Chapter 19
It felt like an embrace enveloping my whole body. The gaze looking at me in front of my eyes and the quiet voice seemed to invade my nerves, exposing the secrets I wanted to hide.
My heart felt like a huge rock was placed on it, and my breath caught.
“Ah…”
With the thought that I should say something, I slowly opened my mouth, but my voice didn’t flow naturally. It was as if my throat was blocked.
The fact that Hwa Ui brought up such words probably meant that he had some suspicions to a certain extent.
I kept licking my lips and rolling my eyes. I didn’t have the courage to deny it or affirm it.
After exhaling roughly, just as I was about to slowly open my mouth, Hwa Ui’s hand gently landed on the back of my hand.
“Calm down. I don’t intend to press you. I just need to know the details to help you, don’t I?”
Help me?
When I looked up, Hwa Ui was gazing at me with a solemn expression. He gently tapped my palm.
“At first, I thought you were just in poor health. But I was wrong. It’s that I didn’t have the eyes to see. Despite reading people’s pulse for decades, I failed to notice what you were hiding.”
He didn’t get angry or press me. His face didn’t show disappointment either. He simply recited that it was his own mistake.
Hwa Ui kept speaking as he looked at me, not opening my mouth.
“I won’t ask what prevented you from speaking. How could the burdens faced by someone facing death and their perspective on life be the same as ordinary people’s? Even though the days I have left to live are far fewer than the days I’ve lived, I can’t understand your deep heart.”
Hwa Ui bit his lip and stroked my head. I opened my eyes wide at his natural gesture.
His gentle and kind touch. Hwa Ui was genuinely concerned about me.
“How hard it must have been. Who would belittle the effort of hiding it without showing any signs, even as your final days approached in a foreign land after such a long journey? It’s admirable and respectable.”
“Hwa Ui…”
My lips trembled. As if the blocked airway had opened, my breathing became rough.
Feeling that if I opened my mouth, tears would pour out, I bit my lip and lowered my gaze. Even then, Hwa Ui was gently stroking my head.
I couldn’t control my emotions, like a child, at the affectionate touch of the old man’s wrinkled and calloused hands.
“I won’t ask anything. I won’t ask why you had to make that decision or why you bore that burden alone. So tell me.”
His voice continued quietly.
“How much longer can you live?”
I took a deep breath to calm my wavering emotions. Hwa Ui’s hand that was stroking my head fell away.
Raising my lowered head, I faced him. He was looking at me with sincere eyes.
I thought the monotonous peace and the tranquil morning rest were all over. But contrary to my thoughts, Hwa Ui only consoled me.
Quietly meeting his gaze, I slowly opened my mouth.
“…At most, half a year.”
“Huh, half a year.”
Hwa Ui’s voice mixed with a sigh filled the room.
He kept stroking his beard and sighed. Then, looking at me, he spoke again.
“So you knew from the beginning? That taking medicine would be useless?”
At Hwa Ui’s words, I bit my lip.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to hide it. I was just afraid to speak…”
“No, it’s not like that. I’m not blaming you. Rather, I was the foolish one. I prescribed and administered the medicine myself, but I should have been suspicious if there was no improvement. It’s no different from giving useless acupuncture for failing to realize that sooner.”
“It’s not Hwa Ui’s fault. Why would Hwa Ui…”
I felt embarrassed and sorry. His sincere concern for me was so intense that I could only say it wasn’t his fault.
Hwa Ui looked at me in silence, then slowly straightened his bent back.
He stroked his beard again, as if contemplating something, and then nodded his head.
“There must be something that can help you, young lady Sowol. I may not know the exact diagnosis or treatment yet, but I’m sure I can find out with more investigation. So don’t give up.”
The words ‘don’t give up’ pierced my heart.
The words ‘don’t do that, no matter what, I have to die’ revolved in my mouth, but I couldn’t say anything seeing his expression and earnest demeanor.
My death was fate and a predetermined course. If I could have recovered by taking medicine, Moyong Do’s elixirs, that he took in the Moyong clan, would have been effective.
But no matter what elixir I consumed, my condition only worsened.
So I thought there was no way left. But…
‘Don’t give up.’
Hwa Ui’s words echoed in my ears. Someone was reaching out a hand on the path that my family and I had given up on.
Just someone with a fleeting connection.
I gently pressed my lips down. Trying to brush off the voice ringing in my ears, I said quietly.
“…Are they alive?”
At my faint voice, Hwa Ui tilted his head slightly sideways. Looking into his eyes fixed on me, I opened my mouth:
“Is the person who had the same symptoms as me a long time ago still alive?”
Gazing at Hwa Ui’s frozen expression, I continued speaking.
“Hwa Ui, tell me. Can I really recover?”
“That is…”
“I had so many hopes and dreamed of the future. When I envisioned my future self, I wondered if I could stand beside my family and those around me with a healthy body, not sick. But lying in bed, no matter how many times I imagined my future self, hundreds of times, I always had to be sick in bed.”
Hwa Ui’s expression distorted. As if pitying me, his face looking at me made me exhale deeply. The true heart I tried to hide tore through the veil and poured out.
“The words telling me not to give up… I think they are good words that can give hope to someone. But Hwa Ui.”
Calmly calling his name, I suppressed the rising emotions.
I found myself feeling pathetic for venting my anger at him. I knew that he told me not to give up as words of comfort and encouragement.
But… those words were too cruel for me.
“I’ve been torn apart, disappointed, and saddened dozens of times. So now… I want to stop.”
It was too difficult and tiring. 20 years, and then another 18 years.
My past life, which had never been free from pain, was like hell for me.
This time will be different, this time will be okay.
The decades I spent consoling and comforting myself, harboring hope, ultimately meant nothing to me.
It was a self-portrait of the future that could easily be torn apart like a heavily creased paper.
So I no longer wanted to have hope. If I was only going to be disappointed after getting my hopes up, I just wanted to die quietly. I wanted to be liberated from this suffering through death.
“Young lady Moyong…”
“I’m grateful for the words you said to me in an effort to help, and I did feel encouraged for a moment, if only briefly. But… I don’t want to hold onto hope only to end up disappointed in the end.”
I turned my head and looked out the window. The calmly setting sun created a scenery so beautiful that it was hard to believe this place was called the Demon Cult.
“I like the way things are now. It’s quiet and peaceful, and thanks to Hyuk Dojin’s kindness, I’m enjoying a luxury I’ve never experienced before. Even if it’s temporary, even if it’s a dream that will eventually end, I want to enjoy it a little longer.”
Time was relentlessly running out. From half a year, slowly bit by bit, and then very quickly.
“Rather than struggling to live out the little time I have left, I want to enjoy this peace a little longer. So you don’t have to worry. My death will come and go like a passing summer shower, like a late autumn rain barely noticeable.”
It was the last season I could enjoy.
* * *
When Hyuk Dojin returned in the evening, fortunately his expression wasn’t the same as after the conversation with Man Do.
Was his mood a bit better? As I stood up from the chair to greet him approaching, Hyuk Dojin responded with a small box instead.
“What is this?”
Since he was giving it to me, I took it first. What could it be? I had no idea.
After briefly guessing the contents of the box, I looked up. Hyuk Dojin lightly smiled and tapped the lid of the box.
Was he telling me to open it?
Following Hyuk Dojin’s gesture, I slowly opened the lid of the box. At the same time, a bright light burst out from inside.
“Ah…”
Looking at what was inside the box, I narrowed my brows. If I’m not mistaken, this is definitely…
“It’s a night pearl. I thought it might suit Sowol, so I brought it.”
Hyuk Dojin spoke very calmly, but I was taken aback.
Night pearl wasn’t a simple gem. It was a mysterious gem that emitted light on its own, and at the same time, a luxury item that couldn’t be easily obtained no matter how much money one had.
That’s why it was extremely expensive, incomparable to other gems. It was said that even offering a chest of gold wouldn’t be enough to acquire it. That was the night pearl.
Of course, since this one was small, it wouldn’t be worth an entire chest of gold, but this size alone would easily buy an average-sized villa.
“Why are you giving this to me?”
Hyuk Dojin shifted his gaze from the night pearl and slowly curved his lips into a smile.
“Do you not like my gift?”
“No… That’s not it. I’m just surprised that you’re suddenly giving me something like this…”
“There’s no need to be surprised. I can give you more than this in the future.”
“What?”
Hyuk Dojin took a step closer and lightly grasped my hand from below.
Looking down at my hand and then slowly raising his gaze, he opened his mouth.
“I will bring you anything you desire, with just a word from Sowol.”
Then. Hyuk Dojin’s arm quietly stretched out and embraced me. I opened my eyes wide at his sudden action. But before I could be surprised, his soft voice reached my ears.
“You don’t need to worry about anyone else’s gaze or words. The only important thing is the two of us. So please, don’t go anywhere and stay by my side.”
“…”
“Is that a difficult request?”
At his words, I relaxed my stiffened body. I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly acting this way.
I thought perhaps Hwa Ui had said something, but he said he would keep it a secret only he knew.
His sudden behavior of pulling me into an embrace left me flustered and confused.
However, feeling his body warmth flowing down my shoulders, I stopped thinking and awkwardly raised my arms to wrap them around his arms and back. Then I lightly patted him and closed my eyes.
What he wanted from me was something extremely simple and trivial for others. Just staying by his side while breathing, eating, and living – anyone could do that.
But for me, it was like a dream.
Hyuk Dojin wanted me to stay by his side, but once time passes and I leave, he too would return to being the Hyuk Dojin of the novel.
Whether he would be saddened or not, this story would ultimately amount to nothing. Knowing that, I could speak the truth.
“Don’t worry.”
Not a lie, but the truth.
“Everything will be alright.”
I could lie because I knew that my absence wouldn’t hinder his future in any way.
Tl/note: Night pearls do really exist, and are glowing in the dark: