This Venerable Demon is Grossly Unqualified

The sun was already high when Su Li’s bleary eyes cracked open. No matter what twists and turns her life took, it seemed fate was certain that she would never be a morning person. Still, a smile crept to her lips unbidden. They’d had much to celebrate last night. Granny Lao had passed her eightieth winter in good health. The Narrow Street Gang had added three blocks to their territory in the last few weeks, after the Four Seas Union had run afoul of one of the beggar sects and gotten their teeth kicked in. The mendicant cultivators might not look like much, but their true disciples were almost as powerful as those of the real sects. As the Four Seas Union had discovered, when they’d tried to throw their weight around.

And Su Li had reached the sixth stage of qi condensation. A prodigy among rats. Even Qi Guowei had only reached the third rank of qi condensation, and he’d been an enforcer for Granny Lao since before Su Li had been born, back when they’d been the Green Shoots Gang. It was so strange, seeing grown and seasoned men treating her with such respect, as if she were a real cultivator instead of a street rat like them. With so much good news to celebrate, they’d all laughed the night away drinking and singing. Even after the Rosewood Alley’s normal closing time, Granny Lao had kept the lanterns lit and the wine flowing. Really, from a certain perspective, Su Li was waking early by rising at noon.

She stretched out in her bed like a sunbathing cat, letting out a great moan of satisfaction. Mornings might be the worst time of day, but having her own room with a working lock was such a luxury she never thought she’d stop appreciating it. Her duties didn’t really begin until nightfall anyway, she could afford to enjoy the morning.

Eventually, she rose and dressed. Even in moments like these, the perfect tranquility of a morning without obligation, there was a shadow that hung over her heart. Kang Guo, wherever he lived. She wondered if he ever thought about her father. One day, she would leave Narrow Street behind. Join the army perhaps, or one of the true sects. She couldn’t become who she needed to be here, it was ever fated to only be a stepping stone. She’d never expected to find such love and peace on the streets of Xianyang, in the company of thugs and thieves and whores. It couldn’t last forever, but the flower was no less precious for its inevitable fall.

The dormitory was empty, when she left her room, but the smell of Auntie Shi’s cooking filled the halls. Shi Ping was at the stove this morning, frying up buckwheat crepes.

“Sister Su!” He exclaimed boisterously. “Please, have a crepe!”

Buckwheat crepes had never been her favorite food, especially with only salt and onion for taste. She’d planned to pick up dumplings down the road to soak up her steadily growing hangover with grease. It was still strange to her to have pockets so flush with silver that she could afford such a luxury as meat for breakfast.

But Shi Ping’s pock-marked face was so earnest as he held the plate out to her. And free food was free food.

“Thank you, Brother Shi.” She said quietly, accepting the plate. Hopefully Shi Ping would pick up the implication, and match her volume. It was too early for such enthusiasm. “Please give your aunt my thanks as well.”

“Of course! Can’t let our little dragon go hungry! You’ve done so much for us, and father says your girls are the best boarders he’s ever had!”

The little dragon. That was what they all called her now. Because everyone who lived in the shadow of Qin Longwei aspired to such a title. It was said that two dragons could not live beneath the same sky, but these streets hosted a thousand men and women who claimed the name. She didn't love the name, but nobody had ever really asked her before it caught on.

She didn’t care, really. But she would do what she had to to protect her friends and family. And with the strength of her cultivation, that sometimes included lifting large men over her head and bodily throwing them out the doors of the Rosewood Alley. Such a sight tended to sober up fools very quickly.

She ate fast. She’d heard so many stories about how cultivators didn’t need to eat, but these days it seemed like her cultivation made her more hungry, not less.

“Is it good?” Shi Ping asked.

She smiled at the young man, younger even than her. “It’s very filling. Just the thing after such a long night.”

“I’m pleased to hear it. My mother always says I have too heavy a hand with the salt.” Shi Ping said, staring studiously at the greased iron of the stove. “Would you like to join us for dinner as well? My mother says she’s going to make plum buns, your favorite.”

“You’ve already shown me too much kindness. I’ll be eating at the Alley tonight anyway.” Su Li demurred. Auntie Shi could be a little overbearing at times, and she didn’t want to give the woman any more excuses to talk about how she should settle down with little Ping. The thugs and craftsmen of the neighborhood might speak softly around Su Li now, but Auntie Shi was made of considerably tougher stuff. “Please give Auntie Shi my thanks for her consideration.”

Su Li’s nose crinkled as she stepped out the door onto Narrow Street proper. She’d never gotten used to that, the scents of the city were always foul in a way the countryside never got.

A dozen voices called out greetings as she made her way down the lane. The emperor's ministers had laid down the streets of Xianyang in a perfect grid, but the lives of its people inevitably spilled out onto the road. Narrow street was paved as wide as its peers, it was the sheer volume of commerce it did that so constricted the space available for walking.

Clotheslines hanging above dappled the gray pavement in a hundred different shades of color as boisterous voices hawked dumplings and wooden tops and a thousand more specialized goods. Su Li dodged around a dozen swinging shoulders and protruding woks as she made her way through the madhouse, but she didn’t worry at all for her purse. No thief would be foolish enough to ply their trade on Narrow Street’s residents, let alone her. Granny Lao’s enforcers leaned against the corners of every block, offering her polite nods as she made her rounds. Every one bore a thin blue scarf around their upper arm, a signal of their allegiance. They’d been good to this little corner of Xianyang, bringing the order his majesty’s guards couldn’t be bothered to. They controlled a full quarter of the Grey Earth Ward now. One day in the distant future, the people here might call it Narrow Street Ward, or perhaps the Rosewood Ward.

Su Li smiled at the thought. What Granny Lao had built deserved remembrance.

Eventually she made her way out of Narrow Street itself into their new territories, blocks along the fourth and fifth lanes. There were far fewer blue scarves out here, far more unaffiliated thugs and thieves hanging around, watching to see how the wind would blow.

“How dare you extort me sir!” A man shouted. “This is not acceptable behavior!”

Su Li suppressed a sigh. She could see the broad shoulders of Qi Guowei in the distance, towering over old man Chang. Chang was old enough to be a grandfather, why did he have such trouble understanding how the world worked?

“What am I paying you for, if not to catch thieves!” Chang howled. “They robbed me in broad daylight! Ten chi of good linen broadcloth! A whole box of needles!”

“You were not paying us when you were robbed.” Qi Guowei replied calmly.

“They steal from me, you steal from me, what is an honest businessman supposed to do in times like these!” The man wailed dramatically. “At least the army does their duty! I can’t say the same for the magistrate’s men, let alone you thugs!”

“You were not paying us when you were robbed.” Qi Guowei repeated in the same even tone. “That is not how insurance works.”

Su Li pushed her way through the crowd of gawkers.

“Come now, brother Qi. Surely we can make an exception for the honorable shopkeeper Chang?” Su Li said.

Qi Guowei turned to meet her eyes, and rolled his own.

“Yes, yes!” Chang babbled, seizing the lifeline thrown to him. “The little dragon is both wise and kind.”

“Your poor planning is not our problem, mister Chang. We are a neighborhood association, not a charity.” Qi Guowei rumbled.

“Surely an exception can be made? I promise to remain in good standing in the future!”

“Exceptional circumstances call for exceptional actions.” Su Li interjected, before her partner could decline again. “If shopkeeper Chang did not pay in advance, then he can pay in commission on the recovered goods.”

Shopkeeper Chang paled a little, but to his credit he did not balk. Su Li felt bad for him, but he’d made his bed when he tried to cut coppers. All that remained was the talk of percentages and shares.

Five minutes later, she walked away, side by side with Qin Guowei, shaded from the noonday sun by his great bulk. She liked working with the big man, his stature made up for her unimposing figure. And she was pretty sure he appreciated having her to talk for him. He didn’t seem to like talking very much.

“We didn’t need to do that.” He grumbled. “That man takes advantage of our kindness.”

“Returning half his cloth is more than worth the goodwill it will buy among the rest of the neighborhood. We need to drive out those fools anyway.” She replied. “Granny Lao always says never let a good deed go unwitnessed.”

The two of them continued their rounds together, before stopping at a teahouse. Qi Guowei was good company, but a quiet man.

She almost missed his voice, when he broke the silence.

“They like you, you know?”

“What?”

“The people. The new ones. The old ones too, I guess. But you know that.”

“What do you mean?”

“They like you, little dragon. You…” The man trailed off, his urge to speak seemingly spent.

“I?” She prompted.

“I don’t know. They like you. You don’t treat them like they’re less.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. It was true. But Qi Guowei didn't treat them like they were less either.

As the sun set, they slowly made their way towards the Rosewood Alley.

Su Li had mixed feelings about the Rosewood Alley. She… She’d never felt comfortable with prostitution. It didn't happen, in Hongzhou. And the way so many men acted around prostitutes was even worse than the idea itself. The space and the alcohol had a magic to them that reduced so many outwardly moral men into wild beasts. But Granny Lao had never pushed her to join the ranks of her girls, even before her talents at cultivation had manifested themselves.

And the girls had been so kind to her. No matter how awkward and rude she had been to them, when she’d first stumbled into Grey Earth Ward. She still cringed, when she thought about some of the things she’d said to Cui Mingxia about her choice of profession in those early days.

She might not like what the girls did for a living. But she would crush anyone who tried to hurt them.

The brothel was quiet when they arrived, with half an hour yet before they opened the doors to the public.

“Little Su!” Cui Mingxia exclaimed happily. "Our prince on a white horse has returned!"

Su Li sighed. "Hello, sister Mingxia."

“So dour! You’re not injured are you?”

Qi Guowei grunted a greeting, before trundling off behind the bar to help with the prep work, happy to be ignored.

“I don’t actually fight every day Mingxia. Sometimes I go weeks without needing to throw a single punch." Su Li repeated for what felt like the thousandth time.

“I’m your big sister, it’s my sisterly duty to fuss over you. What if you bruised your knuckles on some mean thug’s face? Who else would soothe your pain with a gentle touch?”

Su Li snorted. Cui Mingxia had never once bandaged her wounds. She got faint at the sight of blood.

"As much as I appreciate your concern, it's my job to worry over your safety, not the other way around."

"What need have we to fear with you and Qi Guowei around? Who would dare make trouble for the big bear and the little dragon?" Cui Mingxia smiled cheekily.

“If any men get too rowdy, I'm sure sister Su will happily introduce them to sister window.” Another girl chimed in.

“Better be careful sister Su, some men like that sort of thing.”

"Don't just make things up to scare our little dragon."

"No, it's true! I hear that sometimes, Shopkeeper Chang's wife will hit him for wasting money, then afterwards the most vigorous sorts of noises will-"

"No! No! I do not need to hear this!" Su Li exclaimed. Cheeks reddening, she beat a quick retreat, joining Qi Guowei behind the bar. There were wine cups to polish.

Laughter resounded in her wake, the sound in it's own way as proud as a triumphant dragon.

The night began much as any other. Groups of men trickled in, and coin trickled out from their purses. They drank and sung and boasted shamelessly, then paid for private rooms and company to join them, drifting out of the great common room.

Su Li sat in the corner, kept company by Qi Guowei, and the pair of thick oaken clubs resting on the table in front of them. It was boring work, sitting silently and occasionally glaring at men who looked like they were considering taking liberties they had not paid for, but it was far better than needing to get up out of her chair.

It was well into the later hours of the evening, when the three men arrived.

Cui Mingxia was the first to greet them, hurrying over to explain the rules and prices of the house to the men wearing robes worth near as much as the Alley took in in a night. Su Li's hand tightened around her cudgel, she could feel them from here, they were making no effort to veil themselves. One stronger than her, two slightly weaker, all of them hovering near the midpoint of Qi Condensation. Her heart beat faster.

“My brothers will choose who they wish, and pay them what they deserve.” Their leader spoke over Cui Mingxia.

“Really, they should be paying us, it's more honor than they deserve to lie with a cultivator.” His follower added.

A hush fell over the alley, as those words echoed out.

“No woman will be complaining after my spear pierces her heaven!” The third man exclaimed gaily.

The terrible joke echoed all the more loudly in the tense silence. Su Li's other fist tightened beneath the table. Heaven was cruel and the Buddha silent, but despite herself, Su Li prayed to anyone who would listen. Please let them be peaceful.

“That was bad Min Guo. Truly atrocious. Just for that you're paying for everyone's drinks tonight." The man in the lead replied.

“Bah! You’ve no appreciation for true art Senior Brother Zhang! The best bawdy jokes are the worst bawdy jokes!”

“Aping the structure of the founder’s wisdom does not mean the words you're saying are not drivel.”

“Ah, dismissing my argument without considering its merits. I thought better of you senior brother. We call them dirty jokes after all, surely the finest among them are then those that tarnish the most honored ideals?”

“Rank sophistry, Min Guo. You just enjoy being crude.”

“Two things can be true at once.” Min Guo replied, slowly making his way to the bar.

His fist slammed down on the wood, and silver spilled out. From her distant seat, Su Li thought she saw the glimmer of gold amid the small pile.

"Keep the wine flowing, the best you have. I'll not have my brothers go thirsty."

Su Li’s fingers slowly relaxed their death-grip around her cudgel. Cultivators, real cultivators, could be cruel. But they could be generous too.

Su Li watched impassively as the disciples of the Heaven-Piercing Spear partied like mortal men. Their boasts were more outlandish, their gossip more interesting. Despite herself, she caught her ears straining to hear the tales of disciples distinguishing themselves in the war. As the three men steadily drunk enough wine to kill an ox and began dipping in and out of private rooms, Su Li tried to ignore them as much as she could.

It became harder, as the night wore on. Their regular began filtering out at the appropriate hours, but the cultivators remained planted in their chairs.

The typical hour of the Rosewood Alley's closing came and went without fanfare. Su Li met Cui Mingxia's eye as she was pouring her another round, but received a quick shake of the head in response.

The moon was high when there came a quiet knock at the door. They'd already closed it for custom to the evening, but their lights would still be visible from the street. Had one of the magistrates men been sent to shut them down? For the first time since joining Granny Lao's gang, Su Li found herself hoping for them to be caught and fined. It would be the perfect excuse to eject the cultivators without insult.

One of the girls answered the door, and after a whispered conversation let the man in. Su Li's eyebrow rose as she saw none other than Shi Ping making his way towards the backrooms. She'd had no idea the boy was involved in that side of their business.

Then he passed too close to the cultivator's table, and everything went to shit.

Viper-fast, the Young Master's hand darted out, catching Shi Ping by the wrist. Su Li was on her feet in an instant, as were half a dozen young men around the common room. Young Master Zhang pulled the boy close, raising Shi Ping's tightly closed fist for all to see.

"You, boy. What are you carrying."

"N-Nothing, honored cultivator sir. Just a delivery for the owner."

"How shameless." The Young Master said, the ghost of a smile on his face. "Would you care to revise your statement?"

Shi Ping whimpered, as the cultivator squeezed his wrist, cracking his hand open.

The pungent tang of cedar and ginger spread filtered through the room.

"Damn it all." Qin Guowei muttered quietly. "Idiot boy."

Young Master Zhang took a deep breath, then exhaled with a satisfied sigh. Slowly turning to face the entire room in turn, he raised his voice like an auctioneer extolling the virtues of his goods.

"That, is an Enduring Evergreen Pill. It's two primary ingredients are Hundred Year Ginseng, and the first spring leaves of an Ironwood Tree. It's most common refining method requires a Foundation Establishment cultivator with a relatively pure affinity for yang or wood. It's effect is to gently stimulate the healing factors of the consumer. It is most often used to either recover following a grave injury or failed bodily cultivation breakthrough, or to increase the lifespan of a cultivator beneath the Core Formation realm by a number of years. It's worth is roughly one hundred lesser spirit stones."

Smug as a cat with a crippled bird before it, Young Master Zhang turned to look Shi Ping in the eye.

"Why do you have it?"

"I-It-" Shi Ping stammered.

"Answer the young master's question." Ming Guo called out, the earlier humor in his voice replaced with a cold edge. "He was kind enough to explain to you what you had after all."

"A man gave it to me. A beggar. I was getting ready to dispose of the day's leftovers, and he asked for them. I didn't see any harm. After he ate, he gave the pill. He said it was for Granny Lao. An apology, for the chaos, he said."

Su Li's stomach lurched. A lifespan pill from one of the mendicant sects? She could all but hear Granny Lao whispering in her ear 'Disaster lurks in unexpected fortune', it was practically the old woman's favorite saying. She doubted it was stolen, the mendicants had their own sort of honor, they wouldn't give such a poisoned gift.

"Really? That's the best you can do? A beggar gave you a peerless pill in exchange for some scraps? I'd supposed you'd have us believe he was a hidden master in disguise." Ming Guo said. "This is the real world boy, there are no peerless masters among beggars."

"Hand it over." Young Master Zhang commanded. "In all Xianyang, there's only one alchemist who makes those pills. My martial uncle, Elder Ruan. If you tell the truth and surrender your ill-gotten gains, I will see that you are not punished for your part in the matter."

She had to do something.

"Send a runner for the magistrate." She hissed to Qin Guowei. Would he even side with them? Certainly, he wouldn't give the sect the pill, not unless it really was proved stolen. But at the very least he would ensure there was no lives lost over this, assuming Shi Ping was telling the truth. He certainly didn't steal the pill himself.

The big man obeyed, but his movements drew attention.

"What do you think you're doing?" The third cultivator demanded, rising.

"This is a matter for his majesty's magistrate." Su Li said with a confidence she did not feel. "If Shi Ping's story is true, surely there were witnesses."

"The Heaven-Piercing Spear is more than capable of investigating crimes against it."

"Has your honored uncle reported such a theft?" She asked.

The young master ignored her.

"Back up, girl. This doesn't concern you." The third cultivator said, stepping forward.

"Are the disciples of the Heaven-Piercing Spear no better than common highwaymen? Shi Ping clearly did not steal that pill from a Foundation Establishment cultivator." It wasn't the right thing to say, but it spilled out of her mouth before she realized it.

"You impugn our honor while your fellow carries obviously stolen goods? How bold." The young master's voice didn't sound angry, but Su Li's skin prickled all the same.

Qin Guowei stepped forward by her side, the runner dispatched.

"Give it to me."

The young master struck Shi Ping with his other hand, and Su Li saw red dripping down the side of his face.

Qi flooded Su Li's body as she moved faster than thought, weaving beneath the arms of the third cultivator. She grabbed as Shi Ping before the young master could strike again, and kicked.

Cries rang out, as a brilliant silver flash blinded the room. Shi Ping's wrist was a bloody mess, where she'd torn him from the young master's grip.

The pill worth more than gold than most of the people in this room would ever see in one place sat on the floor. Almost invisible, dark green against brown, likely now tainted ever so slightly with the tacky remnants of long spilled wine.

For a long moment, nobody moved for it. She looked up at Young Master Zhang. She could see the outline of her slipper on his pristine robes, a dusty brown stain.

The young master smiled.

"I was wondering why they had a slip of a girl playing at security. What a find for a gang of rats. Come, let your senior brother teach you how real cultivators greet each other."

The stillness shattered, as the common room of the brothel descended into madness.