Tribulations of a Dragon

Hearing some unknown voice talk to you is a pretty quick way to wake up with a jolt. As I get to my feet, I give my surroundings a look and find my vision somehow limited. Everything feels weird and distorted, and my body feels uncomfortable and wrong, especially my stiff neck.

It turns out that the person who spoke is some woman with a bunch of wings on her back, and she’s freakishly beautiful. From head to toe, I’m left in awe of how magnificent this weirdo looks, it’s almost creepy.

“Dragon, I understand that you must be confused, but I brought you here to help you. Your suffering is palpable, and it will lead you and your world to ruin.”

Instead of listening to whatever she’s saying, I look down at myself and find that I have hands… Terrifying sticks of flesh protruding from slightly hairy little things. Where are my scales and claws?! This is not okay! Somehow she has turned me into a delicious human, and I don’t like that at all.

“What did you do to me? This isn’t what I look like! This isn’t me! Turn me back or I’ll find some way to hurt you when I become a dragon again!”

She completely ignores my very reasonable request in favor of looking up, and as I follow her gaze, I see myself. The real me, dragon me. And I look amazing. The slight gleam to my black scales is a testimony to the impressive durability of my body. The billowing wind of my awesome wings is a reminder of how they keep me safe and allow me to see the world. The scratching of huge claws is a constant warning to threats that I can and will defend myself against anything that might hurt me.

I want to go back to that me, the true me, not this soft mess of a body. I feel so vulnerable and weak right now, and I don’t like that one bit.

“I have done you no harm, Dragon. What you experience here is of your own making. You have taken and stolen when you should have shared and supported. She suffers in the wake of your cruelty when she should have thrived.”

“I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but I want you to fix this now! Or at least tell me how I can fix it!”

“Dragon… You cannot exist. You were never meant to exist. You are destruction incarnate, and you will only bring terror to the world.”

Okay, rude… She doesn’t believe in me at all, I guess. It doesn’t matter, I’ll figure something out, I’m great at figuring something out.

A quick summary of the situation might help. So far, I’m human, some unhelpful woman is telling me I shouldn’t exist, and my real body is standing over me, salivating. Those are all very alarming things, and I don’t like this one bit. In fact, a quick summary didn't help me at all; it might even have been a mistake.

I can’t really see any way forward aside from trying to get more information, so I ask her why I can’t exist, although I’m sure I’ll get some cryptic nonsense. She seems like the cryptic nonsense kind of person.

“Your heart ceased its function, and you found death in your egg on that mountain, Dragon. Your soul was transitioning to the world beyond when the Traveler arrived and took your body. What you are now is an amalgamation of what was left behind and what you took from the Traveler. You are incomplete and wrong.”

Who the hell is this traveler anyway? Wreyn was talking about traveling too, and as I remember it, that was some soul stuff too. Something about travelers going the wrong direction and ending up where they shouldn’t. Which sounds an awful lot like me being innocent in all of this and this traveler being to blame.

I don’t know much about this traveler business, so I’m gonna focus on the rest of the very rude things she said. I’m getting a little upset at how willing she is to say that my existence is wrong… I don’t think I’ve done anything to warrant that…

“So, why am I wrong for surviving when I couldn’t possibly have done this to myself consciously, and how do you suggest I fix it?”

“A trifling matter. Two cannot exist as one, it is an affront to this reality. Allow me to send the rest of you into the next world and become whole again, thus your sin will be purged.”

Okay, geez… That sounds creepy as hell and I suspect it means she wants to kill me... I’m just gonna go ahead and not consent to getting killed.

“Screw that, jerk! I have a right to live just like everyone else!”

“You will address me with the respect I deserve, Dragon! I am a God and you are but a speck of dust in the flow of time!”

“I am addressing you with the respect you deserve, jerk.”

Dragon Me is snickering above me, she gets it. This god or whatever seems to be getting a bit upset about me not groveling at her feet, but screw that, that’s not dragon behavior.

What dragon behavior is, is standing my ground against bullies and winning fights! So doing what I do best, I charge the woman and take a swing! With the grace of a frostclaw tumbling down a mountain, I fall on my face as I lose my balance from the swing of my arm... Stupid human body... As I’m lying here contemplating my options, a shadow passes over me and my real body leaps over me, biting at the woman.

My body is making a lot of mistakes, very obvious ones too, as it seems unaccustomed to its size and abilities for some reason. I’m pretty sure it should be used to using that body as I’ve been using it my entire life.

“Dragon Me! Use your flames!” Dragon Me looks back and cocks her head… It’s clear that she doesn’t know what to do… I’ll need to help her, and for that, I need a weapon instead of these flimsy human parts. Looking around the harsh gray landscape, I don’t see much I could use. Everything here is so angular and like giant crates, it’s weird!

Finding a metallic lid, I pick it up to use it as a shield, but as soon as I do, it fades away. Everything I pick up to use as a weapon fades away and it’s very annoying, to be honest.

My human body yells for me to use my flames, but I don’t know how… This body is so different compared to the last time I felt it, I don’t even know how long ago that was... I think she’s trying to find a weapon, but weapons aren’t just sitting around in a modern town like this. I wish we could switch, she’s probably a lot better at being a dragon than I am.

I can’t let that distract me, we need to stop this weirdo. She’s oozing magical power, but I don’t think she’s that powerful physically, so if I can just bite her, then we can defeat her. Maybe…

Turning my attention back to the weird jerk, I return to biting at her, but she’s dodging my attacks with ridiculous ease, as if I’m moving in slow motion. I’m beginning to think that my human body and I need to regroup and think of something else. I’m not gonna let her die just because of some happenstance situation she had no control over.

We need to figure out a plan, and for that, we need to have time to think, so I speak up and tell my human body to jump onto me so we can leave and get to safety. What I manage to say is a garbled mess of growls and snarls, but she gets it.

She’s quick to react and runs to me. “Lower your head, I can’t climb on you!”

Oh, right… Of course. Once I lower my head, she’s quick to get on, and I take flight. Flying feels different but familiar, so I manage reasonably well.

“You’re pretty bad at flying!" Okay, rude…

It’s obvious that retaliation is in order, so I point out that she fell over and landed on her face while trying to hit the jerk.

That is apparently a bonk-worthy offense as I feel a slight impact on my head, but that’s okay, I’m in the right here because I say so.

We’ve gotten a good distance away from the weird jerk and, as far as I can tell, she isn’t chasing us. That’s a relief and it gives me time to look around and see where we are. It doesn’t take me long to recognize some landmarks, and we’re close to home! Changing course, we fly toward my home. It doesn’t take long to get there at all and I’m pretty sure this town felt bigger when I had to walk.

My human body isn’t really talking, but she is feeling up a few of my scales and my horns, so I’ll just leave her to it, I am pretty impressive, after all. In barely any time at all, we make it to my old home and, unfortunately, I doubt I can fit into the stairwell, so I’ll have to rip out a window to get in. Sorry, Mom, I’ll be making a bit of a mess…

At least Dragon Me knows how to use her claws, because that is some fantastic destruction. I’m holding on tight to our horns as her claws sink into the rocky surface and she rips into it. Material comes loose and falls to the ground as a hole big enough for us opens and reveals a glorious cave inside.

The whole place is full of furniture, trinkets, and other such nonsense. It feels very familiar, but I’m not sure why. At least we’re safe now, I’m sure of that, but I want to be really sure there isn't anything hiding here, so I’m gonna explore the cave a bit.

Looking around, there are so many items, but none of them smell valuable, so I’ll just try some of these doors instead. Gripping the handle of one door with my flimsy human hand, I twist it, but it’s locked. That’s annoying… I’ll have Dragon Me open it up later, for now, there are plenty of other doors to try.

It takes a few attempts, but I do eventually open one, and as soon as I do, the ground shifts and turns into a rocky and sandy beach, the entire cave becoming wide open, but somehow the ceiling is still there. I have no idea how that works, but the sand feels surprisingly nice between my toes.

I have no idea how my lake fits into this cave, but I’m too tired to question it. I want to get some rest, so I move toward a long bench so I can get myself a snooze, but Dragon Me gets to it first…

She manages to growl out something about this being her place, but I can’t make out the rest of it. “Dragon Me, use your magic to feel the structure of your throat, then push magic into your vocal cords.”

She closes her eyes and I assume she’s doing what I’m telling her. I can’t feel anything, so maybe it isn’t working for her. Walking over to her, I put my hand to her chest and tell her what it feels like and where it should be as I indicate with my hand. She seems to get it as I feel her move, so I step back and look up. Dragon Me really is intimidating up close…

“This is my place, so I call dibs on the couch.”

Well, now I regret teaching her how to speak… Fine, I’ll use something else. Nearby, there’s a soft chair that smells like comfort, safety, and fun. This is valuable…

Looking up from her couch, Dragon Me stares at me, seemingly wanting me to say something, but I have no idea what we’re supposed to do here. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do in most situations, I’ve been leaping into situations as they’ve presented themselves so far, just doing my best.

With a grumble, Dragon Me asks what we’re supposed to do, so I suggest we go over what the weird jerk told us. Dragon Me seems to agree, so we go over how she called me an amalgamation and as far as I can tell, she wanted to kill me. Dragon Me just nods along, seeming content to just listen. I can’t blame her for not having anything to add, because I don’t either…

“So, what do we do? I can’t control this body very well, and I’m sure the same is true for you. We might not be in the best position here…”

She’s right. I can’t control my dragon body all that well, everything just feels discordant… Instead I'm gonna focus on what the weird woman said...

“What did she mean when she said we left her behind? I don’t remember leaving.” Human Kira seems quite confused by my question. I guess she couldn’t figure it out either.

“I don’t remember her telling us we left. She blamed us for this, but that’s clearly nonsense. Why would either of us want to hurt us?”

Seems like Human Kira wasn’t paying attention. That’s okay, it was an unusual situation, it still is, I guess. She’s right, though; I wouldn’t want to hurt her. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to hurt me either, even though she’s scary.

What Dragon Me said sounds weird… I may be prone to distractions, but I know how to listen and that lady did not say we left... Given how annoying that weirdo was, I suspect something nonsensical is going on here... Looking over at Dragon Me, I find myself wishing I could just have my body back. If I did, I’m sure I could take on that jerk and win. Ugh! I just want to be a dragon instead of having to be clever!

I can’t change that though, so I’ll need to focus on being smart… “Dragon Me, what did she say, exactly?”

“My name is Kira, not Dragon Me, stop being rude.”

“Screw that, I’m Kira! I’m not letting you take my name like you did my body!”

“I didn’t take your body! I woke up like this! Twice! I didn’t ask for any of this! I didn’t ask to be stabbed, I didn’t ask to be killed, and I didn’t ask to be a murderer!”

Her outburst makes me want to yell back, but I feel a headache building as memories flood into my mind and I feel a knife plunge into my belly. Terror grips me as memories of fear overwhelm me, her fear… Reduced to a sobbing mess, all I can do is apologize to her.

“I’m sorry, Kira… I didn’t remember how all of this started, but it’s coming back to me…”

Moving my head over to Human Kira, I nudge her and tell her it’ll be okay. I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, but those are very painful memories. I just want to forget again, but I don’t think that’s an option anymore. Instead, I’m gonna go back to the subject at hand and just tell Human Kira what the weird jerk told me.

“The jerk told me that I left someone behind to shield myself from discomfort when I should have stood my ground and faced the threats around me. And something about how I had abandoned and neglected someone when they needed me as their friend. I don’t know what to make of it, though.”

“When did she say that? I didn’t hear that at all.”

“Right after telling us she didn’t do us any harm, which I doubt, I'm pretty sure that being split in two is harmful.”

“No, she said… I don’t want to repeat it…”

I’m not sure why, but I’m afraid of repeating what was said to me. What if Dragon Kira hurts me when she learns that Lauren’s god told me that I took parts of her soul... I can’t fight back in this body, I’m far too vulnerable without my scales, and I don’t know if I can trust her not to lash out. I’m pretty sure I would lash out if I found out someone took such an important part of me…

With a comforting nudge, she tells me we’ll be okay. “It’s okay, Kira. You don’t have to repeat it if you don’t want to. She had a scary amount of magic, so who knows what sorts of tricks she’s up to. We’ll figure something out eventually. Until then, we should get some rest and then tomorrow, we can go look for a third Kira and then we can be an entire clever cookie jar!”

That makes no sense, but I appreciate that she isn’t pushing the matter. I’ll have to figure out how to tell her eventually, but it’s terrifying…

Pushing that aside for now, I suggest we get some sleep because I’m very tired for some reason. Like unreasonably tired, which I blame on this stupid human body… Dragon bodies are so much better.

Leaning back, I try to get comfortable, but this chair isn’t that good at being a bed…

“Pull the lever on the side, Dad’s chair reclines, so you can sleep in it.”

Looking over the side of the large chair, I do indeed find a lever, but pulling on it doesn’t really do much aside from making Dragon Kira chuckle and purr. Not exactly the most functional lever when the same can be achieved with a good joke…

Finishing her chuckle, she instructs me on how to recline the chair, and it becomes far more comfortable in an instant. I want a magic chair like this!

Looking back up, I watch as Dragon Kira coils up on the couch. It doesn’t really make sense, but somehow the couch got bigger to accommodate her.

A worrying thought crosses my mind and I have to ask... “Kira, do you feel any urge to eat me?”

Her eye opens and this is the first time I really get a good look at the glowing sapphire orb, Joras was right, it is beautiful. “You know I do, but I’m not gonna.”

Yeah, I do know... It’s a weird comfort to know that I can be confident in knowing how she feels and what to expect of her, but it doesn’t stop the fear. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this vulnerable, there has always been something I could do, but now I can’t even light things on fire...

Human Kira seems quite sad, but I’m not sure what to do about it. I can smell how afraid she got when she was supposed to tell me what the weird jerk told her, so I can only assume it had something to do with me. I’m not gonna push her though, she’ll tell me when she’s ready.

What I can do is distract her, and her talking about eating did get me in the mood for a munch. Getting up from my couch, I head to the kitchen, and to my surprise, the door just opens for me. That’s a polite door.

Opening the fridge, I look inside and it’s clear that Mom has restocked it recently, but instead of trying to figure out how to carry some items into the living room, I’m just gonna bring the entire fridge in there. Turns out that dragging it through the sand is quite easy.

Ripping it from the wall, I lay it down on the floor and drag it back to Human Kira and run off to fetch some utensils. Again, I just opt for bringing the entire drawer instead of trying to pick up a butter knife with these butterclaws.

Human Kira stares at me, she seems unsure of what to do, so I begin to instruct her on how to make a sandwich. Standing with a great base of rye bread, I tell her to grab a knife and a small container of chunky brown paste. We’re going peanut butter on this thing!

Then it’s time to add something green, so I instruct her to grab some scissors and cut some leaves of cilantro and then cut them into fine pieces. Adding the somewhat diced leaves to the peanut butter, we’re ready to add some spice to this beast! Hot sauce! Since I’m not a monster, I have her taste some first to make sure it isn’t too spicy for her. I doubt it is, since that’s my body and I could chug the stuff.

“It’s delicious! We should give this to Raya, she’d love it!”

Human Kira may be going a bit overboard with the hot sauce, because the sandwich is bathed in the stuff… Nevertheless, with that out of the way, we’re at the fruit stage, a thinly sliced banana is appropriate for that.

We’re almost done, but now it needs a final piece to complete it. The bacon! Watching her struggle with the packaging for the delicious meat is quite fun, but I have no idea how she’s managed to learn all those curse words.

Helpful as I am, I point out that she had scissors in her hands just a moment ago. After giving me an exasperated stare, she gets the packaging open, and it occurs to me that we should probably fry it. Bossing her around is pretty fun, but I’ve walked straight into a power displacement situation…

“Give me some heat so I can fry this stuff.”

I recall using flames before, so I use my magic again and try to make sense of all the information it gives me, but it’s a little overwhelming to be able to feel my body with such accuracy. As I’m making sense of everything, I feel a pat on my belly as Human Kira stands under me.

“Right here, that’s where the flame lives. Focus magic into that bit and push it up and through you. It helps to clench your muscles a bit.”

I do as she instructs and release a plume of almost white flames. I’m pretty sure those were orange the last time I saw them, but whatever, I have no doubt that they’re hot enough to-

“Wow! How come your flames have a different color than mine? That’s so unfair!”

I have no idea what’s going on with her flame, but that’s a third color. I want white flames, they’re a great contrast to our scales. And the heat coming off it is oppressive and uncomfortable, forcing me to shield myself from it. She seems to realize that she wasn’t pointing her flame out of the hole she dug, so after setting a few things on fire, she’s quick to panic and start stomping out the burny bits.

I’m realizing I didn’t really have a plan for how to roast this meat, so I’ll rely on Dragon Kira to figure that out. As soon as I point out that I’ll be burned to a crisp if I try to roast this meat, she struts off into another room again as I ignore the dribble of drool at the corner of her mouth.

Being on the other side of that is surprisingly discomforting, but at least I can be confident that she won’t eat me any time soon. Although I might have to be careful with that hot sauce… if I spilled that on me, I might be inclined to eat me.

Dropping a metallic plate at my feet, she looks at me expectantly as I pick it up.

“Use the skillet to hold the bacon, then I’ll heat it up!”

That sounds like a plan, but I’d still be in range of the heat from our flame, so I’m not sure I want to do that… To begin with, I place the bacon on the skillet and put the whole thing down on a small table nearby, making sure it isn’t near the valuable furniture. I’d rather my comfortable and safe chair stay comfortable and safe.

She seems to understand what I’m doing as she… somehow blows hot air at the bacon. How is she doing that?! She’s breathing out heat without flame! I never learned to do that! That’s so unfair, I only just taught her how to use our flame and now she’s being all clever!

“How are you doing that?”

Human Kira seems to be confused, but it’s really quite simple. I figure that fire is just an expression of a chemical reaction resulting in light, heat, and the change in fuel, but we use magic in place of fuel, so we should be able to change it to a point. And as it turns out, just creating some heat is surprisingly easy. I will need to explore this more, though, since something else is going on too.

Frying the bacon is also quite easy, and I instruct Human Kira to flip it so we can fry both sides. She cautiously does as I tell her, making sure not to get burned. Well, making sure as well as she can, bacon grease is a wily beast.

“Fuck! That hurts! Why are humans so weak! UGH! I just want to be myself again!”

Yeah, I get it. I wouldn’t want to be in an ill-fitting body either. I'm lucky to have gotten the body I wanted, but I can't help but pity her a bit for not being in the same situation. I'll have to work hard to protect her if we're gonna fight that jerk.

I'm not really sure how we're supposed to do it, but I already feel a lot more comfortable with my new size than I did earlier today. I'm sure we'll be fine, we've got each other and I have no doubt we'll both make it out of this.

With the bacon done, it's time to add it to the sandwich, and now comes a critical step: ensuring a higher coverage rate! With my excellent guidance, she manages to complete the sandwich as she puts the top piece of bread onto the construction.

"Now take a knife and cut it from one corner to the opposite corner, you want triangles!"

I have no idea why triangles are important, but this thing smells amazing and she doesn't seem to be leading me astray so far. Grabbing a sharp knife, I make sure to steady the bread as I make my cut just like I've seen Raya do. Gentle, but firm is key.

Managing to cut all the way through without ruining anything, I take a moment to appreciate the pleasant smells from the food here. It's quite lovely. Dragon Kira tells me to grab a triangle and start eating it from the center, so that's what I do. It's amazing... The flavors play so well together, and the hot sauce is just so good. I don't know what half the things I used are, but I want more.

Before I realize how ravenous I am, I've eaten the entire thing, but as I go to grab the other triangle, I find it gone.

"You bitch! You stole my food!"

"The price of knowledge is steep!"

"Yeah? Well, you're the coma dragon this time, so there! Deal with that knowledge!"

Dang it!