The True Endgame

“So… that’s it?” Fenrir asks as the group all looks down into the opened chest.

Sure, it’s a giant pile of coins and a mask that looks like a monkey’s head with horns sticking out from the sides of it, but…

Everybody sighs.

“All that trouble for this,” Cassiel says.

“Oi, are ya all forgettin’ how poor we technically are? Well, we ain’t anymore!” Tabitha says, pulling the mask out of the chest to toss it aside so that she can climb into the chest and cuddle with the shiny, gold coins. “Ah,” she happily sighs, “if there’s one thing in life better than engineerin’, it’s money.”

Fenrir shuts the lid of the chest while Tabitha is still inside of it.

“O-oi! What do you think you’re doin’?!” Tabitha shouts, her voice muffled from within the chest.

“Rao, this is important,” Fenrir says, looking at Rao with a serious expression. It might be the most serious expression that Rao has ever seen come from him before.

“What is it, bro?” Rao asks.

“Shrink the chest.”

“Huh?”

“Shrink it.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you want to see what happens to Tabs?”

A lightbulb pops above Rao’s head as he looks down at the chest. “Now that you say it, I’ve never tried shrinking something while somebody’s inside of it.”

“I can hear what you’re sayin’!” Tabitha shouts, pounding against the lid to try and break free.

“Hurry up,” Fenrir orders Rao.

Fenrir’s girlfriends are just looking on in both shock that their boyfriend would force something like this onto Tabitha and curiosity because they also really want to know what will happen.

Rao places his hands on the chest.

It shrinks down to the size of a peanut.

“It… it worked,” Rao says.

Everybody surrounds the shrunken chest, looking down at it.

It’s rocking around on the ground as if something – somebody within is trying to break free.

“Open it,” Fenrir says.

Rao gulps, crouches down, and flicks open the lid with one of his fingers.

Surely enough, a super tiny Tabitha is inside of the chest shouting all manners of insults up at the two behind the plan to shrink her. They can’t actually tell what she’s saying, but they can hear her high-pitched, angry shouts.

Tabitha then climbs out of the chest and instantly gets returned to her real size.

Rao says, “That’s kind of disappointing, but I guess it makes sen—”

Tabitha’s hammer swings into him and sends him flying away into the river.

Fenrir grabs Serra by her shoulders and holds her in front of him.

“Really, ya crazy dog? You’re goin’ to hide behind your girl like that?” Tabitha asks him.

“I’ve been soaked enough today. You know how long it takes for my tail and ears to dry?” Fenrir asks.

“I don’t know how to feel about this,” Serra says.

Nell and Cassiel both nod in agreement with Serra.

“Listen. None of you have my fluff. You would understand if you had any fluff. Cass, go become a dog girl for me and then you’ll understand how much it sucks to get soaked,” Fenrir says.

“H-hey, it’s – it’s not like that’s something I’d want to do,” Cassiel says.

Everybody pauses to look at her so that she can know they all see right through her.

Cassiel blushes and looks away.

The group returns to judging Fenrir for hiding behind his munchkin girlfriend.

“Listen here, dog boy,” Tabitha says. “Maybe it’ll be when you’re asleep. Maybe I’ll get ya when you’re just walkin’ around without keepin’ an eye out. Maybe I’ll just walk right up to your face from the front when nobody is around for you to hide behind. No matter what, dog boy, I will be gettin’ my revenge for this.”

“All – all I did was perform some science. You’re an engineer, so you should know the importance of science!” Fenrir tries to justify his actions.

“I ain’t buyin’ it. Ya don’t just go around putting small girls half your size into trunks! Ya know who does that? Sex slave traders. You a sex slave trader, dog boy?”

“To Nell’s disappointment, no.”

Nell sighs.

“Then ya don’t go and shove little girls into chests!” Tabitha says, tightly gripping the handle of her hammer.

“In my defense, you climbed into it yourself,” Fenrir says.

“There was money in there! Ya think I can resist that?”

“So… it was like luring you in with a bunch of free candy?”

“Ya know you’re just provin’ my point now that you’re some sort of sick dog pedo, right?”

“Hey, I’m not a lolicon. It’s not my fault that I have been enjoying doujins before with adult characters and then the next page suddenly has a loli on it without any warning.”

They’re all judging him again.

Meanwhile, Oleander and Corwin are whispering something to one another.

“Alright! We’ve got an idea!” Oleander announces.

Tabitha redirects her glare from Fenrir to Oleander.

“What’d that be?” Fenrir asks.

“Since you all keep complaining about us being too obvious, we’ll just use Rao to shrink us down in a chest to have fun in private!” Oleander explains, a smug, confident smile on his face as if he’s just thought of an incredible plan. “Besides! Think of the kind of kinky fun that can happen with changing siz—”

Tabitha’s hammer sends both Oleander and Corwin into the river with a single swing.

She returns her direction to Fenrir now that he’s the only man left.

“Step aside, Serra,” Tabitha says.

“I can’t,” Serra replies. “He’s holding me too tightly.”

“Oi, ya really that messed up in the head?” Tabitha asks Fenrir.

Fenrir shakes his head and says, “No, I’m just protecting myse—”

He lets go of Serra and runs!

Tabitha’s hammer flies into him from behind, smacking him down to the ground head-first.

Cassiel, Serra, and Nell blink their eyes a few times to try and figure out what just happened as Tabitha dusts her hands off.

“I’ve still got it in me. Was originally thinkin’ about usin’ my hammer as a ranged weapon like this, but it’s more satisfyin’ to hit ‘em up close and personal. I wouldn’t be able to catch up to that punk, though,” Tabitha explains to Fenrir’s girlfriends. “By the way… none of ya tried talkin’ him out of it.”

All three girlfriends take a step back.

“Hah! Don’t worry about it. Us girls gotta stick together against those fools and lolicons,” Tabitha says with her arms crossed over her chest.

They’re all too intimidated to do anything but nod their heads and agree with her.

Eventually, the group reassembles with each of the men being in various forms of pain. Rao’s entire body hurts since he got the most of Tabitha’s anger directed into her attack. Corwin is more or less fine except for being soaked in water since Oleander is the one who got hit, and Corwin was standing behind him. As for Fenrir – well, now his back hurts in-game as much as it does back in reality.

“Now, what do you all have to say for yourselves?” Tabitha asks as each man sits on his knees in front of her. “I hope you ladies are takin’ notes,” she tells the three girlfriends.

“Sorry for shrinking you,” Rao says.

“Sorry for not closing that doujin when the loli came out of nowhere,” Fenrir says.

“Sorry for being a pervert… kind of,” Oleander says.

Tabitha taps on her hammer while glaring down at Oleander.

“Fine! Sorry for being a pervert.”

“Good boys,” Tabitha says before strapping her hammer onto her back once more. “Now, if you are all gonna behave, let’s start loadin’ up these stones into this chest here.”

“What about the mask?” Nell asks as she picks the odd mask up off of the ground.

Then she looks at Fenrir with a look in her eyes that tells everybody exactly what she’s thinking.

“I’m not going to wear that during sex,” Fenrir says.

Nell pouts and brings out her most effective weapon: wide, teary eyes.

“Fi-fine,” Fenrir gives in almost immediately.

Nell’s tears disappear as immediately as Fenrir gave in and she toses the mask back into the chest.

“By the way, how much coin do you think is in there?” Fenrir asks.

“At least a few hundred gold, even more silver, and I don’t think I saw any platinum,” Tabitha answers.

“Damn, that really would have been a lot for us back at the port. Not much use for it now, though.”

“Ain’t there other towns along this coast? We could always trade for whatever we need. Gonna need some livestock, after all, and I doubt any of us know how to go out and tame some pigs to bring back here.”

“Huh. That’s right. Plus, we should probably figure out where our hopefully-friends and potentially-enemies are.”

“Yeah,” Oleander agrees, getting into his strategy mindset alongside Fenrir. “We need to figure out who might be a threat to us, where they are, what their defenses and weaknesses are, figure out their strength, maybe get some traps ready just in case… figure out where to aim most of our defenses.”

“Maybe we should build farther up the river after all so that we’re less at risk from any potential ships, but then that’d be cutting the serpent off from supporting us. She could help us defend against hostile ships if we stay close to the coast.”

“Right. What we really need to defend against is attack via land and potentially air since mounts like Shogun exist.”

“We could build a cannon like the one in that other game we played. It just fires shrapnel in whichever direction it’s pointed in and puts holes in anything in the sky. Can also be used against ground forces, and we’ll have traps to assist against them.”

“That could work, but—”

“Oi,” Tabitha says, “I thought we were buildin’ a friendly city, not one to wage war against everybody?”

Fenrir and Oleander look at each other.

“Old habits die hard,” Fenrir says.

Rao says, “You guys suck.”