The Monster Aspires to Be a Hero!

Perhaps because we had prepared quite early, after arriving and organizing our luggage, it was still lunchtime.
“Then shall we begin?”
“Yes.”
We started preparing a light lunch with the food we had brought.
For lunch, we decided to make dishes that could be easily prepared.
“By any chance, is there anyone who can’t eat bibim guksu (spicy cold noodles)?”
Some awkwardly standing new students nodded their heads.
Bibim guksu is a quick dish where you just need to boil the noodles and roughly make the toppings.
I immediately started the preparations.
“Hey Ssipgei. At an MT, you should start drinking first~”
“The professor is coming for a bit this afternoon to give a brief talk before leaving. Do as you please, drink or don’t.”
“Ah~ Then I can’t help it. Shall we start ‘that’ first?”
“Sure.”
Jungheok and Taeil handed out large name tags that nearly covered the entire torsos of the awkwardly standing new students.
“Write your names large enough for someone with 0.1 vision to read.”
“Yes!”
Once the drinking starts, all sorts of nonsense flows, and the drinking games begin.
Loose tongues lead to frequent mistakes.
For instance, not being able to recall the names of those sitting next to you.
That’s why we prepare those oversized name tags every year.
At least that way, we can easily pass the ‘I Am Ground’ game.
While Taeil and Jungheok somehow managed to break the ice with the new students, Jieun, Siwoo, and I hurriedly prepared the food.
With that, the bibim guksu was quickly made, and everyone began eating.
“Let’s eat!”
The new students, who had been awkwardly fiddling with their smartphones, hesitantly started eating the bibim guksu with satisfied expressions.
After filling our stomachs, Jungheok took out some drinks, saying we should have just one.
One drink inevitably leads to an entire bottle, and soon, the drinking began in earnest.
The friends who quite enjoyed drinking immediately started with soju, while the lighter drinkers began alternating with beer.
Since Taeil had to drive, he could only enviously watch the others.
“I Am Ground, self-introductions!”
Jungheok, already seeming quite drunk, began energetically leading the games.
At this point, the guys were getting carried away by the unique atmosphere of a drinking session, boisterously chattering away.
The girls were a bit more passive but seemed to be blending into the atmosphere too.
Well… this is what MTs are like.
After some time, Taeil brought the professor and the remaining students.
“Everyone, don’t go too overboard with this MT and cause any accidents. And don’t forget to clean up properly before leaving, understood?”
“Yes, professor!”
Even Jungheok and Taeil, usually nonchalant about everything, were sincere at this moment.
“Then everyone have fun.”
The professor, who had taken time out of his busy schedule to give some words of encouragement, left afterward.
From then on, the drinking session kicked into full gear for those who had been holding back.
A spinning wheel for drinking games appeared, and all sorts of stories were shared.
For instance, games with penalties like having to give self-introductions or reveal embarrassing past incidents.
“Oh, a Kkosam!”
And unfortunately, I was the one who got picked.
“Yeah yeah, do that thing, that thing.”
“…Again?”
“Ah, hurry up!”
“…”
Sigh
“I am the superhero, Formalin!”
The new students had blank looks, wondering what nonsense this was, while Jungheok, Taeil, and Siwoo were suppressing laughter.
“Well… I originally aspired to become a hero. Because of my ability, some people called me ‘Mr. Preservative’ in middle school…”
Though I didn’t want to, I somehow explained what that whole incident was about.
In my drunken, dazed state, I still vividly remembered swearing I would definitely become a hero, even striking a ‘superhero landing’ pose while declaring ‘The superhero Formalin has arrived!’
Jungheok and Taeil probably still have that photo.
Despite revealing that embarrassing story, the atmosphere didn’t worsen, thanks to the drinking session vibe.
“Ahahah! Then does that mean sunbae still aspires to be a hero?”
A seemingly lively female new student said that.
“Yes. I’m still aspiring to become a hero.”
“Ah, sunbae. Since we’re first-years, you can speak casually with us.”
“I’ll loosen up once we get closer. Some people might find it uncomfortable, you know?”
At that, she burst into a ‘Kkakkeureureung’ laugh, as if something was really funny.
The other girls, who had been sitting rather awkwardly until then, were the same.
Since the girls were just alternating with beer, they weren’t drunk on the atmosphere yet.
Everyone seemed to simply be enjoying themselves moderately.
“Oh, Ssipgei~ Quick self-intro!”
Once immersed in the atmosphere, you end up drinking more than usual.
And so, I ended up getting picked for a penalty game again.
“Um… I’m Jinwoo Lee, 23 years old, 4th-year business administration major. Until recently, I was preparing for public corporation employment by studying for the NCS, but now I’m living a crazy life preparing to become a hero.”
I spouted some silly words, which for some reason prompted a ‘Kkakkeureureung’ laugh.
“Isn’t there a more normal self-introduction instead of that?”
A different girl than before said that.
A normal self-introduction, huh…
But when prompted like that, nothing really came to mind…
“You’re really tall. How many centimeters?”
“185cm.”
At those words, everyone started whispering and giggling.
I don’t really understand what part of what I just said was funny.
“And your pepper is 3cm.”
With that single line from Taeil, the laughter and chatter at the drinking session fell silent.
The girls who had been ‘Kkakkeureureung’-ing until then froze completely.
“…Without even seeing it.”
“A guy like you is unforgivable unless you’re at least a Kkosam.”
It was only then that the new students, realizing it was a joke, started laughing awkwardly again.
I felt their furtive glances toward that area had a strange vibe.
Nearby, Jungheok called for a ‘Idiot Shot’, and Taeil drank with a sullen expression.

Don’t worry. You can make it bigger anytime.
You bastard, saying stuff like that makes me feel like I really am a Kkosam.
In a way, aren’t you actually a Kkosam?
…I’m just average-sized.

The lively MT atmosphere had properly matured, and we soon transitioned to a barbeque party.
Siwoo and I agreed to take turns grilling the meat, since Jungheok and Taeil had been driving.
After grilling and carrying the meat to the tables for a while, everyone started laughing, chatting, and enjoying themselves.
At this rate, it seems I won’t have to worry for the time being.
“Sunbae, you should eat and drink too~!”
As I diligently carried out the grilled meat, the underclassmen invited me to sit, eat, drink, and chat with them.
“No, since my friends were driving, I should do the grilling.”
“Aren’t you being a bit too diligent?”
Again, a ‘Kkakkeureureung’ laugh.
I really don’t understand why they keep laughing like that when it’s not even that funny.
If they want to play so much, someone else could take over the grilling, but no one offered to do it.
I guess you’re all talk, huh?
“As expected of Sweet Potato Sunbae.”
Siwoo, who was grilling meat next to me, said that.
“What is?”
“…That aspect of you.”
“Huh?”
“It’s a relief my girlfriend is in a different club.”
What is he even talking about?
As I filled my stomach with the nicely grilled meat, the barbeque eventually came to an end.
Afterward, another drinking session commenced.
The guys who had drunk excessively went to the bathroom in turn, coming out with pale expressions, seeming to have thrown up from just drinking water alternately.
I casually got up from my seat and opened a bottle of honey I had purchased.
Then I lightly heated some water and started making honey water.
I brought paper cups filled with the honey water to the new students who had just been alternating with water.
“Everyone, drink this.”
“Thank you, sunbae.”
The guys alternated the cups with water before gulping it all down.
I refilled their honey water for them.
“Ah, sunbae~ What is that~?”
“Honey water.”
“You should give us some too~!”
The female new students, who had been drinking just beer but seemed half-drunk with their nasal voices, also received some honey water from me.
Then the ones sitting next to me pulled on my arm, saying we should chat.
But what would there be to chat about?
I casually started talking about the university.
Being a 1st-year taking major courses intensively, I knew what kind of assignments each professor tended to give, so I had plenty to discuss.
“Thank you, sunbae~”
Everyone kept nodding along as I spoke.
Was it actually helpful?
As I continued chatting like that for a while, I somehow felt an odd sense of closeness.
It gave the feeling that the beer was getting me a bit drunk too.
While I was talking away, Jieun briefly glanced at me before heading outside.
It seemed like she had something to say.
I casually excused myself and went to find Jieun.
She wasn’t too far away.
Having drunk quite a bit, the heat and alcohol smell wafted from her body.
“You’re the same as always, sunbae…”
“Hm?”
“…Dummy.”
The quiet rebuke Jieun muttered amidst the cool night breeze that chilled her flushed skin quietly faded away.
“Want to take a walk?”
“…I suppose.”
I started walking along the pension’s trail with Jieun.
But it wasn’t that long a course, being just within the pension grounds.
“The stars are visible here.”
Jieun muttered absentmindedly while gazing up at the night sky.
“Yeah, they are.”
“You said something about that before…”
“What did I say?”
“That the stars in the night sky contain the past, remember?”
“Ah, that?”
The stars in the night sky are much farther away than we think.
It takes considerable time for the light from those stars to reach Earth.
So the starlight in the night sky can only ever be in the past tense.
Perhaps the stars we see in the night sky have already faded away long ago, and we’re just admiring their lingering traces, thinking them beautiful.
I recalled saying something like that.
…It wasn’t really the kind of conversation for sober minds.
We had been drinking, and it was that kind of atmosphere where such talks could happen.
I’m sure Jieun had brought it up by saying something like her friend this or her high school that.
“I went to an all-girls’ high school and said I didn’t have friends, so you said that, remember?”
Stars reflecting such pasts don’t rise in Seoul’s sky.
Why don’t they rise?
Jieun had given the boring answer that Seoul’s night sky is simply too bright, as if it were obvious.
I had shaken my head with a laugh.
I told her it’s because people in Seoul are too busy to look back on the past.
That you came up to Seoul and became one of those people in Seoul too.
People in Seoul are too busy to look back on the past.
So I told you not to sigh while reminiscing about the past, but to worry about the future instead.
Jieun had said it gave her goosebumps, as if I were cursing her rather than consoling her.
Later, after sobering up, I recalled those words and swore never to drink excessively again.
…That too was a sort of embarrassing past incident.
“But you did make some friends, right? Jungheok, Taeil, Siwoo, and me. There are even two more guys you’re acquainted with who didn’t come to the MT.”
“…Friends.”
Jieun slightly lowered her head.
Then she started lightly kicking the ground with the tip of her foot.
A pebble Jieun’s foot hit seemed to curse at me as it rolled away.
“…I don’t know if you’re deliberately ignoring it or just dense.”
Jieun muttered those words in a grumbling tone before staggering slightly.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m… feeling drunk and unwell.”
Saying that, Jieun leaned her body against my shoulder.
The strong alcohol smell wafted up from her body.
It seemed she had drunk quite a bit.
“…Phew.”
I let out a brief sigh and carried Jieun piggyback back to the pension.
At the pension, only the heavy drinkers were still drinking, while those who were drunk had passed out in the rooms.
I carefully put Jieun down in the girls’ room and left.
For some reason, I felt a bit tipsy myself.

It’s not being tipsy, it’s being in heat.
…No, this is just a natural physiological phenomenon for a man.
If they’re that big and heavy, can you really avoid having such thoughts?
Now you’re starting to get it. Whether it’s her badmouthing you or whatever, it seems she likes you…
I’m not that dense either.
At this level, I can’t help but notice that Jieun sees me as a member of the opposite sex.
And yet, I can’t take that single step forward.
Because I’m a monster.
So… I can only maintain this distance from her, it seems.
She might feel hurt that I’m pretending not to notice her feelings.
But I can’t take that risk, which could leave an even bigger scar.
A hero who can’t even accept the affections of a single woman.
Shut it.
Those words from the monster struck my chest with an unusual pang.