LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 91
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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: FusionX
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It was the first time I had told someone close to me about the Crown Prince, but Adriana’s reaction to my words was surprisingly calm.
Was it because she had encountered it while reading my memories?
Perhaps because I had already tried to kill the Crown Prince several times, Adriana didn’t show much reaction even to the mention of killing him.
What was certain was that her reaction wasn’t negative.
If she had thought negatively about it, she would have said something while watching the memories.After a brief silence, as the illusion of the Crown of Memories began to lift, Adriana, still in my arms, slowly moved her lips.
“…I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. Before judging someone’s sins, I am the saint after all.”
Adriana, who said that, swallowed slightly.
She wasn’t finished speaking.
As Adriana opened her mouth again, her expression was full of hesitation, but her voice sounded resolute.
“But that doesn’t mean I’m defending Kaitel.”
Adriana had no obligation to be loyal to the imperial family.
She was the representative of the church and the saint of all people.
Even the Emperor couldn’t oppress her, and no one could interfere with her just because she was chosen by God.
Although she couldn’t take either side, Adriana’s position was neutral if anything.
So I had agonized a lot.
Even though she knew about these memories, I wondered if I should tell her about my intention to kill the Crown Prince.
By telling her, I might be putting pressure on her.
I didn’t want to shake the saint who maintained neutrality between the church and the imperial family.
However, she had read my emotions.
She knew the reason why I kept repeating the regression, and she was the only woman who knew all of my memories.
It was inevitable for us to talk about this reason.
A slight anger could be felt in her voice as she called him Kaitel instead of Crown Prince.
Adriana knew that the Crown Prince had been involved in my deaths many times.
Maybe because of that influence, her mood seemed quite uncomfortable when she mentioned his name.
“As the saint, I cannot understand your intention. Killing a country’s Crown Prince is not a simple matter, and even mentioning it implies treason. Because I always have to remain neutral in everything, I’m sorry if you were hoping for my support.”
“It’s alright. But… if you don’t support it-”
“But I, Adriana, am different.”
Adriana, who placed her hand on her chest, opened her mouth.
When something settled in her expression, I finally realized that these words were her true feelings.
She was sincerely appealing to me.
She was trying to tell me that the positions of ‘saint’ and ‘Adriana’ were different.
“…I want to understand you. Although not everything you intend is right, I’ve seen your memories. I’ve seen what kind of heart you lived with, what thoughts you had while living.”
She extended her hand from her chest and gently stroked my cheek.
It seemed like an action to reassure me.
Amusingly, it really did make me feel at ease, so I smiled and looked at her.
“Can I be honest?”
“…You can say anything you want.”
“If you have any sin, it’s that you thought too little of yourself.”
I couldn’t refute her words about thinking too little of myself.
Was it because it was mentally easier to consider it my fault rather than blaming others as I repeated the regression?
I had lived thinking that was right.
If I considered it my fault that people around me died, that I died, I could just fix it in the next regression.
But at some point, I couldn’t tell what was wrong anymore.
No matter what direction I took, no matter how flawlessly I moved forward, death was waiting at the end.
It took several lives for my lost sanity to return.
“Sometimes it’s okay to say it’s someone else’s fault. Share your worries with others, get angry sometimes, even lie. I don’t understand why you always try to shoulder everything alone…”
“That doesn’t sound like something the saint would say.”
I smiled slightly at those words about blaming others or lying, and Adriana smiled back.
The hand that had been caressing one of my cheeks was now cupping my face, and the warmth from her palm made my cheeks feel warm.
“Right now, I’m Adriana. Not the saint, but Adriana.”
We both laughed at those words, and then silence fell again.
I couldn’t just let what I had said pass.
It was too serious a matter to just overlook.
Her closed eyes opened slightly, and my blurry image was reflected in her transparent pupils.
Her blue eyes touched those pupils and turned to me again.
It was then that her hesitant lips moved and opened, breaking the silence.
“I can finally reach it.”
“Reach what?”
“I saw your face in the memories, and I wondered if you were really that kind of person.”
Her touch was gentle as it passed over my eyes and nose.
A kind hand that wouldn’t inflict even the slightest wound passed over my entire face.
Her world began at her fingertips and ended at her palm, so Adriana, who had stroked my cheek again, smiled slightly.
“Is it similar to what you saw in the memories?”
“…I’m not sure. But I think I know one thing.”
The hand that had been on my cheek touched the corner of my mouth, and Adriana, who pulled at the corner of my mouth, burst into laughter.
“I think smiling suits you better. The face I saw was always suffering.”
I didn’t smile much.
There were more memories of me crying than smiling, and more memories of me suffering than crying.
The corners of my mouth that had been forcibly raised were now smiling naturally.
I slowly answered as I grabbed Adriana’s hands on both my cheeks and lowered them.
“…I’ll try.”
“I’m not asking you to try. What I wanted to say was.”
Her hands that were on my cheeks came down and faced forward.
As we looked at each other, Adriana grabbed my hands and spoke.
“I mean I’ll be by your side. Until you can smile comfortably, or if that’s not possible, until you kill Kaitel and end the regression. I’ll be by your side.”
Her smiling face asking “Is that okay?” made me laugh involuntarily.
It wasn’t as if someone had forcibly pulled at the corners of my mouth, I was just smiling at a woman.
Why had I only met someone like this now?
If I had met her earlier, I probably wouldn’t have repeated my regression so many times.
What Adriana said was simple.
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Even after hearing what I said, she meant she would stay by my side.
There was no way I could refuse such words.
More precisely, I couldn’t refuse, but there was only one thing I could say.
“You’re scarier than I thought.”
Perhaps it might be harder to understand Adriana’s inner thoughts than Miragen’s or Adele’s.
I blankly stared at the completely empty void, the Crown of Memories that no longer held its power.
Although I had thought there was nothing to gain here, I was able to gain quite a lot.
But if I had to choose the most valuable thing I had gained in there…
Wouldn’t it be Adriana?
When I offered my hand to leave, Adriana naturally took it and followed me.
Things were going better than I had expected.
Much better than I had thought.
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“By the way, how do you plan to explain this to Miragen? Once used, it will probably be difficult to use again.”
Naturally, such powerful relics required a long time to be used again.
If I recalled correctly from when I had researched the Crown of Memories before, it took about 10 years to reactivate.
Even if magicians were mobilized to fill it with magical power, it would take that long, so it would probably need half a century to be used again naturally.
The relic Miragen had wanted to secure was here, but now it was gone.
“I’ll have to say it’s not here. That will be more helpful for Miragen.”
I felt sorry about her coming up empty-handed, but I hoped Miragen would realize through this experience that things didn’t always go as planned.
How could everything always go her way?
It was just an excuse, but Adriana, who knew that, chuckled and nodded.
“That’s right. I wish Miragen would stop doing such dangerous things too.”
“I feel the same. I was always worried.”
“From now on, I’ll pay more attention. You have a lot to worry about, after all.”
As she said that, she swung our joined hands back and forth, and I could only quietly agree.
After leaving the Crown of Memories, Adriana’s attitude had become even more affectionate.
If there had been a line drawn before, now she was trying to cross that line frequently.
How would this relationship be sorted out?
She said she would stay by my side until I finished everything.
Although she couldn’t support me as the saint, she said that Adriana the woman would be on my side.
I was grateful for that feeling, but I wasn’t sure if it would be okay until I reached the end.
…But.
The thing that had been constantly troubling me seemed to have lifted slightly.
There was still a lot of time left before seeing that end.
I still had to become the family head, and I hadn’t become the Crown Prince’s close aide yet.
There was a lot to do.
This relationship wasn’t progressing anywhere, and Adriana…
She wasn’t trying to get closer to me either.
I heard someone walking from afar.
When I sensed Miragen and Adele, who had been examining upstairs, approaching, I let go of the hand I had been holding and offered my arm instead.
At some point we had been holding hands, but there was no need to show that, was there?
“Ah, Lord Taylor. Was there a relic downstairs? We’ve searched upstairs quite thoroughly, but it doesn’t seem to be there.”
“If there’s a relic, it would be underground. So, did you find anything?”
At Adele’s words, I looked at Adriana, and Adriana also turned her gaze towards where my face was.
As if matching our words, the answer we were about to give in that briefly crossing gaze was almost the same.
“It seems someone has used it.”
“That’s right. My divine power didn’t react.”
“…Someone used it? Does that mean it’s not here?”
“I suppose so.”
I smiled as I watched Miragen’s dejected expression.
Perhaps there would never be a day when Miragen would know how the relic had been used.
After all, this was something only Adriana and I knew.
Now there was only one thing left.
Securing the relic and moving forward.
The time to face my sister was slowly approaching.
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[Translator Notes]
[Bout time he overthrew that bitch]
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