The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

After that, it was time to induct Floridiana and Boot into Mission: Improve Taila’s Life. Since Stripey was still loitering on the roof, I invited him in, and he flapped through the window with choppy strokes. If he were angry that I hadn’t told him my true identity earlier, he had no one to blame but himself. He was the one who’d said that he didn’t need to know my whole life story, or even the details of my mission.

Unsurprisingly, Flicker declined to stay. He mumbled something about apologizing to the Superintendent and dissolved into golden motes, looking as if he were the one who’d violated an oath and were facing the ultimate punishment.

So the rest of us sat down on or around the table, with Mistress Jek to my right, Stripey to my left, and Boot and Floridiana across from me so I could monitor their body language. Mistress Jek kept cringing away from me and twisting her fingers in her lap.

Surveying them, I thought that I’d have to get the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond to attend too next time. His hungover state was all that I needed to complete the sullen atmosphere.

As the head of this taskforce, I opened the meeting. As you all know, our mission is to improve Jek Taila’s life. There are three lines of attack.

My word choice made the others wince in a most satisfying manner.

First, we must protect her from anyone or anything that might cause her harm.

Here I narrowed my eyes at Boot and Floridiana, reminding them that part of “protecting” included keeping Taila’s existence a secret from their master.

Boot tipped her head to a side. Floridiana looked less like she was coming up with ways to protect Taila and more like she was contriving ways to wriggle out of her oath. Good luck.

“My organization has already been engaged in protecting Taila.” Stripey shook off his grumpiness long enough to claim credit for the duck demons’ actions. “We have kept her secret, and we have investigated potential threats to her wellbeing.” He gave Boot a pointed look.

She shot back a hate-filled glare.

As I recalled from my Prime Minister days, properly-calibrated competition between cabinet members served as excellent motivation. Yes, you have indeed, and the goddess and I appreciate your efforts, I praised Stripey. You have also contributed greatly to the second part of our mission, which is to improve Taila’s living conditions. It is thanks to you that she and her family survived the winter.

(Well, early spring, more like, but winter sounded more poetic.)

“We’d all have starved to death if it weren’t for you, Stripey,” Mistress Jek put in, her gratitude overcoming her terror for a moment. “Thank you so, so much. We can never repay you for what you did.”

The bandit preened.

Boot glared harder.

The final part of our mission is to guide Jek Taila to the best future possible. To that end, I have already tasked the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond with brainstorming ideas, but the more minds working together, the better.

I checked on Floridiana again. The mage still looked as if her mind were focused on her own plight instead of Taila’s. This would never do.

Floridiana! I snapped.

She flinched.

Since I am certain that such is your zeal that you have been exploring ideas for fulfilling our mission instead of listening to me, pray share your thoughts with the rest of us.

The mage licked her lips, her eyes darting from me to Stripey to Mistress Jek to Boot. No aid was forthcoming.

“I, uh, I was thinking, um….”

She flailed helplessly. I let her.

“Um, that…we should…we should….” All of a sudden, her eyes lit up. “We should teach Taila to be a mage!”

Ah, just as I’d remembered. Putting mortal pressure on people forced them to produce results. I smiled to myself before nodding at her. Elaborate.

She licked her lips again, but her voice grew more confident. “You want to improve her living conditions, right? That means she has to get a solid, well-paying job. I think she’d make a great mage. She’s smart, she learns fast, she works hard – and she has a very strong sense of self.”

“That she certainly does,” Stripey agreed in a very dry tone.

Mistress Jek beamed, proud of all of her daughter’s personality quirks, praiseworthy or not.

You think a traveling mage is a solid and well-paying career? My voice overflowed with skepticism, but Floridiana was too intimidated to take offense.

“Of course it is, milady!” she assured me. “My folks were tenant farmers too. Our crops were always failing. That’s why they sol– why I ran away from home to join a dance troupe. Best decision I ever made.” She gave an emphatic nod, trying to convince both us and herself.

Oh? I couldn’t resist needling her. Not your decision to become a mage? If that is the case, perhaps we should apprentice Taila to the Green Frog.

Floridiana’s face fell, and I could tell that she was reliving when her parents sold their surplus child to a dance troupe. That must have been what she’d run away from, not her home. That would teach her to lie to me.

Mistress Jek mumbled at her lap, “I think Taila becoming a mage would be a fine thing…,” and Floridiana cast her a grateful glance.

Aww, look at me pushing people to make friends and play nicely with each other.

Tapping my foot on the table to get everyone’s attention, I turned to Boot. And what are your thoughts on the matter?

The cat gave a slow blink. “I think it would most odd if a traveling mage suddenly took up residence on this farm. Unless you were planning to take a, what, four-year-old apprentice on your travels, Floridiana?”

The mage’s face filled with horror, rivaled only by the mother’s.

Boot shrugged her whiskers. “You could always pass her off as your child, I suppose. It would probably work. Humans all look pretty similar.”

Now Floridiana and Mistress Jek wore twin expressions of indignation.

I hid snort. Yep, I’d definitely facilitated a friendship between those two. And since humans were social creatures, making friends was good for them. Maybe I’d even get some karma for it.

“What?” protested the cat. “It’s true. Your hair only comes in one color: black. Your eyes only come in one color: dark brown. Your skin comes in two colors: tanned or not tanned. That’s hardly any variation.”

“And you call yourself a sp– ” Floridiana began before Boot’s hiss silenced her.

Speaking of that, it should go without saying that your oath requires you to tell us to whom you’ve been reporting on the Jeks, I announced.

Then I sat back and waited to see how they’d try to dodge this one. They didn’t make me wait long.

“Our oath only requires us to protect Taila,” Boot objected. “Not to tell you our whole life stories.”

Of course not. What makes you think that your whole life story is relevant or interesting? The part I need to know is the part that pertains to Taila’s safety. Namely, the identity of your master.

“Yes. Who sent you to spy on my daughter? What do they want with her?” Any friendliness in Mistress Jek had vaporized at the reminder that Floridiana and Boot had forced their way into her house to spy on her family. She was still sitting closer to the mage than to me, though.

Head averted from me, Stripey added, “And what have you told them already?”

This is all highly relevant to Taila’s safety, I finished, pretending that the three of us didn’t even need to trade glances to coordinate our lines.

“I knew nothing about spying on your family,” Floridiana declared. “I came here because of rumors that there’s bad blood between Baron Claymouth and the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond. I planned to charge a fee for mediating the dispute. Like last time.”

I believed her.

All eyes, even the mage’s, turned to Boot.

The cat lifted a paw and washed her face. At last she said, “Our master’s identity is unimportant here. Withholding it does not violate my oath.”

Instinctively, the rest of us held our breaths and looked upward, waiting to see if Heaven would smite her.

Nothing happened.

The cat’s back untensed, just a little. “I came here to investigate whether the Jek family was possessed by demons and posed a threat to the greater good. As my investigation is still ongoing, I have not reported anything yet.”

You will not report anything. My decree was swift. Not until I grant you permission. Nor will Master Gravitas.

Floridiana’s eyes widened at the name. Obviously she hadn’t known that the town carpenter was also a spy.

“As you wish,” Boot said in such an agreeable tone that it would have raised my hackles if I’d had any. “Although I should warn you that if neither of us reports anything, our master will only grow more suspicious and send more agents.”

Do not cat-splain at me, I rebuked her. I have every intention of using you to feed your master carefully selected information.

For a split second, Boot looked chastened.

Stripey eyeballed me, his disapproving air reminding me of the time he chewed me out for being mean to Bobo.

Oh. Oops. I hadn’t invited her to this conference. Was that what was ruffling his feathers?

Well, next time. She could come and radiate naivete and good cheer and boost everyone’s spirits. This wasn’t quite the sulkiest meeting I’d chaired – but it was up there.

Around that time, the wind started carrying high-pitched children’s voices through the window, heralding the rest of the Jeks’ return. It seemed like as good a time as any for me to end the meeting.

Good. We will meet again tomorrow evening, I pronounced. Before then, I want everyone to come up with at least one idea for how to fulfill each of our goals. This meeting is hereby adjourned.

I rapped the table with my foot twice.

Mistress Jek flew out the door, sprinting for her children. Through the window came yelps of “Ow! Not so hard!” and “Ma! Stop hugging me!” and “I wanna hug too! I wanna hug too!”

So much for all the etiquette I’d drilled into Taila. The girl both learned fast and forgot fast. At least if Floridiana took over her education, it would be her problem, not mine.

The mage was glaring at Boot. “We need to talk.” She stalked out of the cottage and, somewhat to my surprise, the cat followed.

Which left Stripey and me alone on the table. The duck was still radiating disapproval at me.

What is it? I challenged. I’ll invite Bobo to the meeting tomorrow. There wasn’t time to get her today, okay?

He shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s not that.”

What is it, then?

Both of his wings rose in a frustrated half-flap. “The problem is that you don’t even know what the problem is! How long have we known each other? How many times have Bobo and I helped you out? And now it turns out that you kept the secret of all secrets from us. Don’t you trust us by now? Are we friends or not?”

I reared back in shock. Friends? He thought we were friends?

“See?” He beat his wings, lifting a foot off the table. “See? You don’t even consider us friends! That’s the problem!”

Of course I consider you friends, I soothed. I trust you. I rely on you. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.

Come to think of it, every word of the latter three sentences was true. If not for Stripey, I couldn’t have transported food from Black Sand Creek to Honeysuckle Croft, or uncovered Boot’s secret plot. And if not for Bobo, Stripey would never have gotten involved.

“Of course you couldn’t have done any of this on your own,” retorted the duck demon. “You’re a turtle. Not even a turtle spirit. Just a helpless, ordinary turtle. Your mind might be devious and demonic and thousands of years old, but that’s all it is! It’s just a mind, trapped in a turtle’s body. You’re like – like – a murderer in a cell waiting for execution, and a kind passerby slips you a hot bun and a cup of tea for your final meal. Except that even a common murderer would know gratitude!” (Except I wasn’t a common murderer.) “You couldn’t have accomplished anything without us, but it never even occurs to you to feel grateful! You take it all as your due, as if you think that Heaven and Earth owe you.”

Well…they did.

But unfortunately, I could see why Stripey was upset. And even more unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to lose his help.

I’m sorry, I apologized, with enough feeling that he flapped backwards in shock. I haven’t had a friend in a long time. How should I have acted? What should I have told you? And when?

These were genuine, important questions to which I needed to know the answers. For next time.

The duck demon settled back onto the table and flipped his wings onto his back. “For starters, you could have told us that you’re Piri. As for when you should have told us – how about on New Year’s Eve?”

But you told me that you didn’t want to know.

“And if you were really a friend, you would have known that this is so big I would have wanted to know!”

I can’t read minds.

“No,” he said sarcastically, “you’re just a thousand-and-whatever-year-old demon who knows every possible way to warp people to your will. I’m sure that you couldn’t possibly have guessed. Even if you can’t empathize, try sympathizing for a change, instead of just looking for ways to use everyone around you!”

I sighed. If faking long-term sympathy were what it took, well, it wouldn’t be my first time…. I’ll try.

He eyed me. “Really?”

I promise. Want to go see Bobo with me? We should update her on all this.

“You’re just too lazy to walk there on your own,” he grumbled, but he did lower his legs so I could climb onto his back.

And just like that, our fight was over.

Hmm. That hadn’t been so bad after all.