LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 97: Mixed Feelings
Alice tore her eyes away from her phone as she felt the air in the dungeon’s lobby shift. Sure enough, Tess and Ellie had appeared, returning from the plane of the gods. To Alice’s relief, Tess looked unharmed, as Maven promised she would be, but Alice rushed over to check regardless.
“Tess, are you okay?!” She asked, pulling the younger girl into a hug. “Maven said you were fine, but you’ve been gone for a while and I can’t help but be worried. Are you allowed to tell us what happened?”
“A lot.” Tess said, returning the hug. “And…yes, it looks like I can, you’ll probably figure it out anyway so there’s no harm in letting you know.”
“Good, good.” Alice replied, disengaging from the hug and pulling Tess and Ellie over to the couch she had brought into the lobby. “What was so urgent?”
Tess rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. “The leader of Fortune’s church was trying to make a getaway now that she knew she couldn’t get away with her wrongdoings any longer. We had a bit of a fight and then once she was soundly beaten, we forced her into a Contract that would ensure a graceful change of power.”
“That…must have been quite the fight.” Alice said. “Were you up there healing, or…?”
Tess blushed slightly. “So, uh, the thing about that is we didn’t fight fight. We, uh, played a game called Planar Duels?”
Alice stared at Tess blankly, not quite processing what she had just said. “You…fought using Planar Duels.” She said flatly. “You didn’t just beat her up…why?”
“Well, she proposed the duel, and it was an easier way to get her to do what we wanted. A fight would have a lot of messy collateral damage, and this was completely discrete. And…honestly, I think Fortune didn’t want to hurt her too bad. It seems that she had once been a good person, and Fortune had been holding on to the hope that my arrival would ‘snap her out’ of her current state of mind. It…very much didn’t.”
Alice frowned, her mind trying to catch up to the conversation. “Wait, that doesn’t sound like it should take multiple hours. Did something else happen?”
Tess blushed harder. “Well, uh, yeah. So, Fortune and I were talking after and one thing led to another and I figured out there was a way of fixing my Descent if we sort of maybe had her adopt me, so we did?”
“Sorry, say that again?” Alice said. “I thought I heard you say that Fortune adopted you?”
Tess nodded awkwardly. “Yeah. And, um, as a side-effect it fixed my Descent, and now we can stay in Descent as long as we want? Probably?”
Alice stared blankly at Tess for a few moments. “So…you are now the daughter of a goddess.” She said. “And…have the ability to have a free, infinite, literal god-mode any time you need it.”
“Well, the idea is to not use it whenever possible.” Tess said. “Since using it as a crutch will be detrimental to my long-term growth.”
“That’s not the point!” Alice said exasperatedly. “The point is that every time I think I’ve gotten used to the surprises you’re throwing at me, you somehow manage to one-up yourself!”
“We also decided to formally tie the knot.” Ellie added, a mischievous smile on her face. “I’m going to make preparations for the ceremony as soon as the expedition is over.”
“Oh, I was wondering when you two were going to make it official, congratulations!” Alice said, seizing onto the more ordinary talking point. “How’d it happen?”
“It’s nothing spectacular or anything.” Tess said. “We were just sort of talking and the subject came up and when we both confirmed it was something we wanted in the future, Ellie decided there wasn’t a point in waiting, really.”
“Waiting for what?” Maven asked, walking up to the three of them. “And, I am glad to see you again, Tess. Are you feeling well?”
“Waiting to get married until we were more settled.” Tess said. “And I’m feeling perfectly fine, no problems whatsoever.”
The briefest of complicated expressions flashed over Maven’s face, fast enough that Alice was confident that neither Tess nor Ellie had noticed. She made a mental note to talk to Maven about it later; things like marriages that changed the party dynamic often had rocky transitions, and she wanted to make sure this one went as smoothly as possible.
“Congratulations.” Maven said, giving them a smile. “I’m happy for you two. When are you planning to have the wedding?”
“Some time after the expedition is over.” Ellie said excitedly. “I’m going to start planning in earnest when we get back.”
“Would you like some help?” Alice offered. “I’m not sure what weddings are like on Mael, but I know where to get all the stuff you’ll need for a wedding, and I probably own most of those, so we can get you anything you want and I’ll have them bill me later.”
“I don’t know…” Ellie said slowly. “I don’t want to impose, and my understanding is wedding stuff can be expensive, I don’t want to essentially make your company pay for it.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “Ellie, the hoverer I’m gifting your party is worth significantly more than this wedding will cost, and this is a once in a lifetime event. I’m not going to let you guys skimp on it because you’re worried about your party’s finances.”
“For what it is worth, I believe that Gui – Gramps would insist on paying for everything if Alice does not.” Maven said. “He has made it abundantly clear in high society that he is rather looking forward to both of your weddings, and I doubt he would want you to hold back for monetary reasons.”
“Maven, are you alright?” Alice asked. “You suddenly went pale.”
“Fortune just told us that a few of the gods are planning on coming too.” Ellie said. “And also that it’s fine to tell you, since you’ll recognize almost everyone else anyway, and I imagine it isn’t that big a leap to guess who the unknowns would be, given our circumstances.”
Alice, shock being pushed ever further, stared blankly at Ellie. “Wait, so…we’re going to be meeting the gods in person? I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“Um, Mom says to relax, and you’ll do fine.” Tess said. “Also, um, that she’s going to say hi at the first opportunity, to thank you for helping me.”
Alice sighed. “Well…at least she’s more personable than most gods, so it won’t be overly frightening, just…mildly so. But…for now, let’s talk more in the hoverer; we should start making our way back to base camp.”
“Um…actually, Mom suggests we go through this dungeon a few more times.” Tess said. “Something about it being really important that I get the next Skill from here before we leave.”
“We can stay in one of the dungeon’s rooms.” Maven said. “I will make sure it provides us with all the accommodation we need.”
“Well, I’m not arguing with the gods.” Alice said. “Give me a minute to let the guys know, why don’t you get started with the room? I assume we’ll be taking the penthouse because…why not, so I’ll just meet you guys there.”
“Right, we’ll see you there.” Ellie replied.
The three of them left, and Alice made her way back to the hoverer, where Ker and Jin were relaxing. She opened the door and quickly stepped in, letting out a sigh. “Well, Tess and Ellie are back.” She said.
“You don’t sound particularly happy about it.” Ker said worriedly. “Is Tess alright?”
“She’s fine, but I’m going to need some time to process things, and I think you guys are too.”
“Oh?” Jin said, moving down the hoverer so he was closer to Alice. “What happened?”
“It’s not my place to say.” Alice replied. “They can tell you. For now, plans have changed, it’s apparently important that Tess gets the next Skill from this dungeon before leaving, so we’re going to be spending the night in the penthouse suite. Maven and them are up there now making sure it’s working properly.”
“Convenient, that.” Jin said. “I suppose we can talk more up there, then.”
“Let’s get moving.” Ker agreed. “I’m itching to know what’s happening.”
Maven sat anxiously in one of the penthouse suite’s rooms, waiting for Alice to come and talk to her. After they had come in and gotten their stuff put away, Tess and Ellie had given the news to Ker and Jin. They were suitably shocked, as Alice had been, but afterwards Alice had approached Maven privately and asked to talk.
Maven wasn’t quite sure what to make of that; though she tried not to show it, she too was affected by the news, and her thoughts and emotions were all over the place. She was still getting used to being an Appointed, and while Fortune and Death had admittedly done a good job of demystifying themselves and their small group, she wasn’t so sure she could handle other gods.
After all, they were gods. And, what was worse, she was supposed to interact with them on equal footing. If she was still having trouble referring to Guildmaster Los as “Gramps”, overcoming all the reverence towards the gods that had been instilled within her since childhood would be a task she wasn’t sure she could pull off in such short order.
There was a knock at the door, bringing Maven’s contemplation to an end. “Come in!” She called out.
The door opened, and Alice stepped in. She quietly closed and locked the door behind her, then gave Maven a smile. “Mind if I take a seat?”
“Um, go ahead.” Maven said. “What do you want to talk about?”
Alice pulled a chair away from the room’s desk, turned it to face Maven, then sat down. “I might just be imagining things, but you seemed to have some mixed feelings about Tess and Ellie getting married.” She said. “I wanted to hear any concerns you might have, just in case you need someone to talk to. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, of course, but I think it’s bad to keep these things bottled up.”
“You noticed?” Maven said. “I tried to keep it from showing but I guess I didn’t do as good a job as I thought I did.”
Alice smiled wryly. “I had to take a bunch of lessons on politics too.” She said. “Reading expressions and emotions is pretty important in business.”
“I suppose it would be.” Maven said. “I…well, to be honest, the wedding news was so sudden, and learning that more gods than just ours will be in attendance is shocking.”
Alice nodded. “I get where you’re coming from.” She said. “Sometimes Tess and Ellie make me feel like the crazy one when they talk about the gods so casually. I’ll admit it’s a bit of a breath of fresh air to have someone in your circle talk more…normally about it.”
“Right?” Maven said, relaxing a little. “It feels like they don’t properly understand the magnitude of some of the things they say and do.”
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Dungeons: To be fair, the religious culture on Mael is significantly different than it is elsewhere. There is still an element of doubt among the populace regarding even the existence of Life and Death, not the certainty there is here. And, even though it would be unthinkable here, over there they even have normal, mentally sound people who are atheists, simply because we have yet to give any sort of concrete evidence over there. |
“Must just be a product of their upbringing.” Alice mused. “Given that the Guildmaster is the Appointed of a god entirely unrelated to Life and Death, he probably didn’t raise them very religiously. It would probably be weird to be so closely tied to a god and have your children worship different gods entirely.”
Maven knew that wasn’t the case, since Gramps didn’t worship Fate at all, but that wasn’t public knowledge, so she chose to keep it to herself. “Dungeons also says that religious culture in general is pretty different over there.” She said. “Apparently there are even atheists, and not the crazy type we occasionally get here. The gods just aren’t…a fact like they are everywhere else.”
“Weird.” Alice replied. “But that wasn’t exactly what I was hoping to talk to you about.”
Maven blinked in surprise. “What else could there be?”
“It was before you even knew that the gods would be in attendance.” Alice said. “When you first heard they were getting married. You looked conflicted.”
“I did?”
Alice frowned. “I guess I could be wrong, but it seemed pretty distinct. You even frowned for a split second.”
Maven frowned as well. “I…don’t know.” She admitted. “My feelings are all mixed up right now, I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Alice asked. “I promise I won’t judge, and I might be able to help you sort it out.”
Maven thought on that for a long moment. “Okay.” She said finally. “Do you mind if I just speak my mind uninterrupted for a little while?”
“Go ahead.” Alice said. “I’ll wait until you’re done.”
“It…well, I suppose I’m jealous of them.” Maven said slowly. “All my life, I have wished to be able to find true love, to be married to someone whom I genuinely connect with, but I know that that just…isn’t on the table. My marriage would be politically motivated, no matter what. So, when I see them together, obviously comfortable with each other and obviously in love, it makes my heart hurt a little, because I know I won’t have that.”
She let that hang for a bit, then shook her head. “I suppose that wasn’t as complicated as I thought it might be. Really, that’s it; I just wish I could have what they have, but I know that’s a silly thing to be upset at them for, so it’s best if I keep it to myself. So…I guess I didn’t need that much time to speak uninterrupted; please, say what you will.”
Alice nodded. “Why can’t you have what they have?” She asked.
The question shocked Maven, and for a brief moment she couldn’t help but stare at Alice. “My situation is…different. Royalty doesn’t get to just…marry for love.”
“But you’re not the crown princess anymore.” Alice said. “And you’re an Appointed now, your parents can’t really force you into anything anymore, since you can just pull the Appointed card on them.”
“I…suppose you’re right.” Maven admitted. “Still, I just can’t see myself having what they have. It’s so…carefree and casual, just people who love each other and are happy to spend all their time together. Their energy is infectious, and seeing them move on without me makes me feel…lonely, I suppose. I wish I could be there, but I just…can’t.”
Alice frowned. “Hold up.” She said. “It kind of feels like we’re talking about something else now. Are you sure you’re not longing to be with them specifically?”
Maven didn’t know how to respond to that, and she found herself staring at Alice once again. “Of course not.” She said. “I’m not attracted to women, I determined that quite a while ago; I realized that they simply don’t make me feel the same things men do.”
Alice gave Maven a thoughtful look. “Interesting. Humor me for a minute, if you would; let’s say we removed the concept of anything sexual from the relationship. You would still sleep together, go on dates, and the like, but there would be no physical intimacy. In that scenario, would you wish to be a part of what they have?”
“Of course.” Maven said immediately. “Who wouldn’t? They’re such fun people, and it would be nice to just…be around them; I’ve rather enjoyed the time I’ve spent with them on this expedition, and I’d be happy to keep things the way they are indefinitely. Were sexual aspects off the table for all relationships, they would be near the top of the list of people I’d like to spend my life with.”
“I wouldn’t.” Alice said softly. “It’s nothing against what they have, of course, but I can’t see myself in that sort of relationship with anyone but a man. It just wouldn’t feel right.”
Maven frowned in confusion. “What does it matter, if there’s no physical intimacy?” She asked. “Their personalities would be the only thing that mattered.”
“I suppose, in theory, you’re right.” Alice said. “But I just can’t see myself there. The thought of being so intimate with another woman is just…it just doesn’t work for me.”
“Well, either way it’s irrelevant.” Maven said, a touch more testily than she would have liked. “I’m not attracted to them, and that’s that. I just need a bit of time to come to terms with their marriage, and then things will be back to normal.”
“If you say so.” Alice said. “Just remember that if you so need, I’m here to talk. Ker and Jin are, as well; we’d hate to see your party ruined over something like this, and talking it out can help.”
“I…yes.” Maven said. “Thank you, Alice.”
Alice nodded, standing up and making her way over to the door. “You get a good rest tonight, alright? We’ll be speedrunning the dungeon tomorrow, and we’ll want you as well-rested as possible.”
“I will.” Maven promised.
Alice left the room, and Maven got off of the bed she was on to lock the door, then returned. There was no way she was in love with her party members, she just…wanted what they had. She just needed to take some time, and things would go back to normal, like they always had. So, shutting out the annoying what-ifs that kept popping up in her head, she turned out the lights and went to bed.
