The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

So now that we had our blackmail material, we just needed someone to carry out the deed. Bobo squirmed in terror that we’d nominate her until I assured her that she was needed to babysit Taila. For obvious reasons, it couldn’t be me either, although I did intend to hide nearby to supervise, and Stripey declined to get the duck demons that involved. So that left Mistress Jek.

I was avoiding the cottage these days, especially after I learned that Boot was investigating “Mr. Turtle,” so I had Bobo tell Mistress Jek to meet me by the well. Normally it was the bamboo viper who drew the water, but I hoped that neither Floridiana nor Boot would be too suspicious if mistress and servant swapped chores, and Mistress Jek confirmed my guess.

As she took her time lowering the bucket, she mumbled, “How can I be of service to you, emissary?”

I poked my head out of the dandelions at the base of the well. I have found a way to get the mage and the cat out of your house.

Mistress Jek’s eyes widened, and the bucket paused in its descent. I could tell she wanted to pick me up and shake the information of me, but she made the correct response: “That is too kind of you, emissary.”

I rewarded her by continuing. Intelligence about the pair has come into my possession. Stripey hadn’t wanted to let Mistress Jek know about the ducks’ or rats’ involvement in the acquisition of said intelligence, and I saw no particular reason to reveal the source of it, so I simply gave her the result. Both Floridiana and Boot are outside agents. Spies, I added, just in case she hadn’t understood.

“Spies? In Claymouth? But why? There’s nothing here!”

Since that echoed my thoughts, I harrumphed portentously. Nothing – except for a child favored by the goddess….

The bucket splashed into the water. “You think they’re here for Taila?!”

Keep your voice down. But yes. They are.

Well, to be more accurate, they were here for me – the reason that a family of farmers had suddenly begun to affect the manners of nobles from five hundred years ago. But their ultimate goal was to learn whether this strange behavior posed a threat to their master, and we couldn’t know if said master would consider a goddess-favored child to be a threat until we knew who he or she was. So what I said wasn’t a complete lie.

“What do we do, emissary? Should we hide her? Send her away? Call on the goddess? What do we do?!” Forgetting her act, Mistress Jek dropped to her knees before me.

I prefer not to trouble the goddess except in the last extremity. (Not the least because Flicker had been no help last time – possibly the opposite, if he’d set off so many alarms that Aurelia had had to step in.) This is not that.

My words calmed Mistress Jek somewhat. She gulped, closed her eyes, nodded, and nodded again. “You said you found a way to make them go away.”

Yes. However, it will require you to do something that you may find difficult and distasteful. For your daughter’s sake, will you do what it takes?

“Yes! Of course!”

Good. Now listen closely. Here is the plan.

That evening, after the family cleared away the supper dishes, Mistress Jek casually suggested to her husband that he take the children out to Caltrop Pond to look at tadpoles. I’d sent a duck demon to alert the dragon king beforehand, so he knew what was coming. If I knew Taila – and, believe me, by now I did – he had a lot of “Mr. Dragon!” squealing in his near future.

As Master Jek, the boys, and Taila traipsed out of the cottage, Stripey landed on the roof to monitor our surroundings, and I climbed the honeysuckle bush to peek through the window.

Mistress Jek invited Floridiana to join her for some tea. Boot, playing the curious cat, jumped on the chair next to “her owner.” Mistress Jek poured three cups of tea and sat down across from them. Her voice turned hard.

“Mage Floridiana. Mistress Boot. Yes, I know you’re not ‘just a pet cat.’ We need to have a chat about your presence here in my house.”

I personally preferred subtle insinuations, but a direct attack was more in Mistress Jek’s style, so that was what we had rehearsed out by the well.

Teacup halfway to her mouth, Floridiana tilted her head. “Oh? Is this about the room and board? Did you wish to discuss a raise?”

Boot fixed her yellow eyes on Mistress Jek.

Refusing to let them intimidate her, Mistress Jek plowed ahead. “No. It is not about the money. This house is not an inn. I want you out of my home.”

Boot flowed onto the table, sat down next to her teacup, and curled her tail tidily around her paws. “You want us to leave? When we’re rehabilitating your position in the barony by honoring you with our stay?”

Mistress Jek gaped. “I don’t see how hosting the two of you is helping our relationships with our neighbors.”

Oh no, she was letting Boot distract her and ceding control of the conversation. Don’t fall for it! Keep going with what we planned! I wanted to call – but of course I couldn’t.

“It is considered an honor just to speak with a mage, is it not?” purred the cat spirit. “Especially a mage so respected as the one who broke the drought and brought you rain? And now she has graced you with her presence in your own home.”

“I, uh….” Mistress Jek was floundering, thrown off by her memories of Floridiana’s parade through town, her performance on the riverbank, and her subsequent arrangement of negotiations between the baron and Yulus. In my opinion, the locals gave Floridiana all too much credit for her minor role in the proceedings.

The mage picked up smoothly where Boot had left off. In a sorrowful voice, she said, “I had hoped that I would be held in higher regard, but it seems that is not the case….” And she blinked at her teacup, as if fighting back tears.

Don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it, I mentally urged Mistress Jek.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have come back without an invitation from Baron Claymouth, but I wished to see how the people here were faring. I grew quite fond of everyone during my last stay here, you see….”

During her last stay here, she’d had a room in the castle itself. She hadn’t been forced to rent a bed from a peasant. Remember that! I silently sent at Mistress Jek. Remember how arrogant she was last time! This is all an act!

Aaaaargh, I wanted so badly to climb onto the windowsill and take over myself.

The performer-turned-mage laid a sad hand on her cheek. “So when I heard that the Dragon King of Caltrop Pond was disrupting everyone’s lives with his incessant partying, I thought that perhaps I should help….”

“I, uh, that is very kind of you,” stammered Mistress Jek.

I had to snap her out of it. Taking a branch of honeysuckle in my jaws, I shook it, hoping waving leaves would catch her eye.

They did. “But be that as it may…. I appreciate what you did for us last time…,” she recited a couple random phrases we’d practiced, trying to get herself back on track. “But this time you’re not here for us, are you, Honored Mage? This time, you’re not here for our sake.”

Floridiana’s face twitched. Just a bit. It passed so fast that I doubted Mistress Jek caught it. Keep going, I thought at her. It’s working. Keep going.

Even though she couldn’t hear me, she did. “You’re here to spy on us for your master. Both of you.”

Floridiana faked a look of shock, but not quite fast enough. Boot did a better job of maintaining her impassive cat stare.

“So if you don’t get out of my house, I’m going to go to the Baron and report all of you. Including Master Gravitas,” Mistress Jek finished, breathing hard. She stared at Floridiana and Boot, waiting for them to surrender.

Floridiana’s lips parted, but no words came out. She dropped her gaze from Mistress Jek’s face to her partner.

Ha! We had them. I gloated while I waited for the two to pack their belongings and slink out of the cottage.

The cat spirit lifted a paw and washed it.

Of course she did. I rolled my eyes. Cats! They always had to have the last word.

After a thorough washing, she examined the paw from all angles, judged it acceptably clean, and set it down just so on the table. In the exact same spot where it had been, which was just as dirty as it had been, rendering the washing pointless.

“How long have you suspected us?”

“I, uh,” Mistress Jek faltered, “not very long?” She stared out the window helplessly.

Taking a risk, I moved forward far enough for her to see my head. I shook it at her.

“I mean, a long time! I’ve suspected you for a long time. I just needed to – to – confirm my suspicions.”

Good. That was how I’d have played it too, minus the stuttering. Mistress Jek had always been a quick study. (Just not instantaneous, as I would have preferred.)

“I see,” purred the cat. “And what finally confirmed it for you?”

“I can’t say.”

“But you have concrete evidence? Documents, perhaps, to prove that we are what you claim? Reliable eyewitnesses who are pillars of the community, whose word is beyond the shadow of a doubt?”

The former, we did not have. As for the latter – well, even if Boot were implying that the baron would trust a respected mage over his least favorite peasants, our eyewitnesses were the local bandit gang and a turtle whose identity had to remain secret.

Don’t be so honest, I thought at Mistress Jek. Don’t let them faze you. Tell yourself that we have one eyewitness who is kin to the baron’s own seneschal, and one who is an emissary from Heaven. Keep going. Bluff.

When Mistress Jek stayed silent, Boot sighed and started to wash her other paw. “A pity. You are descended from emperors, are you not, Jek Lom Vannia? It’s such a shame that your family has fallen so low that you would accuse guests of espionage over a financial dispute. What will people do for a few coppers!”

Her scorn made Mistress Jek wince. “It’s not that. We do have proof,” she insisted.

“Do you? I should like to see it.” And Boot curled up next to her teacup and closed her eyes.

Mistress Jek cast another pleading glance out the window.

I was debating our options. Let her back off and try again later? Step in myself?

At this point, Floridiana, who’d stayed silent to let Boot handle the conversation, spoke up. “If you do not provide concrete evidence to back up your accusations, we may be forced to go to the Baron ourselves to warn him that the Jeks are blackmailers.”

One of Boot’s eyes opened. The cat shot the mage a glare.

Aha, a rift! Now, how could I exploit it?

But before I could come up with a plan, and a way to convey said plan to Mistress Jek, she took matters into her own hands. Flinging herself to the straw-covered floor and genuflecting in no particular direction, she cried, “O Great Goddess! Save us! I beg of you, please save us!”

Stripey and I groaned in unison.

Boot opened both eyes and sat up, regarding the woman with no expression whatsoever.

“What in the name of the Hundred Stars are you doing?” gasped Floridiana.

Even in this situation, I had to smirk. Not the Hundred Stars. Just one.

Whose messenger appeared a moment later, in the form of a swarm of golden motes that coalesced into a glowing, scowling, black-robed figure.

At the sight of the star sprite, Floridiana flung herself to the floor next to Mistress Jek. Even Boot stretched lazily before inclining her head.

Flicker ignored all of them. Arms folded, he scanned the cottage. “Oh, for Heaven’s sake! What is going on here? I was in the middle of a meeting with the Superintendent! Piri, where are you?”