The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

“To the left!” Liandra shouted. As an accomplished heroine, she had been in many unusual situations, from hopelessly life-threatening traps to blood drenched fields of battle. This was the first time she had experienced mind-numbing absurdity in action. “The other left!”

According to Theo’s sources, Lord Mandrake was on the course of reaching the town of Rosewind in a matter of hours, if he wasn’t there already. The only solution was to use the dirigible to go as fast as possible to get there in time and prevent the worst. In itself, there was nothing wrong with that. Liandra had seen mages fly as fast as lightning—usually in an effort to escape—from one place to the next. Of course, all those had been short range boosts. Even an experienced mage would quickly run out of mana within seconds, having them rely on the gathered inertia for several moments longer, before they either managed to flee their pursuers, or fall to the ground like an overripe pear. In most cases, it wasn’t a pretty sight, which was why mages only used that as a final resort. Clearly no one had told the baron this. Not only was the man flying at ludicrous speeds for minutes, but he had also cast several shield spheres in order to protect himself from crashing into flocks of birds, which had happened on two occasions so far.

“Too much! Back to the right!” the heroine yelled again.

Her situation was slightly better, though not by much. In order for the plan to work, she had agreed to remain on the top of the carrier, holding onto what could pass for a hastily constructed railing, and shout directions to Theo. Next to her, dragging like corks on a thread, were the dirty dozen who had secured themselves with belt chains to the railing. They too had thought they could handle the speed, but as it turned out, Theo’s avatar had propelled them at such speed that only the raw strength of a hero was capable of withstanding such force.

“There! Right there!” Liandra shouted. “Yes! That’s perfect!”

“This is like being in a hurricane!” Wolf shouted.

“How would you know?” one of the assassins asked.

“I’ve been through a few. Usually in a boat. The best thing to do is to get a knife and tie yourself to the main mast.”

“What’s the knife for?” the prodigal child asked.

“So, you can cut yourself out once everything calms down?”

“Okay. What do you do if there’s no mast?”

That was a question that the ex-pirate couldn’t answer. As much as he liked to talk, the similarities between a ship and an airship weren’t that many, especially with someone like Theo at the helm.

It had taken half an hour for all the villagers aboard to get prepared for the trip. Specifically, that consisted of the baron separating them in smaller rooms throughout the airship and casting an aether shield sphere around each in such fashion that they couldn’t move. His logic was that this way, nothing would risk breaking the shield, even if it would be uncomfortable for a while. Miraculously, so far he had ended up being right.

“Miss!” Flail shouted. “How soon do you think we’ll get there?”

“I have no idea!” Liandra shouted back.

Even with an aether shield in front of her, she didn’t want to risk looking away, in case Theo changed direction again. What was more, she had a far more important question that needed answering.

“Theo!” the heroine shouted. “When we get there, how are you going to stop?”

“What’s that?” the avatar looked over his shoulder.

He had heard the question perfectly, yet had no idea what to answer. All this time he had focused so much on getting to Rosewind—as well as protecting the town from invasion—that he hadn’t bothered to think about what he’d do once there; to be more precise, he hadn’t considered stopping. Slamming an airship into himself with the speed of a bullet was going to be quite painful and raise uncomfortable questions, not to mention put everyone aboard at risk.

“I said, how are you going to stop once we get to Rosewind?” Liandra asked again.

“It’s all taken care of!” The avatar attempted to grin. “Don’t worry about it. All you need to do is—”

Before he could finish, the moment he had been fearing happened. Lord Mandrake’s fleet of airships—that had seemed unimaginably far ever since Theo had defeated him in the Mandrake Mountains—suddenly popped up in front of him. Time seemed to freeze, as Theo realized that he had no realistic way of slowing down. Even if he changed direction, the airship had accumulated so much inertia that it would continue onwards on its own accord and slam into the nearest set of obstacles. It was time for a split-second decision, and thus Theo did what Theo did best: improvise.

Without warning, he cast an indestructible aether shield around himself, then simultaneously cast two massive ice magic shields: one in front of his own airship, and one in front of the one he was inevitably going to crash into.

It was a good thing that the ice shield wasn’t transparent, for if it were, Liandra would have clearly seen both massive sheets of ice slam into each other with Theo in-between. Ice shattered with a bang, severely reducing the goblin carrier’s speed. That wasn’t enough to bring the airship to a stop, but thankfully, crashing into the other ones did the trick.

Like a cue-ball hitting a triangle of pool balls, Theo’s airship sent the others flying about. Not wasting any moments, Theo pushed the chunks of ice away, falling securely to the ground. Finally, his avatar had returned home. All it had to do was fight its way through the army of enemy minions. With the help of a hero and twelve elite fighters, that wasn’t supposed to be difficult… or was it?

“Everyone alright up there?” the avatar looked up. He was expecting to see a mighty heroine leading twelve majestic fighters, sending fear into the hearts of their enemies. What he saw instead were twelve people dangling helplessly on the side of the airship, and Liandra leaning against the railing vomiting.

Never knew that heroes had such weak stomachs, Theo thought.

“Does anyone need healing?” he shouted up.

Almost in unison, everyhow waved a hand, indicating that they had no desire to be the subject of any more of Theo’s spells. That was sort of a problem. As confident as Theo was in his abilities, even he knew that he couldn’t take on an entire army without it being obvious that his avatar wasn’t human. He was stretching the believability of him being just a mage, even now. What he needed was a smokescreen.

“Mandrake!” the avatar shouted as loud as he could. “I’ve come back in person to defeat you, so-called ruler of the world!”

Theo flew up, taking out the legendary sword from his dimension ring. The goal wasn’t so much to attract the gnome’s attention, but rather to be seen by everyone else.

“I see that we arrived in the nick of time!” he shouted even louder.

The plan was ludicrous to the point that even a five-year-old wouldn’t fall for it. Thankfully, Lord mandrake was a lot more spiteful and obsessed than a five-year-old. The flagship of the fleet slowly turned so as to face the speck of dust that was Theo’s avatar. Then, against all the odds, its top section opened up, revealing the gnome’s mechanical golem.

“What are you talking about?” The squeaky voice boomed. “You’ve been here all the time!”

“Indeed!” Theo frantically thought what to say. That pesky gnome just couldn’t keep its mouth shut, even when it wasn’t trying to let out his secret. “My heart has always been in Rosewind, so I used magic and the help of the fine town guard and… other people about to hold you off until this moment! And judging by what’s left of your airships, we did quite well!”

“Ha! You just saved me resources!” The construct the gnome was in crossed its arms. “They are an old, almost obsolete model. Would have cost me more time and effort to upgrade them to the standards of my current airships than to build them from scratch! I let you destroy them!”

“That’s not what you said a moment ago.”

“Yes, I did! Not my fault you can’t listen properly!”

The dungeon remained silent. The gnome was probably the only creature in existence whose excuses were even worse than his own. There wasn’t a soul alive or dead that would believe him. Still, as long as that gave him time, it was better to play along.

“Well, you wanted to fight me, let’s fight!” the avatar continued. “There’s no need to get the town involved. You and me here and now. Winner takes all.”

“Ha!” Lord Mandrake said. “I see your scheme. You want to distract me enough to pull another fast one. Well, I have thought of this! In fact, I have considered anything you and the puny little people inside the town can do. You won’t catch me by surprise again. And even if you do, I have enough countermeasures to destroy both you and everyone else once and for all! Today shall mark a great day! The day that Lord Mandrake made his mark for the world to see! And I’ll do it by destroying you!” The massive construct pointed at the dungeon’s avatar. “All troops! All out attack!”

The enormous army charged towards the town wall from all sides. This was the worst possible scenario. Most likely, that was the reason the gnome had resorted to it. If there was one thing Lord Mandrake excelled at, it was intelligence. He knew that if he let Theo’s avatar rejoin the rest of him, things would become a lot more difficult, so he prevented that by attacking both dungeon and avatar at the same time.

“Spok,” the dungeon asked in its main building. “How long will it take for me to assess the situation if I joined you?” Every word was chosen with care so as not to make the duke’s daughter suspicious.

Just as Theo was preparing to decrypt Spok’s answer. Lady Amelia fainted.

“Sleep spell,” the spirit guide explained calmly, as lifted up the woman with telekinesis and floated her to a bed in the guest room. “As for sharing the experience, I’m afraid I’m not sure. It might be instantaneous, or it might take a few hours. At this point, there’s no knowing.”

“Great…”

“Furthermore, I’d recommend against it. It’s possible that the process might require you to enter a non-responsive state. If that were to happen, neither you nor your avatar would be able to put up a fight. And given the town’s defenses…”

There was no need to continue. As it stood, the dungeon was the only thing that kept the whole town from destruction. The irony was that the people of the town, especially the earl and the adventurers, were precisely the people Theo was hiding from.

Left with no choice, the dungeon aimed the ballistas at the approaching troops and shot. It would have been much better if there were a few more slimes to launch in order to slow down the charge, but all of those had already been exhausted and it would be a while before the slime pits would spawn new ones.

“Wolf,” Theo shouted from his main body. “You and the rest deal with the airships! Liandra, help with the city’s defenses. I’ll take care of Lord Mandrake myself!”

Aiming solely to prevent the gnome from saying anything that Theo would regret, he used up a substantial amount of energy to cast an ice wall separating him and Lord Mandrake from everyone else.

“Ice won’t work on me,” the gnome laughed. “The demon heart has the power to melt through it in minutes. Seconds even!”

“The wall isn’t meant for you. It’s to save you the humiliation of others seeing you defeated.”

“Ha! As if a lowly avatar will be able to do that!”

Both avatar and dungeon winced. While the ice wall prevented anyone from hearing—and more importantly, seeing—all that took place there, hearing the secret spoken out loud still made Theo feel tense.

“I did it once before,” the avatar snapped.

“You just caught me off guard. This time, things will be a lot different. I know where your core is and when I destroy it, you won’t be able to be a nuisance any longer. From your corpse, a new empire will rise in which gnomes will rule the world and all other beings, dungeons especially, will either submit or be destroyed.”

“You said that already… multiple times.”

“And I’ll say it again! From your—”

Theo had no intention of listening to the drivel any longer. Casting a dozen swiftnesses on himself, he then instantly stretched his hand forward, casting an ice ray at Lord Mandrake. Just as in the underground Vinewood temple, a slab of ice formed, surrounding the gnome’s golem. This was enough to put anyone in a bind, including the avatar himself. As it turned out, Lord Mandrake hadn’t been exaggerating.

Bubbles formed within the ice block, slowly growing and merging together until the whole thing cracked out, letting water pour out.

Of course, it wouldn’t be so easy, Theo grumbled. It would have been so much better to end the threat of exposure here and now. However, it seemed that he’d have to fight on multiple fronts. The only good bit of news was that Liandra and the rest of Theo’s dirty dozen had gotten to a state in which they could fight. The not so good bit of news was that they chose to do so in a completely chaotic fashion, completely ignoring all the instructions they’d been given.

While Wolf—the only one who could steer the carrier adequately—had gone back inside and started driving the airship, everyone else remained on top of the hull. That also included Liandra, who had summoned her two-handed great sword.

“Fly to the nearest one, then keep going,” she ordered. “We need to take as many airships here as we can.”

“The baron won’t be pleased with this,” one of the old shield bearers said.

“Not everyone can fight like him,” the heroine replied. “Wolf, just get the airship perpendicular to the rest and keep on going forward. I’ll take care of the ones in the back.”

The huge carrier began turning, indicating that he had acknowledged her order.

“Everyone else, your only task is to keep the villagers inside safe. Ram anything on the way and don’t let anyone board you!”

Finished, the heroine let go of the railing she was holding, turned around and sprinted along the full length of the carrier. With the entire top being flat, she easily built up speed, then leapt through the air, landing on another airship several thousand feet away. Eleven people paused, staring at her in awe. Seeing Theo fight was one thing. Witnessing the full powers of a hero was no less impressive.

Liandra didn’t stop or even pause. With one swing of her sword, she sliced the airship in two, then went on to leap to the next. That was one of the major flaws of Lord Mandrake’s plan. He had arranged the ring of airships with such precision that a hero could consistently jump from one to the next.

The fragments of the sliced airship slammed onto the ground, goblins emerging from them, like blood. Thankfully, there were few of them and in quite a dizzy state to affect the rest of the war. Alas, there were already more than enough enemy troops to worry about. Even with Lord Mandrake and the airships occupied, the defenders were at a considerable disadvantage.

Using ten percent of his remaining core points, the dungeon modified the outer layers of the wall. More specifically, it created a series of spiked metal cylinders that he then sent rolling in the direction of the approaching hordes. Initially, the success of this approach seemed highly questionable. While one of the cylinders was enough to squish several dozen goblins each before stopping, the ones that hit war trolls did no damage whatsoever. Still, that was only part of the plan. Using half of his remaining energy. Theo cast multiple mass lightning spells at the cylinders. The town’s protectors looked aside as several of the front enemy lines were reduced to ash. It was truly unfortunate that all their cores had gone to waste. If Theo had been able to get some of those, he could repeat the process multiple times. Despite the good effort, though, the armies kept on charging with only a few minutes’ delay.

This is going to hurt, the dungeon said to itself before goblins, trolls, and gnomework suits slammed into it. Stone, coated by inches of solid metal, was enough to withstand the wave, but not stop it. Creatures stacked up, quickly pouring over to where the defenders were.

Using what was left of his core points, Theo constructed a second wall, shooting up twice as high as the first. It was considerably thinner and only a foot away from the real one, but it managed to get the defenders a slight reprieve.

Meanwhile, the fight against Lord Mandrake himself continued.

“If you like fire, how about you try some of my own?” Flames burst from the golem’s waist, aimed at Theo’s avatar. Quickly, the avatar cast an ice ray while flying to the side. Fire met ice, but unlike Dallion’s fight against the lich, this time the ice was instantly transformed to vapor.

“Ice blades!” the avatar shouted, launching shards of ice at his enemy. Several of them managed to make it through the flames and hit the construct, yet the moment they did, they instantly evaporated as well.

“Told you! Demon lord hearts are a lot stronger than standard ones! Not many know that. All the stupid dark mages used them to summon armies and a few useless skills. How narrow minded of them, when they could have achieved so much more!”

Changing tactics, the dungeon had his avatar cast a pillar of fire, but that too did no damage whatsoever.

“Do you know what the real secret is, dungeon?” the gnome asked in its squeaky voice. “Energy! Every part of a demon lord is full of energy as long as you know how to use it! That’s why the Mandrake Mountains are untamable. The mountain itself has soaked the demon lord’s blood, becoming more powerful than normal people could imagine.”

The chest section of the golem opened up, revealing the glowing demon heart inside. Red light fell on the nearby grass, causing it to wither away.

“When refined in a certain way, it could cause automatons to move, but that’s not all! Do you know the best property the ore provides?” Lord Mandrake took a step forward. “It nullifies all magic. Some would have used it to create anti-mage armors or trinkets, or some such nonsense. However, I saw where real power lies: to use them for airships! A mighty fleet that cannot be affected by stones or magic. With that, I could take over the world.”

“It doesn’t look like they’re doing so well,” the avatar said.

Deep inside, Theo was more than a bit worried, though. Despite all the damage Lord Mandrake had sustained, it still looked like he was going to win. If the dungeon’s avatar was to be destroyed, the only person who stood a chance was Liandra. But that too wasn’t a given.

The light of the demon heart had started melting the massive ice wall. When it did, it would fall upon the army, including whatever armored demons remained. As strong as Liandra was, she’d have difficulty fighting several winged demons who had the ability to constantly regenerate.

“Yes, you’re right. The thing is, they really are prototypes. Maybe I became a bit too obsessed with building them. At first, I wanted a dozen to get villagers to get more ore. Then, I improved them, I wanted the number of both to be the same… I just didn’t have the heart to destroy the old ones, so I kept them and just made more and more. As painful as it is watching them get destroyed, that’s a harsh necessity of life. They will be replaced with far better models—airships that will withstand blessed weapons and heroic blades. And once they do, I’ll take care of the final stumbling block. Dungeons,” the gnome said in a marginally deeper voice. “Then there will be no loopholes left. And the world will be mine!”

For the first time since its reincarnation, the dungeon felt afraid. In the past, fear was in the form of an annoyance. Now, though, there was a very real danger of his core being destroyed. And unless he found a way to deal with Lord Mandrake, that’s what was going to happen.

Ice pebbles! Theo cast his new spell.

Small chunks of ice appeared in the hand of his avatar. Once there, they were hastily blessed and thrown at the demon heart. Unfortunately, all of them melted away before they reached their target.

“Nice try, dungeon, but it won’t work! After the last encounter, I’ve made a few modifications. I told you that the ore in the Mandrake Mountains had virtually the same properties as the demon heart? This way I get to coat the heart in a layer of magic-proof metal, just like you covered the walls! Nothing will be able to pierce it now and—”

Before he could finish, the ground beneath Lord Mandrake disappeared, causing the whole golem to fall down a very deep shaft into a pool of acid. Creating this had cost Theo quite a lot of core points, but it was the only thing he could think of at such short notice.

“Will that hold him for long, Spok?” he asked back in his main building.

“It’s most unlikely, sir. If it were a normal knight, or even a low level hero, I’d say there was a high chance, but considering you’re dealing with an obsessed gnome, I’d say that you’ve just gained some time.”

“Great. Any advice you can give me?”

“Unfortunately, no, sir. You don’t have the core points to flee, and it doesn’t look like the walls will hold out for long. The only hope you have is to kill enough minions and gain a skill that would prove useful against your enemy.”

“He said that heroic weapons are useless. What’s left?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have any solution, sir.” Spok sighed.

“What about the rank increase? Did that gem get filled up with energy yet?”

“No, sadly, not yet.”

Damn it! That explained why the mage tower hadn’t sent it full. The thing drained more energy than a million magic orchards. Theo almost had a mind to give up and consume the thing now. It was only the stinginess in him that kept him from doing so. After so many sacrifices, he could at least attempt to rank up.

“Level up, you say?”

The dungeon aimed several balliastas at the wall of ice, then fired. Bolts flew above the enemy troops, shattering the already weakened wall of ice. Now the avatar could join in the action. Just to be on the safe side, he went to the hole and created a solid room of metal. That was going to slow the gnome.

Casting several dozen swiftnesses on himself, the avatar flew towards the back of the hordes. He didn’t have much time, so he had to make every second count.