The Main Characters That Only I Know

Chapter 89

“What, what?!”

She looked visibly flustered by my words. 

I calmly shot back at her.

“Why are you so surprised? You’re a returnee too.”

“You, you…!”

She quickly glanced around. 

She was worried that our conversation might leak out to the outside. 

I waved my hand to reassure her.

“I’ve already engraved the surroundings. No matter what we do here, no sound will escape. But don’t be too nervous, it might draw attention to our movements.”

“Did you… learn engraving? That precious skill?”

“I was lucky.”

But that’s not the important thing right now.

“Are you amazed that I figured out your trait? Actually, you must have had some suspicions too. That I was a new existence for you in this cycle.”

She didn’t deny or confirm it. 

But just because she kept her mouth shut didn’t mean she didn’t answer. 

Sometimes, silence is the most clear answer.

“I revealed this because I thought there should be no hypocrisy in our conversation.”

“Hypocrisy…?”

“I wanted to show you something different from the Tellers you know.”

I know what kind of beings the Tellers she knows are. 

They are cunning and hypocritical, smiling on the outside but harboring ulterior motives on the inside. 

And their true colors are revealed when the end of the world comes to this world.

I know too. I saw what she saw, and I experienced what she experienced.

“Are you… human?”

“I was.”

There was nothing to hide, so I answered readily. 

Of course, if it was someone else, I would have concealed this fact, but she is a returnee like me. 

No, she is a returnee who has lived much longer and more times than me.

If I act humbly towards her, it would only backfire.

“I’m the same as you. This world had one end, and I struggled to survive there. But in the end, like most humans who weren’t chosen, I died too.”

“And then you came back to life.”

“Only, it wasn’t a reversal of time. I came back to the past, but not as myself in the past. I was reborn as a Teller like this. It’s amazing how things turned out.”

“Then what happened to your past self?”

“He’s fine. Oh, actually he’s different. My self in this era is not a man but a woman. It’s practically incest. But Ms. Kwon Ji-ah, that’s not what we need to talk about right now.”

She hesitated for a moment and then nodded slightly.

“Right. As you said, as you already know, I’m a returnee.”

“I see.”

“But so what? You’re a returnee too, and you want to say that you understand me?”

She asked me as if she was piercing through my chest. 

Her eyes said it all. 

How dare you? 

You only died once and you think you understand me?

I shook my head.

“This is my first return. I haven’t repeated it for long like you. Maybe if I die here, I won’t be able to return again. I don’t even know why my return happened.”

“As if I know why mine happened.”

“But at least you understand yourself. That’s why you pushed yourself so hard.”

My words hit the mark, and her eyes sharpened even more. 

But even though she bit her lips hard, she couldn’t refute anything. 

In the end, it meant that she accepted it too.

“I don’t know how you feel or what you think. Even if I try to know, I can’t. Because I haven’t repeated death and life hundreds of times like you have. No. Even if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to understand. Because I’m not you.”

That’s right. 

People can’t understand each other.

Even if they go through the same things and grow up in the same environment, life is ultimately individual.

Others shouldn’t arbitrarily measure and evaluate others. 

They can’t easily understand others.

“But if you tell me, I can pretend to be a sympathizer at least.”

“You…!”

My words touched her sore spot, and she reacted violently for the first time.

“How dare you claim to be a sympathizer? You don’t know anything.”

As if her guts were twisted up. She barely moved her trembling lips.

“Never. You don’t know.”

As our eyes met, I felt a dry wind swallow my body and pass by.

The wounds of her heart that had accumulated for a long time burst open because of me. 

The hatred that had rotted inside spilled over the plate of reason.

Facing it head on, I felt my insides burning too.

“Why are you doing this…”

“Yes. I don’t know. You didn’t tell me, how am I supposed to know?”

“…”

“I don’t like pretending to understand either. There’s nothing more disgusting than pretending to know something you don’t. Even if you wanted me to do that, I would have refused. Because that’s worse than not doing anything.”

Truly understanding is impossible. 

But I don’t like pretending to understand either.

It’s a very difficult request.

I looked at her with a calm and settled gaze.

Maybe this was just a hollow claim for her, nothing more than empty words.

I don’t expect her to trust and accept me with such a light sympathy. 

It would be nauseating to ask for trust with this kind of words.

Even if I read her life, it is impossible for me to fully understand her.

I am not Kwon Jia, but Kang Yoo Hyun.

But.

I can say this for sure.

“Don’t you want to change?”

“…!”

Kwon Jia’s eyes widened as if I had seen through her heart. 

Her gaze asked me ‘how?’ through the loose bangs that covered her eyes.

“I saw you fight. You were desperate. You were using a fighting style that didn’t suit your weak body that hadn’t been properly trained yet. You probably didn’t realize it yourself, but that’s how it looked to me. You wanted to change.”

I said that, recalling her appearance when she was fighting the monsters.

She didn’t let go of her sword even when she was exhausted and sweating, and her breathing was up to her chin. 

She tried to kill the enemy in front of her and seize victory, but her eyes were not looking at the enemy, but something beyond them.

I don’t know what that is.

But she reaches out for something that doesn’t fit her status.

That’s how her fight looked to me.

“But you don’t seem to know it yourself.”

“I, I…”

“Remember this one thing. To solve a problem, you have to first recognize that there is a problem.”

I saw Kwon Jia’s hand under the table clenched into a fist.

Even though I confirmed that, I didn’t stop talking.

“Do you want to change? The choice is up to you, Jia. At least if you want to get out of this horrible shackles, and if you think you need to change…”

What is the right path?

And how wrong is the way she is doing now?

“You need to think again.”

I reached out into the air and brought back the contract that I had erased earlier.

I handed the contract to her.

“I’ll help you.”

I told her that the path she had walked was wrong. It was no different from denying her entire past. 

She had gone through hundreds of deaths and didn’t change, and I showed her the reality.

Surely, it was an act that deserved hatred.

But if she really wanted to change.

If she really wanted to solve this phenomenon.

“I’m ready to listen to your story anytime.”

The moment of choice will come.

“…”

Kwon Jia fixed her gaze on the contract without saying anything.

“Take your time with the decision. You don’t have to answer right away. Even if you refuse after all this, I won’t cling to you pettyly. If you refuse, it’s over. I promise to let go of you cleanly. But remember this. I know your regression and I know that you can make this place again through death.”

If she wants to, a regressor can force herself to go back by committing suicide as many times as she wants. 

She might refuse now, but there is a possibility that she will accept in the next round.

“So I’ll tell you in advance. This is my first and last offer.”

There is no next chance. 

Maybe in the next round, I won’t choose her as soon as I read her book.

I know myself. Kang Yoo Hyun is like that.

So this is the last time.

For both of us.

The final showdown that can never be reversed

Even by regression.

“Please make your decision carefully.”

I got up from my seat.

I left her without saying anything and paid for the bill, then left the store.

Kwon Jia couldn’t say anything to me as I left.

Not a word.

***

In broad daylight when the sun was shining brightly, I sat in my office and tinkered with the settings related to my library. 

As I moved my fingers while having the system window open, Baek Seo Ryeon who was curious about it asked me.

“Yoo Hyun, what are you doing?”

“I’m just messing with the library settings for a bit.”

“Library settings?”

“I’m an agent now, and our library has over 4,000 viewers already. It’ll be a bit annoying to run the library if we leave it like this. We have to make some items for the viewers too.”

“There are items too?”

“It’s like a business item. You know that messages sent by viewers for free are indirect, and messages sent by investing points are direct, right?”

“Yes. I’ve heard of it.”

“It’s a bit annoying to spend points every time you want to send a direct message. So I’m making a flat-rate system for direct messages for subscribers only. The period is one week, one month, and three months. If you pay points, you can use direct messages whenever you want.”

“Wow. That would be much more convenient.”

“Of course, there might be some people who would spam like crazy, so I have to set a cooldown time. And also, I’ve been getting inquiries from people who want to advertise on our library.”

The main advertisers are related to [Dimensional Shop]. 

They are natural space merchants who sell all kinds of goods and stories from mixed worlds, and they naturally offer advertising outsourcing to tellers like me who have big libraries.

The reason why tellers earn more points as their libraries grow is also because of this income from outside.

Now, I was trying to sort out these things while I had some time.

“But why are you here in the office when you’re on vacation?”

I asked Kang Hye Rim, who was sitting next to me. 

She was sitting almost glued to me, and she answered as if it was obvious.

“Can’t I come?”

“You should rest when you’re on vacation.”

“I’m comfortable here too.”

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

“Do you feel uncomfortable with me?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then, it’s fine, right?”

No, this lady?

I raised my eyebrows once and then endured it with patience. 

Yeah. I’m busy, so I’ll let it go.

It was around the time when everything about the library was almost done.

Knock knock.

Someone knocked on the door of the quiet office.

“Huh? Who is it? Don’t tell me, another reporter?”

“No. It’s not that.”

I got up from my seat as if I had been waiting. 

I had a feeling who the person who came here was. 

Well, that would be the case, since the light of the book was swirling outside the door.

I opened the door right away. 

And then I smiled warmly at Kwon Jia, who was looking up at me with a slightly dumbfounded expression.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”