LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 47: Pei Siyuan (5): Without him, the rest of her life would be very good and happy
- Pei Siyuan (5): Without him, the rest of her life would be very good and happy.
His own life was easily defined as a “game” by someone.
Pei Siyuan found that he couldn’t make sense of what the Creator said: “Compulsory? If I don’t follow your script, you won’t be able to do anything about it, right? Even if I were to do it all over again, I would still break free and meet her early and fall in love with her again without hesitation.”
“I can’t do anything about you? Then you think too highly of yourself.” The Creator’s tone was a bit sarcastic, “Although you already have self-awareness, don’t forget, your body and behavior are still under my control.”
… It seemed that this was indeed the case.
Although under his desperate resistance he could do things that go against the control of the Creator, but such resistance consumed a lot of his energy every time. In the past, just seeing her once made him exhausted, and it was even more difficult to get rid of the control for a long time.
“Just think about it.” Albeit Pei Siyuan didn’t speak, the Creator heard what he was thinking, “You can make your own choice whether to act on your own initiative or be forced to act. With my goodness I’m reminding you that if you choose the latter, when the time comes, you will not be able to control what you say or do.”
Pei Siyuan understood what the Creator’s words meant, he had the memories of his previous lives, and knew how humiliating and hurtful the words he spoke when he was under control, that kind of hurt, he naturally did not want Gu Ningyou to endure it again.
Was the creator forcing him to act on his own initiative in order to use it to gain a greater sense of accomplishment?
“I choose the former.” Pei Siyuan knew deep down that he had no choice. “So, in the days to come, you won’t forcefully control my words and deeds?”
“Yes, you can act freely, as long as you don’t deviate from the general direction.”
“Okay, but I still have a question.” Neither the script given by the creator nor the memories of his past lives told him Gu Ningyou’s ending, which was exactly what he wanted to know the most, “If I finish acting according to your script, what will happen to Gu Ningyou in the end? In your script, it only says that she will be sent abroad, it doesn’t tell me what will happen after that.”
“She? Naturally, it’s what you expect – without you, she will live a very good and happy life for the rest of her life.”
The Creator’s words sounded good, but Pei Siyuan was a little unconvinced: “Do you promise?”
“Don’t think so bad of me. As long as you follow my script, I promise that everyone will have a happy ending.”
After all, it was impossible for him to be with her.
Just one night later, everything changed dramatically. Originally, he wanted to confess to her, and he also planned to pursue her shamelessly if she didn’t accept, but now, his plan was no longer possible to implement.
But he went to see her on Saturday as scheduled.
“I know that my previous performance may have confused you, so I asked you out today to explain it to you. I already have someone I like, and it will not change in the future. So, don’t try to approach me anymore, it’s impossible for me to be with you.”
The girl he liked sat in front of him, and a hint of hurt flashed in her eyes: “Who is that person you’re talking about…?”
It’s you.
It was you in the past, and it will only be you in the future.
Pei Siyuan wanted to confess his feelings to her. He wanted to tell her that it was not her wishful thinking. He wanted to tell her that he liked her too, much earlier than she liked him.
But he couldn’t do it, he could only swallow what he really wanted to say, and said something against his heart according to the script’s requirements: “It’s Jiang Yao. I like her, I have liked her since I was a child, and I will not waver in the future.”
Pei Siyuan never regretted his choice.
Acting soberly was naturally painful for him, but for Gu Ningyou, it minimized the extent to which he hurt her.
When he was controlled in previous lives, he would always say hurtful words involuntarily, but this time, he took the completely opposite path – silence.
When facing Gu Ningyou, he would always be silent and indifferent, cherishing words like gold and rejection that could be seen even from a thousand miles.
He could not bear to hurt her, and he didn’t even want to say a single heavy word to her.
The most hurtful word he ever said to her was on the morning after after she “forced” him to be with her, when she said what the script described as blackmailing him, he was thinking of what to say that would not hurt her but also not contradict the script, but his body suddenly lost control –
He pushed her away, looked at her with a mixture of disgust and anger, and his voice was cold: “Gu Ningyou, how can you say such shameless words?”
After he finished speaking, the eyes of the girl in front of him immediately reddened, looking aggrieved and helpless to the extreme. Seeing her like this, Pei Siyuan’s heart immediately panicked. At this moment, the script and his persona were thrown to the back of his mind, and he almost went up to hug her to explain to her, but the girl in front of him jumped into his arms, tightly wrapped around his waist.
“I also hate myself like this, but I really like you… I don’t know why I am like this, I really don’t want to be like this…”
I don’t blame you, I don’t blame you…
The most hurtful weapon in the world turned out to be a person’s tears. The tears that fell on his chest cut open his chest like a sharp sword, and stabbed him in the heart, leaving a deep wound and blood gushed out.
“Stop crying.” He stroked the back of the girl in his arms, trying his best to endure the urge to comfort her, “Okay, I promise you.”
“Really?” Gu Ningyou raised her head to look at him, her eyes still misty, “You agreed?”
“Hmm.” This short moment has been enough for Pei Siyuan to put away his true emotions. He seemed to be getting more and more comfortable with acting, and his indifferent expression could easily come out. “I will make it clear to Jiang Yao.”
“Didn’t you say you won’t control my words and deeds?” That hurtful remark was certainly not what Pei Siyuan wanted to say. It was obviously the Creator’s handwriting, the Creator’s failure to keep promises made Pei Siyuan suspicious of his words,, “Shouldn’t it be…”
Could it be that when the Creator said that after reaching the finale, Gu Ningyou would be safe and happy, was it also a lie to him?
“I see that you are tangled, so I helped you out, so that you don’t say the wrong thing.” The Creator sneered, “I don’t need to lie to you.”
This feeling of being at the mercy of others and having one’s heart peeked into at will was really disgusting.
Pei Siyuan clenched his fist, and eventually he didn’t say any more questioning words.
The day when Jiang Yao came to Pei Siyuan to confess her feelings, Pei Siyuan rejected her: “I’m sorry, Yaoyao, I’m already with Gu Ningyou.”
Jiang Yao looked at him in shock: “Why? Haven’t you always been cold to her ……?”
“Because I like her.”
It was funny to say that he only awakened his self-awareness after he met Gu Ningyou, and then not long after that, he was informed of the existence of the script by the Creator and from that day until now, nearly 4 years, he lived in a false world. It was not easy for him to say a sincere word, but he has to use such a method.
“I fell in love with her from the first moment I saw her, and the person I liked from the beginning to the end was her.”
“Siyuan… this is not your true feeling, right?” Jiang Yao shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, “Siyuan, I want to hear your explanation, as long as you…”
“There’s nothing to explain.” Pei Siyuan’s tone was decisive, and he enjoyed such a rare moment when he could say what his heart really wanted. “Everything I said is true.”
“Okay, then… I wish you happiness.”
After saying this, Jiang Yao cried and turned to leave. Pei Siyuan saw her tears, but inwardly did not have any thoughts of comforting her.
It turned out that only Gu Ningyou’s tears could hurt him.
Unfortunately…
Wish him happiness?
Impossible.
He will never be happy in his life.
T/N: It was you in the past, and it will only be you in the future – Pei Siyuan
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