The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Caught by surprise, the mage gave a start. Her head swiveled around, and she stared at me through my cage bars. I assumed she was performing a magical scan to determine what I was and whether I posed a threat, but what she asked was –

“Are you a prisoner here, spirit?”

As if I were a damsel-in-distress princess whose father King Catfish would reward my rescuer with half his kingdom! I nearly burst out laughing. Luckily, catfish couldn’t make much in the way of facial expressions, so she probably interpreted it as me staring at her glassily.

Both Yulus and Nagi were gaping, stunned that anyone would assume I was a prisoner just because I lived in a cage.

“Were you kidnapped?” pressed Floridiana. “Have you been hurt?”

Well, technically, I had been snatched up and stuffed into a cage, and my pride had been injured repeatedly….

No, no, no. I waggled my body from side to side. Projecting the ignorant innocence (or innocent ignorance?) of a fairytale maiden, I trilled, Not at all! His Majesty treats me very well!

That, as intended, sounded distinctly unconvincing, especially to someone already inclined towards delusions of heroism. “I – see,” Floridiana said, pointedly examining my cage. A mercenary gleam lit up her eyes: She was calculating whether she could extract a reward for returning me to my real family. “Spirit, where is your home? Don’t be afraid to answer honestly. I won’t let anyone harm you.”

Every member of the Water Court bristled.

I hesitated, partly because I didn’t know modern geography and partly because I hadn’t decided how far to push my act. I was trying to disentangle myself from the Black Sand Creek Water Court to search for better karma sources, but was this the best way to do it?

The pause gave Yulus the chance to snap, “Her home is here, of course! She was born in this very river.”

“Of all the effrontery!” Nagi jumped in, smacking the floor with her tail for emphasis. “Attacking our guards, barging into the Water Court, and now accusing His Majesty of kidnapping like a common criminal? This offense is intolerable!” Rearing back, she bared her fangs and prepared to strike.

Oh dear. A human getting injured in a fight over me was the surest path to negative karma.

Frantically, I flapped my fins. Clickclickclickclickclick. No no no! It’s all a misunderstanding! I’m perfectly happy here! I was born here and His Majesty adopted me! He treats me very well!

“Then why are you in a cage?” The question was addressed to me, but Floridiana was glaring at Yulus.

I – uh, to keep me safe!

“To keep her safe,” retorted Yulus at the same time. “Human, do you not cage songbirds and leash hunting dogs? Because you do not wish your pets to escape into the wild where they cannot survive on their own?”

Nagi snapped her jaws in warning, but it was too late.

“She’s a pet?” Floridiana studied me more closely, performing the magical scan she should have done when she first entered the room. Apparently she forgot she was underwater, because she gasped, sucked in a mouthful of water, and choked. “That’s not a spirit!” she sputtered. “What is that?” Her muscles bunched.

Oh no, she wasn’t planning to dive at my cage, snatch it, and run off with me, was she? That would be suicide.

Clickclickclickclickclick!

The sound jolted her back to her senses. She clenched her fists and locked her knees to hold herself back.

“Mooncloud is a unique creature whose nature no one can explain,” Yulus announced, as proud as a crown prince’s mother.

Do you know anyone who might know what I am? I tacked on, encouraging Floridiana to think of all the people who’d love to study me.

I could practically see her computing my resale value. “Well, my teacher, the great Domitilla, would – ”

Before she could go any further, Nagi informed her, “That will be impossible. His Majesty in his infinite generosity has already promised this fish to the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea.”

Yulus’ mouth opened, but no sound came out.

At the mention of the spirit who controlled the weather over the entire eastern part of Serica, Floridiana’s shoulders slumped. “I see. That is indeed a generous gift,” she conceded with no grace whatsoever. “Is it, perhaps, connected to the matter of rain?”

While Yulus fought to hide his horror, Nagi answered for him, “Indeed. His Majesty will soon send emissaries to appeal for an intercession on behalf of all those who live near Black Sand Creek.”

Yulus opened his mouth again, cast a stricken glance at me, and hesitated, unwilling or afraid to undermine his own Prime Minister when the stakes were so high.

Meanwhile, Floridiana was saying, “How likely is the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea to agree?”

“It is not for us to question – ” started Nagi, but I cut in.

He will, I assured the mage, so long as he is pleased by our gifts. Would Baron Claymouth like to add his offerings to ours? Combined, they will make a stronger impact.

Nagi’s lips peeled back from her fangs, not so much out of disgust for the idea itself but for its source. After this, she wasn’t going to keep me in the Water Court one second longer than she had to. Good.

As Floridiana mulled over my proposal, her fingers loosened around her seal and she chewed on the insides of her cheeks. “They may. He may. I can negotiate with him on your behalf.”

Although she tried to slide it in like a logical conclusion, Nagi wasn’t fooled. “For a fee, I expect?”

“Naturally. Humans require food, shelter, clothing, transportation, the like.” The mage spread her hands, encompassing the needs of mortal flesh. “Not to mention, seal paste doesn’t come cheap.”

The frog guards’ dewlaps ballooned in fury, while the shrimp tapped their feet. Captain Carpio surged forward – only for Yulus to raise a hand to stop him.

“I see,” said Nagi, very sourly. Unable to vent her frustration on the mage, she waved her tail at the crab servants. “It’s time for Mooncloud’s feeding. Take her to the kitchen. Make sure we’re not disturbed during these very delicate negotiations.”

Hey! Wait! I want to stay! I want to help!

“Behave,” Nagi snapped, so much like a mother fox nipping a kit that I froze for a second.

Then I appealed to Yulus, Your Majesty, Your Majesty, I can help! Let me help!

But his sorrowful eyes were turned away.

As the crab scuttled out of the audience chamber with my cage on its carapace, I yelled back, I’m not hungry!

The door practically slammed on the cage.

Proving that I hadn’t completely lost my touch, events did proceed as I wanted, even if I didn’t get as much say in the final details as I’d have liked. Clever Nagi removed me from Yulus’ presence and assigned me my own room plus round-the-clock crab servants “to ensure that she’s the plumpest, shiniest, most beautiful catfish possible, and the most pleasing in the sight of the His Majesty of the Eastern Sea.”

Yeah, right. And it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with blocking my influence over Yulus, could it?

Anyway, however frustrating I found this honorable isolation, it was nowhere near as bad as being trapped inside a catfish egg for a week. I quickly befriended my servants, who kept me updated on the Water Court’s plans. After some haggling, Yulus and Nagi hired Floridiana to act as their emissary to Baron Claymouth to propose a joint offering to the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea. Happy to collect a fee from both sides, she convinced the baron that this strategy was more certain to bring rain to his fields than magically roasting a lowly local dragon. After consultation with his advisers, the baron sent an unofficial message to the duck demons via the seneschal: Contribute gifts and earn a pardon for banditry.

Apparently Yulus wasn’t the only one they robbed.

At last, all the negotiations were complete, I was fattened and ready for the kitchen or the laboratory in equal measure, and it was time for the ceremonial pooling of bribes. Since it happened right before we set out for the Eastern Sea, I actually got to watch in person, raised above the river surface alongside the other water spirits and shielded by Yulus’ pearl.

Led by the baron and his family, the Claymouth residents processed to the riverbank in their finest attire, bearing antique rosewood boxes and bundles wrapped with embroidered silks. Around them capered the Green Frog’s performers, who danced, played flutes, banged gongs, and cried, “O Rain! O Rain! Come, come, O Rain!”

Meanwhile, Yulus shook the tangles out of his mane, centered his pearl beneath his chin, and rose in a gout of water to hover above the river, with Nagi by his side.

“Your Majesty, it is a pleasure to meet you again,” said the baron with a deep bow and a broad grin, as if he’d never hired a mage to torture the dragon into bringing rain.

Yulus smiled back at him, showing more teeth than he had to. “Baron Claymouth. What have you brought Us?”

The baron waved his retainers forward, and they opened casket lids and silk wrappings to show off mismatched jewelry scrounged (perhaps even stolen?) from many different jewelry boxes, gold and silver coins polished to gleaming – and a dozen duck eggs, almost perfectly matched in size and shape.

At the sight, I sputtered with laughter, and the head crab rapped the top of my cage. “Mooncloud! Behave yourself!”

Why? It’s not like they can hear me.

“Behave, or we’ll drop you on the riverbed until it’s time to go.”

I pouted but subsided.

Meanwhile, Yulus and Baron Claymouth were exchanging praise for each other’s offerings, protestations of mutual respect, and elaborate assurances that in the face of such a treasure trove – especially the duck eggs, what a delicacy! – the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea could not possibly reject their most reasonable request for just a taaaaad more rain.

Eventually, they faked the way to the end of their pleasantries, the crabs collected the baron’s offerings, and Yulus lowered all of us back into the water. I’d thought Floridiana might tag along as the baron’s witness, but she stayed on dry land. Either she didn’t have the ability to stay submerged for so long, or the baron hadn’t wanted to pay the extra charge, or both.

Probably both. I was pretty sure I’d seen some of those brooches on his wife and daughter at the Dragon Boat Festival.

As we proceeded down Black Sand Creek, a company of shrimp commanded by Captain Carpa cleared the way. Yulus and Nagi followed, surrounded by their chattering, excited retinue. Then came an army of crab servants carrying all the offerings, including me. Finally, a company of frogs, led by a fuming Captain Carpio, brought up the rear. They would stay behind to guard the fief when the rest of us crossed the border into the Eastern Sea.

A few times, Yulus twitched to the side, wanting to turn around to check on me, but he was trying his hardest to act kingly and so each time he forced himself to keep facing forward. I tried to picture a remote, dignified expression on his face and found, to my surprise, that I could. Maybe I hadn’t given him as much credit as he deserved, these past months. They’d been peaceful and secure, and I’d been safe and loved, not sensations I’d experienced since I left my mother’s den nearly a millennium and a half ago.

Sometimes – not often, but once in a while – it was nice not to have to rely on myself all the time. It could be a relief to entrust everything to someone else in the faith that they’d take care of you.

But whatever. Soon I was going to earn good karma for serving the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea! Just think of all the points! I could already see myself in Flicker’s office in the Bureau of Reincarnation, floating over his desk while he pointed to the “Black” stamp on my curriculum vitae.

He’d drone, “Congratulations on your advancement to Black Tier. Starting with your next life, you will be reincarnated as various types of birds or four-legged mammals.”

And I’d say –

“Aaaaaargh! Aaaaaaah!”

Splashing and garbled screams – human screams? – echoed through the water.

“Help! Heeeeeeelp!”

A catfish flashed into its hole. A mob of mortal fish crashed into us – skinny, stretched-out ones; ones with bulbous eyes that popped out of their heads; one with a really long, pointed nose; even a ginormous one whose head reminded me of a mole’s. They darted between the spirits, knocked them aside, surrounded us with flashing scales and sleek sides – and then they were gone. Dazed, from where my cage had settled crookedly into the glittering sand, I watched a softshell turtle glide past, pumping its flippers as hard as it could. Then it, too, was gone. The river was empty except for waving aquatic plants, drifting bugs, and a confused clump of water spirits.

“Back in formation!” Captain Carpa shouted at the shrimp. “Protect the king!”

“Scout ahead!” Captain Carpio bellowed at the frogs. “Report back to me!”

“The offerings!” Nagi screeched at the crabs. “Save the offerings!”

All of a sudden, I noticed that my cage door had come unlatched and was dangling limply. Freedom! On instinct, I lunged for the opening and sped into open water. Free!

“Mama! Mamaaaa!” came more screaming. “Heeeeeelp!” Loud splashing.

Run! Run! shrieked my fish brain, flipping my body around. With a sweep of my tail, I was fleeing upstream.

Wait! That’s a human voice!

I wrestled control back from my fish brain, forcibly stilled my tail, and screeched to a halt.

I have to know what’s going on! Maybe I can help!

Dropping to the riverbed, I slunk forward through the eelgrass.