The Villainess Does Not Want to Die

Chapter 29: When I Grew a Little

Sending me off to a convent would certainly make things easier for them.

But if they thought I’d go quietly, they were sorely mistaken.

Life in a convent devoted to the Almighty Isten would be a living hell for me.

I had read plenty of books about how they lived pious lives there.

I would eat, sleep, and bathe alongside countless other nuns who had committed transgressions like mine.

It wouldn’t be a relaxed existence—everything would follow a strict schedule, almost like a military camp.

Escaping would be impossible.

A woman in a black nun’s habit would stand out wherever she went.

And they wouldn’t even give me comfortable shoes.

The Duchess, perhaps determined not to lose this time, spoke with a faintly trembling voice.

But the conviction had already drained from her tone, so it didn’t carry much weight.

“…Even so, the fact remains that you killed someone.”

“That wasn’t a person. It was a filthy beast who deserved to die.

A man who belongs in hell, burning for all eternity.”

If that thing groveling on the floor and begging for its life only after its neck was sliced open was considered human, then perhaps I was guilty.

But how could that knight—a drunken fool who dared to insult the Duke’s daughter and sexually harass her maid—be human?

“Even so, does that justify you not being punished?”

The Duchess’ expression grew increasingly strained with every word, as if she knew how flimsy her argument was.

It seemed like a gentle prod might make her cry.

With that thought, I leaned forward, bracing myself on the table with both hands, and stood up.

“Punishment? Are you talking about punishment?”

The Duchess, clearly intimidated, recoiled slightly as she answered.

How could an adult be so spineless? How could someone of noble blood fail to drive out a mere child born of half-noble and half-prostitute blood?

“…Yes.”

I gave her a wide grin.

It probably looked unnatural, as though my facial muscles were frozen, but that didn’t matter.

No one cared for or understood me, so why should I care how I looked?

“If I deserve punishment for ridding the world of someone who forgot their place, neglected their duty, and failed to uphold their obligations as a human being, then all the priests who hunt down demon worshippers should be thrown in jail as well.”

I spoke with a slightly impassioned tone before sitting back down and continuing as if it was no big deal.

“And it’s not like Madam intentionally assigned me that piece of trash, right?”

The Duchess flinched at my words, her shoulders giving an involuntary twitch.

The Duke, leaning comfortably in his chair, seemed fascinated by the conversation. The eldest son and Libian, however, were staring at me as if I were mad.

“Isn’t that right?”

The Duchess remained silent for a long while, her lips trembling as though she wanted to speak but couldn’t.

An awkward silence settled over the room until she finally replied, her voice quivering and her gaze avoiding mine.

“Even so, you were… too cruel…”

I cut her off before she could finish her thought.

I glanced at the Duke for his reaction, but he gestured for me to continue without minding him.

Did he love the Duchess, I wondered?

In any case, his gesture felt like tacit permission.

If I ever married someone who treated me like this, would I end up like the Duchess?

At this point, anyone else might have exploded with anger or screamed in frustration, but she simply sat there, listening to my words in silence.

Perhaps her conscience kept her from speaking.

The thought was amusing, almost laughable, but it didn’t seem likely.

“Madam, you taught me, didn’t you?

You told me, while harshly slapping the face of a boy who tripped and fell with a book in his hands.

You repeated it every single day, especially before I learned to dance.

That if the lower class dared to behave in such a manner, you should split their heads open or tear them limb from limb—deal with them as cruelly as possible.”

I shouldn’t be doing this.

But with Alina gone, I couldn’t seem to hold my emotions in check.

“And now, you’re saying that’s wrong?

That I deserve punishment just because I killed some bug of a man who was obsessed with women?”

“That’s not… I didn’t mean it like that…”

I closed my eyes.

When emotions threatened to overwhelm me, closing my eyes and forcing my mind to stop was the best way to suppress them.

Yet, the emotions wouldn’t subside.

I felt stifled and dirty.

It felt as though I was thrashing about, grappling with nothing but my own misery.

But that man—the one who drove Alina away from here—he was the source of it all.

They kept surrounding me with strange, cruel people, twisting my life further.

What was I supposed to do?

Getting rid of the servants who tormented me and the drunken knight who abused Alina had felt like actions I could manage the consequences of.

Even now, the Duchess sat there stammering, unable to defend her position.

Defending a pile of human trash would undoubtedly tarnish her reputation.

But it wasn’t worth ruining her image for the sake of a dead man.

Ultimately, she just wanted an excuse to get rid of me—to erase the living proof that the Duke’s love for my mother had been something she could never claim for herself.

It was cowardly, almost pitiable.

If I stood up right now, smashed the teacup, and attacked the Duchess, that would be an irreversible mistake.

So instead, I leaned forward slightly and delivered a quiet but cutting warning to her.

“If you’re going to send me to a convent, you might as well kill me.”

The word “kill” seemed to carry a lot of weight for her.

Her pupils began to tremble at my suggestion.

She and I were fundamentally different.

My life had been one of meanness, despair, faint and fleeting hope, and the constant shadow of death. A life that could be described as miserable.

And yet, it wasn’t particularly unique.

To her, however, a life like mine was something pitiable and tragic—a far cry from ordinary.

When I Grew a Little

It would certainly be convenient for them to send me to a convent.

But I had no intention of complying quietly.

The Duchess’ approach to life and mine were fundamentally different. How could they not be?

“Me? Kill you? Why would I ever do that?”

“You didn’t just fail to help me; you gave me tormenting servants and knights who called me a prostitute, and now you’ve even driven away my one and only maid. Isn’t that enough?

Madam, what more could you want? Should I go ahead and behave like you taught me, take up a sword, and slice the neck of this impudent fool standing before me?”

The Duke cut me off. Perhaps he thought this wasn’t a good scene to expose the children to, considering how relentlessly I was cornering the Duchess.

In truth, both the eldest son and Libian looked rather unsettled.

Whether it was fear or disgust at the insolent child daring to stand against their mother, I couldn’t tell.

I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them dumped a bucket of water on me from a window while I walked in the garden.

In any case, if the Duchess really did come after me with a sword, I would have run.

After seeing that knight die, I had realized being stabbed to death seemed excruciatingly painful.

“Marisela, I think it would be best if you stopped there.”

The Duke’s pipe had stopped emitting smoke.

Maybe he had burned through the tobacco inside and decided it was time to intervene.

“Whether you believe it or not, she is still your mother.

Even when emotions run high, you should show some respect and courtesy.”

At his words, I bowed my head slightly and said, “I’m sorry.”

The Duke looked pleased by this, smiling as if satisfied.

“Madam, it seems the knight you assigned as her guard had more than a few issues.

According to the findings of the butler’s investigation. Though, of course, I’m sure you didn’t know about any of this.”

He spoke with a sly, teasing tone that made him seem a bit irritating.

I had heard that the Duchess originally came from a wealthy merchant family.

The Duke’s tone, careful but condescending, felt as though he were chastising an incompetent merchant for poor business performance.

Perhaps he had been quietly tolerating her up until now, and now that he had a reason to criticize her, he was seizing the moment.

“It appears the knight used abusive language toward the child and mistreated the servants as well…

Wouldn’t it be better to pretend nothing happened?”

The Duchess couldn’t respond immediately.

Perhaps it was because of everything that had been said, or maybe her pride made it too humiliating to yield.

How should I know?

Ultimately, the Duchess didn’t answer verbally. Instead, she nodded silently, her trembling eyes and tightly closed lips giving away her emotions.

If it had been me, she would have demanded a direct answer, calling it impolite otherwise.

“Since tensions are running a bit high, let’s have everyone dine separately today. That’s all; you may go now.”

As I left the study and walked down the corridor, Libian, looking furious, grabbed my wrist.

“What are you thinking, speaking like that?”

“Did I cause a problem?”

“Basic courtesy—”

Before she could finish, I shoved her away.

Libian stumbled backward, falling onto her rear. She looked up at me with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

“Libian, when you and Eileen used to torment me, did you ever keep courtesy or basic decency in mind?”

I stepped closer to her, speaking without raising a hand against her.

“You should have shown me respect first.

Not just you—everyone in this place.”

After saying that, I turned and walked away, fiddling with my necklace.

I ran my fingers over the uneven surface of the ring for a long time, rubbing the gleaming gemstone absentmindedly.

When I returned to my room and opened the door, Alina wasn’t there.

Frustration welled up inside me, and I threw the plate on the table against the wall.

Pulling the handle to summon a maid, I was greeted not by Alina but by another nameless girl.

“Clean up the broken glass on the floor.”

I instructed the maid to clean, then lit up some opium.

Only after the smoke began to cloud the room did I feel a small semblance of calm return.

Of course, the reality of my situation remained unchanged.

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