The Regressed NoBody

As I leaned against the bench, I found myself in deep thought, wandering—and pondering—over the reason why Laurena had appeared in front of me at a time like this all of a sudden. Her sudden appearance jolted many questions inside my mind, which were unanswered still now, which I demanded answers for, but to my avail, the answers were in sight, but, I was the one who couldn’t link the threads together to form those answers.

I continued my rhythmic breathing, as the crisp floral aroma of the flowers growing in batches behind me was felt in the blowing breeze which ran past me, as I grappled over the many thoughts and question which heaved at my mind right now. With the lack of sleep and the multiple questions and mysterious which filled my mind, which I had no answers for yet, made me extremely frustrated to no end. But, what could I do about something which I knew nothing about. All I could do was struggle for some answers, which could allow me to better understanding these phenomenon I was going through.

‘Yeah, struggle!’ I said to myself in a mocking, self-deprecating sneer. ‘That’s all I can—could—do!’ The frustration within me only grew more potent as time passed.

But, I focused on the single question among the many which had appeared in my mind right now. Regarding Laurena Lianard. To call her arrival here, at a time like this a coincidence would be lying to myself and simply be foolish. I looked at Laurena from the corner of my eyes, as she elegantly sat down on the bench beside me on the left edge. She followed my gaze and caught me staring at her, as she softly smiled back at me with a deep warmth in her eyes, making me more and more suspicious of her sudden arrival.

And I couldn’t put a finger on what this woman was thinking. As if behind that smiling facade of her, she knew something, something about me, something that was making me wary of her. My old nature to not trust anyone entirely was something which had allowed to survive so far, but...that gentle smile was genuine, not something which she was forcing herself to put on.

I could tell apart a fake smile from a genuine, from experience.

But I couldn’t find or sense any malice or bad intent from here, she didn’t held any bad intentions towards me. She leaned back, as we allowed a heavy silence to descend for a few minutes. Only the shallow noise of the wind blowing around us, and the light sound of the trees’ branches swaying reverberated in my ears, but one which was making my heart to be at peace momentarily, that allowed me to alleviate my worries toward something else even for a split second to appease my mind of the tasks I needed to perform later.

I was tired for some reason—more fatigued than any other time, despite all the hardships and pain I had to face, this time I really felt tried—both mentally and physically. The weight of my responsibility and duties felt heavier than ever to me. No, I think it was a fatigue more of spirit than of mind or body.

So much has happened in the past few days, that I can’t come to swallow it all at once. My discovery of my stronger and intricate connection with the pathways and my improvement and control over them—to extract the information from the pathways by allowing them to transmit the information of a specific location to me, but that also had it's limitations, due to my inexperience, which affected the range and distance I could travel even now—, Master suddenly asking me about my past, being trapped inside that dungeon which randomly popped open all of a sudden, and now...even Jihye.

I saw Laurena slowly turning her head toward me, as she opened her mouth to speak to cut the silence lingering between us.

“I-I,” She for some reason fell short for words, as she met my gaze. There was a subtle warmth in her charming amber hued eyes, but a deep-etched sorrow and concern visible too, laced deep in her eyes, as I intently caught her gaze. The smile over her face vanished, as I felt and saw the concern in her eyes more vividly. Her brows creased as she straightened, and let a deep, long and sharp breath escape her, as her jaw slackened.

But why was she making such an expression?

Unsure what Laurena was trying do—or say—I needed to keep my head straight. But, she had been the person who had saved my life—assisted me in my dire moment. And I have a feeling that she didn’t save me having some ulterior motive in mind back then.

“Thanks for saving me back then,” I said, breaking the silence which had lingered for long enough and turned awkward. “I heard—after regaining consciousness—from my friend, Park Jiyoung, that you helped when I had just teleported with her behind the training facility. If you hadn’t appeared when you did, then I don’t think I would have been able to survive the extreme re-bound of my crazy stunt.” I said with a dry chuckle, and a smile which didn’t quite reach my eyes,. “I am sorry I didn’t get a chance to say it before.”

I slightly bowed my head to show my gratitude, as Laurena put a warm smile over her face, as she nodded her head back at me.

She must already have some information or idea about my ability—leap—, which allows me to use the pathways to travel through the bounds which keep the aspect of space intact, like instant teleportation, or something relatively close to it, to be there in that moment to help me. And I was now getting sick and tired of lying and hiding almost everything all of the time. These emotions I tried to hold back just kept on building up like a mountain, and I knew if I didn’t do anything about them, they might come crashing down one day, like in my past life, when I had became that battle hungry maniac which had no other reason to live for, but to fight, to somehow fill up that void left behind by the deaths of the people I cared for. Unfortunately nothing was able to fill that bottom less pit up. No matter how many demons, monsters, humans I killed and killed and killed...I just felt empty deep inside regardless.

She clasped her hands and took a moment—to careful analyse her words—then spoke.

“Jiwoo, I—,” She again hesitated about telling me whatever she wanted to. But this time, she determined herself and spoke.

“Jiwoo, you might want to know how—or why—I arrived behind the training facility that day, correct?” She caught me entirely off guard, asking the exact question which had shrouded my mind right now, as I looked at her with curious eyes, which she didn't left unnoticed. With a thin smile, she turned her head forward, and began to blankly look at the large and wide gardens and buildings in the distance which covered the Lock.

“I certainly am curios to learn the truth behind your sudden occurrence back then and even now,” I said, looking down at my palms, which were resting over my knees. I didn’t how to ask her. It felt like I was speaking with someone who already knew me, what I used to be like, as well as the conflicting thoughts and worries which harboured my mind.

That was the feeling I was getting from her—Laurena. As if I was a open book to her, as if she knew even my deepest of secrets.

“Jiwoo...” Laurena said after a moment, now blankly staring up at the clouds which floated in the azure sky. Then turned to look at me and spoke. “The answers which you are seeking right now, will be accompanied by many hardships and pains as you embark on your journey. The many paths you will have to take and the many challenges you will have to face will bring many times where you will have to make some very tough and harsh choices, which could be good or bad."

I looked into her eyes—this time I truly did—and there in them, I saw something subtle, special, as if the answers which I was so desperately looking for, for so long, she had them. As if those words from earlier weren’t just some mere warning or cautious message.

“Then...what am I supposed to do?” I asked, unsure what else to say. But deep within my heart, I thought I could share my deepest thoughts with her, as if she already knew about everything, but not telling me. I was now sure that Laurena knew something, but I wasn’t sure if she was willing to share that infomartion or whatever she knew with me. “Then are you simply here to warn me—stop me—by telling me some bullshit about my future, which isn’t even set in stone, that you know about me.” I asked, deadpan, as my voice emotionlessly rolled out in our surroundings. The anger which I tried to hold back for many years was sweeping into my mind and through my words like sharp daggers.

She shook her head lightly, as she began to speak again. “Even if I wanted to stop you, I don’t think you would listen, will you?” Laurena said with a knowing look over her face—with a coy smile pulling up her lips—, as she regarded me with an unsurprised expression. “And some futures are unpredictable, and can only be woven and given shape to by someone’s own effort on how they live their life and what decisions they make in many unknown situations and scenarios. That factor helps greatly in shaping a person’s life the moment they are born and the moment they take the last of their breathes. But, its not like a future which is inevitable from happening can’t be changed. And you Jiwoo, are someone who is unpredictable in that regard.”

Laurena's words were very convincing, but no one could stop me from taking the step I was going to. All I wanted was to see the people I cared for to live a happy and long life and to do that I was even willing to make a deal with the devil—whatever power which could allow me to grow strong enough—for that wish to come true. I had let them down once, but I won’t let it happen twice. I just can’t let that happened again, I won’t be able bare that pain, that suffering again. I can’t see them die in front of my eyes again, as I just powerlessly stood by and did nothing to stop it from happening. And to do that, I needed power. Power which could allow me to stand at the pinnacle of everything—everyone—, to stop whatever threats which could harm the people I cared and loved.

But I felt a slight tap over my shoulder which jolted me out of my thoughts. I saw Laurena's hand gently assuring me.

“Please don’t make that expression,” She said, as I saw a deep sorrow on her face, as if she was truly worried for me. “A young man like you shouldn’t make such a frightening expression.”

“I want to ask you something?” I suddenly asked, as Laurena withdrew her arm back, and I leaned my head back into the bench and looked up at the clouds in the sky.

“Go ahead.” She replied.

“How much...,” I said, slightly turning my head in Laurena's direction and catching her gaze. I unwaveringly held her gaze, as I muttered. “How much about my past are you aware about , Laurena?”

Laurena wasn’t even the slightest bit surprised about me asking her this sudden and blunt question. She placed her hand over chin to think for a short moment before honestly answering.

“Just bits and pieces,” she said. “From how you were picked up from the streets by your mentor—some fleeting moments of your childhood I know of, learned of—, how you joined the war which the Evil Eye started—on the sudden command of the demons—before the supposed second cataclysm—which is yet to come in the current time—, how you,” Laurena paused for a breif moment, reconsidering her words as a frown arched across her face. “The death of your Master and friends and the many pains you had to witness during the war,” she turned to look at me, frowning, as her eyes bore into my mine with a deep sharp intensity which could pierce through to me. But the stiffness and apprehension in Laurena's voice was palpable. She had somehow learned about the events of the war which would eventually happen in the future, given enough time.

“And how you met your inevitable end at the hands of the King of all Demon kind,” a sublime amount of sorrow and fear began to display in her eyes as she finished her sentence. My jaw clenched upon the mention of the demon king. He had been the reason for all that death and despair.

I always asked this question: what did he wanted to accomplish by massacring the human race? Or was there some other reason behind all of that..war, destruction and devastation?

But I didn’t live long enough to learn that truth or answer.

“So you know almost everything,” I said with a smirk over my face as I held her gaze. “And here I have been so cautiously trying to hide the fact that I was a person who had regressed back in time and had lived two lives in two different bodies—a mysterious phenomenon achieved by none other than me so far. But be honest with me Laurena, you have some kind of clairvoyant ability or skill which allows you to learn about or peek into other people’s past or something along those lines, right?”

Laurena’s brows arched upwards in complete surprise, as her eyes opened as widely as full moons, and her face turned flummoxed for a fleeting moment, which I found rather amusing and comical in our current situation. But she followed with an uncontained chuckle. I also smiled back. I felt refreshed, that I could share a few of my secrets with someone—or rather, she already knew almost everything about me—, it felt like a big weight of my chest.

“That’s really quite perspective of you,” She said. “So you somehow found out about me and my ability in your past or something, which I was not able to perceive through my omniscient ability?” Her curios eyes looked nothing like the mature woman she was, as she brightly smiled.

“Nah! Just had a hunch from our conversation,” I answered, crossing my arms and shooting Laurena a knowing look myself this time. “Even I have these extraordinary abilities, one such which allows me to instantly teleport from one place to another on a thought—which I think you already know about, learning about my past and all—, so thinking that someone else wielding a power like that can’t be impossible. And how you spoke earlier gave me a slight hint.” I said, bringing my middle and index finger forward, squinting them together with a small gap in between.

“I see,” Laurena muttered, shifting her gaze from me and down at her hands. “But Jiwoo, I want you to know something.”

“Hmm...” I said with a raise of a brow, as we both didn’t look at one another.

“You are a particularly sharp fellow and I know you’ll make the right choices, but sometimes the right choice isn’t always the best choice,” her words powerfully rang inside my ears, as I considered the deeper and intricate meaning behind those words. “And, I know that there will come times when you will have to resort to choices that you will find hard and even too difficult to make, but Jiwoo,” Laurena paused mid sentence as she again looked into my eyes, intently holding my gaze. Her eyes shined with a brilliant sheen, as if she was giving me some advice for the upcoming future.

“I know its not my place to say this, but please, whatever you do, don’t resort back to your old ways.” Upon the mention of that, I felt my throat constrict, as my mind went back to those moments of my past life when I had just been a cold blooded killer, who had nothing to loss, to gain, or nothing to protect.

Only rage!

That single emotion fuelled me. Allowed me to strive forward in the dread of all that war, which had taken everything away from me, the innocence of my childhood, my friends—bonds—and my family.

“And you know yourself, that the deeper you go into that pit, the harder it is to climb back out,” Laurena’s voice came out like a plea, with worry and concern laced in each word. Even if we had just been formally acquainted a few minutes ago, her words of reassurance and kindness was something which caused my heart to feel at ease, even if for a moment.

But it nonetheless caused me to feel like an open book to her. A subtle feeling, but not a bad one.

She knew what I used to be, what actions I performed in the past. I was barely able to hold on to my sanity in all of that dread, that destruction and that death.

The thought of returning to my old ways, losing control, was a nightmare which I couldn’t bare to relive. But despite that, that rage had been one of the reasons and strengths to allow me to stay sane in that ruthless world. To simply bottle up and seal away all of my emotions deep within my heart and to become indifferent to every—any—situation. It seemed like the only way to protect myself, to survive. I created a shield around myself, shutting out the pain, disappointment, and vulnerability that threatened to overwhelm me.

With a solemn nod, I found my voice, albeit strained. “Laurena, your concern is not unfounded,” I acknowledged, my tone filled with vulnerability, as I grappled over my thoughts for a reply to be satisfying enough. “You’ve seen a side of me which none know of, and I really appreciate your genuine concern for my wellbeing.”

I gave her a genuine smile this time. “But I think you already know, or might have an idea about what I have to perform.” Laurena tried to rebut, but I cut her off.

“The path I have chosen to walk on, I know its not a path which will be an easy one, but in spite of all of that, I think it will lead me to the answers I am looking for, eventually. And I have already made many decisions which have led me to many regrets,” with a new found determination within my eyes, I looked at Laurena. “But this time I won’t fail. I can't."

Because I won't be getting free chances to regress back in time, every time I died.

Laurena kept looking at me with uncertainty etched to her face, but the warmth displayed in her eyes said otherwise.

“Then be careful! And take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, I will be,” I said back, standing up from the bench and turning to look back at Laurena.

“Any last words of advice before I go, from the future reading diviner?” I scoffed with a wide grin arched across my face as I received a giggle out of her.

“Not that I can think of. But I would like to tell you something before you leave. Something I think you should know—."

“And what’s that?” I said, curious.

“As far as I have seen the past, present and future through my own eyes, I have come to find a singularity—an anomaly—in each one I have witnessed so far in all of the futures. And that is you, 'Jiwoo'." She firmly pointed a finger in my direction as she continued, her tone serious, but still warm. “Everything that is happening, be it the changes which are occurring in our world, the changes which are yet to happen, you always seem to be at the centre of all of those things. Like a force of change or something akin to that, which is unpredictable and not associated with those changes—only existing to create harmony among them—but at the same time there—tangible—, and affecting those said changes and tangibly associated to that storm of changes, moulding them, shaping them and beckoning a different path for yourself and others which is entirely unpredictable and different in itself. A future which is unknown to even me."

Her words hanged heavy in the air, as I grappled over them—searching for an answer for that sudden proclamation. Me, at the centre of everything. I knew I must have caused a few changes in the past by interfering and my regresssion, which must have caused a butterfly effect to occur in the existing timeline and the futures which have yet to come, but saying that I am in the middle of everything is a little too far-fetched.

But why? I was a nobody, who received a chance to come back in time and to correct my mistakes. Could I be—

“Can you give some more detail on that?” I quickly asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. If I received just a little bit more information from her—a person who could peek into the future—then it might come in handy for my future plans and endeavours.

But I think I was somehow connected to all of these strange things happening in the world right now, which shouldn't have before. As if my regression and existence had changed that aspect—the tapestry in which the world should be moving in.

But Laurena shook her head, as her eyes softened. “I am very sorry child, but that is the least I can tell, for your sake, as well as the worlds. There are limitations to what I can share with you, and the information that I have disclosed to you, has already been more than what I should have—or could. But if I were to tell you more, then there can be severe consequences to those actions, that could bring forth an unknown catastrophe into existence—which might completely alter the course in which the future and the world is to be headed."

Her final sentence caught me of guard as I pondered over her words of advice. A disappointing expression displayed over my face, as I looked at Laurena.

“Well, either way thanks for the advice and warning,” I said, as I willed my mana and reached for my ability, which slumbered deep within me.

Laurena also stood from the bench, as she walked closer to me, maintaining a distance of a few feet.

“Once again, thanks for everything,” as I saw the pathways appear bare to my eyes, I reached out to them, as I felt a drain from my mana as it responded to my will, I extracted the information and allowed them to feed me with the information which I desired from them.

The motes sparked and shimmered brighter than I had ever seen, as I saw tendrils shaking and distorting the space from all around me, as sparks jumped up and down my body.

“Be careful, Jiwoo.”

Just as I heard Laurena’s voice, my mind connected to the bright sheen of a mote, as I felt myself being pulled into its embrace. As I rode the pathways, my perspective shifted as my vision darkened and the colours from my vision drained. I found myself leaving the academy ground and appearing in front of a thick wooden gate, standing outside on the street of my old home.

I stumbled a step, as I felt short for breath. My vison blurred for a short moment, as a splitting pain shrouded my mind momentarily as I supported my body against the wooden gate.

Under my advancements of my control over the pathways, I had first been able to travel short distances, to places which were close to each other, or which the pathways could allow me to travel to. But after my subtle increase in the understanding of the pathways a few days ago, I was able to increase the distance I could travel at once. And that significant increase had been far stronger and more versatile than in the past.

But I still needed a better control over the pathways. The long distance travel left me slightly dizzy, even when being used to the vertigo of shifting my location several times.

I straightened as I took a deep breath and pushed the familiar wooden door open. I walked to my left and into the yard, as I made my way toward the back. I felt weird, as if I was trespassing into somebody's house.

I mean, it used to be my house, but, I am not the same person, nor did I live in this house in this life. Haaa, the damn complications.

I quickly reached the backyard, as I noticed that nothing had changed about this place even in two life times. The exterior and texture of the house from the outside was still the same, but faded and a little from time. My gaze drifted on to the backyard, as I found Master standing in front of the cherry blossom tree, with his back facing me. He was looking at the several thick branches which grew from the limbs.

“You are finally here.” He said with his deep voice, as he kept stuck to his place, jaw lifted and eyes fixed on the petals.

“Yes,” I responded, as I walked closer to the engawa to my right, as I took a seat, easing myself.

“I think its about time I told you who Shun is, my connection to him, as well as yours.”

I said, as Master twirled—impatience visible in his eyes—as he walked closer to the engawa with his hands clasped behind his back.