The True Endgame

Fenrir looks over at the corpse of the monster in the water. The gamer in him makes him think that collecting the hide and horns from the corpse would probably result in valuable items to either sell or craft with, but when he remembers that there was an artificial intelligence genuinely fighting for its life inside of that monster, he struggles with whether or not he could actually do that.

There’s also the fact that he has nothing to skin the monster with, nor does he have any idea how to get the horns off of its head.

Cassiel walks up next to him and places her hands against the serpent’s head, pouring what little magic she has regained into healing the serpent.

“Learn anything about that guy? I saw you two talking,” Fenrir asks.

“Just that he’s an idiot and an asshole,” Cassiel answers with an annoyed sigh.

“You do seem to attract that type.”

“You’re just a bastard, not an idiot. Or an asshole.”

“I don’t know whether I should feel complimented or insulted.”

“Both.”

“You sound extra sassy today.”

“Because! I let you and Nell have alone time when I want some, and then I tried getting that sword over by that temple but got interrupted by that stupid oversized monkey, and then I had to deal with that asshole over there!”

“What was that first thing you said?” Fenrir asks, his tone teasing.

Cassiel realizes what she said and starts turning red. “A-ah, I – I said… the first thing I said was that I tried ge-getting that sword,” she explains, one finger scratching the side of her face.

“No, before that.”

“I said you should feel both complemented and insulted!”

“After that.”

“I’m – I’m trying to heal your friend here. Stop distracting me.”

The serpent rolls her eyes.

“Fen, I think this oversized snake just rolled her eyes at me,” Cassiel says, looking down at Fenrir just in time to see him roll his eyes at her. “I hate you.”

“Love you too, Cass Cass. So, aside from you being jealous of Nell and wanting me to do lewd things with you in private, tell me more about that temple place you guys found.”

“I – I never said I wanted that! Even if it’s true, I never said that!” Cassiel shouts, looking down at him and seeing a smug smile almost on par with Serra’s. “I—”

“Love you too, Cass Cass.”

The serpent rolls her eyes again, but this time, both Fenrir and Cassiel are the cause of it.

A certain stranger whistles from behind Fenrir and Cassiel.

“Damn! I’ve never seen such a large monster this up close before,” the man says, looking the serpent over.

“Who even are you?” Fenrir asks him.

“Oh, I haven’t said my name yet? I go by Rao here,” Rao says.

“That’s a dumb name,” Cassiel says, arms crossed now that he’s back in her presence.

“By the way, bro, can you teach me how to get a harem of beauties like you? I mean, bro, like, you’ve even got a giant serpent here!”

The serpent glares at him, sending shivers down his spine.

“Uhh, I – I don’t really think there’s anything to teach. Just… be yourself?” Fenrir suggests.

“That is the last piece of advice that this idiotic asshole needs to hear,” Cassiel says.

Fenrir looks past Rao and sees Oleander playing with Shogun and Rock. Shogun and Rock are mainly paying attention to each other, but they both look to be including Oleander as well.

The sight of those three all playing together is too cute. Fenrir is tempted to record it, but he can already imagine Oleander teasing him for taking video of him if he does that.

Fenrir still doesn’t approve of how Rock and Shogun keep on looking at each other, though. Shogun is so much larger than Rock, and Rock is made out of literal rock, so how would that even work?

“Where’d you get Shogun?” Fenrir asks.

“Are you psychic? How’d you know his name is Shogun?” Rao asks. “You need to teach me that! Then I’ll be able to know what girls want!”

“I heard you say his name back on the boat.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you still teach me how to seduce girls?”

“No,” Cassiel answers for Fenrir.

“It’s alright. I’m patient! I’ll prove to you that I have what it takes to follow in your footsteps!” Rao declares to Fenrir.

“You don’t even know anything about me,” Fenrir replies.

“All I need to know is that you’ve got a bunch of thirsty girls wanting you.”

Fenrir cringes and doesn’t even have to look at Cassiel to know how pissed off she’s got to look after hearing that.

“I’m this close,” Cassiel says, holding up a couple of her fingers so closely together that they look like they’re touching, “to killing you.”

“You should probably start with not calling girls thirsty,” Fenrir explains.

“Why?” Rao asks.

Fenrir sighs and rubs his forehead. He doesn’t exactly like this new guy, but he feels as if it’s his responsibility as a human being to teach this stranger how to be decent so that nobody else has to deal with him.

“I’ll teach you,” Fenrir says, “how to talk like a normal person, I guess.”

“Oh, bro, I just need you to teach me how to pick up girls like you can,” Rao says.

“Think of it as starting with the basics.”

Rao rubs his chin and thinks about it for a few seconds. “Hmm. Alright, bro. I trust you!”

“Please don’t tell me this guy is going to be sticking around,” Cassiel whispers to Fenrir.

“I kind of feel really bad for him, and I don’t want anybody else to have to suffer,” Fenrir whispers back.

“Can’t we just kill him?”

“We could stick him on a rowboat if we ever need to.”

The serpent’s eyes widen ever so slightly.

“Haah? What’s that supposed to mean?” Cassiel asks.

“Hey, what’re you two whispering about?” Rao asks, leaning forward so that he can try to hear them.

“Don’t worry about it. Anyways, let’s go over some rules if you’re going to be learning from me,” Fenrir says.

Cassiel sighs and rubs her palm against her face.

“Don’t disrespect anybody, whether they’re guys or girls, unless they’re dicks worthy of being disrespected,” Fenrir says.

“So, only be bad to bad people? Got it!” Rao confirms.

“Don’t flirt with anybody from our crew.”

“They’re all taken, too short, or guys anyways, so alright.”

“Neuter Shogun.”

“He deserves it for surpassing me, so got it.”

Cassiel smacks Fenrir on the back of his head.

“Alright, you don’t have to neuter him,” Fenrir says.

“I still should. I’m jealous that he got ahead of m—” Rao gets cut off by Cassiel slamming the hilt of her sword into his gut. “Al-alright, I won’t neuter him.”

“Let them have their romance,” Cassiel says, looking over at the play session and mentally aww’ing.

“And finally, uhh…” Fenrir tries to think of some other rule to tack on. Rao is going to be an annoyance to everybody on the crew, so he’s got to think of something to make them dealing with him worth it. Then it hits him. “You have to do anything that anybody in the crew tells you to do since you’ll probably be staying with us. Consider that your payment for me giving you lessons.”

“Sounds good to me! That’s a pretty fair price to pay if it means getting taught how to get my own harem of beauties,” Rao says, nodding his head.

“Also, what can you do?”

“What do you mean, bro?”

“Like, what can you do? Fight? Craft? Anything?”

“Gotcha. You could say I’m kind of a builder, I guess. I started playing this game so that I could get a harem of beauties, and I figured I should build myself the ultimate pad to bring girls back to for more success, so I guess you could say I’ve just been gathering things to build and decorate my pad with. I’m an architect in real life, so I love that sort of stuff.”

Fenrir feels hurt. As lame and annoying as this guy is, he’s actually got a career and is probably much more successful than him in real life.

At least Fenrir is the one with some girlfriends.

Fenrir gets an idea. If this man is an architect and used to gathering and building things in-game, then he might prove to be extremely useful in the future when Fenrir finds a spot for his grand plan.

“Then, if you agree to everything, I hereby invite you to become a member of The Soaring Wolves aboard The Shoebill. You do what we want you to do, and we’ll provide you with a place to stay on the water and I’ll teach you how to… be a normal person,” Fenrir says, holding a hand out for a shake.

Rao lights up like an excited child and wastes no time taking Fenrir’s hand into his own, excitedly shaking it up and down. “You’re the best! We’re going to be best bros for life! I’ll even invite you to all my weddings, and you can be my best man!” Rao almost cries from how happy he is.

Cassiel can’t help but cringe at the lonely, pathetic excuse for a man and the fact that her boyfriend is seriously going to be helping him out.

“When’s the first lesson?” Rao asks.

“Right now. Cass Cass here saw something she wanted in the forest, so we’re going to help her go and get it. We’re not going to do it because we want to get into her pants, either. We’re going to do it because we genuinely want to help her for nothing in return, just to be good people,” Fenrir explains.

“So… you’re saying I need to do nice things and not actually expect to get anything back?” Rao asks.

“Yes.”

Rao looks disappointed.

“You might get a harem this way,” Fenrir says.

Rao cheers up.