The Villainess Does Not Want to Die

Chapter 21: Lake

When I returned to the room, Alina was soundly asleep on the bed, her breaths even and steady.

I approached her and gently touched the bridge of her nose.

She murmured softly in her sleep and curled up slightly.

Deciding that lying on the bed was out of the question, I turned on a dim light and reclined on the armchair.

From the paper envelope the Duke had given me, I took out a letter and a gemstone.

I held the gemstone up to the light and compared it with the one on the necklace. They seemed almost identical, as if they were the same stone.

But why on earth did he give this to me?

No matter what he does, I can’t see it in a good light.

If it weren’t for that man, I wonder if I could’ve been born into this world a bit more whole. It’s a foolish hope that flickers faintly in my mind.

I wouldn’t have had to live a miserable life in the slums with my mother.

I wouldn’t have had to witness the death of the Proxy Manager, the man who loved my mother and once asked me to call him father.

I simply envied the children who lived in the proper neighborhoods across the bridge.

What a foolish thought.

I removed the red wax seal from the letterhead and unfolded the letter.

The contents of the long letter, written in an ornate script, came into view at once.

                    “To my beloved daughter, Marisela,

It has already been over eight months since I brought you to this mansion.

When we first met, while all the other ordinary children were trembling with nervousness, only you calmly looked me in the eye.

It was as if you were proving that bloodlines are innate.

Even before the magician drew blood from you and declared you my daughter, I was certain of it.

Your mother, though she was just an ordinary commoner, was more bold, noble, and dignified than anyone else.

The resemblance between you two struck me immediately.

Isten the Almighty guided you to this mansion, and I deeply regret that you have faced various difficulties despite coming here.

The servants who mocked you with their filthy tongues have been sent back to where they belong by the head butler at my behest. If there are any others who mistreat you, let me know.

You may rebuke them yourself, and if they still do not listen, I will ensure they are sent back to where they belong.

The reason I am writing this letter instead of speaking to you directly at the dining table is simple.

Please bury the gemstone enclosed in this envelope in your mother’s grave.

Tell her I am sorry and that I have never once forgotten her.

You might think I could do this myself, but that would be too difficult.

Regrettably, I seem to have far too many reasons that prevent me from visiting.

Madam [redacted], would have a fit just from hearing about your mother’s grave.

Even if you, or even Lize, blame me for abandoning your mother and yourself, I feel shame in not being able to offer any excuses.

But I swear to the heavens, as soon as I realized you existed, I searched for you tirelessly.

When I met you, I felt both the sorrow of having neglected you and the joy of discovering another beautiful daughter.

With the allowance I have given you, you could buy several mansions in the heart of the city.

Since we only went on a picnic, you should have a bit of joy as well.

Tomorrow, take two knights to guard you, a few suitable servants, and a carriage, and visit the lake.

If there is anything you desire, just say the word.

This father of yours will bring you anything—anything but a person’s heart.

To Marisela, I pray blessings upon you.

Your father.”

“Well, well, how touching. So he loved me that much, did he? Incredible.”

Ha.

I spoke aloud as if I were moved by the letter, but my tone was closer to mockery.

It was a bitter smile, one I hadn’t thought myself capable of.

As I continued to speak, the words trailed off into an empty laugh.

I couldn’t suppress the derision.

Perhaps he really does love me.

Perhaps he looks at me with fatherly affection, always seeing me as his sweet daughter.

But more likely, he’s just indifferent or too caught up in his own lethargy.

If he had even once used that grand authority of his to put the Duchess in her place and told the servants and children not to mistreat me—just once—my life wouldn’t be this hard.

The Duchess isn’t even inherently malicious.

Even when she’s harsh to others, it seems to take a toll on her.

She torments and reprimands me, yet she seems to be the one who suffers more.

That makes her all the more detestable.

If only the Duke had clearly told her to stop tormenting me, to cease her pointless actions, everything would’ve been resolved.

But instead, he just watches silently or intervenes only when things escalate. How can such a person claim to love me?

He could manage it, I suppose. Letting a stray cat into the yard, even if not into the house.

Feeding it at mealtimes, maybe tossing it a tasty treat every now and then when it looks cute enough.

I pulled out the gemstone from the envelope.

It was identical to the small, unpolished gem on the necklace.

Even down to the marks left by years of handling, both stones shone.

If he loved her so much, he should’ve thrown away his title and married my mother.

Then I wouldn’t have had to hear your name as I choked to death in a brothel.

With trembling hands, I gripped the gemstone tightly before placing it back into the envelope.

I thought to myself that maybe my mother would have wanted this too.

I considered tossing the letter into the crackling fireplace, where the logs burned steadily. 

But in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I folded it neatly and returned it to the envelope.

I don’t even know what I want anymore.

Lying down next to Alina, who was sound asleep, I gently touched her adorable face with my fingers before hugging her tightly and drifting off.

It felt warm, reminding me of the cat I used to raise.

Her faint scent was like the wildflowers blooming by the roadside.

When I first started living here, the sense of oppression crept in slowly but steadily, like water carving its way through rock.

At first, I tried to endure it somehow, but eventually, I broke. From then on, I let the servants’ ridicule and nonsense wash over me without reaction.

I figured, They must just hate me. That was the extent of my thoughts.

Even when I heard degrading remarks, I did the same.

The thought that I didn’t deserve to be treated as nobility lingered in my mind—Just a kid from the slums.

But then Alina approached me. She called me “Miss” and treated me as though I truly were a noble.

Sitting on a chair, staring blankly at nothing, I’d idly wonder if light would ever shine on me too.

I even had the foolish thought that someone might save me if I were lucky enough.

But whenever I sank into that mindset, Alina would come to me, comfort me, and hold me.

Maybe that’s when I started to think that even if I was broken, I was at least half a “Miss.”

The day I saw her body covered in bruises, I caused such a scene.

The original Marisela probably didn’t have someone like Alina.

I pulled Alina, whom I was holding tightly, even closer, buried my face in her hair, and closed my eyes.

The next morning, Alina was cleaning my room with a slightly flushed face.

It wasn’t much work—just putting back the books I had left scattered around.

“Alina, did you sleep well?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about last night, Miss!”

“It’s fine. If you’re ever tired again, come and sleep here with me. It was warm and nice.”

Alina turned red but couldn’t bring herself to respond.

I got out of bed and casually approached her from behind, slipping my arms around her for a light hug.

Was it because my mother passed away too soon?

I always seem to act like some affection-starved child.

My mind feels like it’s hardened, but my body always seems to act first.

Alina, as if used to this, let me cling to her while she continued cleaning.

Then someone came into the room.

A moment ago, I had been nuzzling against Alina, but I quickly stepped away, sat down on a chair, crossed my legs, and began pouring myself a cup of now-cold tea.

Alina chuckled at me before walking over to open the door.

Two knights with swords at their waists stood outside, flanked by about ten servants.

They bowed politely after looking at me.

The thought crossed my mind that I had never received such a greeting from other servants before.

“We are here to serve you starting today…”

Whatever they were saying, I let it go in one ear and out the other.

They were people the Duke had arranged to send me to the lake. Nothing more.

They weren’t important.

I left the room and went to the bathroom, where I was thoroughly washed and dressed in clean, constricting clothes.

By now, it felt strange not to have my body bound tightly by clothing.

The sharp sound of my footsteps echoed as I walked down the long hallway toward the prepared carriage.

Once inside, the faint smell of horse manure bothered me, but I figured I’d get used to it.

The carriage was three times the size of the one I’d arrived in, spacious enough for Alina and me to lie down together.

For the first time in months, I was leaving the Duke’s estate for another place.

I leaned back against the seat, feeling a strange sense of awkwardness at the unfamiliar scenery passing by the window.

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