LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 28 – Akagi’s Mind, Yumi’s Declaration and Optimism.
From a young age, it was obvious there was something special about Kana. By her first birthday, the girl was already able to speak in, relatively, clear sentences. When her intelligence was tested on her second birthday, her parents were shocked to learn her IQ was over 180. From that day forward, her parents dumped all their efforts into raising her. She was placed in accelerated learning programs, had personal tutors, and was showered with as much praise as any kid could desire. She was loved as a proper member of the Tomogawa family and her family expected great things from her. However, this all came at the expense of her older sister.
Akagi was almost five years old when her sister was born and was already relegated to a role of non-importance in the Tomogawa household. Her early test scores show her to be average to slightly below average in her test-taking ability, and her IQ hovered around 95-100. Ordinarily, such results would be seen as reasonable; but Akagi's parents were anything but. It wasn't as if the two of them were geniuses or intellectually gifted, their intelligence was around the same as Akagi's, but for some reason, they expected much more of their children. Akagi would later come to understand that the Tomogawa family was one that had little tolerance for mediocrity and was ruthless in its pursuit of success. On top of having average intelligence, Akagi suffered from a form of social anxiety and generally had a difficult time interacting with other children. All this combined to make Akagi's life quite miserable and left her with little to no support from her family.
At first, her parents had assumed her issues could be cured with brute force, and they intentionally placed her in situations where she would need to interact with children her own age. She was forced into play-dates, study groups and other activities for children to socially and intellectually develop. However, this backfired, and she became not only more reclusive but also more aggressive toward other children. After much pressure from the teaching staff, Akagi was tested for mental disorders, which confirmed that she suffered from Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). This diagnosis was the final straw for Akagi's parents, and she was effectively abandoned in her own home. Her parents refused to seek treatment and were content to focus all their time and effort on Kana, who they saw as having a future worth investing in.
This left the young Akagi alone. Her younger sister was kept at arm's length, and she found herself with no friends at school; even her extended family didn't care about her, if anything their treatment of her was even worse. However, despite this, she persisted. She cooked for herself, did her own laundry, and continued going to school all on her own; for no other reason than because she had no idea what else to do. Over the years, she was forced to watch as her parents doted on her younger sister, praised her success, and just genuinely treated her as a beloved daughter. Her mind told her that she should hate the younger girl, but she tried her best to banish such thoughts as she understood they were wrong.
However, there was only so much the young girl could bear. Her birthdays were never something special for her. The only person who ever wished her a happy birthday was her younger sister and her parents never mentioned it. Her twelfth birthday came and went without fanfare as per usual, however, this year was also to be Kana's eighth birthday and a celebration of her placing first on a national test. In the lead-up, her parents made sure to tell her just how worthless she was and constantly compared her to her sister. When the day of the party came, and the entire family was invited, Akagi was forced to endure the greatest humiliation of her life.
Her parents not only forced her to dress and act ridiculously for the entertainment of the guests but she was also made to endure a ferocious beating at the hands of her parents. This marked the first and only time that they ever laid their hands on her, and afterward they always pretended it never happened. If it was just this much, Akagi could have just chalked it up as another day. However, what truly broke the girl was her sister's reaction. She laughed. She found the circumstances her sister was in funny. Even when her father smacked her head against the table, Kana continued laughing, though her eyes showed she was horrified. Akagi couldn't know at the time, but the reason Kana was laughing was because she was forced to do so by her parents. The girl wanted desperately to intervene and stop this abuse, but she was just an eight-year-old girl who could do nothing.
After that day, Akagi broke down further. Until then, she always saw Kana as her lovable little sister and the only person in the house that cared about her. But seeing her laugh at her misery caused the final crack to appear in the girl's mind. All at once, the years of negative thoughts that she pushed to the back of her mind exploded outward. She began to hate her sister, she thought her responsible for everything that had happened to her, and most importantly she wanted to kill her. In her mind, if she removed Kana, not only would it be payback to her parents but it would mean that they might love her again. A delusion to be sure, but one that her mind clung to.
Eventually, these thoughts piled up to the point that she could no longer ignore them until one night, she found herself standing over her sister holding a kitchen knife in one hand. She had walked into the sleeping girl's room ready to end her life, and she may very well have done it. However, Kana was not to die that day, in a brief flash of sanity, Akagi realized what she was about to do. She cast the knife out the window and ran straight back to her room. The realization that she nearly killed her younger sent her into a crisis, only worsened by the dark thoughts that tried to get her to finish the job.
The next morning she was rushed to the hospital at Kana's urging. When the young girl check on Akagi the next morning, she was writhing in pain and Kana even claimed that her sister's right eye had turned orange, though her parents never saw such a thing. The doctors were astonished by what Akagi told them while she was in her semi-lucid state. She told them about the years of abuse, her parent's treatment, and what they did at the party, though she refrained from mentioning the attempted murder. As a result, her parents were thoroughly scolded for their actions and Akagi was nearly taken away by protective services. However, some fake tears and sob stories along with some help from influential members of the Tomogawa family prevented that from happening. It wasn't as if they wanted to keep Akagi; it was more than the humiliation from having their dirty laundry aired was much worse.
Akagi spent the next several months receiving medical treatment at the hospital. The doctors told her that she would likely never fully recover and that she should focus on keeping her stress levels down. They offered her medication, but her parents refused to administer or accept it. Eventually, she was discharged and taken home. Kana later apologized to her and explained why she laughed at the party, and while Akagi forgave her, Kana never forgave herself. Since that day, Shima and Taichi never again raised their hands against her, though other abuse continued, most of which Kana was unaware of. Not because they changed there minds about her, more because they feared such incidents becoming public. They figured that, eventually, she would leave the house and be someone else's problem.
This isolation led to Akagi becoming the young woman we know today. Someone with an aggressive personality, flexible morals, and a propensity to reject existing power structures. Her ability to dive into games and play the most negative roles available only heightened many of her most destructive traits. When she became trapped in FWO, her last remaining psychological restraints failed, and she gave in to her worst impulses. Luckily for the other players, her desire to kill was funneled into assassinations rather than random acts of slaughter.
Now, all these years later, Akagi finds herself in an all too familiar place. Her mind is screaming at her to use her power to kill these people and take revenge for her horrible treatment. It's telling her that it's ok and that all she needs to do is just let go. If everyone is going to call her a monster, why shouldn't she act like one? Why should she pretend to be human anymore? After having her last bit of hope taken from her. After finding out that her parents NEVER loved her and hearing that Kana was ready to die for her all because of these horrible people; she was ready to give in. As Kana and her parents stood around the table and argued, she slowly began to gather her power, fully intent on killing them. At this point, she no longer cared if Kana hated her for what she was about to do; and she wouldn't ask for or expect forgiveness.
However, just as the story was about to develop into a tragedy, Akagi felt a pair of arms wrap around her and hug her tight.
"DON'T DO IT AKAGI!" Yumi screamed so loud that everyone else went silent. "Please! Don't give in to your hate! Don't listen to that dark voice inside your head. It's not worth it, and you'll never forgive yourself for it." Yumi moved to face Akagi. "Didn't you always tell me that you would be here for me? That you'd listen to me? That when I was in pain I could count on you." Yumi began to cry. "Well, I'm here for you too! When you're in pain, when you feel those thoughts, when you need someone to listen to you. IM HERE FOR YOU! Just like you were all those years ago, and just like you saved me then. I'm going to save you now!" she squeezed Akagi tight. "So I won't let you do it! I won't let you get consumed by your anger! Because if you do, you won't be you anymore."
Her sudden declaration and squeeze caused Akagi to snap back to reality. Seeing the crying priestess, she cursed herself for causing Yumi to cry on her behalf and she began to stroke her head.
"Thank you, Yumi. Thank you for stopping me." she hugged her back. "Your right; I would have regretted it. I would have hated myself afterward. So thank you." Akagi said with tears in her eyes.
This sudden display shocked everyone else. Kana stared at her sister and pieced together what was about to happen.
{Onee-chan... she was going to kill mom and dad right then and there. She was so angry with them, that her love for me was completely overshadowed at that moment. But, Yumi was able to stop her before it was too late. Onee-chan told me that Yumi needed her because of her past trauma, but I think the reverse is also true.} Kana began to ask herself just what the relationship between the two was.
Their parents were stunned at this sudden display, they never imagined that Akagi would actually kill them, nor did they expect someone besides Kana to act in such a loving way toward her. While it didn't cause them to have doubts about how they viewed Akagi, it served as a shock to the system. It showed that even if they didn't care, that someone else did, and that someone just saved their lives.
After a few moments, Akagi and Yumi broke apart, and Kana decided to end the silence.
"Onee-chan, I want to live with you." Kana declared. "It's obvious that I shouldn't stay with the people caused you so much pain." Kana was thoroughly disgusted with her parents. “If they were willing to abandon you, why shouldn't I do the same to them.”
"Kana thats no-" Akagi was interrupted.
"I won't take no for an answer." She held firm. "Right now, who needs me more? Them or you? For my entire life, all I've done is cause you pain in one way or another and I've never done anything to rectify that. Even if you tell me it wasn't my fault, that doesn't make me feel any better. I could have tried harder to help you, and I'm sure there was much more I could have done to ease your pain; but I didn't." Kana said with wet eyes. "So please, let me do this. Let me try and heal even just the smallest amount of pain. If for nothing else than my own selfishness." Kana pleaded with her sister, even going so far as to dogeza.
Seeing her sister's determination, she had no choice but to agree. "Fine, but what does that mean for your relationship with these two? I can't imagine you want to completely abandon them, even after everything.” Akagi knew that no matter how angry she was, Kana still loved her parents.
"Your right, I don't want to abandon them completely. But right now you need me more than them." she turned to face her shocked parents. "Mom, Dad despite everything, I still love you. Even if you tormented Onee-chan, even if you said such horrible things, I still love you. But, at least for now, I need to separate. I've neglected Onee-chan for far too long and I have to work to atone for the pain I've caused her. So for the moment, this is goodbye." Kana gave a respectful bow.
Naturally, her parents argued with her and told her that they would never approve of her living with Akagi. However, Kana was unrelenting and frankly, there was little they could do to stop the endeavor. Akagi used her storage box to pack up all of Kana's things, and then Yumi teleported them back to Akagi's home.
Today had been one of the hardest days of their lives. Kana's relationship with her parents was strained; perhaps beyond recovery. Akagi was shown just how much they hated her but also how much she was loved by the people most important to her. In the end, while it was difficult, it was for the best. Akagi felt like a weight was off her shoulders, and for the first time in her life, she felt optimistic about the future.
