Chapter 13: Pause
"Let's pause for a second. I feel like you won't understand no matter how I word this… You won't understand his character." I took a break after having gone into such length about Rina's and Ben's relationship. How it was based off of mutual trust.
A friendship born off of years of intimate moments.
Their personalities never clashing until this day.
"It's just a heroic sacrifice. I'm not sure why you don't just give him all the power he needs." The One Above All seemed aware of the tropes, but didn't seem to care about the context. It wasn't like others apart from Ben didn't know what 'sacrifice' was.
Rina had given up her dreams to be a full-time hero.
Giving up what SHE valued for the greater good.
"Fair is fair and decisions are crucial. I don't want him to be reliant on me too much." That was my answer. If it wasn't for the monumental achievement of being someone way beyond his league, then he wouldn't be seeing all these rewards at one time.
"What did the 'Divine Chest' want that made you stop like this? I thought you hated these talks we had." He wasn't wrong to think like this. I'd just made a big deal about his interruption earlier. There was clear doubt in his eyes about this weird attitude.
Guess it WAS a contradiction…
I didn't know how to smooth it over, so I ignored it.
"I'm not a good storyteller. Sometimes it's better to say it outright than expect understanding." I made a reason. Truthfully, the decision that would be made in this moment would decide his future. It would also be rejecting the greatest blessing I'd given him.
"About what?" He started to be intrigued.
"Well… I'm sure you know that different people valued different things. If you can let go of it easily without a problem, then it's not a sacrifice. It could be a sign of low self-worth if a person was way too sacrificial." I made the distinction between the two.
Some say good results coming from bad intentions made them good, but it was just nonsense. Someone with an evil mind would seek to spread evil. Even if the results were good for others, the underlying bad intentions would eventually cause different results.
The heart was an important part of a 'Hero'.
The fearless didn't know bravery. The selfish didn't know selflessness. Those who were weak could not possibly do things that were grand or mighty. There was a specific blend that needed to be balanced. The more a hero showed bravery, the less they had fears.
Not every person could stay a hero for long.
Retiring one day was obvious.
"That's enough. Just get to the point."
"I am. You see, err… Ben was a class clown."
"You said that before." The One Above All didn't seem to be understanding the underlying meaning behind those words. There was a reason I put so much emphasis on 'was'. Ben was no longer a young boy at heart. He was no longer the school's clown.
"But that was just in his youth. He reflected on his immaturity and realised what he really wanted most of all. Something that jokes alone couldn't give him in the end." I made it clear. Reminding him that Ben's maturity wasn't on the level of a high schooler.
"Which is?" He leaned forward towards me.
"Understanding." I said to clarify this next part.
Ben looked at the choices from the infirmary bed. He could see a visual representation of the chests he had obtained. Each one looking much more important than the last. There was also an option of breaking open the chests… or use a 'Key' designated by me.
[Use Key: Strength reset.]
[Use Key: Skill removal.]
[Use Key: Permanent Removal of Co-Op Mode.]
This last one couldn't be more crucial to his life.
From what I knew of his natural inclinations, a life of solitude wasn't something he gravitated to no matter how dark the situation. The option was there, but it wasn't something out of malice. If he chose power over his relationships, then who was I to criticise?
"Don't you dare do it." A voice whispered to him.
Was he hallucinating again?
The room seemed to twist with buttercups and daisies. This wasn't the ghost of Rina that he had been avoiding. In fact, the entire room seemed to twist into familiar scenery. He saw himself sitting with her under the starry sky. That memory.
He never knew how precious it was to him…
…until he lost her.
"I'd stay with you. Even if not me, then you could keep someone else by your side. Why are you so fixated when… we were never lovers?" A young face of Rina confronted him. He had no words to say in this situation. Unable to bring himself to say it all.
Co-Op Mode… The ability to make someone else share his blessing. If he chose Rina, then he could tell her everything. As a close friend, he wanted to be honest with her. Share all the good and the bad of his life. Not wanting to be misunderstood by her.
Shouldn't he rethink his decision?
When she looked at him, he felt like everything wasn't important anymore. That he could speak freely and never have to worry about being seen as a weirdo. Alienated from his parents, but was at home whenever he was able to share a few words with her.
"Maybe you loved me." Rina's young ghost got close.
She was indeed beautiful. He remembered thinking that every so often. A light shone and the springtime of youth reawakened. Starry skies filled with hopeful dreams weren't beyond his reach. He could live a life of wistful fantasies if he just took her pale hand.
Pale…
"…" Something was bothering him.
A hand reached past and pried her off of him.
Followed by a manly voice.
"You're the one he is worried about." The ghost of his past self lingered even when Rina's 'past' had stopped haunting him. That scarred arm that had experienced many painful injuries. Ben raised his head to see the one-armed exorcist loom over him.
"You're just saying nonsense." Rina scoffed at him.
A cute attitude he hadn't seen in a while.
"Turn and look back." Ben's ghost ordered him.
Not arguing. Instead choosing to show everything.
It was a similar grassy field. Perhaps the same one they had been interacting at after skipping school. A place that deeply touched his heart. The memories of listening to Rina's raps and relaxing. Feeling like the future wouldn't be so bad. They could overcome it.
His ghost reminded him of the cold reality.
A body laid still underneath the pale moonlight.
Her pink hair scattered. Her face was bruised.
That frilly dress covered in dirt and bloody wounds.
He remembered visiting her funeral. Asking himself why things had to be this way. Rina could never imagine what he went through. What it felt like to lose someone so important. How could she know the impact that happened after she died meaninglessly?
"How does that relate to anything?" She glared.
"You think he has self-worth issues? That he doesn't want to be happy?" His ghost defended the choice he would make. Ben looked down with emotions he himself could not fathom. His lips had parted, but he couldn't speak. There was a heavy lump in his throat.
"That's-"
"Shut up. You're not what he needs." His ghost clicked his fingers, and both Rina and the memories vanished. He stood before Ben, but the young man still did not dare to raise his head. Look into the eyes of his past self. Proudly saying he moved forward.
"Do you need convincing?" The man asked him.
"…" Ben overlapped his fingers in a sticky manner.
Sweat dripped from his face.
Feeling pressured when he was being called out.
"You know you're not healthy. Will you rely on what you think she'd want you to do? This is 'moving forward with your life'? Really?" His ghost could only say these words to him, but not hurt or make the decision for him. Ghosts were simply ghosts.
Finally, Ben spoke back with a hesitant expression:
"I don't know if I'm making the right decision."
"Me neither." Unexpectedly, the man did not act like he had all the answers. It was the first time he looked up to see the man's face. An expression similar to his own behind that confident demeanour. He looked so fragile. Like the man felt all the pain he was feeling.
As well as the insecurities…
"People have told you all your life that it's fine to make mistakes, but that doesn't make the pain of that day go away. You still feel like you could've done better, even if you know that's not true." The ghost reached out his arm and patted his head gently.
Even though he felt no sensations in reality.
"I don't want to make a mistake." Ben mumbled.
"No one ever does." The man backed away.
The choice was solely in Ben's hands.
One thing was certain. If he let go of the privilege of being understood by her, then he could quickly gain more power. He'd seen before that this blessing was fair, and that it wouldn't reward safe ventures. The more he proved himself, the more he gained power.
"Your hand is trembling." The ghost stood behind.
No longer was there an illusion covering his eyes.
He could feel it distinctly.
The ghost only voiced his own inner doubts.
"You can still turn back. Though the road is long, I know you wouldn't be able to walk it alone. You're too sentimental to act the lone wolf." These words made him hesitate. He really wanted to offer Rina this power so they could both fight against fate.
But there was something unspoken.
His true fear was not the death of Rina Doyle.
"If I give her this poisoned apple, then she'd eat it knowing the consequences. She'd change… and it would not be for the better." Perhaps it was arrogant to think she'd be the same as him. Feeling nihilistic once his existence became divorced from 'reason'.
No longer having to fear true death or loss.
He could go back anytime.
The world was his playground. If they joined hands together, then they could practically rule the world at this point. No longer having to worry about death or even the world. As long as they had each other in this time loop, then who cared about the NPCs?
But that wouldn't be right.
It would be easy to save her by giving her part of this blessing, but would she be happy? The words he'd heard earlier from Rina started to rise in his head. It stripped away the distractions and focused on the main points. Was she happy with her current life?
She mentioned her eyes being helpful, but not that it let her be happy. They were helpful as a tool, but not as a stepping stone towards her real goal. He knew that this was simply Rina's personality. She'd rather die than admit that anything was bothering her.
How could she imagine this birthed fear in him?
Not knowing when she'd throw her life away.
No, he did not have issues with his self-worth.
The problem was solely Rina's little ultimatum.
She didn't value herself enough to run away when things were dangerous. Even if it wasn't him, she would've likely died trying to save someone else. She was a heroic girl, but not one he respected. The cold sweat from thinking about her made him shiver.
What will happen if someone like her felt nihilism?
The same separation he felt.
"No… I can't give her this poisoned apple." There was only one person he trusted to share his blessing with, but even that person couldn't make him believe that things would be fine. His mind fell into chaos while trying to reason with himself about all this.
Maybe it was a misunderstanding.
He could be making this up out of unwarranted fear.
BEEP!
His fingers had already touched the option.
There was no going back. Regardless if he regretted it or not. If it was the right decision or not. He could only hope to end this 'story' fast. Quickly get strong enough to fight the forces trying to destroy the city on his own. Even if that meant being in solitude.
The faster, the better…
His eyes constricted when a bright light flashed.
There was no options given to him this time.
I simply let him access the full scope of his blessing.
[Loading… Update completed…]
['Character Profile' and 'Pause Menu' available.]
"Pause?" The latter part made his mouth twitch.
As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he felt his body being restrained by time itself. Frozen along with the rest of the world. He knew exactly how unfair this ability was in games, and was starting to get excited about being able to use it in reality.
[Choose your 'Character Specialty'.]
[Warning: Once you pick a Specialty, you will be bound by the limitations of it. You will not be able to equip weapons outside a certain range. 'Equipment' can also not be overlapped. Skills gained from your chosen Specialty cannot be altered in any way.]
[You can designate seven other 'characters'.]
[You cannot reselect a Specialty.]
[Only one character per Specialty.]
[Choose wisely.]
[Specialty Selection:
1 Thief (Steal, Tech)— Daggers/Thief Sword
2 Black Mage (Blk Mag, Focus)— Staff
3 Priest (Wht Mag, Summon)— Rod/Racket
4 White Mage (Wht Mag, Summon)— Flute
5 Mystic Knight (Swd Art, Swd Mag)— Sword
6 Dragoon (Jump, Dragon)— Spear/Lance
7 Blue Mage (Eat, Blu Mag)— Fork
8 Samurai (Flair, Throw)— Claw/Knuckle]
"Why are two of them the same thing? 'Designate characters'? What?" There was a lot of confusion in his eyes. Especially with how there seemed to be shortened words. He felt like these 'Specialty Skills' would definitely be different from what he knew.
What game was this blessing being based on…?
Thief Sword, Fork, Blu Mag (which likely referred to having 'Blue Magic'). There was many to choice.
He decided to comb through them thoroughly.