The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

“We and the older spirits on Earth may still speak this way, but modern Serican has simplified the grammar and added new vocabulary,” Flicker continued.

Next to me, Stripey gulped and fluttered his wings, as if torn between groveling at once or staying upright until he figured out who this interloper was.

Helpfully, I nudged his leg with my forefoot and informed him, That’s a messenger from Heaven who serves the Star of Reflected Brightness.

I didn’t think he needed to know that Flicker was a mere third-class clerk who toiled in the Bureau of Reincarnation under the Kitchen God and Glitter, not in the Bureau of the Sky under the Queen Mother of the West and Aurelia. Not that the duck demon would understand or care about the distinction, of course. But still.

Disrespecting him is the same as disrespecting the goddess.

At that, the duck bowed until his bill nearly hit the ground, his feathers fluttering in agitation. A most entertaining sight indeed. Who’d have thought that a demonic bandit would get so flustered in front of Authority?

Flicker floated over the caltrop rosettes until he could step onto solid ground, then minced his way through the mud. (At least, I could tell that he was mincing – Stripey probably thought that he was taking graceful steps as befitting a Heavenly being.) As the star sprite advanced, his skin illuminated the grasses and bamboo around us with a bright yellow glow. I had to confess, he looked a lot more impressive on Earth than he did in the halls of Heaven.

And then, of course, he ruined it by speaking.

“It’s not just the matter of language,” he droned. “Jek Lom Vannia’s family has always had a slightly adversarial relationship with their neighbors. They claim descent from one of the cadet lines of the Lang Dynasty.”

Wait! I blurted out. But you told me that all of Cassius’ descendants died out! Within twenty years of his death!

“His direct descendants died out,” Flicker corrected me. “But the Loms are related so distantly to the imperial family that it would have made no difference even in the days of the Empire. They have no claim to the throne, just a somewhat inflated sense of their own importance.”

Ah. I had noticed that Master and Mistress Jek followed the proper human naming conventions for their children, with all the boys’ names ending in “-us” and all the girls’ names ending in “-a.” None of this “Jonjon” or “Clio” nonsense. Now I knew why: It was because Mistress Jek’s family understood the importance of upholding tradition. I approved.

What brings you to Earth, Flicker? Does Her Ladyship have a missive for me? For Stripey’s sake, I adopted a formal tone. It never hurt to overawe your intended allies.

Flicker raised his eyebrows, further spoiling the image of a divine dignitary. “Why do you think, Pi– ?”

He caught himself just in time. Now there was another person I’d have loved to recruit for an incompetent Imperial spy.

Far be it for a humble emissary such as myself to speculate as to the motivations of a goddess, I replied.

After all, there was only person who would send Flicker to Earth to talk to me, and it wasn’t Glitter. But my conversation with a whistling duck spirit about a bamboo viper spirit shouldn’t have rung any alarm bells in Aurelia’s mind. We’d touched upon the Jeks only in the most general terms, and Taila’s name had never come up. Also, as the Star of Reflected Brightness, Aurelia should be supervising Heaven’s New Year’s Eve banquet right about now. I couldn’t imagine that she had the spare time to monitor my activities.

Flicker heaved another of his long-suffering sighs. It had been so long since I’d heard the sound that I actually felt a little nostalgic. The clerk certainly made for a more intellectually challenging conversational partner than anyone in the Claymouth Barony.

As I recalled who else made for a more intellectually challenging conversational partner in Heaven, my amusement died. Aurelia wasn’t the only boss to whom Flicker answered who might have an interest in my doings. Cassius also worked at the Bureau of Reincarnation.

I spared a moment to imagine the ex-emperor skipping the most important banquet of the year to sneak around the office stealing seals off Glitter’s desk. It was my New Year’s gift to myself.

But seriously, why are you here? Did something go wrong?

Flicker heaved another weary sigh, this time minus the passive-aggressiveness. “No, nothing’s wrong in Heaven. The Star of Reflected Brightness sends New Year’s gifts to everyone in her service, and she didn’t want you to feel left out.”

His words triggered a mix of excitement and panic in me: Excitement over what sort of New Year’s gifts a goddess would dole out – and panic that she’d give away our connection. I’d carved out a useful role for myself here. I was churning out activities that were guaranteed to earn me positive karma, and that was on top of what she’d promised at the end of this life. I couldn’t afford to get caught, recalled, and reincarnated now.

What sort of gifts? I asked suspiciously. I don’t have anywhere to keep treasures.

Next to me, the duck demon’s feathers shook harder. The bandit was probably dying to raise his head so he could gawk at the jewels they handed out in Heaven.

But Flicker reproved me, “The Star of Reflected Brightness has more wisdom than that. Give her some credit. What would a turtle do with gold and gemstones?”

For some reason, Buy food for the Jeks and textbooks for Taila and pay rent for Bobo was what popped into my mind. Ridiculous.

Admire them, I retorted, erasing the thought. What else would you do with gold and gemstones?

Flicker rolled his eyes Heavenward, as if beseeching the Jade Emperor for patience. “Be that as it may, she sent you something a little more practical.”

And from his sleeve, he produced a rosewood casket inlaid with mother-of-pearl and trimmed with etched bronze.

Right. Because a rosewood, mother-of-pearl, and bronze casket was precisely what a turtle needed. I supposed I could sleep in it?

Fishing around in his sleeve again, Flicker located a key, unlocked the lid, and opened it to reveal that the box was full of – leafy greens. He set it on the ground.

“A New Year’s Eve meal, for your hard work. Now eat it all so nobody finds out she sent it.”

With a duck demon next to me stealing glances at the precious casket, it was a little late for that. Still, I was happy to obey. Sticking my head into the casket, I took a big bite of a mustard orchid stalk. Aurelia had prepared an assortment of spoon cabbage, ivory cabbage, mustard greens, and more, all of which were out of season in the middle of winter on Earth. Mmmm, so good. So fresh and crisp.

“You liar!” Stripey erupted. “You gods-cursed liar!”

I yanked my head out of the greens. Flicker jerked, his skin pulsing with light.

“You lied to me!” raged the duck. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time!

Flicker pinched the bridge of his nose, massaged his temples, and shot me a look that sighed, What did you lie about now?

I shrugged my shell.

“Oh no, you don’t! You don’t get to pretend you’re innocent. You pretended that Bobo was drunk and hallucinated that you were a secret agent!”

Seriously, was he was still going on about how I’d treated his best friend? I thought we’d settled that already, before Flicker even showed up. Ugh, now I regretted ever considering spending gold and gemstones on the viper’s rent! What had possessed me for me to have that thought? Ridiculous. It was all ridiculous.

Actually, I needled the duck, Bobo told you that I was a secret agent and then I confirmed it.

“In a way that was meant to make me believe you were joking!”

Here we went again. And when I had a Heavenly feast in front of me too. What would end this conversation in the fastest way possible?

I’m sorry, Stripey.

Oddly, my remorse didn’t feel all feigned, but that was okay. It would just make my performance all the more convincing.

Off on the side, Flicker’s eyebrows shot all the way up into his hairline. What – had he never heard me apologize before?

Humbly and earnestly, I explained, That was back at the beginning of my mission, before I knew I could trust the two of you. I’m sure you understand the need for secrecy, right? If you heard about an important merchant coming to town, but someone had just joined your, uh, organization and you weren’t certain how discreet they were, would you tell them all the details ahead of time?

Flicker was pressing both palms to both temples now. The clerk must have read all of my associates’ files before coming down here, and known exactly what type of “organization” and “details” I was referring to.

Stripey had no idea, though. Sliding a sidelong glance at Flicker, he bobbed his head to acknowledge my discretion. “And how long have you known us now?” he asked, a little less hostile now. “How many gods-cursed chances have you had to tell me the truth? I’m not asking for your whole life story here! All you had to say was, Actually, Stripey, Bobo was right. I really am a secret agent. I’m not asking for the details of your mission, Rosie! I don’t want to know!”

He didn’t? I rocked back in shock. Why the cursed Heavens not? If he knew the whole tangled tale that had led to me being here, protecting a peasant child, he’d have all the blackmail material he needed on a goddess. A high-ranking goddess, at that. Did the duck demon have no greater ambition than robbing travelers in the Claymouth Barony?

Well, it was to my advantage that he did not.

I see. You’re right. I should have said something earlier. I’m sorry.

Skepticism radiated off Flicker in golden waves of light, but Stripey accepted my words at face value. With a rustle, he settled his wings across his back. “Well. Okay. Fine. Anyway, I’m not the one you need to apologize to. It’s Bobo.”

I nodded. I’ll do that.

“Good. I’m going to go catch up to her. You can join us after you finish here.” He made a rueful face, signaling that our fight was over. “I’m sure she’ll insist on saving you a seat.”

Ummm, actually, I can’t go to the banquet tonight…. I cast about for a good excuse. I have to discuss my mission with the goddess’ messenger.

Flicker’s control over his facial features wasn’t nearly good enough. Incredulity streamed off him.

Stripey’s eyes hardened again. “Do you expect me to make your excuses to Bobo?”

All right, I was going to have to recruit him for Operation: Keep Taila Alive right now or risk alienating him forever.

Look, Stripey, I know you just said you didn’t want to know any details about my mission, but there are reasons that I can’t go to Black Sand Creek. When the duck didn’t stop me, I kept talking. I was recruited by the goddess after many lives in the river. In the last one – well, second-to-last, technically – I was a member of the Black Sand Creek Water Court. Anyway, if they see me, they’ll want to offer me to the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea as tribute, which would prevent me from carrying out my mission here.

“Thinking a little highly of yourself there, aren’t you?” snorted the duck, but I could tell he was hooked.

No, I replied with complete honesty, I just remember what happened last time.

“That’s impossible – ”

Think about it, Stripey. I’m a mortal animal with a mind. How many mortal animals with minds have you known?

He thought about it for much longer than necessary. At last he shook his head. “None. But this barony is small and out of the way. I’ll bet, in the capital….”

I shook my head too. No. You will not find another like me. I am unique in all the world.

Flicker made a noise. It sounded like a strangled goose.

Stripey and I both eyeballed him.

“If you could hurry this along,” the clerk hinted. “I do have many duties, and my absence will be noticed soon.”

“What duties – ? No. Who will notice – ? No.” Stripey kept trying to pry, and kept forcing himself not to. “No. I don’t want to know.”

Of course he did. I had him.

You don’t have to know the details if you don’t feel comfortable, I soothed, but just know that I was sent here by Heaven to carry out an important mission that must remain secret, and sometimes, in order to maintain that secrecy, I will need to say or do things that you find…reprehensible.

I wondered if I were laying it on a bit thick – I mean, it wasn’t exactly reprehensible to skip one single dinner with your friends – but Stripey soaked it up.

“I see. I see.” He tried to examine Flicker without staring outright, and failed. “I get it. It’s okay. I’ll tell Bobo you were held up. She’ll understand.”

I felt a flash of warmth for the bamboo viper’s capacity to understand and overlook. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Then I waited until he was out of sight before returning to the feast Aurelia had provided.