The True Endgame

“Now then! I believe we must create a schedule,” Alice says, sitting in her wheelchair in front of the couch where Serra, Ryouta, and Cassandra are sitting.

“What kind of schedule?” Ryouta asks.

“A gaming schedule! None of us have to work, so I know that the thought of spending all day playing games may have crossed your minds,” Alice pauses to look at Ryouta and Cassandra whom are both acting innocent, “but that will not be allowed! Our bodies would rot away if we just stayed playing games all day, and nothing would ever get done!”

“Alright, mom, so what do you want us to do?”

“Schedule! I suggest that we play no more than six hours at a time without breaks, and no more than ten hours a day! That would give us a total of twenty hours a day in-game, yes?”

As boring as coming up with a schedule to prevent too much gaming sounds, when there are that many hours allocated to gaming, he really can’t complain. Cassandra won’t complain, either.

“And no more than five hours on Saturday and Sunday! It is important for us to spend time together in reality and experience the real world as well,” Alice continues.

“That sounds pretty fair,” Ryouta says. “Though, I don’t know if there’s anything to really do around here.”

“I heard that the mall here is rather excellent and full of activities! There is even a small amusement park built alongside it!”

“I still can’t believe malls made a comeback.”

“Yeah, I heard they were all pretty much dead at the beginning of the century,” Cassandra says.

Serra gets their attention by waving her hands and then signs to the group that she wants a pet ferret.

And a pet dog.

And a pet… cow?

“Why do you want a cow?” Ryouta asks her.

Serra signs that cows are basically just really fat dogs.

Now that Ryouta thinks about it, he does remember seeing plenty of cute videos on the internet of cows wanting to cuddle, play, and basically act like dogs.

“Why a ferret?” Ryouta asks.

Serra makes the sign for shark and then points down at the carpet.

“I would love to get a ferret! A dog or cow may be too much responsibility given how much time we wish to spend gaming, but a ferret would be wonderful! The only issue with ferrets is that they tend to repulse visitors with their scent,” Alice says.

That may be an issue to Alice, but it sounds like a positive thing to everybody else.

“Yeah, let’s get a ferret,” Ryouta says.

“Agreed,” Cassandra says and nods her head.

Serra fist pumps and then sticks up four fingers.

“You want four ferrets?” Alice asks.

Serra nods.

“Do we even have a pet store around here?” Ryouta asks.

Cassandra pulls out her phone and looks it up. “Yeah, there’s one a little past where I got my haircut,” she says.

“We will need a cage, food, a water bottle, hammocks, toys, tubes – wait! There… oh my goodness I am so excited!” Alice says, pulling out her own phone to look something up on it. She practically squeals from excitement and then holds the phone out to the others.

On the phone’s screen are pictures of ferrets wearing clothes.

“You want to dress them up, don’t you?” Ryouta asks.

Alice excitedly nods her head. “They will be so precious!” she says.

“Won’t they be precious even if they’re not dressed up?”

“But they will be even more precious if they are dressed up! Just imagine a ferret in a tuxedo with a top hat and monocle! Or one wearing a princess dress! Or one with a fin sticking up from its back to truly become a carpet shark!”

“We should probably, you know, actually research it first to learn about keeping them because I don’t know anything about owning ferrets,” Cassandra says.

“Yeah, I agree,” Ryouta says. “But… I kinda want to go look at them now.”

“Aren’t you too sore to be moving around?”

“But… ferrets are cute.”

“Do you promise not to get attached and want to bring them home as soon as you see them? Let’s not forget you got attached to a rock. And a fan. And a fishing rod. And a boat. And—”

“Al-alright, I’ll try my best not to get too attached.”

“Promise.”

“I can’t.”

Cassandra sighs. “At least you’re honest about it.”

“Worry not, Cassandra! We will just go look and leave before he can get too attached!” Alice says.

Meanwhile, Serra is looking up pictures on her phone of fat ferrets.

All animals are cuter when they’re fat according to Serra. Whether they are cats, dogs, cows, penguins, ferrets, or any other animal, fatness is equal to cuteness.

“Shall we go now then?” Alice asks.

“Yeah, we can just get ready while waiting for the autotaxi to get here,” Ryouta says.

“My hero, do you not think we should buy our own vehicle?”

“I don’t really think we need one. It takes less than five minutes for an autotaxi to get here, and we’d have to use one multiple times a week for years to probably make buying our own car worth it.”

“Alright then! I shall leave that up to you while I go and freshen up. Serra, you’re coming with me,” Alice says, wheeling up to Serra, grabbing her, and pulling her away toward the bathroom.

Serra whines and groans at the thought of not getting to look messy and shaggy.

“What about you?” Cassandra asks Ryouta.

“I’m a guy. It takes me less than a minute to get ready. All I have to do is put on shoes and mess with my hair a little bit,” Ryouta answers.

“Guys are so lucky.”

“You know, you don’t have to spend so much time getting ready before we go anywhere. I doubt any of us are going to care if you don’t worry about your hair, clothes, and makeup.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me,” Ryouta says as he orders the autocar on his phone.

Five minutes later of explanations and Ryouta says, “You’re right, I don’t understand any of that.”

“I told you,” Cassandra says with a sigh.

“Just be like an Asian girl and wear a mask and a hat. Then you don’t have to do your hair and nobody can see half your face.”

“I – you don’t understand. I want to look good! It’s not about wanting to be lazy. It’s about wanting to look my best!”

Ryouta wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulls her close, and places a kiss on the side of her head. “You always look your best.”

“You’re smooshing my hair right after I had it cut and styled,” she says with a pout, “but… th-thanks.”

“I hope you appreciate that I’m holding back. Your hair makes me want to really, really fluff it up. I just want to put my hands in it and shake it everywhere.”

“I’m going to leave you in a cage at the pet store if you do.”

“Can I do it once we’re home?”

“Why do you want to so badly?”

“Because your hair looks super fluffy right now. I want to fluff it.”

“Let me guess, your obsession with fluffing my hair comes from one of your shows or those things you read?”

“Yep.”

“Fine, but only once we’re home and when nobody else is around.”

Ryouta mentally fist pumps and pulls away from her so that he doesn’t get too tempted to just fluff her hair right now.

He wants to fluff; he needs to fluff.

His phone vibrates to let him know that the autotaxi is outside. “It’s here!” Ryouta shouts so the others – well, other can hear him. Once Alice hears him, she grabs Serra’s attention and they come back out into the living room.

Serra has had her hair straightened and combed down straight, topped off with an oversized hat, and Alice has somehow managed to switch into a dress for going out and is wearing a floppy hat of her own. She looks like she’s going out to a park for a romantic picnic more than going to a pet store.

“Remember! No getting attached,” Alice says.

Ryouta nods, but he already knows what is most likely going to happen.

They’re going to come home with ferrets.

The only question is how many ferrets will they come home with, and how much other supplies will they be bringing?

“Hey, we have a couple of spare rooms… so couldn’t we just turn one of those into a ferret room instead of sticking them in a cage?” Ryouta asks.

“We could, but those rooms are for our future children!” Alice explains.

“They won’t need their own rooms until they’re older, and – and that might be a while away anyways.”

“They will still need a cage even if they have their own room.”

“Alright, alright.”

“Besides, my hero, we are only going to look! We are not doing anything more than looking.”

“I know.”

He doesn’t know.