There’s No Love In the Deathzone (BL)

Jumping into the chasm might be a bit much, but fortunately, the male researcher was still tied in the vine, so he wasn't completely thrown down into the deep. But it would only take a few seconds for the lashing vines to drop the man into the gaping hole, so Zein moved his body before he could think about it thoroughly.

Most of his magic energy had been infused with the Black Pearl to shatter the Specter's concealment before, so he only had enough to make a few moves. With trained efficiency, the magic energy flowed from his nape to his arm and his legs. In one leap, he grabbed the researcher's collar while swinging his other dagger.

The magic-infused blade sunk into the thick, barbed flesh, and the vines lashed out with a sharp wind that made a screeching sound, sending the male researcher and Zein into the air again.

Zein gritted his teeth amidst the screaming of the researcher and the wailing sound of the monster, and poured his remaining magic energy into the dagger's blade. With all his might, Zein pushed the blade deeper and slashed the vine off. Using his feet to kick on another vine, he used the inertia from the lashing motion to hold onto the researcher and crashed into the fading barrier.

Vaguely, he saw his shadow move and dark, elongated spikes sprout out to stab the remaining vines. But the crash made his eyes blurry and his ears ringing, so he didn't know exactly what happened afterward.

What he heard, instead, was a sneering growl. A sound of concrete tumbling down. Crashing.

What he saw, instead, were red eyes. Bloody road and red sky. Of blazing fire and back ashes.

And a weight. More than the pain on his side where he crashed into the barrier, the weight on his neck and his chest was hurting him more.

Around him, the screeching sounds grew louder and wilder until they suddenly stopped altogether. With the corner of his flickering vision, Zein could see the slumping vines and something like a dark fire burning them to smithereens.

A hasty step approached him, and a strong hand hold his wobbling body. When he looked up, and his vision returned, he saw amber eyes peering at him. A frown, anxiety, lips moving to speak to him urgently.

Zein breathed, slowly, raised his hand, and slapped the man in front of him.

There was a deafening silence, so deep and full of tension that even the panicking researcher stopped his groan.

"What..." Bassena was so dumbfounded he couldn't say anything more. There was no magic inside that slap, so it barely tickled his cheek.

But it stung. It stung that much more.

"Bastard! You said you'll keep them safe!" in all the four days the team met, and in the three years Ron knew Zein, it was the first time the guide raised his voice that much.

There was so much anxiety and anger inside that voice. Emotions so raw Bassena couldn't even manage to feel offended. The blue eyes were shaking, brows furrowed deep in palpable tension.

"You told me to trust you!" the hands that grabbed the esper's lapel had the same painful firmness as the hand that grabbed Bassena's arm four days ago. "Fuck!"

With one last curse, Zein let go of the esper's coat and walked away, leaving Bassena staring blankly into empty air, and the others holding their breaths nervously.

Han Shin moved his head to look for the person who knew Zein the longest, and threw Ron a confused stare. But it was clear that the scout was also as shocked as the rest of them.

"W-why would—"

"What the fuck?!" the team, who was busy staring at each other for an answer, turned to Bassena again.

The esper was still standing in the same place, glaring at the empty air. But soon he whipped his head to the direction that Zein took—the entrance of the cave.

When Han Shin saw that Bassena seemed to be intent on confronting the guide, he stopped the man immediately. "Bas, I don't think you should go there now," the healer looked at Bassena warily. His friend had been on his best behavior these days, thanks to the man's attempt to butter up the guide. But Han Shin knew what kind of person Bassena actually was—what kind of temper the man usually had. "Calm yourself first, yeah?"

That temper was now directed at him instead, the cold stare piercing like needles. "What?" Bassena frowned, as if he couldn't understand why someone had any guts to stop him—including his friend.

"We can't have conflict now, okay? I don't know why he was suddenly like that, but—"

"Umm..." at that moment, Sierra bravely cut in between the two executives' arguments. "I...I think I know why Mister Zen acted like that..."

And now all eyes were turned to Sierra, so the sharpshooter continues without any delay. "This is just my conjecture, but I believe it has something to do with the red-zone outbreak incident four years ago."

"The incident that you mentioned that first time?" Ron walked closer. He too wanted to know what exactly transpired here.

"Yes," Sierra turned her sight to the scout, taking the chance so she could avoid looking at the fiery pair of amber that scared her so. "During that incident, Mister Zen lost his younger brothers. I...I looked for them with him, and we actually managed to rescue them, but..."

Sierra sighed, and the others could guess easily what happened then. "They died...on the way to the medical tent..." she wasn't there when Zein and Askan Bellum managed to get the twins out, but she met them on the barricade.

She still remembered even now, the look on the guide's face—the hard eyes, the cold fury, the deep sorrow.

She remembered the sight of the older brother silently putting his younger siblings down on the dry grass. The man didn't cry, didn't scream, didn't even let out a single grunt and sigh.

But that, somehow, had brought even more sadness.

"Were they...civilians?" Bassena asked, and Sierra nodded with a heavy heart.

Well, during outbreaks, the biggest casualty would always be the civilians. "Yes. They were still in their teens, I didn't think they were more than fifteen at that time..."

Bassena closed his eyes, mind playing that particular moment before the first dinner. How the blue eyes were filled with anxiety the moment Zein knew they were bringing civilians into the Deathzone.

It didn't just stem from the guide's distrust toward espers in general. Or because he feared for his own life.

And that anxiety had morphed into anger the moment it proved true.

"Haa..." Bassena exhaled slowly.

"Right, okay..." Han Shin wiped his face. "So let's just leave him alone for now and continue making our cam—hey, Bas!"

Before Han Shin could tell him to stay put, the man had already walked far to the entrance of the cave, ignoring the healer's frustrated shout. His hastened step, however, slowed down once the guide's figure caught his eyes.

Zein was sitting on a boulder at the entrance, looking out to the black water flowing steadily outside. His hand was clutching tightly at the pendant of his necklace, and the hard line of his jaw told Bassena that the guide was gritting his teeth.

The esper had come there without any thought of what he should say. He thought of offering an apology, but honestly, Bassena didn't feel guilty or anything, so it would feel insincere if he did.

That was why, he just wordlessly sat on the ground beside the guide, looking at the black water and surrounding darkness too. And they both sat in silence for a long time, each with their own thought.

But it was the guide who broke the silence first. "I'm sorry," for the second time, Zein apologized. "You had your skill guarding us, didn't you?"

After his emotion stabilized, Zein could recall the situation more clearly now. The spear of darkness that came out of the researcher's and his shadow to pulverize the vines. Bassena probably had stationed his 'kids' on each of the members for emergency situations.

But Zein was too anxious earlier. The sight of the researcher screaming in fright and being attacked triggered those memories he'd been sealing deep in the corner of his mind.

And he unleashed that on someone that was closest to him.

"If you're sorry..." Bassena tilted his head and leaned closer to the guide, "then give me compensation," there was a teasing glint inside the amber eyes.

Zein stared at the narrowed eyes, and the lighthearted smirk that formed on the esper's face. "Like what?"

"Like a kiss—"

"Try again. Like what?"

Bassena chuckled at how fast his request was being turned down. Well, he wasn't being serious anyway—not entirely. Although he would totally go with it if the guide gave any semblance of consent.

"Then...come to my guild," the esper looked up, meeting the gaze from the narrowed blue eyes. "Just so you know, it's not just my selfish desire. It's official recruitment."

"Then shouldn't you offer it in an official setting?" Zein watched the esper rest his elbow above the guide's thigh, using it to prop his chin. "And I don't think my apology is worth that much compensation."

The esper smiled deeply, before making a pained face, clutching his chest with his other hand. "But you hurt my heart so much, Zein..."

Rather than retorting with words, Zein flicked the esper's hand away from the man's chin. "Then you should wipe that smirk first before saying that kind of thing," he clicked his tongue, and the esper laughed softly at that.

Honestly, if it came to it, Zein wasn't the best person in mitigating conflict. And Bassena was even worse at that. Zein's policy was kept out of conflict or ignore, whereas the esper just straight up faced it with a 'fuck you, I'm always right' attitude.

But somehow, these two people were being candid and resolved things with just a few exchange of words. If Han Shin witnessed this, he would be on a journey questioning his life right now. After all, he'd been the one who adamantly tried to prevent Bassena from confronting the guide in fear of conflict escalation.

Who could guess the infamous tyrant Bassena Vaski would patiently wait in silence for the other to speak first? Or for Zein who just burst out emotionally to quickly calm down and even apologized.

Or for them to act so comfortably with each other.

"But will you accept?" Bassena leaned his body even closer when the guide made no indication to push him away.

"My contract with the Unit is still in effect," Zein replied in a business tone, like a customer rejecting sales advance.

The esper clicked his tongue without any intention to hide his dissatisfaction. "Can't you at least pretend to think about it?"

"How persistent," Zein leaned his back against the cave wall, smiling slightly at the esper's sulking face—the slightly furrowed brows and the pursing lips.

"You're sneering aren't you?"

"I'm not," Zein smiled wider beneath his mask, ignoring the esper's eyes that gazed keenly at his mask.

"Just think about it, will you?"

"Will that be your compensation?" Zein just closed his eyes after saying that, and Bassena didn't push him anymore. He liked that—the way this esper always pulled the brake in the appropriate line. Perhaps that was what made Zein feel uncommonly at ease with the man.

They were back in their comfortable silence, and Bassena just went ahead and leaned his head on Zein's side. Within that relaxing vibe, Zein took the hand that had been languidly slumping on top of his thigh all this time and began to guide the esper.

"Haha..." Bassena chuckled and laid his head down on Zein's knee, leaning his weight on the guide. "Just let me borrow this then..."

Zein stared at the silvery strands strewn across his lap with a raised brow. "You're finally going to sleep?"

"Kinda feel like it..."

Zein smirked and closed his eyes again. Honestly, the fight earlier had seeped all of his energy, so he was on the low right now. It was dangerous to fall into this tranquil state of mind when the safe zone had yet to be established. But...

The weight on his side and his thigh brought unexplainable comfort and security.

Like a blanket.

"Zein," the head above his thigh muttered, but Zein just murmured shortly without opening his eyes. "I think your way of thinking is too weird..."

"What are you even talking about now?"

"For someone who is seeking for an answer, you're looking for it in such a narrow place,"

Zein opened his eyes then. But rather than looking down at the esper, he stared at the earthen ceiling of the cave.

"If you want to know how you are supposed to live your life, you can't confine yourself in such a small world," Bassena, sensing the guide still listening, continued with his words. "You have to experience more of the world, not just stay here. Why are you thinking that you can only find the answer in the face of death?"

Zein didn't know whether the esper expecting a reply for that, but he gave one. "Is that your way of telling me to join your guild?"

This time, the head lifted from Zein's thigh, and the amber eyes moved to stare at the guide. Keenly. Deeply.

"Have you ever tried to be happy?"

Zein stiffened at the simple question. His gaze lowered, meeting the profound gleam within the blazing amber. The guide obviously didn't think that Bassena would reply to his remark with this kind of question.

But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was the answer.

Tried to be happy? What kind of concept was that? Was Zein had ever think about happiness?

Had he the right to think about happiness?

Without removing his gaze, Bassena slipped his fingers between Zein's, interlocking their hand again, just like when they did the pre-cleansing.

"Why don't you try to do things that could make you happy?" the esper spoke quietly, like it was something that was only meant for them to hear. But there was firmness inside the word he spoke, between the voice he used. "You might find your answer then."

Zein blinked; one, two, repeatedly.

Again, the problem did not lay in the question. "I...don't know..."

Zein had never thought about it. What made him happy? It was such a luxurious concept for someone like him. Zein had never allowed himself to think about it. There was nothing profound within the reason—he just couldn't afford to.

Surviving in the red-zone was such a hard thing to do. Surviving in the red-zone while supporting the life of two kids was even more so.

When would Zein have the time to think about that kind of question? He couldn't even dare to have the mere thought of living comfortably. His life was never about doing what he wanted, but what he could and must do.

At least, that was how Zein used to live. With mouths to feed, bodies to be clothed, and roof to be provided. He had used to live for someone else that he lost the sense of having something he wanted to do for himself.

Even now, when he no longer had any responsibility.

Was that why his brother said such a thing? Asking Zein to live his life? Because even the teenage boy knew that Zein had never lived for himself, had never done anything he truly wanted...

But—

What did Zein want to do? It was a problem because he had no idea. And now Bassena's question led him to a new thought.

What was it that could make him happy?

Looking at the silent guide, Bassena tightened his fingers. "If you had no idea how, then try to live your brother's life."

The blue eyes flickered, as Zein's mind flew to yesterday. The way his heart stirred when Ron mentioned the thing about honoring the dead.

"How do you—"

"It's your brother, isn't it? The one who told you to live your life?"

Zein had no idea how the esper knew about his younger brothers, but he was surprised more by the fact that Bassena connected the dots and guessed things correctly. So instead of getting pissed, Zein was staring quietly at Bassena with slightly widened eyes.

"Think about what they would want to do, and do it in their stead," the esper gave him more insight. "Who knows, maybe you'll get your answer then."

Zein found himself breathing slowly, staring at the keen eyes whose attention seemed to always be fixed on him. Just looking at the solemn expression on the esper's face, Zein knew that Bassena didn't say all of that just to recruit him.

Unless the esper was a really, really good actor.

But Zein didn't think so. They were connected too deeply right now for the esper to be able to hide his inner thought.

And so did Zein.

Just as easily as the guide could sense the esper's intention from inside his mana core, Bassena could read Zein's state of emotion right now. There was nothing to hide during a guiding session, where everything was bare between the esper and the guide.

So both of them knew, how much Zein's heart and mind getting swayed right now.

In a soft voice, like a whisper, Bassena took all the gaze of the blue orbs. "If by the end you still can't find the answer...well, you can go back here or whatever," he shrugged, shattering the solemn atmosphere just like that.

But Zein...Zein did laugh a little.

* * *

The safe zone was established after the clock showed that night had fallen. Not that it felt any different.

But finally the camp had been built, and the dinner was almost ready. The team, who was pretty shaken from the sudden incident, could, at last, breathe a sigh of relief.

"Should we wait for them?" Sierra asked carefully at the sulking Han Shin.

The healer clicked his tongue at the question. "Tsk! Why are they taking so long anyway? Are they still talking?"

"But at least we don't hear any sound of bickering..."

"What do you know?" Han Shin shrugged his shoulder. "For all I knew, Bas could make a domain of darkness where no sound could come out."

"...should I check on them?" Ron stared in the direction of the entrance, visibly worried for their guide.

But the one who got up was the male researcher, Eugene. "Ah, I'll do it," he scratched his head sheepishly. "I haven't got the chance to thank Mister Zen..."

"Oh, I'll come with you then," Sierra stood up too. Perhaps because she felt guilty for telling them Zein's story without the guide's consent.

She hurriedly followed Eugene, but then he found the male researcher stopped at the last turn before they faced the cave entrance. Instead of walking further, the researcher scooted close to the wall and only stuck his head out, like he was hiding and peeping at the same time.

"Mister Eugene?"

"Ssh!" the researcher put his finger on his lips. Silently, carefully, he pointed toward the cave entrance, and Sierra had no choice but to assume the same peeping position.

"Seems like they're not fighting anymore," Eugene whispered with a grin.

But then she immediately understood why Eugene did that.

Hands clutching the cave wall, her eyes widened at the unbelievable display at the entrance.

At Zein leaning against the cave wall with closed eyes and steady breathing. At Bassena's head laying on the guide's lap while the rest of his body sitting on the ground. At their intertwined hands, still locking even when the guiding already ended.