Chapter 252: Underworld (4)
She ripped at his flesh, her nails leaving raw, red marks across his cheeks.
Yet, as the storm of her emotions raged on, Lizzy felt the seething resentment within her slowly cool, realizing that nothing could truly sate the depths of her fury.
Her anger drained away, leaving only a hollow, empty gaze in its wake.
After the prolonged outpouring of her emotions, Ferzen's once neat appearance was left disheveled and unsightly.
But now, even the sight of his battered form brought Lizzy not a shred of satisfaction.
With a slow, deliberate motion, Lizzy reached out both hands to grasp Ferzen's cheeks, forcing him to meet her gaze as she muttered in a low, menacing voice,
"...I will make that dreadful obsession bloom within you once more."
And then, she continued.
"I'll make it so you can't even touch those men and women you hold dear. Of course, you won't be able to feel their warmth either."
"......""You won't hear their voices, nor will you be able to convey anything to them."
Lizzy gently caressed Ferzen's cheek,
Her touch was a mockery of tenderness as she declared that she would make it impossible for him to even communicate his thoughts through writing.
"You may see, but you won't be able to make out their faces. And while you may be seen, your own face will remain hidden."
"......."
"You won't smell the scent of those women you so adore. And your scent will never mingle with theirs."
To exist, yet not exist.
To be alive but like a dead man.
Wandering by their sides like a specter, unable to feel any connection.
Lizzy gripped Ferzen's cheeks tightly, bringing her violet eyes close to his distinctive red ones, telling him to try living such a life, like a walking corpse.
Bonds inevitably fade as the connection dwindles.
So...
If they slowly forget each other's warmth, each other's scent, and each other's face, then the memories that make up their bond will also vanish like foam.
How would Ferzen react, suffering from a terrible obsession, helplessly watching from a distance where he could reach out and touch them at any moment?
What was nothing became everything.
And the moment everything becomes nothing once more, yes... Lizzy hoped, for the first time, that he would feel "regret."
Hearing Lizzy's words, Ferzen maintained his silence for a while before slowly opening his mouth.
"...If that is your wish, then so be it."
Ha.
Lizzy's crimson lips curled up in a clear sneer, her slender fingers tracing around Ferzen's cheeks and lips, expressing her mockery.
"You're ridiculous."
"......"
"You think they'll never let go of you or forget you, like some fairy tale or novel?"
"It would be a lie to say I don't have such faith."
But even if that faith shattered, Ferzen thought it would be alright.
Of course, when that moment came, there was no need to imagine the painful and agonizing days that would unfold.
But didn't he make a promise?
That no matter what form it took, he would always stay by their side.
Certainly, seeing them living with their backs turned, having forgotten him, would bring about terrible sorrow.
Seeing that, he might wail and spew out a fury that could neither be heard nor felt.
Moreover, as Lizzy said, he might feel doubt and regret over the faded bond, without even needing to bind his soul to a shrine.
Still, they say that when dreams turn to regret, humans truly feel they have grown old.
The boy who dreams of being a knight becomes an adult and realizes it is futile.
The girl who dreams of being a princess becomes an adult and realizes it is only possible in fairy tales.
The young man promises his beloved a happy life where she won't have to lift a finger.
The maiden wholeheartedly believes those words and imagines a rosy future.
But as the young man ages, he notices his wife's once beautiful hands growing rough and calloused, wrinkles beginning to settle on her face, and realizes that too was in vain.
The aging maiden also carefully folds away her imagined rosy future and buries it somewhere in her heart, as her husband, who once seemed capable of overcoming anything, struggles just to maintain the household in the harsh reality.
For him, who was not bound by the flow of time, the pain of dreams turning to regret would serve as clear proof that he had lived a mortal life...
That he had grown old together with them.
In short, Ferzen did not want to deny the time he had lived as a human.
Even if it was an unbearable pain.
"......"
As Lizzy slowly removed her hands after hearing his words, showing no reaction, Ferzen carefully lifted his body and embraced her.
Swish.
Lizzy entrusted her limp body to his touch like a lifeless doll, without the slightest resistance.
Where and what were her vacant violet eyes gazing at?
...Well, having come this far, there was no need to dwell on it further.
The nine years he and she had spent tied by this ill-fated bond.
And today, when they had shared the most unrestrained conversation of all.
There would be no misjudgment in each other's choices.
"...Let's go."
Ferzen took a step forward.
Before they knew it, half a day had passed.
*****
「 Then... I shall open it. 」
The gods of the celestial realm, who had been watching Ferzen's reaction, let out a deep sigh and consumed a large amount of their respective karmas to open the gate to the underworld.
Unlike opening the gate to the underworld from the mortal realm, opening it from here required a tremendous distortion of causality──karma, in and of itself.
That was because, with the exception of a few special cases, external realms were fundamentally not allowed to interfere with the mortal realm, being disconnected from it.
Thus, the flow of time in the external realms was also different from the mortal realm.
It had to be shown as if humans were born and died in an instant so that the gods spending their idle time observing the mortal realm would not develop an attachment to them.
That was why Ferzen had requested this half-day from them.
As the celestial gods began to attune Ferzen's wishes by consuming karma once more through the reversely opened gate to the underworld...
"......"
Lizzy also participated, using the large amount of karma she had received from him.
Squirm.
「 ...... 」
It was extremely unpleasant for a mere human soul to interfere with them, but Lizzy's punishment of Ferzen could also be said to greatly reduce their own karma consumption, so the gods made an effort to erase that emotion from their divine expressions.
Moreover, what Lizzy possessed was originally about half of the karma Ferzen had.
In other words, it could be seen as Ferzen's capacity being reduced by that much, so regardless, it could be considered that the original goal had been achieved, albeit imperfectly.
And Lizzy, unaware of the celestial──the Five Gods of Fortune's thoughts, turned her gaze towards Ferzen standing in front of the open gate to the underworld.
Honestly, from Lizzy's perspective, it was difficult to empathize with his view on human life.
It was like the appraisal of aristocrats spewing out plausible appreciations while looking at a famous artist's work that was painted haphazardly.
Therefore, to Lizzy, it seemed that Ferzen did not cherish it, but was simply fascinated by human life as an intense stimulus in the idle eternity he had lived through.
Like a child tasting sweet sugar for the first time.
He was merely mistaking his interest in something curious for something precious.
So Lizzy's lush, crimson lips curled up little by little, showing him a mocking sneer, but before long, those sensual lips fell back down, her expression going blank.
'......'
In fact, she might be wishing for him to be mistaken in such a way.
Because at the end of frustration and pain, she had nothing left.
If the pain condensed at the end of frustration and suffering became meaningful for him,
Could it really be called a punishment?
But if she didn't want to allow even this for him,
What means should she take?
When she stood in front of the mirror, she wished Ferzen would not be reflected.
When Ferzen stood in front of the mirror, she wished she would be reflected.
She didn't want to become the same person as him, but she yearned for him to follow in her every footstep.
However, unless she became his mirror, it would be impossible.
And the answer to the question of why she didn't do so was the same as the beginning, completely identical.
It was too resentful and unfair for her, the victim, to return the pain by becoming the same perpetrator as him, marking a vicious cycle.
Squeeze!
But at this point, Lizzy had no choice but to realize it herself.
This cycle of thoughts itself was a reflexive defense mechanism and a desperate self-justification.
Of course, the thought itself might not be entirely wrong.
It was sad enough for a victim who stepped forward after seeing an unpunished perpetrator to become another perpetrator.
However, in such cases, the victim would have raised their hand to their desire for revenge despite considering the consequences.
And if Lizzy thought about the injustice she had received from Ferzen, it wouldn't be strange for her desire for revenge to suppress her reason.
Nevertheless, the fundamental reason for turning away from her own desire for revenge is through that defense mechanism and self-justification...
It would be no exaggeration to say that this relentless self-rationalization itself was the answer.
It began with hatred and anger sprouted from frustration and despair, but...
Those emotions were shattered when she was attacked by another country during the trial process and trapped in the Bounded Field.
She could make excuses that the external pressure was too great, but the fact that it crumbled at the point when she could have overcome the trauma of Ferzen and moved on to a higher level was proof that Lizzy had compromised with herself by her own will──chosen to settle for reality.
Even after abandoning her single-minded pursuit of revenge,
She took a stance of indifference, packaged with the vain hope that her brothers might bring her both the success of revenge and the comfort of settling into reality.
In the end, what was the outcome?
Without even forcibly seizing the helm and changing course, she could only wail as she watched the wrecked ship sink into the dark, churning depths.
Even if it was Ferzen who bestowed upon her a life stained with despair,
The fact that she couldn't even obtain a shred of happiness from it was surely her own fault as well.
No, originally it was a life where she had vowed to seek revenge that didn't even require such happiness.
She had made the choice to take a step back alone and settle for reality.
And yet, driven by ugly greed, she had taken a half-hearted stance of indifference, which was why Lizzy continued this disgustingly disenchanted self-defense and self-justification.
In fact, wasn't it laughable to even call it a choice?
What had she done?
Revenge, and...
Even the compromise of settling for reality, trying to build a feeble happiness upon ashes, hadn't she left it all to Roer and Cesar?
It was indecisiveness enough to make one retch.
And it had created a superb supporting role for the villain.
Therefore, for the outcome faced by herself, her family, and her household...
...She couldn't hold her head high.
In reality, that was the karma bestowed upon her in the underworld, and her only sin, so there was no need to say more.
In a word, she──Lizzy Poliana Claudia.
She didn't want to face such a self.
It wasn't that it was unfair to become the same being as him.
Becoming the same being as him, she could no longer resent him.
Becoming the same being as him, she could no longer remain his victim.
She feared the self that couldn't turn a blind eye to her own shortcomings and pushed all the responsibility onto the villain called Ferzen.
"Ah..."
And at the end of it, Lizzy could clearly realize.
Yuriel.
Laura.
Euphemia.
Jeremiah.
No less than the imperial family of the Ernes Empire, she too was ruthlessly subordinate to him in a different sense.
*****"Ha... Ahaha..."
In the lingering heavy silence, Lizzy, the only one letting out a hollow laugh, raised her head as she felt the gazes gathering on her.
Squeak!
At the same time, she began to cleanly consume the large amount of karma she had received from Ferzen, twisting all the causality that had been attuned until then without leaving a shred behind.
It was like an act of sinking a building that was nearing completion and creating a new building again...
「 ...... 」
For a moment, the Five Blessing Gods of the Celestial Realm stared at Lizzy with a dumbfounded expression.
Because if the result she had attuned was something Ferzen didn't want, wouldn't he surely demand them to consume karma again and re-attune it?
However, even after seeing the distortion of the re-attuned causality, Ferzen said nothing.
Always.
As he always had.
He just stood in front of Lizzy with an imposing and lofty posture.
Slither.
Lizzy slowly approached Ferzen and stretched out her slender hands in front of his face, wrapping them around his neck.
Her appearance was like a snake approaching to hunt a hawk perched on a tree and the Five Gods who were watching were gripped by a strange tension.
"You, who took away all meaning of living from me..."
"......"
"In the end, it's truly ironic that you were my last meaning of life."
The past self who had become his victim.
The present self who wished to remain his victim.
And the self screaming in between, wanting to hold her head high before her household and family.
Yes, by facing all of that head-on without turning a blind eye, Lizzy clearly realized how she should use the twisted scale she had received from Ferzen.
The ship called her household and family had been wrecked.
And she, who had been drifting aimlessly on the vast ocean, had found a purpose.
Therefore, Lizzy decided to build her own ship again, board it, and continue her lonely voyage.
This was a consolation to her past self who had become his victim.
At the same time, it was a rebuke to her present self who wished to remain his victim.
And it was an atonement for the indecisive spectatorship of taking a step back and not trying to grasp revenge or feeble happiness with her own hands.
"Ferzen."
"......"
"My villain."
If you, who are all of that, are the meaning and entirety of my life,
"Then I too will gladly become your everything."
This was the first and last choice of the woman called Lizzy Poliana Claudia.
Not weighing him against herself, but making him weigh her existence against him.
"Won't you regret it?"
Ferzen couldn't know the contents of what Lizzy had re-attuned.
It was something he would only know after crossing the gates of the underworld and returning to the living world.
But he had a vague idea, so Ferzen asked her one last time for a definite answer.
In response, Lizzy tilted her head back, showing a silent smile, and gently grasped Ferzen's cheek.
"I won't regret it. No, it's the only choice I won't regret."
"Is that so?"
"You're being unusually hesitant, unlike yourself."
Seductively brushing his cheek, Lizzy removed her hand and took a step back, extending her left hand.
"Let's go."
"......"
"To you, who has most passionately and sincerely shown me the dirtiest, ugliest, most cowardly, and most despicable devotion in the world..."
I'll recite that dedication to you.
"...Very well."
This was surely a poisoned chalice.
But knowing he had no choice but to drink it,
Ferzen, after a faint hesitation, took her hand and slowly began escorting her beyond the gates of the underworld, to the living world.
Was it an illusion that for a moment, the image of her as a young girl who had asked him to dance appeared?
And as Ferzen left like that, the abyssal Monstrosities gathered nearby bowed their heads in unison and spoke.
「 May it be a good game for you. 」
Kwak!
Then, without a moment's hesitation, Ferzen exemplarily annihilated the existence of several Monstrosities and erased their names from the underworld's register.
Having one's name erased from the underworld's register—the fear of annihilation by becoming nothing—was something Ferzen had long imprinted on the Monstrosities.
Naturally, the abyssal Monstrosities trembled instinctively and groveled before him miserably.
And Ferzen, taking a step that had stopped, kindly corrected what the Monstrosities had said a moment ago.
「 This is not a game, but life. 」
Yes, Bertem Elqua Erue.
Their king who does not sleep in eternal rest...
Once again, falls into a short yet long slumber.