The King's Remorse

Chapter 3

Something Similar

I bite my lip.

“Grey.”

Camden’s voice cuts through the haze in my mind.

“Your sister is strong,” he says, and I nod.

Of course I know that. She’s the strongest person I know. Camden is just pointing out the obvious.

“No one knows that better than you.” Camden ticks his head to the side. “Well, apart from Alex herself. She knows that. She’s strong, and we’ll find her. All of us.” Camden gestures to everyone, and I turn to look at them all, each of them who all nod their agreement.

Katelin emerges from the tent. She has changed into a new outfit. The shirt she’s wearing is a pale purple with gold buttons, and her skirt matches the color of the Amethyst Throne almost perfectly. I swallow down my immediate panic at how closely Katelin’s outfit matches that of the King’s.

“The King will be expecting me soon. I will listen for anything, Grey,” Katelin says.

“Thank you,” I manage to whisper around the lump in my throat. I scuff my toes in the dirt and try to look anywhere but Katelin to avoid another panic attack until I hear her leave and I am sure Katelin is gone.

When a light breeze blows through, the thick air stirs up the embers and ash, and smoke rises through the air. I sneeze.

Phoenix mutters under his breath.

“Is the Sea at risk of burning further?” Brook asks.

“I would’ve stopped it if it was.” Phoenix flicks his tail. “Can we come up with a plan and do something before we stand here and do nothing all day? While I’d love for the cream puff to send me more Guard and Soldiers to kill and perhaps a General or two to tussle with, Grey looks like he’s about to have a heart attack or something.”

“We leave-,” I say, gasping. “We need to- go. We need to find the new Midnight Wolf. They need to know something. They… They have to. They have to.”

They can’t not know. They have to know where Alex is.

“Fair enough. Let’s leave then.”

Phoenix starts off in the direction of Ragdon Volcano, walking toward where Arcane stood as he shed the Midnight Tear, pulled everything in toward him with an unstoppable force, than spat it back out, leaving me without my sister. I want to follow him, but I can’t take a step. I can’t get closer. I can’t go there.

“Stop,” Ky says. “We at least need to say farewells.”

Phoenix bares his teeth. “No goodbyes.”

Ky inclines his head in agreement. “No goodbyes. It’s See you laters.”

Phoenix squints for a moment, then rumbles a scoff. “Fine.”

“You’re coming back, right?” Astra asks when Phoenix makes his way back. She flares out her wings and waves her tail behind her.

“Of course.”

He lets her press her forehead against his shoulder.

“You can’t leave. The Dragon made you go away. Its fire made you go away.”

Phoenix laughs, though it’s more a wrinkling of his muzzle than a smile. He pulls back to look Astra in the eye. “I’m fireproof, Astra. No fire can hurt me. Remember that. I ain’t burning, ok? I can never burn.”

Astra chews on her lip, then she nods. “Ok.”

She turns to me, and I drop to the ground, kneeling so I’m closer to eye level with her, then brace myself. To stop myself from trembling so much, I clench a hand into a loose fist.

I don’t want Astra to worry, but I know I cannot hide how scared I am. Brook knows her best and can take care of Astra. She was taking care of Astra just fine in the Field. Perhaps we never should’ve gone into the Field.

Then Astra would’ve been safe. She wouldn’t be out here, where she could be hurt. Astra wouldn’t be here where the King can get to her.

No, Grey, breathe. Take a breath. In, and out. In, and out. We cannot change the past. What’s done is done, and we need to focus on what we can do now.

“Ragdon is an island, so Alex is here. You’ll find her. And Brook and Jabez and I will stay here.” Astra pauses. “And Camden and Katelin, too! We’ll all stay here and then all of us will work together. Brook said that if we try really hard we can do anything. We’ll find Alex, Grey.”

I force myself to smile.

I hope she’s right. I wish I had her belief that things are so black and white.

“You know that, right, Grey?” Astra asks, and I cringe. Now I have to reply. “We’ll find Alex!”

“I…” I trail off. I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t know. I do not know. My heart rate spikes as I admit that to myself, acknowledging how powerless I am and how little control I have.

“I know,” I finally say, hoping my voice doesn’t shake as much as I think I do and that I sound more sure than I feel.

“Good luck,” Camden says, pulling up the top half of his hair into a loose ponytail like he usually wears. “We’ll all be rooting for you. I’ll be here helping Katelin, and she’ll be at the King’s castle using every trick she’s got to see what she can find. Go find the Midnight Wolf, and we’ll all work together to find Alex and bring her home.”

“We don’t even have a home,” I find myself saying before I can think it through.

“I can make a new one for you. I’ll be helping to make a lot of new homes for people, Grey,” Camden says, gesturing to the charred Sea all around us.

“That’s something to worry about later,” Brook adds on.

I nod, silent.

“Let’s go,” I say.

“You can find them,” Astra assures me.

“Wait!” Jabez cries before we can leave, and I pause, looking back at him.

Wyatt steadies him when he sways on his paws, but Jabez shakes himself out, ears drawing back for just a moment before he recovers.

“What?” Phoenix asks after studying me for a moment and recognizing that I’m not going to speak. I cannot. I’m too caught up in my head, wondering Jabez may have to say and hoping that it helps, that it brings me closer to Alex, closer to knowing where my sister is and why she’s not here.

Jabez mulls over his words, thinking them over. I force myself not to rush him. I force myself to give him time. I force myself to remain patient. Everyone thinks at their own pace. Hurrying him along won’t work in the way that I want it to. I need to wait.

“I think there’s something you need to know,” Jabez says. “You need to now about the King. Er, well. More about the King. Well… you know what I’m trying to say. How he made me. I was Ice, as I think you all know, or at least most of you. I was the King’s housecat before he was the King of Ragdon. He named me Ice, and I died from old age. Lucius claimed me when I died, just as they should have, but the King couldn't accept that. He brought me back using the power of the Amethyst Throne. I know you’re looking for the new Midnight Wolf, but I think it would be helpful to know what I know of how the King brought me back as Jabez.

“The King made me. I was Ice, and then I was Jabez. His power, his connection with the Amethyst Throne, his twisted vision… he combined all of that and made me me. He turned me from just a regular animal into who I am now; somewhere between animal and human. He’s never said either way, but I believe he did the same thing he did to me to create the Generals. Brook, too, which I know you know.” Jabez locks eyes with Brook, who doesn’t look surprised, much to my own surprise. “I wouldn’t be shocked if he did the same to the Judge and Justice too, though I do not know. However, the King did not create the Midnight Wolf. There’s similarities between how powers work in those created through the power of the Amethyst Throne —there’s a piece of it inside of me, and there always will be a part of the Amethyst Throne within me— but the Midnight Wolf is entirely different. The Midnight Wolf has no piece of the Amethyst Throne.

“The power of the Amethyst Throne, it draws on you. It draws from within. There’s a direct tie between your magic and your being. The limit is internal; how much energy do you have, how much can you take, how far your imagination can go, etcetera.

“The power of the Midnight Wolf, however, draws from everywhere. It’s like Erebus and Lucius; their power is everywhere; it’s everything, comes from every little thing, and is every bit of the world. Arcane’s power never relied on only himself; his power came from everywhere. The limit to the power of a Midnight Wolf is different than the Amethyst Throne; it’s a mental limit, but it’s also a limit of the power itself, not the Midnight Wolf. The Midnight Tear can only be used once, for example. The power of Aquarius, the constellation that gives the power of healing, has a very delicate balance of healing as shown with the death of Freedom. Each power has its own unique limit, but the source it draws from is endless and eternal; it has no end or beginning. A Midnight Wolf is, for all intents and purposes, immortal. They can only die if they shed the Midnight Tear, as we all know and saw with Arcane.

“As for why I shared this,” Jabez says, voice softer now that he’s talked so much, “I thought you might want to know a little more about Midnight Wolves? At least, that’s my understanding of them. Arcane told me what he knew, but it’s from what I remember what he told me, and it was shortly after Freedom died so I do not remember it all.”

“Thank you, Jabez,” I manage to say.

Phoenix takes a step back, then turns around. His tail flicks as his flames burn close to his pelt. He narrows his eyes.

“Wait,” he says. “The cream puff made you and turned you into something between animal and human, and you think he did that to the Generals, too?”

Jabez’s lips twist into a grimace. When he tries to turn his head, he jerks to a stop, muscles spasming. Wyatt watches him, their expression patient.

“Yes,” he replies. “I think so. I don’t have any definitive proof, but I think that’s how he made them. He at least did something similar.”

“And how did he make you, again?” There’s an edge to Phoenix’s voice, one I can’t quite figure out.

Ky seems to recognize his brother’s line of questioning and perks up, joining the black cat. He pricks his ears as the red bandana around his shoulders falls to one side.

Brook walks closer, standing a pace or two behind Camden. When a few curious onlookers draw near, Wyatt silently ushers them away before Jabez notices. Myles smiles in a quiet show of thanks, and he trades his staff from one hand to the other..

I cross my arms over my chest and fiddle with the sleeve of my shirt.

Jabez rocks on his paws. “He took my body after I died. He didn’t let it go. Bryant couldn’t let me go and say goodbye. He took me… the, uh, Ice, me and brought me to the Amethyst Throne. Then he took a human. I never learned their name and I still don’t know who they were to this day, though may they rest safely with Lucius all the same in whatever peace they can find. The King… he killed them. Hit their head so they couldn’t fight back, and then slit their throat right there before the Amethyst Throne. Their blood combined with the power of the Amethyst Throne, soaked through my fur and flesh, and took me from Bryant’s house cat he named Ice as a kid because I had white fur and turned me into the King’s first pet project because he didn’t know how to let me go when it was my time. He turned me into Jabez.”

For the second time, I see a spark of fear within Phoenix’s expression. His ears fall back, and not from rage. He looks genuinely shocked, like a child learning some secret they were not a part of.

When he turns to Ky, the two don’t say anything but exchange an entire conversation with their eyes.

“You’re saying the Amethyst Throne played a part in your creation?” Ky asks.

Jabez nods. “Yes, that is how the King brought me back to life after I died as Ice.”

Ky turns to Phoenix. “Fuck.”

The two brothers stare at each other. Neither says anything further. There was so much emotion in Ky’s singular word to speak for an entire conversation; no one has to say anything, but my mind still races, thinking, wondering.

Jabez squints, frowning.

“Right now is not a good time,” I hear Brook telling Astra, “but I am more than happy to discuss with you the meaning of the word fuck. You can use the word fuck, but I want to first make sure that you understand its meaning and the weight it can carry.” She pauses. “Yes, I know that you want to talk about it, but now is not a good time. We are trying to figure out where Alex is, and Jabez just told us some important information, and several are about to leave. Once things have quieted down and you, me, Jabez, and Camden have made sure the four of us are safe, we will talk about what fuck means, ok?”

Astra murmurs her reluctant agreement.

Phoenix snarls, and the roar in his throat echoes, low and rumbling, thrumming with raw fury. “I’m gonna kill that fucker. I’m gonna rip his throat out. I’m gonna—.”

Phoenix cuts off as he seethes, hissing out a sharp exhale with a burst of flames so explosive that I stumble back to avoid getting singed. Brook’s eyes widen and she pushes Astra back with a hind leg. Ky jumps away from his brother, lifting a paw to protect the bandana around his neck. I catch sight of the burn mark across one side.

When Phoenix’s flames die down, Jabez takes a breath.

“I’m sorry,” Jabez whispers, shrinking in on himself. “If I had known—.”

Phoenix cuts Jabez off, so many emotions clouding his expression that I can’t pick them apart through my own haze of anxiety and fear.

“Don’t even say it,” the black cat snaps. He turns to me, and I perk up so I don’t miss what he says.

“Grey, we’re leaving. Let’s go."

xxxx

No one talks as we leave the Sea behind. Or, rather, what’s left of the Sea. I hear Myles’s staff hitting the ground in even beats alongside our footsteps. The occasional breeze carries distant, indistinct chatter to me. Phoenix leads the way, ears pinned and muzzle wrinkled in a snarl. He lashes his tail every so often as he walks. Ky trails a ways behind, padding along. Anyone in our way in the Sea makes way when they see Phoenix.

I stifle a groan when I see a body lying trapped under a log with an arm reached out, fingers gnarled and twisted. Burns stretch across taut skin. Pausing for a moment, I force myself to look.

I hope you have found peace with Lucius.

I push away the flashes that flicker by of the Dragon swooping by, the barrage of flames, the searing heat, the panic as I became caught up in the moment of the battle from all sides.

Soon enough, though, we’re leaving the Sea behind.

We walk through the Wailing Marshes, and the winds blowing through the reeds creates a haunting melody that creates gooseflesh on my skin and raises the hair on the back of my neck. Past the Marshes, we move up through the Lava Flats, where I push back memories of the Guard shooting me and Alex down to take us to the King.

Now is not the time. Alex needs me.

None of us want to go the other way around Ragdon Volcano and have to walk past the Barracks and the entirety of the King’s army of Guard and Soldiers. There wasn’t a discussion on which way we’d go; we just went the opposite way of the Barracks.

“Not…” Myles pauses for a moment as we leave the Lava Flats behind and reenter the trees. “I’m not questioning this, and I full-heartedly agree with our plan. But… what, exactly, is our plan? Where are we headed to?”

“The Midnight Wolf,” I reply, welcoming the shade and cover the trees bring.

Had he not been listening?

“I know that,” Myles replies quickly, “but where is the Midnight Wolf? Where are they?”

“I don’t think anyone knows,” Wyatt says.

Panic sparks within me. “How are we supposed to find them?”

“We will,” Ky says quickly.

He turns around.

“There’s a magic to the Midnight Wolves. They’re very special.”

“Special?” Myles asks, something in his voice I wasn’t expecting.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“What do you mean by special?”

“I just meant the there’s lots of cool things about them. Although, saying that out loud, I do recognize that could sound a little odd.” Ky flattens his ears to the sides of his head and curls his lips in a grimace.

“Oh,” Myles says. He’s quiet for a moment. “I just didn’t know if you meant that Midnight Wolves were like Lucius and Erebus. They’re both genderless.”

Ky lifts his head in recognition. “Arcane used he, him, and his pronouns, and as far as I know was cisgender, although I never asked. What are your pronouns again? Mine are he, him, and his.”

“He, him, and his as well.”

“Mine are they, them, and theirs,” Wyatt says. “I’m not genderless like Lucius and Erebus, though. I’m nonbinary.”

I shake my hands by my sides. I have heard similar conversations in my classroom among students as they shared their identities and explored who they are or tried to figure out who they are. I want to say something, but I don’t know what.

“Don’t slow down,” Phoenix says. “We can walk and talk. The new Midnight Wolf isn’t gonna find themself.”

“I know,” Myles replies, exhaling slowly. “Just give me a moment.”

Wyatt wraps one of their arms around Myles’s shoulders and pulls him in for a hug. Myles leans into them and takes a breath.

“Take as long as you need,” they whisper.

I agree with Wyatt, but I also want to keep moving. My legs itch to continue walking, to keep going, to never stop until we find Alex. I don’t want to stop, but I can also tell Myles needs the embrace.

“Are you alright?” Ky asks, voicing the question I was about to. “Do you need something?”

“When I was born,” Myles murmurs, “my name was Sadie, and my parents called me their little girl. I’m Myles, though, and I’m a man. Sometimes this stuff just takes a lot out of me. Just give me a minute.”

Ky tilts his head to the side. “Oh, ok. Thank you for telling me. Let me know if there’s something I can do.”

“Thank you for telling me,” I echo, mind whirling and unable to fully process what Myles said.

“We gonna keep going?” Phoenix asks. “I do not care. You told me your name is Myles.”

“Thank you,” Myles says, pulling away from Wyatt, who lets him go and takes a step back.

“How are we going to find the Midnight Wolf?” Wyatt asks.

“By continuing to move,” Phoenix deadpans, craning his neck to give Wyatt an unamused look.

“I don’t see any way the new Midnight Wolf will be on this half of the island,” Ky says. “I think we are far more likely to find them or some sign of their presence up near Aiyana River and Ananta Spring. Even the Badlands might have something.”

“Will the Garden have something?” I ask.

Phoenix growls. “You really wanna see the Judge and Justice?”

I freeze.

“Yeah, thought so. Even if either of them did know something, those two have their heads stuck so far up the cream puff’s ass they ain’t sayin’ nothin’. Or, at least, you ain’t hearing it.” Phoenix smiles. “We can destroy it if you want, Grey.”

“No, we don’t have to destroy the Garden.”

“But what if we find something?”

I incline my head, then shrug. “We can learn information in different ways.”

Phoenix harrumphs, as if he senses that neither of us will agree right now. Or, perhaps, he saw Ky’s raised eyebrow.

“Let’s keep walking,” I offer.

As we move, Myles swings his staff to knock a few leaves off a low-hanging tree branch. I watch them sway to the ground. Sunlight streams through the trees and casts dappled shadows on the ground. Birds chirp and hop along branches, and I begin to lose just a hint of the tension that has gripped me so tight with claws sunk deep into my insides because I know that Alex would love it here, right now. She’d tell me about the forest, about the trees. With our new powers, she’d probably challenge me to a race with me in my dove form and her in her wolf form. She’d probably want me to take her flying and offer to let me sit on her back as she races through the forest as a wolf. Maybe with the freedom that would offer, together, we could both relax, even just a little.

I lose just a little tiny bit of the tension, and I feel the claws loosen just a little bit more at the sight of a butterfly fluttering through the air.

But that tension returns just as soon as it dissipated when there’s cracking in the forest, and then creaking, and then a loud crash as a tree falls.

“What the fuck?” Phoenix says.

Wyatt frowns, and they pause as Myles places a hand on their side in a gentle gesture. In his other hand, Myles holds onto his staff tighter, brandishing it like a weapon.

We all stop and draw closer together. Ky crouches low to the ground, eyes partially glazed over. Phoenix roars. I pant, heart racing as I feel my stomach rise in my chest. Not literally, but I’m not fully convinced otherwise; the lump in my throat feels so solid and I can’t swallow it down and I feel like I can’t breathe.

Who’s there? Who’s there? Who’s there?

The crashing grows louder, and something slams into a tree, that groans but doesn’t fall.

The malachite medallion burns hot against my chest. Dove unfurling within me, I feel my body begin to heat up and the feathers extend beneath my skin, ready to shift as soon as I call upon it.

We’re all gathered at the base of a large fir tree.

I know it’s not Guard and Soldiers near us; they would have called out already and made their demands. We would have heard them talking. They wouldn’t have been able to knock over a tree. Ky and Phoenix would have smelled them. Phoenix would have already been on them long ago.

The Dragon is dead, and it’s not any of the Generals, either.

But who’s left?

The new Midnight Wolf?

A bit of hope sparks in my gut, a flicker of light. Maybe they know where Alex is. What happened to her. How we can find her.

I step around a tree trunk, then throw myself back as a tusk swings directly in front of my face, rams into the bark right above me and sending it spraying.

I squeeze my eyes shut and shield my face as I land hard on my back and curl up to protect myself.