This S.O.B. System

“Tell me, with or without the monocle?” Asher asked. He was actually tempted to wear it so he could see Systems, but he wasn’t that much of a douche. 

 

“With monocle obvs,” she said with a smile. They were FaceTiming. Ash had tried to talk to Zora but she was busy with family. She promised to call afterward. “Why didn’t you wear it during the interview?”

 

“I thought about it, but I really don’t know what’s common courtesy for his people. It may be seen as lower class or something.”

 

“You really fuck his daughter?”

 

“Pretty sure,” Asher said. “Really don’t want to cause an intergalactic incident. So keep it on the down low.”

 

“Roger Roger,” she said, saluting. “I’ll try to keep my husband's exploits under wraps. How are you holding up?” 

 

“A little better I think. I feel better about the Initialization. But I think it will be worse than he’s letting on. The System is never easy. And people are panicking.”

 

“You’re telling me. Took an hour to get to the guild this evening. Everyone’s holed up here now. It’s a madhouse outside,” she said. It was the same where he was at. He had a military escort, so he was safe, but looting was rampant. “I uh, picked up your parents too. I had to explain some stuff. But they agreed to let you explain everything.”

 

“Good. I was a little worried about them. Love you,” he said. 

 

“Now hang on. You’re not getting rid of me yet,” she said. “I saw that interview. And they showed the trial after. You were super sexy. Sounds like you’re a big deal now too.”

 

“Ugh don’t remind me. I’ve never been happier to get all my porn videos destroyed.”

 

“Except the one,” she reminded. 

 

“Right. Get in touch with Amber if she heard anything?”

 

“She has not returned my calls.”

 

“Of course.” 

 

They sat in silence for a time. Then Tiff said, “I’m really proud of you, you know. I mean you fucking did something these stupid aliens thought was impossible.” Tears were in her eyes as she said it. “I’ve never been prouder to be your wife.”

 

There were some tears in his eyes too. “It was worth it then. I want to make you proud.”

 

“God you’re gay,” she said laughing while she wiped her eyes. “How’s Nadir?”

 

“Good. He left to spend time with his wives. I offered him a spot on the spaceship. He said he’d think about it, but I think he’ll go with. Which brings me to my next question,” he paused for dramatic effect. “Do you want to go with?”

 

She wasn’t surprised by the offer. “I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t know yet. I never picked my System. And the world is changing so much. I really don’t know if I want to stay the same, or try for some fighting System,” she admitted. 

 

“I never thought of that,” Asher admitted. “I kind of see you as perfect. So I understand if you want to try for a fighting System. Just know I’m saving a spot for you.”

 

She nodded, happy with his answer. “How many did the government try to snag?” 

 

“They wanted 5. I told them 1. They said 4.  And after I broke the table they agreed to 1. But they weren’t pleased.”

 

“You didn’t,” she laughed. 

 

“Yep. I doubt they showed that in the interview. It helped reminding myself that I’m supposedly one of the strongest people on the planet. But I’m really kind of done with their bullshit. I’m ready to be back home with you.”

 

“Hey shit i gotta go,” she said looking off into the distance. 

 

“Bye love you,” he said. 

 

She flashed him her tits on the phone. Then with a wink she hung up. Asher smiled as he looked at his phone. He really didn’t know what he would do without her. 

 

With Zora and Tiff out of the way he hesitated but ended up calling Joon. “Hello future husband,” she answered. 

 

“Hello future wife,” he responded with a smile. “Saw my interview I take it?”

 

“I did. As sexy as I remembered. Also your surprised faces were worth the wait.”

 

“Good to hear,” he said with a smile. “I called to give you an invitation off planet,” he said. 

 

“Oh thanks babe. But no. I really don’t want to screw things up. And honestly things are going to get bad while you’re gone.”

 

This caused a lump in his stomach. “How bad?”

 

“Bad bad. Rioting is bad now. Just imagine when people have super strength and magic powers.”

 

“Yeah that’s not good. Is there anything I can do?”

 

“Not yet. Just be you my love. The answer will come to you. And don’t worry about what these people think. You were chosen by the System. You have the power. Not them. Learn to accept the title, and I think you’ll be happier,” she said with a sympathetic frown. 

 

“Easier said than done,” he said. “You sure I can’t talk you into coming to America early? Zora could use help. I’m worried about her.” 

 

“Let me tell you a secret,” she whispered. “She doesn’t need saving all the time. Help her Ash. But don’t baby her. Can you try that? I think it will help her.”

 

Asher thought about it and slowly nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

 

“You always do. I’ll see you when I see you, love you,” she said. Then flashing her tits she hung up. 

 

Asher stared at his phone for a while. He had seen 2 sets of spectacular tits. His night was looking up. With that he put on the rest of his suit. It was the one Tiffany had made him buy for his birthday. Of course he had grown, but his wonderful wives had it tailored to fit again.

 

After the interview with Tyranis he was grilled by the government people alone. A lot of it was the same. Explanation of Systems and dungeons and Syscos and all that. Then they tried to bully him into more reps on the mission off-world. He put his foot down then. They got 1. He was doubtful there’d be a government when he came back. Wasn’t like the 70 year old president was going to go through the hard tutorial. And after the tutorial the individuals would hold the strength. Heck would the USD hold any value or would it all be Syscos?

 

They eventually relented after a show of force. Asher did promise to let his 2 guards follow him around till take off. Around that time Nadir left. Asher was now on his way to a party. Thrown by the top 1% of the city. He was supposedly the star. 

 

“It’s time,” Hansen said walking in. He nodded and they walked out of the hotel. Franks behind and Hansen in front, he felt silly with bodyguards. If someone did try something it would be like that meme with that Aquaman guy about having to fight mini bosses before the real one. 

 

They headed outside to be met by more reporters and paparazzi. His picture was taken a bunch in the matter of seconds but he was soon in a new Humvee. 

 

The streets were filled with people. Some proclaiming the end of the world. Others just appeared lost. They drove by at least 3 businesses being looted. He didn’t blame them. He might have freaked out too if he wasn’t stocked full of items in his ring. 

 

“Here we are,” Hansen said. It was a large fancy concrete building. The lights were on. There were armed guards outside the door. There appeared to be a party going on on the 4th floor. 

 

“Here we go,” he said as he got out. He was checked by security. It was simply a formality. By the way they acted they all knew who he was. 

 

“Mr. Whitmore. So good you could join us,” Tim Leland said, walking up to him. 

 

“Leland,” Asher said with a nod. Then began the introductions. Asher met near 100 people within an hour. He was toured around like some kind of prize as the government introduced him to this dignitary or that minister or this general and that random wife of said general. At first he tried to remember names, but gave up quickly. 

 

It wasn’t long till he was starting to feel like Katniss in the Hunger Games at the capital. Actually no, he was soon reminded of the baby monkey his girls wanted to hold for a little bit on the cruise. They paid a few dollars to just hold him. Feel his cuddles. Then passed him on. He started to feel bad for that monkey. 

 

“And this is my daughter Mia,” an ambassador from Germany said. 

 

Asher had to do a double take as he recognized her. “Mia?!” He exclaimed happily. Rushing over he picked her up under the arms. A legitimate smile on his face for the first time in what felt like days he twirled her around. She began to laugh from his reaction. When he caught himself he set her down. 

 

“I vought you vould forget me,” she said with a smile on her face. 

 

“How could I forget my Katerina?” 

 

“Ah yes. Did you see videos of that are already online?” 

 

“I didn’t. Let’s forget all that,” he said, ignoring everyone around him. “Tell me, what have you been up to since school? I didn’t know your dad was an ambassador.”

 

“Me? You are the one with the secrets,” she said, slapping his chest. “Tell me. When did you take that trial?”

 

“Oh a little before Amadeus auditions I think,” he said. 

 

“And your girlfriends, how are they?” She asked. 

 

“Good good. We got engaged over the summer,” he admitted. 

 

“To both?!”

 

“Of course. They were a package deal.”

 

“Let me guess. You saved their lives or something,” she said. 

 

“Maybe,” he said. Looking around they were the center of attention. “Let’s get some air,” he said, grabbing her hand. Soon they were on a balcony overlooking the slowly dying down street. The cool wind felt good from the stuffy interior. “So what have you been up to?”

 

“Oh this and that. Came to live with my fazer during the summer. I started college and was visiting for a weekend when I see an interview with an alien and your name and picture show up. My father didn’t believe I knew you,” she said. “So all this time I’ve known you, you were battling monsters. Trying to get yourself killed.”

 

“Wasn’t trying. Just seemed to happen,” he said blushing. He sat on the handrail of the balcony. “It’s good to see you. Everyone in there wanted something from me. I really needed a friendly face.”

 

“I’m glad,” she said. “I thought you’d forget me with all the excitement.”

 

“How could I? The sexy foreign exchange student. Ha no,” he said. “I’m uh guessing you don’t have a System,” he said. 

 

“You can’t tell?”

 

“I could, or you could tell me.”

 

“I do not,” she said leaning over the balcony a little. “I'm scared,” she said. “I’ve never been in a fight before. And suddenly I’m expected to be teleported somewhere and fight for a System. And if I don’t I could get stuck with some Housewife System.”

 

“Yeah. I guess I never looked at it from normal people's point of view,” he said. But he couldn’t leave it at that. “I tell you what.” He said willing the rings to his hand. They were both silver and thin. “I received one of these from a quest in a dungeon, and the other from a Red Quest target.” With his own massive ring he hadn’t had a use for them. The Illithid System kid didn’t need his ring anymore, and the other was from the rock dungeon he soloed. He then willed an Uzi and ammo. Food and water. And a couple of daggers into both. “If you go the Hard route. Which I do recommend. If you promise to give one of these to Wendy. I’ll give you the other. They’re storage rings. When you have the System, just think any of those things you just saw and it will be drawn out. They only have about 50 cubic feet of space so it’s not infinite. But it would help you. You’ll have to earn your System first, but I believe in you.”

 

He looked into her eyes. She had a few tears there. “You know these are going for about $100 million right now, right?”

 

“Eh. I don’t need money. I’d feel better if you both were a little safer,” he admitted. He had seen that System item prices had skyrocketed. eBay was littered with fakes. But people still bid on them. 

 

She gave him a big hug then. Crying a little in his shoulder. He rubbed her back. “My cousin is in town as well. How do I stay with her and my family during the tutorial?” She eventually asked. 

 

“They may have cut it from the information. But the elf said just be close to one another. It should teleport you to the same instance,” he said.

 

“I can do zat,” she said happily. They quietly stood in front of one another for a time. 

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” someone said, breaking them from the moment. Asher looked over to see a very handsome man. He looked to be in his mid-twenties. Buzz cut hair. In a navy uniform he was very prim and proper. 

 

“It’s fine. How can I help you,” Asher said, stepping back from Mia. 

 

“I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Vincent Gordon. I’m one of the last few considerations to go with you to outer space,” he said. 

 

“Ah. Well it’s good to meet you.” Asher willed out his sunglasses putting them on he saw. 

 

Human 

Level 17

 

“Level 17. Not bad at all,” Asher said. 

 

“You can see that?” Vincent said a little shocked. 

 

“System item,” he admitted as he willed the glasses away. “I could see your System if I wanted too. But recent events have led me to believe that they should be kept secret until asked permission.”

 

“I can respect that,” Vincent said with a smile. “I um. I really wanted to know if you think I should go or stay,” he said. 

 

“I don’t know why my opinion would matter,” Asher said. “If you’re happy with your System why not? Unless you have loved ones.”

 

“Not really. I just. I saw your trial. And I don’t know if I could have made the right choice there. If those are the types of tests we would have to do., I worry if I’ll make the right choice.”

 

“You know what? That trial was bullshit,” Asher admitted. Looking over the balcony he said. “It was rigged from the get go. There was no right or wrong answer. So I don’t know why they’re putting so much on a single test. If you want to go then go. It won’t be easy. But I think the people here will have it a lot harder.”

 

“Why’s that?” Vincent asked. 

 

“Them,” he admitted waving at the people in the party. “I keep getting told I’m Lawful Good. That I’ll make the right choice. Then why is my gut telling me to kill most every person in there.” His audience was a little shocked by his admission. “These people have everything already. And they’ll spend their money to make sure they have it made in the tutorial. While those people down there have nothing. They will start at 0.” He looked down to the people. “They’re scared right now. While these people are throwing a party to celebrate becoming the top of a new world order.”

 

With a simple hop he jumped to the stone handrail. Looking down to the street below. “Thanks for reminding me Mia. It was good to see you. Tell my security detail I will be down at the street.” With a wink to her he jumped. It was only 4 stories up, but it sure felt high. He heard Mia yell but he was focused on the sidewalk. He landed and caught himself from fully falling to the ground with his hands. A quick look at his screen showed he only took 3 damage. With a smile on his face he began walking. 

 

He had been fighting this for so long, but now it was time to confront the problem. Daphne had told it to him months ago. The only people that thrived in porn were the ones that accepted it wholeheartedly. 

 

It was time for him to accept it. Stop hiding from people. And go out and help them a little. No more of the pansy Asher that let his girlfriend do the talking. 

 

A fight broke out over something down the road. Asher ran over to the other side of the street. “Hey!” He yelled casting Intimidation. They all jumped up, saw him, and ran. 

 

Asher shook his head as he headed to the front of the party. There was a line of reporters and paparazzi. Apparently they weren’t expecting him from that angle of the street. There was a pretty young newscaster currently talking into the camera. Asher walked up to her as people quieted. 

 

The newscaster stopped talking. Her finger pressing her ear piece in she looked up into his eyes slowly. He flashed her a grin. “Hello,” he said. She gulped loudly. Then caught herself. 

 

“Hello, Mr. Whitmore himself. How-how can I help you?” She said. Her hand shook as she pointed the microphone at his face. 

 

“I was hoping to help you,” he admitted. “Sorry, what's your name?” 

 

“Um Laura Fareach,” she said. 

 

“Dang. You don’t have a cool name like Laura Storm or Hail or something? That would have been way cooler,” he said. 

 

“We are live,” she said through gritted teeth. 

 

“Even better,” he said, grabbing the microphone from her. He expected it was fake. But at least his hand had something to do now. “I’m Asher Whitmore. And I have a System. I have been running from my System since I got it. So yes. I will confirm it is called the Porn Star System. No I will not go into details on it, but I am learning to accept what that title gives me.”

 

“Um besides your own little existential crisis. Can I ask what brought you over here?” She asked. 

 

“Yes. I was inside that building there a little bit ago,” he said pointing behind him. He noticed Franks and Hansen across the street staring daggers at him. “And I realized that I’m supposed to be this planet's Champion. Not just for those people up there but the average person. The 99%,” he said, trying to put his thoughts into words. “I know a lot of people are scared out there. Heck I’m scared. 2 days ago no one knew who I was. And now I’m expected to go risk my life again on some faraway planet while my friends and family stay here to fight for their own System.”

 

A long sigh broke through him. He let the feeling of hopelessness go. “I awoke my System in February of this year, and I’m currently one of the strongest people on the planet. There was no guidebook or anything when I started. But look where I am. With the help of my guild mates in Community, I was able to come this far. All of you have the potential to do great things. I simply ask that you don’t panic in the meantime. I will be here, as well as the thousands of other System Users to help guide you. The System won’t give you the answers you seek. But all of us working together. We can make it through this.”

 

“Mighty fine words from the most famous System User,” Emily said as she looked back at the camera. “Tell me Mr. Whitmore. What do you have to say about the sex tape floating around the internet with you in it?”

 

Asher’s face turned pale. Before he could stop himself he asked, “shit. Which one?”