LIGHTNOVELONLINE In my previous life, I loved my mother dearly.
There was no other choice.
The only person who spoke to me or smiled at me was my mother.
At the same time, I deeply hated her.
My mother always locked me in that tiny single room, and behind her fleeting gentle smiles lay relentless cruelty.
One day, a being approached me.
This being became a refuge for me, who was bound to the existence of my mother, and turned into a precious friend that I could not trade for anything.
I was so delighted to converse with someone other than my mother that I poured my heart out every day as we talked.
One day, she quietly suggested to me.
Didn’t I want to escape from my mother’s grasp?
Didn’t I want to enjoy the sunshine under the clear sky and talk freely with others?
I hesitated for a moment and then nodded my head.
She showed me the way.
On a night when my mother was deeply asleep from drinking, I carefully called the police.
Before the police arrived, I followed her instructions and cut my wrist.
Not deep enough to bring death, just a suitably deep wound.
Because of that wound, my mother went to prison.
And soon after, I heard the news that she had met her end in the grim prison.
Everything unfolded just as she had told me.
Now I was no longer trapped in that small room, and I could live facing many people.
But I was not happy. Instead, each day was filled with torment akin to hell.
It was my mother.
My one true love, the only family I had left.
It was my mother.
What have I done to her?
The abuse was certainly painful and unpleasant, but I missed the mother who occasionally offered me a kind smile amidst it all.
Most days, I had to eat cold rice with water, but I longed desperately for the warm meal she lovingly prepared when she was in a good mood.
One day, unable to bear this guilt, I confided in the orphanage director about my torment.
I hoped to lighten my heart’s burden, if only momentarily, with his comfort, but it wasn’t long before rumors about me began to spread through the orphanage.
Before long, I was branded as the parricide among the other children, and people’s reactions had all changed.
Neither hatred nor pity.
A complete indifference that seemed to disregard my existence.
Like I was some filthy waste, everyone avoided me.
Occasionally, there were those who came to visit me, but they were only creepy individuals intrigued by my resemblance to my mother.
In this thorough indifference, my mind gradually fell ill, and ironically, my longing for my mother only grew stronger.
Even if it meant being locked in that small room again, even if it meant enduring that painful abuse again, I wanted to return to my mother’s embrace.
[Do you want to see your mother again?]
At that moment, she asked me again.
Hell.
A place where I could face my mother one more time.
I didn’t care if it was a demon’s temptation.
I knew well enough that it was not a benevolent being.
Even if everything had malicious intent, it was fine as long as I could return to her, who showed interest in my existence.
I did not care.
—
The sky thick with dark clouds was drowning the world in lonely rain and a gray atmosphere.
“…”
Were the drops falling down my and Artasha’s faces raindrops or tears?
Either way, they only served to deepen our emotions in the dark.
“Do you have nothing to say, Artasha? It’s time to say goodbye.”
Artasha sat alone on the ground, drenched by the rain. Her face, bowing down, remained shrouded in shadows, not moving an inch.
Was the emotion contained within her now hatred, anger, or perhaps emptiness?
Whatever it was, it would become the deepest wound in Artasha’s life and torment her for a lifetime.
I turned away from her expressionless eyes. Now, Artasha was nothing more than a lingering attachment that no longer needed to remain with me.
Just as I was about to take my leave, Artasha suddenly grabbed my wrist tightly.
“…I knew it. My daughter, who never once called me ‘mother,’ suddenly began treating me so sweetly as if she had become a different person.”
Her voice held a sincere emotion buried deep within.
“Is that so?”
“I suppose I was just escaping reality. I longed so much for my daughter’s smile that I hadn’t seen for years, that I turned a blind eye to this dreamlike time spent with her.”
“Yes, you fled from reality, Artasha.”
“Really… you’re saying you’re not my daughter?”
The blue eyes that used to look at me with warm love now stared at me hollowly.
My heart throbbed.
But the more it hurt, the more I laughed at her with a sneer.
“What do I need to do for you to believe me? Should I dig up the grave of your husband that Tina loved?”
“…Where is my daughter?”
“Well, let’s see. She might have gone to heaven?”
Considering Tina’s personality, she was more likely to be in hell, but there was no need to add that.
Artasha staggered and managed to stand up.
I couldn’t help but be surprised at her standing upright.
Her only purpose for existence was to live for her daughter. Now that reason had vanished; I thought she would crumble down helplessly.
‘…What a strong person.’
Once again, I felt envious yet resentful of Tina.
“I’ll ask one more thing.”
“…Go ahead.”
“Why were you crying earlier?”
My body flinched.
I lowered my head for a moment and clenched my fists until my hands turned white.
“Your struggling figure was so amusing that I was on the verge of tears, you know?”
“…”
“Well then, it was fun. Goodbye, Mother?”
Leaving those final words with a faint chuckle, I walked away.
Without looking back, I quickly left that place.
“Regardless of anything else, your inability to lie is something you inherited from my daughter.”
Ignoring the voice seeping in, I quietly moved forward.
If I were to see her expression again.
This time, I felt I wouldn’t be able to erase that lingering attachment.
—
My returned bedroom was eerily quiet.
Looking at the clock, it was already well past five in the morning.
In about an hour, dawn would gradually break, and the gray world would be softly wrapped in warm sunlight.
But I would no longer be in that world.
I slowly approached the mirror.
Inside the mirror awaited something that was waiting for me.
“Now, can I go?”
I asked it.
It grinned with a grotesque smile that looked like its mouth could rip apart.
Soon, the mirror began to crack slowly, and a shard of glass, small enough to hold, lay before me.
I took the shard and plunged it deeply into my hand.
With the flowing blood, I drew a small star in the wall.
Before long, from the ominous glowing red circle, a black shape of a monster burst forth and enveloped me.
[Kihihihihihihi! Finally… finally your soul has become sullied enough not to burn my hands.]
“…”
[You must know this already? You can no longer escape from my grasp.]
When did it start?
When my will began to crumble, and my body no longer moved at will.
When my normal thoughts started to blur and tremble.
[Even if you try to escape, it’s useless. Your soul is no longer pure white. Now it’s just like an ordinary human’s.]
“I don’t care. As long as I can return to my mother.”
[Heh, don’t worry. With who you are now, you can definitely step over the threshold of hell.]
The black shape of the monster grinned grotesquely and then spit out a small object at me.
It was a familiar item.
A small kitchen knife that I had used to end my own life in my previous life.
The monster held out the knife to me with a massive smile.
[Good. One last time, just once more.]
I slowly took the knife into my hand. The cold touch of the metal made my entire body chill.
[Now, let’s go rot in hell together with your mother for all eternity.]
The black shape of the monster began to swell up as if about to burst, wrapping around me and starting to paint the surrounding space with darkness.
[Now! Stab! This time aim for the heart! And go to your mother!]
The space shrouded in darkness gradually sank into profound silence.
The faint sound of the morning breeze and the distant chirps of crickets all faded away into the darkness.
Eventually, in that place of perfect silence, I grasped the kitchen knife tightly with both hands.
‘Still, there were… some pleasant memories, right?’
I lifted the knife high.
The blade was aimed at my heart, and with this knife, my shabby and tragic life would finally come to an end.
But I was not afraid.
Loneliness hurt deeper than death.
Gathering all my strength, I drove the knife toward my heart.
And at last.
Fwoosh—
With the sound of flesh ripping, red blood gushed out into the darkness.
The fresh blood soaked my white dress, warmly embracing my whole body.
It was oddly peaceful.
Throughout the whole process, remarkably, I felt no pain.
‘…’
Really, there was no pain at all.
No, it didn’t hurt weirdly.
“…Huh?”
Something felt off.
“Rejoice in the fallen darkness, for in the pure white soul, there lies the gaze of love; this is the essence of the demon.”
A voice of innocence echoed.
[…It can’t be.]
The growling voice of the demon resounded.
“The temptation of demons is extremely alluring, and their voices are sweeter than honey and deeper than the poison of the abyss.”
[You, you how!!!]
“They are the embodiment of fear, a faith of evil, and darkness that evokes humanity’s primal terror.”
In the space of darkness where nothing was visible, a familiar voice rang.
“But you know this, Tina? If you have a steadfast and strong heart, demons are no more threatening than wild beasts.”
With a voice laced with laughter, the darkened space shimmered brightly in an instant.
I instinctively shut my eyes tight against the dazzling light that made it hard to keep them open.
“Tina, you can’t just casually kill me until my revenge is complete.”
As the light gradually dimmed, I slowly opened my eyes.
There stood a girl.
A girl so beautiful and kind, with pink hair fluttering around her.
“Until you’ve paid the full price for your sins, I have no intention of letting you go.”
“You… how…?”
Lilian Eldoria.
In her radiant smiling eyes, I found myself unable to utter a word.