The Maknae Has to Be an Idol

I studied Woon and Do-Seung. I realized then that the two kept glancing at each other. Considering their personalities, I doubted they were using each other’s secrets to blackmail each other.

If I had to guess from their reactions, I thought this was probably what was happening: ‘Woon probably knows that Do-Seung is the owner of the account, and Do-Seung is worried that Woon might reveal this fact to everyone else.’

It was as if I was seeing a frustrating, comedic act between two kind people. Do-Seung kept checking on Woon even though Woon wasn’t the type to spill other people’s secrets, and Woon looked nervously back at him. Though I didn’t show it outwardly, I was chuckling inside my mind.

“Hmm. What song should we choose? I can’t find anything suitable on SoundClown,” Yeon-Hoon said while placing his phone down. Everybody had been surfing through SoundClown for some time now. I told them to share with the group if they found a song that gave them a good feeling, but it seemed none of the songs hit the mark.

SoundClown was generally a platform for amateurs. Among the sea of songs, there could be a scatter of professional-sounding songs, but the majority had something missing in them.

“Huh?” Do-Seung remarked and flinched. I wondered if he was going to confess the truth himself when he suddenly announced, “I need to go to the bathroom for a bit.”

It was not the statement I expected in the slightest, and I stared intently at Do-Seung’s back as he left. Truthfully, there was a part of me that could both understand and not understand Do-Seung’s behavior. I got that he was embarrassed about rashly revealing his work to the public.

‘But why is he still not revealing it at this point?’ I thought. The song, ‘Sailing’ was created and presented on stage for everyone to hear. Of course, the show wasn’t broadcasted yet but when it did, there was a high possibility that it would be revealed that Do-Seung was the true identity behind ‘victory0505’.

The show had to file a copyright report and in the process, they needed to get the composer’s official name. Thus, I wondered why Do-Seung wasn’t revealing a truth that everyone would inevitably find out in the future.

‘I thought he would reveal it while we were working on Sailing.’ I thought when Do-Seung had gone to get permission from the composer, he was half-agreeing to reveal his identity as ‘victory0505’. And I thought he would at least give us, his fellow teammates, a heads-up. Yet, this process was taking longer than I expected. Perhaps, there was something more that I didn’t know about. At first, I thought he was simply embarrassed about putting his name on his own work but that didn’t seem to be the case.

‘He is being way too hesitant.’ Do-Seung was trying to prolong the inevitable for some reason.

“I don’t think I can do more of this. I can’t even tell what is what after listening to so many songs…”

“Yeah…”

Yeon-Hoon and Dong-Jun slumped to the ground. While Woon, I, and Do-Seung were eyeing each other and only thinking about revealing ‘victory0505’s identity, the two were earnestly trying to search for a song. I felt a bit sorry for them.

“Let’s stop for today,” I announced, “If we hear any more, I think it will affect our judgment and we could end up picking a weird song.”

“Then, let’s gather in the practice room tomorrow morning to choose a song again.” Woon proposed tomorrow’s meeting time first.

“Okay.”

“Sounds good~”

Yeon-Hoon and Dong-Jun both agreed.

“I also agree,” I said, satisfied by the idea.

Do-Seung returned to the room and then asked, “Hm? The meeting is over?”

“Yeah, we decided to meet again at the practice room tomorrow morning,” Woon answered.

It was then, I noticed them exchanging a secret signal.

“Ah, um, yeah I got it,” Do-Seung spoke in an uncharacteristically awkward tone and sat back down.

“That’s enough work for the day! Let’s go to sleep now! It was so exhausting the whole day!” Yeon-Hoon said and lay on the ground with his arms and legs spread out. He must have exhausted all his energy after the first shooting, so it was natural that he was tired. But seeing him like this, I wanted to tease him a little.

“Old man, you have to sleep on the blankets,” I teased.

“O-Old man?” Yeon-Hoon looked genuinely shocked. “Old man…?”

“I was just joking,” I quickly tried to retract my statement, sensing that the situation could turn for the worse.

“I’m not an old man! Are you teasing your older members now? You don’t think you would get older too? Furthermore, I’m nowhere near old yet. I’m still twenty-three—a child by society standards!” Yeon-Hoon said angrily. I knew he was self-conscious about being older than us but not to this point.

“I’m sorry Yeon-Hoon.”

“Just you wait. I’m going to get my revenge,” Yeon-Hoon heaved and went to sleep. I thought he should at least wash up but I let him be. I didn’t want to get scolded for waking him up too.

‘I shouldn’t tease Yeon-Hoon about his age.’ I thought and made a personal rule for myself.

“Then, who is going to wash up first?”

“I will.”

And while Yeon-Hoon went to sleep, we each decided the order that we would use the showers.

***

After waking Yeon-Hoon up to get himself to wash up, we all lay down to go to bed. Today was a truly exhausting day. Yeon-Hoon instantly fell asleep again right after washing up, and even Dong-Jun, who always chattered away while lying on top of the blanket, was quiet.

By the sound of snoring coming from his direction, it appeared he was already asleep. It was natural that they’d be knocked out after their first shooting. Yet, two people were still awake: Do-Seung and Woon.

‘They keep touching their phones,’ I noticed. The two had been fumbling with their phones once every ten minutes. Though the two were pretending to sleep, they were probably having trouble falling deep asleep. I quietly got up and carefully moved to not wake Dong-Jun and Yeon-Hoon up.

“Woon,” I whispered in a very quiet voice.

“Hm?” Woon, who had been pretending to be sleeping, opened his eyes and responded. Instead of replying, I gestured for him to come out with my hands. Woon nodded and slid out of his spot, careful not to wake Do-Seung next to him. The funny thing was that Do-Seung wasn’t asleep either and he was only pretending to be.

—Let’s go.

Woon said soundlessly with just the shape of his mouth. I nodded and we quietly opened the entrance door.

***

We sat in front of the convenience store in front of our villa. It was the same convenience store Yeon-Hoon and I visited. Perhaps, the store owner had been shocked by the flower pot falling last time and installed a sturdy barricade on top of the terrace. Wrapped in our padded jackets, Woon and I sat while holding two warm cups of quince tea.

“Why did you suddenly want to see me outside?” Woon asked after taking a sip of his drink. Instead of answering, I stared intently back at him. I pretended to ponder a bit so that he would become worried.

“Why? What happened? Is there something worrying you?” Woon asked, not missing any reaction I made. I didn’t feel good because I felt like I was using his kindness but I thought it couldn’t be helped. I looked directly at Woon and asked, “You know victory0505?”

Woon looked a bit surprised by me bringing up the account. Then, he asked tensely, “Yeah, what about it?”

It seemed he had already sensed what I was going to say.

“It’s Do-Seung right?” I asked a bit unsurely, still hiding everything I knew. Yet, Woon appeared extremely conflicted by my statement, and his eyes wavered. I thought, at this rate, he could deny my statement if I didn’t act firmer.

“I saw Do-Seung’s email by coincidence, and it said victory0505.”

Woon appeared even more shocked, and he froze in place while holding the quince tea in the air. It was certain that Woon knew something. Then, after not moving like a gargoyle, he finally admitted it.

“…Yes, that's right.”

“When did you know about it?” I asked. This was a personal question. Though I knew the truth because of my past life, I was curious how Woon knew.

“You know how Do-Seung and I used to be in the same company?” Woon said and looked far off in the distance. The two were originally trainees from a pretty big agency. Then, when the pre-debut group was decided, their positions in the company became unclear and unstable. It was then, the head manager from WD Entertainment before Yoon Tae-Hyun recruited them, promising them a definite chance of debuting. Since WD was still a normal agency that provided all the adequate needs before Yoon Tae-Hyung joined, they agreed and joined the agency.

“While we were at that place, Do-Seung composed songs too. He would upload songs not on SoundClown but on various social media sites, and his account name was also victory0505,” Woon said and took another sip of his drink.

“But at that time, the atmosphere at the agency was…hm, how should I say this?” Woon hesitated before continuing. Then, after a long pause, he began again, “It was really competitive among the people who composed their own songs. That’s all I can tell you.”

“Ah,” I roughly understood the situation and why Do-Seung had a hard time revealing his account. It seemed he was still traumatized from his experience at his past agency. They said there wasn’t creation without suffering and pain, yet what made this suffering multiple times worse and more painful was competition. Competitions were efficient for pushing people to create works out of their suffering since those who placed first gained a massive sense of satisfaction and confidence. Yet, it was a different story for the rest.

‘It sounds like Do-Seung couldn’t place first among them,’ I thought. If he had, he would’ve probably debuted at his past company, and I had a general guess as to who that member who ranked first place and debuted was; it was probably that idol who was actively promoting his work right now.

Regardless, those who didn’t place first tended to lose many things. First, they would lose the ability to objectively assess their skills and lose a great amount of confidence. Furthermore, they would have a strange attachment to the area they failed in and would keep holding onto it, never letting it go. It was a prison of sorts that sucked the soul out of a person to the last drop. I supposed Do-Seung’s situation was like that.

Rationally, he must also be aware that his skills were above average in the industry. Furthermore, he must also know that he would have to reveal that he was the creator behind Sailing shortly. Perhaps, a part of him wanted to reveal this truth and that was why he pretended to contact the composer of the song. Even now, he could be preparing his heart right now to open his account to the world again.

‘It can’t be helped then,’ I thought. “I suppose we have to wait.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

I thought I needed to act aggressively and push Do-Seung to reveal his identity. But that had been my misconception. Do-Seung was already struggling his hardest and trying to break out of the chains from his past. Since he came all this way, Do-Seung would be able to figure out the rest on his own. It was all up to him to settle all the internal problems in his mind, and it wasn’t something that I could interfere with.

“It seems I’ve overstepped my place and tried to meddle. I’m sorry to you and Do-Seung.”

“Hm? What? No, it’s fine,” Woon smiled and took another sip of his tea. Then, he commented, “By the way, this is really tasty.”

“It has to be tasty with all the additive sugars poured into it,” I said.

“…What?”

“Tea drinks like this are usually filled with sugar.”

Woon looked at me like he was betrayed and quickly read the ingredient list.

“L-Look at the calories in this thing…”

“Who cares about that? You are already so thin—”

“You should’ve told me!”

“Ah.”

Woon acted as if he had binged a heavy meal during a diet.

“I’m really sorry, Woon.”

“Seriously?” Siiigh.

It seemed I needed to make another personal rule. When I gave food to Woon, it always needed to be diet food. Perhaps, it was because he was a dancer, Woon was very careful about his figure.

“…Anyways, pretend you don’t know about Do-Seung’s account,” Woon said and closed the lid of his drink.

“Okay,” I nodded. And I intuitively felt that I wouldn’t need to feign ignorance for long.