Tricked Into A NewLife, God Must Be Screwing With Me!

Stahlia Four Years Old, Second Month, 941

I skipped down the street on my way to the temple to collect Sana. I was exhilarated, the snow which had been too thick for me to break through had finally thawed to the point that I could move about freely again. Normally I would simply be going to the temple, but seeing as the snow had finally melted, the Priest had given his permission for Sana to accompany me as I went around the town today. I was planning to take her to Sven’s shop; after I had told her how I made the Snake Grass tea she had developed an interest in alchemy. Besides, I had an important conversation to have with Sven.

I was still miffed about his plans to leave, but it likely wouldn’t be until I was around nine or ten years old so I figured there was still plenty of time. Jacqueline was trailing behind me as usual, with Stil trotting after her. I ducked down a side street and made a detour to get to the temple, Giogi and his fellow hooligans were likely to be in the square playing today, or so Jacqueline had informed me. Seriously, I can’t be more grateful for her excellent services.

Arriving at the temple, Sana shot out the front door, “Stali! We’re going to the potion store today right!?” I jumped to the side; she had misjudged the icy stone path and would have slid into me before she could stop.

“Yes Sana, we are going to the Alchemy Shop.” I corrected her with a smile. Sana didn’t get to leave the temple very often, though after developing the ability to cast miracles the Priest had told her she could go out more often. Of course, right about as soon as he told her that the snow came in force, so she had been cooped up indoors. She was understandably excited.

She collected herself when she saw Jacqueline watching her with barely suppressed laughter. Turning bright red she backed up slightly. “Well, I am really excited…”

I giggled and beckoned for her to come along. We set out, taking a detour around the village square to avoid Giogi and co. When we got to the store entrance I whistled, which caused Stil to trot over. I tossed him a strip of jerky, “Stil, Guard the perimeter.”

Over the winter my Monster Handling talent had leveled up. Monster Handling II allowed me to somewhat convey an intention alongside the order. “Guard the perimeter” would send Stil a mental image of what I considered the “perimeter” to consist of. It also came with a second monster slot but of course, I hadn’t been able to fill it. The maximum rank of monsters I could bond with had increased by “+1”. I assumed that meant I could tame a D rank monster now but had not been able to test. Incidentally, according to Jacqueline, Stawri like Stil were, in fact, E rank, the same as goblins and one above the lowest rank of F.

Stil snapped up his jerky and began to pace in front of the shop sniffing at things before selecting a vantage point and sitting down. Honestly, your feathers make me so jealous sometimes, they must be really warm. I trotted up to the door and knocked on it before opening it up and stepping in. Jacqueline and Sana were right behind me, eager to get out of the cold.

“Mister Sven! I am here with Sana today!” I announced myself loudly so that he would be able to hear me from anywhere in the shop. Sven came out of the backroom with a raised eyebrow.

“So this is Sana, I’ve heard a bit about you. To what do I owe the pleasure miss Stahlia?”

Right, I hadn’t told him I was coming yet. “Mister Sven, Teach me about Pregnancy!”

“Hu-Buwah?!” Sven choked on something and stared at me with fish-eyes. Out from behind him a second man emerged, he looked quite like Sven.

Hmm? Who’s that? More importantly, what’s wrong with Sven..? Oh, right, “pregnancy” is a vulgar word in this world, and Sven is used to me using proper speech.

“My apologies, please excuse my vulgar choice of words. Mister Sven, would you kindly teach me about Vitae’s embrace in the absence of Nymphos?” There, that should get my point across.

“Hubahaha?!” Seriously? What the hell is wrong with him?!

I glanced around the room. Sven’s presumed brother was staring at me with a shocked expression. Jacqueline was turned to the side and hunched over so I couldn’t see her face, but her shoulders were trembling. Sana was more or less ignoring everyone as she flicked her gaze from object to object, staring with naked fascination. Why are Jacqueline and this dude being so weird? I just want to learn about what medicines you give a pregnant woman in this world?

Sven’s brother stepped forward and cuffed his brother on his shoulder. “Sven, have you been walking in Virgil’s footsteps?” His face was kind of scary. Virgil? The pedophile god…? Oh shit!

Realizing my mistake, I hurriedly interceded, waving my hands in front of me to clear the misunderstanding, “Nonono, Mister Sven has not done anything of the sort! It is my mother you see, early in winter she announced herself. We were unable to tell anyone because of the snow! I want Mister Sven to teach me about the potions she needs!”

Sven opened and closed his mouth a few times. While he was formulating a response, Sana zeroed in on my statement and exclaimed, “Really!? You’re gonna be a big sister!? I want to see the baby! Do you think I should sing a song for your mommy?” That’s not a bad idea…

“Alright, we can go stop on the way back to the temple. I am sure my mother would be most pleased.” During this exchange, Jacqueline seemed to have recovered and was now standing off to the side stoically, although I could see the corners of her mouth twitching occasionally.

Sven finally recovered enough to speak, “…I see… c-congratulations, I am sure you will be an excellent older sister.” His brother cuffed his shoulder again. “Right, this is my younger brother Sieg, the one I had mentioned to you. He started as my apprentice last month.”

Stepping forward, Sieg gave an elegant bow. “I have heard much about you Lady Stahlia, my name is Sieg Svensbrother.” Feeling compelled by his aura I curtsied.

“My name is Stahlia Rosaliesdaughter, the honor is mine. Sven has been ever so kind to me these past three years. This is Jacqueline my attendant-” Jacqueline curtsied but did not announce herself. “-and this is Sana, my good friend. We will be in your care.”

Sana stepped forward and did her own curtsy. “My name is Sana daughter of none. I’m Stali’s friend, it’s nice to meet you!”

Sieg looked back and forth between me, Jacqueline and Sana, “…it’s like being in a king’s court. You told me Lady Stahlia was exceptional, but you could’ve warned me, Sven.” Sven chuckled mirthfully.

“I figured even if I did you wouldn’t’ve believed me. Better to experience it firsthand like I had to…” He glanced at me, likely thinking about our first meeting.

I gave them a moment to commiserate before clapping my hands, “Right, Mister Sven can you teach me what I need to know for my mother? I think Sana is interested in the Snake Grass tea that I made late last year, perhaps Sieg could show her other herbs that might make for a good tea? I was thinking of dried Tortoise Flower petals, the ones that cure indigestion.”

Tortoise Flowers were a species of flower that had petals shaped like the sections of a tortoiseshell. They were used to calm an upset stomach but had a very bitter flavor. I imagined a tea made with plenty of honey would turn out quite lovely.

Sieg blinked at Sven, “Wait, you were serious? She came up with that recipe?” it was Sven’s turn to clap Sieg on his shoulder.

“Get used to it Sieg, probably about eighty percent of the new products to come out of this workshop in the past three years are a result of working with her. The other twenty were twists I came up with based on something she developed.” Sieg sighed and walked over to an herb shelf and started pulling out common medicinal herbs before calling Sana over to a corner worktable. Jacqueline took out the tea set we had brought with us and laid it out for them before joining me and Sven.

Sven started pulling down ingredients from various shelves. I recognized all of them already from past lessons, at his direction I began preparing them into the desired quantities. We mixed some of the Tortoise Flower petals into a thick syrup. At my suggestion we added honeycomb; this syrup was to help with morning sickness.

We also mixed several powders into a potion cauldron, which we then “condescended” into two separate potions. One of them stimulated milk production and the other was supposed to help with the infant’s development pre-birth. Before developing the “condescending” method, you would have to brew this mix twice and use a different method to extract the potion each time. Still, I really wish he would have listened when I explained the proper terminology. I find it so hard not to laugh when I hear someone say they are “condescending a potion”. Unfortunately for me, the name had stuck. Since that incident, I was careful not to use English words when describing various chemistry techniques.

All in all, we brewed five separate medicines for my mother. Sven also sold me the raw ingredients at cost using the excuse; “If some emergency happens, it would be better not to have to summon me. It’s a long walk to your house, and you’re more than capable of fixing the potions yourself.” Aside from the aforementioned three, we also made oil to be spread over her stomach to prevent stretch marks from forming later, and what amounted to a nutrient slurry to supplement her diet. I didn’t really consider that last one to be a potion; I could probably have managed to make it at home without seeking Sven’s aid.

Bearing in mind that I still had to take Sana back to the temple before dark, we ended up cutting the session shorter than I would have liked. I approached the side worktable and overheard a somewhat heated conversation between Sieg and Sana. They seemed to be debating the merits of different techniques to steep the herbs and how they affected the final flavor. Well, it was more a case of Sieg saying something and Sana responding in an excited manner; it was pretty clear she only understood the words at face value. It seems Sana has developed quite a fondness for teas, but who would have thought Sieg would know so much about such a subject.

I shot Sven a glare; he only knew about pure alchemy. When I had suggested brewing the medicines into tea he had left the entire affair up to me saying, “I don’t know a thing about woman’s hobbies like tea parties.” Sven noticed my glare and raised a questioning eyebrow. Turning my attention back to the ongoing tea party I cleared my throat.

“Ah Lady Stahlia, just in time! Try this if you would?” I looked down at the contents of the cup offered to me. I could see small bits of tortoise petals floating in it. It smelled bitter. Like quintuple shot espresso from back on Earth. I really don’t want to drink that…

“Sana, it is time for us to depart. We will not be able to make it to my house if we are to have you returned to the temple on time.” Sana pouted at me.

“But Stali, we spent all day trying to make this one… you won’t try it?” She was giving me puppy dog eyes. There is no world in which that “tea” tastes good. I would know, I have experience in two now.

I sighed, “…Alright, just a sip then we must go.” I took the teacup from her and stared at it ruefully. My eyes were watering. I steeled my resolve and took a sip. It was awful and I had to run over to a waste bucket for spoiled potions where I promptly threw up. When I recovered, Sana was in tears and Sieg was being harshly scolded by Jacqueline. I did feel bad about throwing up after they had spent so much time on it, but it had been a totally involuntary response; the brew was just that bad.

“ugh… Next time use more honey, and Jacqueline, help them steep the leaves.” I managed to groan out some advice. After Sana calmed, we left for my home. Sana still seemed upset about the tea so, in an effort to cheer her up I called Stil over. I motioned for Jacqueline, and she promptly handed me two sheets of paper. I showed Stil the first one; “Stil, Priest.” Showing him the second one; “Stil, Mother.” I then tucked both papers into his collar. “Stil, Delivery.”

Sana was watching all of this with wide but red eyes. “Stali, what are those?”

I smiled at her. “Messages, the first one is for the priest, I had Jacqueline write it earlier; it tells him we are stopping by my house because you wanted to see my mother’s belly and asks him if it’s ok for you to spend the night. The other is for my mother, telling her about our visit.” Sana seemed very fond of the plan and quickly forgot about her earlier faux pas.

Stil ran off to make his deliveries while we continued on, taking a route suggested by Jacqueline to avoid Giogi. After about fifteen minutes, Stil came back with two sheets of paper tucked under his collar. I took the first one and asked Jacqueline to read it. It was from the priest and read,

“Sana may spend the night at the mayor’s residence, but please have her back at the temple before noon tomorrow. Lady Stahlia, in the future please do not use a monster to deliver letters without some prior warning, my heart is not as strong as it used to be.”

The second letter simply gave my mother’s confirmation that she would instruct Silvia to prepare an extra portion at dinner.

“Really now, how did he know the letters were my idea?!” Incensed, I huffed my thoughts out loud which caused Sana to giggle.

“Tee-hee, Stali, it’s because Stil is your Stawri! Everyone in town knows about you two!” She was smiling again, so I grinned back. It seemed all of her previous worries had been alleviated.

★★★★★★

Arriving home, we let ourselves in. Jacqueline took our coats and hung them up before excusing herself to go and prepare a guest bed in my room. Having heard the door, my mother came out with Silvia trailing behind her. After introducing Sana to her, Silvia took the bag of potions Jacqueline had left in the entry and began to put them away while I informed her which was which.

Dinner was a slow affair; we recounted the events of the day causing my mother great embarrassment when she heard of my own blunder regarding pregnancy. For his part, my father found the story hilarious. His mirth caused my mother to vow to intensify my etiquette lessons, which caused me to groan, which caused my father to start laughing harder, which in turn caused my mother to turn bright red and scold me about “appearances and manners”. Throughout the whole spectacle, Sana alternated between outright laughter and vainly trying to appear serious.

After dinner, Sana approached my mother and asked if she could sing for her. I was careful to explain this would cause a miracle, as Sana had acquired the Faith Singer talent. I wouldn’t want my mother to get surprised and miscarry when the miracle light descends on her, there’s no telling what that would do to Sana’s mental state.

My mother was overjoyed to accept the offer, so Sana took up a position with her hands on either side of my mother’s bulging stomach. Jacqueline revealed yet another talent of her own when she produced a small instrument that vaguely resembled a xylophone, but with strings instead of metal slates and asked Sana which holy song she would sing. Sana told her, and Jacqueline provided an accompaniment score. The song was slow and short, just two verses repeated three times, but Sana’s high childish voice complimented Jacqueline’s playing well.

 

Oh great Goddess of Harvest and Child

Mother Vitae who watches over us from above

Grant your servant this, her simple wish

Guard this little one in its cradle of clay and mud

Hear our prayer, this song of our love

Oh great Goddess of Mothers and Infants

May my song, my prayer my words uphove

Protect the small life from threats that run rampant

After the first repetition, those present could feel energy suffusing the room. The second repetition was played and sung slightly faster, or it could have been a trick of the energy. Upon concluding the second repetition, Sana seemed to be glowing with a faint amber light. Concluding with the third repetition, the amber light leaped off Sana and pooled in a galaxy swirl above my mother’s stomach before entering her and settling. Briefly, we could make out a dark shape inside her, illuminated by the light. Then the room seemed dim, despite none of the candles or lamps having gone out.

Sana fell down to her knees, appearing short of breath. She smiled up at my mother, “…Thank you… for letting me… sing for you…” Is it just me? Or was that a lot brighter than the other two blessings I’ve seen? Mine and Jav’s. though, I couldn’t really see my own, on account of standing in the middle of it. My mother thanked Sana profusely then Sana and I retired to my room.

We lounged about for an hour discussing a myriad of things, but the miracle had seemingly tired Sana a great deal, so she seemed somewhat listless after a while. I determined it was about time to go to sleep, so I bid her goodnight.

“Sleep well Sana, thank you again for blessing my mother.” I squeezed her hand and climbed into my own bed.

“Goodnight… Stal….” Her voice seemed to trail a bit at the end, but when I went to ask her if she was ok, she was already fast asleep. I had no intention of becoming a pious follower of this world’s messed up religion, but I directed a prayer towards no god in particular asking for Sana to find happiness.

The next morning, we came down for breakfast, which was uneventful. After breakfast, I determined it was about time to get Sana back to the temple lest we be late. As we were saying our goodbyes, my father pressed a pouch into Sana’s hand and asked her to give it to the Priest with his thanks. Based on Sana’s reaction, the pouch must have been heavy. She graced my father with an awkward smile and told him she was certain the priest would be pleased.

We set out for the temple in high spirits, accompanied as usual by Jacqueline and Stil. The Priest was indeed pleased with my father’s “donation”. As it turned out, in order to obtain a miracle from a member of the church it was usually common courtesy to offer a gift of money or goods. Even though Sana had volunteered to do it out of friendship for us, my father felt obligated to provide compensation. Pretty sure that’s money he got from me anyway, so it’s not like making a large donation is going to hurt our family’s finances.

★★★★★★

My mother’s pregnancy advanced steadily. During this time, I continued to visit Sven frequently to learn about the various potions and medicinal concoctions she would need during and after the birth, as well as what the newborn infant would need to help ensure its health. Time seemed to fly by and thought I had a few run-ins with Giogi and his posse to mar my mood, thanks to Jacqueline’s help I was still able to avoid them more often than not.

My mother was getting bigger by the day, until one morning, early in the sixth month of the year 941 she announced that the baby was coming. My father immediately dispatched Silvia to fetch the doctor and instructed Jacqueline and myself to attend to my mother before retiring himself to another room. Apparently, it was considered a social blunder for a man to present while his wife gave birth. Though based on Jacqueline’s reaction to his decisions I had to wonder if he was just nervous.

Still, I had already determined to make sure my younger sibling was born safely, so I set Jacqueline to the task of tending my mother while I ran around the house fetching whatever she needed. The first thing Jacqueline did was to help my mother sit up in bed and send me to take Stil out to the garden and draw water. I whistled for Stil and dashed to the kitchen where I fetched a large bucket, which stood nearly as tall as my waist.

Staring at it for a moment, I determined there was no way I would be able to get the bucket out to the garden unassisted, let alone use it to draw water from our well, and then bring it full of water back upstairs to my parent’s room. Well, there’s no helping it. I focused for a moment, feeling the crawling sensation I knew was my mana coursing through my body. Directing my mana to flow into my arms and legs I enhanced my physical strength and hefted the bucket up in one hand. This much should be easy.

I darted out the kitchen side door and had Stil crouch down in front of the well so I could use him as a stool to reach the hook. Seriously, Jacqueline had to have known I wouldn’t be able to do this… She must have just assumed I would enhance myself. What a resourceful woman. Attaching the bucket, I let it fall down into the well. Further enhancing my arms, I started turning the crank to bring it back up.

I pulled the bucket back up and after a bit of finagling was able to unhook it. Bringing the bucket back into the kitchen with both hands now, I glanced around. Pretty sure I should sanitize this water. I looked for a bit of alcohol, but of course, we kept that on the very top shelf. I might be able to get it if I enhanced my legs some more and jumped, but mother would definitely question how I was able to jump that high. I was idly stirring the water with my finger deep in thought about what I should do. I suppose I’ll just have to boil it then. Just as I was looking around the shelf for the flint, I felt a sharp pain in my finger and yelped, drawing my hand back from the bucket.

Looking at the bucket suspiciously I saw that the water was now steaming, with small bubbles were rising to the surface. What the hell? Did I just heat the water with magic…? Glancing around the room I shook the unnecessary thoughts from my head, I could figure out what happened later. I hefted the bucket up and started climbing the stairs. About halfway up, I heard the front door open. Silvia’s voice called out to me.

“Oh, Lady Stahlia, what are you doing!?” she ran up and took the bucket from me, apparently under the impression that I was greatly struggling. I let her have it, thankfully it seemed her nerves were currently too raw to question how I had managed to firstly, draw the water, and secondly, boil it, in the brief window of time she had been gone. The Doctor came up behind us and gave me a nod before urging Silvia to show him to my mother.

The three of us, as I had told Stil to watch the garden, made our way up to my mother’s room. Jacqueline immediately dunked a cloth into the water before jerking her hand back and shooting me a suspicious look. I shrugged my shoulders consolingly. Yea, I don’t know what I did either! Rolling her eyes, Jacqueline retrieved the cloth much more carefully and started wiping my mother down with it.

I spent the next four hours running about fetching things, though now that the doctor and Silvia were here, Jacqueline made a point of sending Silvia after anything a normal four-year-old wouldn’t be able to manage. You definitely knew I was going to use enhancement huh.

The birth took around five hours in total, according to the doctor it was a quick and “painless” one. Mother, if you expect me to do that one day you have another thing coming! As an aside, I determined I would enlist Sven’s assistance and introduce N₂O, “Laughing Gas” as it was commonly called. We should be able to use the same equipment we do for Ammonia if we replace the Hydrogen with Ammonia and increase the pressure.

When I asked about how it compared to my own birth the doctor got a funny look and simply informed me that this birth was “completely normal in every conceivable way, don’t worry about it.” I suppose that even as I entered the world, I was already stirring the pot.

Speaking of stirring the pot, towards the end, when the doctor had told us the baby would be born “any moment now” I had excused myself to the kitchen to begin mixing the recovery potions. These potions spoiled very quickly, and thus had to be mixed essentially right before they were used, but would be able to rapidly recover a woman’s body from the stress of childbirth. Though I had asked, Sven wasn’t able to tell me how they were different from normal recovery potions, just that they were.

I was just putting the finishing touches on the potion when I heard a piercing cry coming from the room above. The child had been born safely. My parents were both overjoyed at how “normal” it was, a stance that I took great offense with. I could read the room though and chose not to voice my dissatisfaction. Rosial was by all accounts, a perfectly healthy baby girl. She had my father’s black hair and my mother’s silver-blue eyes, appearance-wise she looked an awful lot like myself, just “baby-ier”. I think I saw my father’s eye twitch when he learned he had a second daughter, but he recovered quickly enough.

I was worried having an infant in the house would prove stressful, but it really wasn’t. At least not for me. After the first month, my mother seemed about ready to collapse from exhaustion. I did what I could to help her, changing diapers, mixing various remedies, putting the baby to bed, but my mother seemed to grow more and more tired by the day. Whenever I voiced concern, my mother would simply reassure me, “Stahlia dear, I am perfectly fine. I am just grateful that this child cries when she is hurt or hungry. I would much rather be on the verge of collapse from exhaustion than from worry.”

I resolved to see about developing an energy drink in addition to the ether. After about six months, around the time of my fifth birthday, things with Rosial had settled into a routine. I had still made sporadic visits to Sana at the temple but had mostly been kept busy at home. My parents had at first insisted that I could leave Rosial to my mother and Silvia, but I just informed them that I wanted to be a good older sibling. Eventually, they let me have my way and started asking me for help with various things.

Taking advantage of the relative peace, I went to visit Sven. As it turned out, Sven and Sieg had been busy in my absence. When I entered the shop, I was quickly invited into the back room, where they had been constructing a large contraption. It looked like a large steel barrel, with two smaller barrels bolted onto the sides. The Large barrel had a hand crank on the top of it, and the small barrels were hooked up to the large one via a pair of tubes, each end of the tubes was fitted to what resembled a pressure valve. I stared at the device with visible surprise, I already had a vague inkling of what its purpose was.

Sieg was standing next to it proudly, “Well, what do you think Lady Stahlia? Impressive ain’t it? Sven and I came up with this design to make Ammonia easier to produce. The machines we were using based strictly on your design worked well enough, but the production quantity was too limited.”

I tore my eyes away from the machine and looked back and forth between Sven and Sieg before letting a wide grin come across my face, “Marvelous! You’ve made a Pressure Mixer! I was just thinking we should make something like this, now we can get straight to developing Ether!” I let my speech slip a bit in my excitement, earning a surprised look from Sven and a chiding remark from Jacqueline. Sieg just seemed confused.

“A pressure mixer? No, this is an Ammonia Cauldron. Also, what the hell is ether?” He was clearly confused and didn’t realize how marvelous his invention was, so I chose to ignore his outburst and simply demonstrate.

“Right, Ether. It’s a type of potion like Ammonia only, instead of curing sleepiness, it causes it. With your pressure mixer, it should be easy enough to produce; all we need is to put the Air Powder in one of those small chambers, and Ammonia in the other. Then when we let the two gases mix in the big chamber, we will want to use the hand crank to increase the pressure. That should produce Liquid Ether and Water.” I pointed out all the things we would need to do, which caused Sieg to just get more confused. Sven came up and cuffed his shoulder.

“Just do what she says Sieg, it’s easier that way. Still, why would you want a drug to cause sleepiness Lady Stahlia?” That was a question I could answer easily.

“It only causes sleepiness in large amounts. In small doses, it merely numbs pain. I thought of it when my mother was bringing my little sister into the world.” I nodded my head in punctuation. Sven rolled his eyes at my explanation.

“You ‘thought of it’ just like that..? Whatever. If this works, and knowing you I’m sure it will, then this will revolutionize medicine.” Sven turned to his brother, “Well, Sieg, get to it; we should have enough Ammonia stocked up to try this out.”

Sven cracked his fingers and went about grabbing what we needed while Sieg prepped the pressure mixer, grumbling about how I had “totally stolen his thunder”. Now, that solves the laughing gas. I wonder how I can get my hands on Taurine and B vitamins to make energy drinks?