Tricked Into A NewLife, God Must Be Screwing With Me!

Kurtis, Thirty-Five Second Month of 948

We were all set to go out and grab the noble girl for the client. For some reason though, I was a bit apprehensive. Something about this whole deal just felt… off. Things were a bit too convenient. A million Draks was enough for the three of us to live pretty decently for a few years, normally for a job like this you’d get paid a few hundred thousand. Not that I had any prior experience, depending on who you asked, I was a perfectly law-abiding patriot.

Our current client though, hadn’t so much as balked at the price. Sure, she had been a bit surprised, but then she turned around and paid us half. Half. Five hundred thousand just like. With the promise of the other half when we finished the job. Well, she hadn’t paid on the spot. But we had been shocked speechless when the messenger came and delivered the down payment.

Dent had suggested we just take the five hundred and flee the country, but Adam was smart enough to see the folly of doing something like. Any noble with access to that much money had to be related to one of the dukes at least. Possibly a prince. If we ran, we would become a loose thread, and no amount of hiding in foreign countries could save us. Hell, we might wind up as loose threads even if we stuck around, but we would have a chance.

After some discussion, we opted to go with drugging. It would be a lot safer, though there was a greater risk to us this way; whacking them over the head would be faster, but that risked damaging the targets. We were being paid to take the both of them alive after all. Though why the client cared about the guard was beyond me, normally the guard would be considered expendable and you would just want the noble girl.

The only thought we could come up with was the guard was from another noble house and was serving this Stahlia girl as a political favor. Either way, things were going to be a bit complicated. After some discussion, we settled on Sleeping Sap. It would be cheap, and the fact that the species of Treant that produced it lived in the area would make it harder to trace.

Now, as we were lying in wait, it was just a matter of waiting for the target to move on her own. Surprisingly, she moved about by herself an awful lot. Most of the kids seemed to be grouped up with each other, but this Stahlia was going from group to group every twenty minutes or so. It was a bit confusing, but Dent didn’t dare get close enough to any of the groups to figure out why.

Likewise, because she was moving about so frequently it was ironically harder for us to make a move. Very often, she was too close to one group or another for us to act; if we made a move it would be witnessed or heard and then the alarm would sound. I was starting to worry we wouldn’t have a chance to do anything when the class finally broke for lunch. I’d expect any noble girl worth a million coins to be a socialite, and her moving about from group to group seemed to support that. Strangely though, she moved a fair distance away from everyone else to eat.

Not one to question lady luck, I signaled Dent to make a move. Catching my wave, he slid from tree to tree. Moving by the branches and doing his best to avoid making a sound. Once he was in range, he produced his blowpipe and fitted a dart soaked in the sap. One quick puff and the girl would be out cold.

The dart hit her in the back of the neck, right where our scout had aimed. After swatting at what she probably thought was an insect, Stahlia teetered in her seat and soon collapsed. To my surprise, she seemed to look straight at Dent before she passed out, but that had to be my imagination.

To his credit, her guard reacted quickly, immediately zeroing in on Dent’s position and moving to block his lady from the threat’s line of sight. Just what we want you to do though!

Adam moved next, he’s our healer and alchemist. Though all his healing is traditional poultices and potions; he can’t use magic himself. Still, he knows his trade and had managed to turn some of the sap into smoke. Each of us had a jar filled with the stuff, and Adam threw his towards the guard.

We should have won then; the guard would be surprised and inhaled the smoke, but he was made of sterner stuff. As soon as he heard the jar break, I saw him inhale deeply and hold his breath. This meant he got a good lungful of air before the smoke could spread out. Well, nothing ever goes perfectly. At least while holding his breath, he can’t sound the alarm.

Dent took the opportunity to shoot a Dart at the guard, but with a quick motion of his hand, the bastard caught the dart!

I started moving then, clearly, things would need to be settled up close and personal; if we let him be he would easily hold his breath long enough for the smoke to dissipate. If I put pressure on him, we might be able to force him to breathe.

As I moved, I tried to stay in his blind spot, while Dent shot darts at a rapid pace. One of the upsides to using such a common poison was how easy it was to overprepare. Sure am glad I insisted he make more than we would need!

Adam stayed close, but just out of range of the guard’s sword. There were some black lines showing on his skin though, which was concerning. Shit, this guy’s good if Adam’s already had to take his pill. I have to get in there quick!

I threw my own jar to renew the dissipating smoke just before I arrived and crushed my own pill. Immediately, I felt my heartbeat quicken, and my muscles clenched and unclenched as power shot through them. These combat pills were a concoction of Adam’s; one of them would boost your strength by a few levels for a short window, but you’d be lethargic as a dog’s shit when it wore off.

Leaping into the fray, I left my sword sheathed. A rarity for an adventurer in this kingdom, I was a brawler by purpose so I was naturally stronger with my fists. Rushing the guard, I unleashed a flurry of punches while mixing in a few kicks.

He glared at me, his eyes spitting hatred and irritation. I smiled widely. Ideally, it would piss him off and prompt a mistake. It’s been a minute since he last took a breath… Hopefully, the activity is pressuring him! I dropped down to all fours like a cat as his sword passed by where my head was a mere moment ago.

And I barely saw that coming! He’s skilled, that’s for sure! You needed to be at a fairly high level to hold off three B-ranked adventurers and while it may be presumptuous of me, Team Red Iron was above average for our stated rank.

Kicking out my legs, I stayed at ground level; this was a technique I had learned from a beastkin warrior. They might be filthy brutes devoid of the god’s favor, but their warriors knew some good tricks. Staying low would make me a lot harder for a swordsman to hit.

Suddenly, a metal blade flashed right by my cheek, close enough to make a shallow cut. Shit!

Rolling to the side, I tried to launch up into an uppercut, but the guard jumped back and countered with a thrust that I barely sidestepped.

Adam had fallen back, out of the smoke cloud and was breathing heavily. Not surprising, I’m honestly surprised he kept up as long as he did without getting injured. Dent was still firing darts, but had dropped to ground level and was circling around to try and shoot from unpredictable angles. He’s nearly out as well... this is taking too long!

The smoke was once again beginning to thin out, so I needed to give Dent a chance. I made a quick chopping motion with my hand; our team’s signal to wait for an opening. Then, I dove at the guard. It was a risky move, and one full of openings. That’s why it worked.

The guard wasn’t expecting me to rush him down without any thought to self-preservation, and he failed to react. Slamming into his stomach, knocked the wind out of him. Dent took the chance and threw his jar. For someone without a class, Dent was a pretty good shot; the jar smashed right into the guard’s face as he was involuntarily sucking in air.

Pushing off of him, I took distance out of the cloud and released my own breath. After a few seconds of floundering, the guard finally stilled. Waving my two comrades over, I quickly whispered instructions.

“Dent, how many darts do you have left?”

He glanced at his pouch then mouthed the number to me, “Six.”

“Good, take them all and stab that bastard in an artery; he took way too long to pass out, so he’s gotta have poison or sleep resistance.” Dent nodded and hurried over to the man’s side.

“Adam, give me an antidote; the bastard nicked my cheek. Then, we need to get out of here; that was way too long and flashy. Someone almost definitely saw.”

Adam pulled a general-purpose anti-poison from his pouch and passed it to me, then he went and hefted up the noble girl. Dent was busy stripping the armor from the guard; he would be too heavy to carry with it on, so we would leave it behind. Two minutes later, we were tearing through the woods towards the cart and horse we had left ahead of time.

Much to our surprise and joy, the alarm wasn’t sounded until we were back at the city gates. I voiced what we were all thinking as we got into our safe house, “I guess we got lucky and nobody saw anything. Thank Antenora for small mercies.”

It wouldn’t be for another couple of hours that I realized things had probably been arranged with the city watch ahead of time, when Dent came hurtling into my room and told me that; “Stahlia wants to see you, to tell you where to take her and her guard so we can get the rest of the payment.”

Stahlia, Twelve Years Old, Second Month of 948

Kurtis looked exhausted when he finished recounting his side of events, so I thanked him before telling him where we should be delivered, “Again, thank you for your help; I wouldn’t have been able to deal with Rowell without you… This evening or tomorrow morning you can bring us to this warehouse near the upper city, and some people will be there with the other half of your money. The guards at the west gate will have instructions to let you pass without searching the cart.”

Kurtis took the slip of paper on which was drawn a map and address, before folding it and stuffing it down the front of his shirt, “Aye. We… we’ll do it tonight. I want nothing more to do with you or that guard after we get paid. This whole situation is… abnormal.”

He had a distant, wistful look in his eye. Clearly. Abnormal is an apt descriptor for this situation. I suppose I shouldn’t tell you who’s money you’re being paid with then, you might have a heart attack. I gave my host a gracious smile, “Regarding Rowell, he has both [Sleep Resistance] and [Poison Resistance] talents, though I don’t know the levels… you may want to give him another dose…  or two.”

Kurtis waved his hand at Adam while sighing, and he hurried out to re-drug my bodyguard. I suppose I won’t need the backup plan after all. It doesn’t look like they have any intentions of trying to double-cross on the deal. The backup plan was for me to invoke the voice of the king using my name as a princess of the kingdom and compel the three of them to follow my orders. Doing it would be extremely painful owing to my injury, and would necessitate… tying up loose ends… since nobody could know I was engaged to Rupert just yet.

I was already feeling anxious about what was going to happen with Rowell, and he was a known enemy. These three were at best neutral and at worse collaborators of mine. Having to have them killed would be a tall order for me, but Rupert would definitely insist on it. Thankfully, it won’t come to that.

Later that evening, I bade farewell to Kurtis and his compatriots, and greeted Gustav. I was a bit surprised he was the one who came to pay my release; though he was wearing a mask to hide his face from the three, I could recognize his voice. Once Team Red Iron had left, a man came and took Rowell away.

Removing his mask, Gustav guided me deeper into the warehouse, “We had a workplace set up further inside. Forgive me for the quality, but it was done in a hurry. I have also arranged for an assistant who can help you with any of the… less ladylike aspects of this endeavor.”

I bowed my head in gratitude, “Thank you, Gustav. The assistant can be trusted I take it?”

“Yes, he can be. He was once your father’s guard knight and has been working alongside Rupert for some time now. His name is Ferdinand.” We came to a door as Gustav was talking, and he handed me a hooded cloak that would obscure my face but not inhibit my sight, “It is enchanted to mask the sound of your voice so that Rowell, and by extension the parasite, will not recognize you.”

I took a deep breath to steady my heart, which had begun to beat faster and faster as I approached the coming moment, “…Thank you. Though, I doubt such a measure will fool our enemy; Five already knows that I am working against him. The fact that the shadow assigned to me was the one targeted.”

Gustav nodded seriously and opened the door for me, “Still, Rupert ordered me to give it to you, so you should wear it.”

I bit back my retort and simply shrugged while donning the cloak. While I knew he was only doing it to preserve his investment, and not because he cared for my safety out of any kind of affection I was still a bit touched. After all, Rupert was pretty intelligent in his own right; the unspoken implication of Gustav’s ‘still’ was that Rupert was trying to act like a fiancée should, for my sake.

Entering the room, I found that Rowell had been stretched out on a frame-mounted over a wooden table. It was such that the frame could be lifted and rotated, to give access to both his front and back. Accounting for my small stature, there was even a step stool next to the table. On another table, was an assortment of knives and scalpels, as well as a jar labeled “Ether”, and an assortment of other potions and compounds.

I felt a sick sense of irony that a chemical I had once developed to help my mother was now being offered to me with the understanding that I would be using it to cut someone open. Maliciously. Next to the table of scary stuff, was the man who had originally taken Rowell away. I suppose that’s Ferdinand. My dad’s old knight huh?

Wearing the hood now, he wouldn’t be able to see my face as I studied him curiously. He was on the taller side, with grey hair and hazel eyes. His skin had the look of a weathered warrior. And considering he was my father’s guard knight he must be fairly old. Over forty at least, based on my father’s age. There wasn’t really a concept of retirement in this world, so older knights weren’t unheard of. But it was a dangerous profession, so the older knights that would actually go out on missions or who had all of their limbs were rare. It was a sign that they were extremely skilled.

After a moment he stepped away from the table with Rowell and bowed, an action that caught me entirely off guard, “Huwah!?”

“Your Highness, Princess Stahlia von Ris und zu Drakas. It is my honor to make your acquaintance, my name is Ferdinand von Claurence. I was once in the service of your father, before the fall of the Despita house… If I might say, it was music to my ears when I heard about what you have done to restore your house. Even if its name has changed.” His tone was completely level and respectful, but the eyes with which he was looking at me exuded admiration bordering on idolatry.

…This was the first time anyone has greeted me using my full title, isn’t it… That’s going to take some getting used to. And stop looking at me like that! It’s more than a bit creepy! I would have to ask my father about him later; his devotion was on the extreme end, and there had to be a reason for that. For now though, I had other issues to attend to. Doing my best to smooth over my unladylike exclamation, I curtsied.

“Thank you, I am Lady Stahlia von Ris… und zu Drakas. It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Claurence.” Though, my father never mentioned you… Actually, wouldn’t Edith have said something about one of her uncles being in the service of my father? From under my hood, I eyed him suspiciously. I was sure he wasn’t a threat; Gustav and Rupert wouldn’t be so naïve as to send a threat to my side like this. But just the thought that nobody has ever mentioned you before… There has to be a reason for that.

I turned to Gustav, “Gustav, how much does he know?”

“He is aware of the engagement, as well as the existence of the demons. Rupert has also told him about your position of Winter Champion. He has not been told about anything we discussed after the royal proclamation.” He spoke the second half in a whisper so that Ferdinand would not overhear. Right, so he doesn’t know about the church or my tenuous divinity.

Approaching the table, I went up the step stool and looked down over Rowell’s unconscious body. Right, here goes nothing. Focusing mana into my eyes, I ignored the pain and applied the Divine Element to it. Following yesterday’s revelation in my White Magic class, I had confirmed that I wouldn’t be further injured by mana once I had applied the divine aspect. Though the usefulness of this discovery was a bit limited since I had to move the mana to where I needed it prior to aspecting.

Still, it meant that if I grit my teeth I could use my divine eyes for short periods of time; the constant flow of unaspected mana to replenish the used mana was a dull throbbing. A bit like the aftermath of a tetanus shot. I roved my eyes over Rowell’s body staring closely. After a moment, I spotted the location near his spine where there was no mana. That’ll be the parasite then. It’s in a different place than Jacqueline’s was…

I motioned to Ferdinand, “Turn him over, the demon is in his back.”

Ferdinand glanced at Rowell curiously, and the latter nodded, “If that’s where she says it is, then that’s where it is.”

Ferdinand operated the table without further question and lifted Rowell up before manipulating the frame to turn him over. Reversing things, he lowered the prisoner down onto his stomach. Now, obviously it wasn’t as accurate as something like an MRI would be, but it looked like it was on the inside of the spine, so we wouldn’t be able to get it out without seriously risking paralyzing him. But, that was only if we had to get it out.

Holding out my hand towards Ferdinand, I asked for one of the knives, “The scalpel please, and then put an Ether soaked rag under his face. I don’t want him to wake up.”

Gustav gave me a mildly concerned look, “Are you going to do this yourself? I thought you would be having him do it.”

I shook my head, “I will need to do a lot more; if I can’t do this much there will be problems in the future, do you agree?”

Gustav didn’t answer my question, but the silence was an answer in its own right. I’ll try not to worry about the possibility of overdosing him on Ether either. I have no idea about how dosage would work for anesthetics… I’ll just have to do things quickly and trust that his resistance talents will prevent him from dying. Also of concern was the sanitation conditions of the area. Though a healing potion or some White Magic would cure most infections so that was a relatively minor thing.

Ferdinand passed me the knife I wanted and placed the ether under Rowell’s face. Placing the knife a little bit to the right of the spine, I hesitated. I was thinking of when I melted Jacqueline’s arm. Getting over the guilt  was one thing, but to turn around and do something similar… Right, you have to do this. Hell, you’ll have to do a lot worse than this in the next few weeks and months, probably. Squeezing my eyes shut, I focused on breathing in and out repeatedly. I was not going to use [Cold Hearted]

Ferdinand spoke quietly from nearby, “Do you want me to…”

I cut him off with a shake of my head, “No. I’ll do it.” I opened my eyes and applied pressure with the knife, then pulled it towards myself.

I was rewarded with the sensation of slicing meat, like trimming the fat from a steak. The cut was clean, and there was surprisingly little blood, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing though. I don’t feel sick at least. I moved the knife around, cutting under the skin to separate it from the tissue beneath. Putting the blade aside, I again motioned to Ferdinand, “The clamps please.”

Taking the two metal clamps, I fastened them to the edges of the skin and pulled it aside. This exposed the muscle and tissue beneath. Right, chances are the parasite will react violently if I poke too close to it. So I’ll move around this muscle. I just need to be able to touch it, then I can try my method. If that fails, we’ll just cut it out and risk paralyzing him. Hopefully, my method would work, since then I could use it on Jacqueline; I wasn’t going to try and cut the worm off of her and risk paralyzing my maid.

If I had the Goddess’ Draught, then that would be one thing since I could simply hack out the parasite before giving it to her to heal her arm. Two birds with one stone and all that. Just a bit further… Forcing my hand around, I was glad of the small size. Alright. If I go any further, it will probably feel me. The fact that it hasn’t felt me already is a bit strange. I have to assume that it’s dormant alongside the host or something like that. It is attached to the nervous system…

There wasn’t any sign of movement from the parasite so I shut my eyes with my hand shoved inside Rowell’s back. As an aside, this amplified the slimy-wet-warm feeling, and I became aware of his pulse. Right. Ignore that. Focus. Turning myself inward, I forcibly jammed out all of the external stimuli, calming my mind. After a short time of this, I became aware of a dull pulse, like something crawling under my skin. It had been a while since I had actively tried to feel my mana, and I had forgotten how strange it felt. But this isn’t far enough. I need to go deeper.

It was when I reached a state of near-zero awareness and activity that I felt it. A lump, sitting in my chest near my heart. It was cold and tingled a little bit, kind of like the needles pricking a limb that had fallen asleep. My mana crystal. It had been stockpiling mana ever since I had first gotten it, up until I had expended all of my mana stopping Dominic. But it had been slowly refilling over the course of the past few days.

A quick glance at my status menu showed my mana was a little over a hundred and seventy-five percent capacity, so I had a fair amount in my crystal. And the crystal is a separate vessel, so the mana is already in it’s “destination” Focusing on the crystal, I grabbed hold of the contents and began to shape it. It was difficult, and there was a bit of resistance; normally manipulating my mana felt like swimming through a cloud made of velvet. It was easy and came naturally after so much practice.

Manipulating the mana in this crystal felt slow like I was trying to row a canoe through a muddy swamp. Still, just because it was hard, didn’t mean it wasn’t possible. I’ll force my way through if I have to! Slowly, I was able to collect the mana, and I began to aspect it. I was of course, giving it the Divine Element. Not just so I could move the mana from my crystal through my pathways without killing myself. But so that I could force all of it into the parasite.

After all, why would the champions be given the ability to use Divine Element? So that they could see the gods? Antenora had appeared in my dreams before I was able to use my divine eyes. Mortis was probably just being a lazy ass by appearing the way he did. No, the only conclusion I could logically reach, was that the Divine Element was somehow needed to deal with Demons. This would be the test of that theory.

By the time I had finished aspecting the clump of mana I was sweating profusely, and my breathing was ragged. This was the largest quantity of mana I had ever manipulated in this way; sure my [Pseudo Limit Break] had been a larger quantity, but that had been basic Blood Magic enhancement. I hadn’t had to aspect the mana, let alone with Divine Element. I pushed the mana down my mana channels towards my hand.

It was painless, as I had expected. Once it was pooled up, I forced my hand forward. Deeper into Rowell, and grabbed ahold of his spine roughly where the Parasite should be. Then, I forced the mana out of my hand. It felt cold like my blood had turned to ice water. After a moment, it was over. I smiled; I knew I had succeeded. Displayed on my screen was an appraisal result.

“Larval Demon of Wrath: Deceased”

It was upsetting that I couldn’t get any stat information about it, like it’s skills, talents, and stats. But simply knowing that I could kill them without paralyzing the host was enough for me. I moved my hand up and down, careful not to pull at the spine, until I grasped something floppy and squishy. Pulling it out I found a small, white, blood-covered worm. It looked a bit like a larval Mind Flayer in appearance.

I held it up and showed Gustav, like a cat showing a mouse to it’s owner, “Look, my plan worked…”

Ferdinand was already moving even as I fell forward, and was able to catch and support me. A wave of nausea washed over me, and I felt faint. Oh, this is not good. I knew I was going to pass out; this felt remarkably similar to what it was like right before I went into a coma after granting Jacqueline [Charm Immunity]. Apparently, using large amounts of divinity was going to cause me to have to sleep.

I don’t have much time… think! “Gustav, I’m going to pass out in a minute. I probably won’t wake up for a few days. Get Jacqueline and Felicity, bring them to the Claurence estate for safety. Tell Jacqueline that ‘It’s just like Ris.’ and she should go along with whatever you say. Ferdinand, sew up Rowell and give him the recovery potions… I need to… see iff… he… can… recov…er…”

My world, once again, went dark.