promptly moved to play along, “…I suppose I can handle it myself; Dylan and I’ll wait for you at the inn.”

The girl glanced up at the man and subtly nodded, whereupon he accepted my amendment to her offer, “That will be most helpful. You have my thanks, Sir…?”

“Just Franklin, if it pleases your lordship; I have no title nor lands.” My admittedly cheesy reply caused the young lady to snort a laugh, though she quickly recovered.

I said a quick goodbye to Taya, then began to retrace my steps with the Drakans in tow. The girl seemed somewhat keen to stay close to me, though she wasn’t pushing things to the point of inconveniencing the knights who were, understandably, making sure to stay between us. The man, in contrast, moved up from her side to walk beside me.

“Then, Franklin, do you know this city well?” He asked me.

I see, so it’s the ‘ply for intel’ stage. She’s still suspicious of me for whatever reason, but they’re trying to avoid making a bigger scene.

Well, two could play at that game, “Not especially; I know my way around, but I arrived only a week or so before your party, Milord.”

“Alriss, Lord Alriss of the Alriss Caravan. As you have surmised, I am a Count of Drakas. You are not one of my subjects, so please, do not debase yourself. By extension, this is, my daughter, Stahlia… von Alriss.” Lord Alriss’ self-introduction was slightly marred by his hesitation over the girl, Stahlia’s, relationship with himself. That said, she had no such issues doing her part in what was most definitely a routine greeting.

She paused walking for just long enough to curtsy, and then introduced herself, “As my father said, I am Stahlia von R, Alriss.”

Maybe not perfect, there was a bit of a hiccup there with her own name. So, they aren’t related then; he’s acting the part of her father, and she’s probably got the higher status overall. That would at least explain why he’s more than a bit deferential.

That would mean Stahlia was either a young duchess or the daughter of a duke. Hell, she might even be a member of their royal family, but that was more doubtful; it wouldn’t make sense to send such a young princess on a diplomatic mission. Even if the cultural and legal age of adulthood was slightly lower than I was used to, she was certainly a few years shy.

For now, it would be best if I played along with their farce while trying to avoid getting caught up in it. Even if meeting the Drakan Queen is on my to-do list, this chance encounter is a bit too lucky. With how everything has been going so far, it’s pretty damn clear that circumstances are being manipulated behind the scenes.

If that was the case, then it meant that the goddess wanted me to meet the Drakans, for whatever reason.

I can’t just keep following the path laid out for me; that’s a great way to get used up and thrown out. Keeping Claire’s warning and my own bits of knowledge in mind, my trip so far has been rather textbook.

I probably would end up meeting their Queen, but I would ensure it happened on my own terms, “Then, Lord Alriss, if I might be so bold, what business do you have with the guild? Surely you don’t mean to have them ferry communications across the border for you.”

The count chuckled amicably, “Ha, no. We have our own methods for that. No, my daughter has something of a soft spot for adventurers and requested to visit a foreign guild branch while we were here. Oh, to be young and with a head full of fancy again, eh?”

“At least I still have my entire future ahead of me, father.” Stahlia’s reply was delivered lightheartedly, but it caused Lord Alriss to stiffen slightly. After all, if my theory was correct, he had just made light of his Lady. She continued, now addressing me directly, “Actually, perhaps you might be able to answer my questions… I am rather curious about the disappearances that have been occurring and intended to inquire about them with the guild.”

“…I am afraid that I know very little about that, Lady Stahlia; the guild is not officially looking into the matter.”

And how convenient that the conveniently met Drakan is looking into the same thing I am. Everything points me to cooperation, yet that’s making me want to run the other way…

“Ah, but they are investigating, just not ‘officially…’ No, not the guild, it’s you who is investigating, and that woman you were with. I see.” Stahlia fell into silent, pensive thought.

Fuck, she’s clever. I only made one mistake when saying the investigation wasn’t official… Or, was she really able to read that much from my reaction? That shouldn’t be possible unless she has more information.

Too late, I realized that, despite all appearances, she was a remarkably dangerous opponent.

No doubt, even the way we met, her calling out like that and causing a small scene, was that also calculated? No, there’s no way. That reaction had to be natural.

Regardless of my internal distress, we arrived at the guild hall. Upon seeing it, Stahlia displayed a reaction of mild surprise, “Oh? Now, this is interesting; the building is quite well-maintained for an adventurer’s guild. At least when compared to the ones in Drakas….”

She trailed off, making it evident that she was talking to herself, not that I could have offered any answer or further context to that observation myself. Nobody else from her party offered any comment, and we went inside. The interior was much the same as I remembered it from half an hour ago; a tidy, sparsely populated, and decently well-lit bar-cum-diner, with a small counter and a notice board closer to the entrance. Though, the receptionist had undergone a shift change.

“Franklin, please introduce me to the receptionist? These things tend to work easier with an introduction.” Stahlia asked me a question plainly, but the request came out of seemingly nowhere. Surely, for someone of her status, it would be more proper for a servant to introduce her, but there wasn’t any present.

A knight then? No, knights don’t do servant work… I guess. Or, is she implicitly giving me a task to see if I will obey? Would doing this imply I am one of her servants? No, even if she does try and leverage that, I could say that I was only fulfilling the rest of my contract. Technically, I am one of her staff at the moment, since I accepted the job to guide her here.

I approached the counter, and Stahlia stepped out from behind her knights for the first time, keeping step just behind me. Upon making our entrance, the receptionist followed our progress with her eyes. When we arrived at her station, she greeted me and turned a questioning look at my new tail.

“Franklin, Ulna said you had already stepped by this morning, yet here you are… And this is?”

“Miss Betty, this is Lady Stahlia von Alriss; I happened upon her party by chance, and she requested I guide them to the guild hall. Lady Stahlia, this is Betty; a receptionist of the Adventurer’s Guild Zesten Branch.”

“I see…” Betty seemed unimpressed and gave the party of fully armed and armored knights a suspicious appraisal. Her courage in showing such a blatant disregard for their status was commendable, though given that she was a receptionist at the guild, perhaps understandable given the relative immunity to politics she enjoyed.

Stahlia curtsied and flashed Betty with a smile, “Betty, was it? Is the guild master in? I would like to speak with him regarding the disappearances.”

Betty’s suspicious yet affable smile turned stony, and she glared at me with fairly naked hostility, “Franklin, we have told you and Taya numerous times; the guild is not-”

“Aaron asked me to deal with it on my way through.” Stahlia cut the receptionist off, her own genial expression and façade nowhere to be seen. In their place, she bore the cold expression of a noble looking at an insect that had landed on her pastry.

Still, Betty was a hardened member of the adventurer’s guild and had their diplomatic immunity; Stahlia would find that noble bluster wouldn’t get her very far outside of her own demesne-

“The Guildmaster’s office is on the second floor; I will let him know you are on your way up.” Betty’s sudden change of attitude shocked and frightened me. With one name, Stahlia had seemingly blown through the problem facing both Taya and me for the better part of a week.

She curtsied to the receptionist, “Thank you very much, and I will bring Franklin along with me as an involved party. Lord Alriss, please accompany me, and have the knights stand guard at the foot of the stairs and outside the door.”

With that expression of gratitude and an obvious command, she seemed to drop the pretense that she was Lord Alriss’ daughter and headed up the stairs that, so far, had been entirely off-limits to a newbie like myself.